NationStates Jolt Archive

This is an open fourm so other nations can know the random and trivel things going on in your country.

Fox News: We are sorry to intrupt this showing of "Killer Monkeys In Paris" but we have breaking new. Over to you Tim McLeaners.

"Thankyou, I have just come from a meeting where it has been anounced that there has been a formation of nations. They Have colonized a new and large landmas. This land mas is called Mordified Penguin....*blink...blin* yes that is correct Mordified Penguin. The first few nations to colonize this land mass are. The Republic of Californian People, The Confederacy of Texas and Colorado, The Sultanate of Playing Cards , The Commonwealth of Communist Mexico, The United States of Nezo who we are told is only staying for a trial time and last but not least The Republic of Crystal Realm. We here in the C.T.C know that these small yet brave nations will face many hard times, but we know they shall prove themselvs and grow.
We know return you to the program already in session.

bump :headbang:

hmmm there may already be a fourm like this and if there is I am sorry.

1) We have just posted the royal cartographers' map of the the nation of Mauiwowee.

2) The 50th Annual Death Penalty games are about to enter day 2 of 15.

3) Miss Mauiwowee was crowned 3 weeks ago

4) Mauiwowee's entry into the world fact book was made available to the world

5) A bumper crop of marijuana was harvested on Lava Knife Island (OOC: see our map at various posts).

6) Doughnut Days will be observed next month.

Drapoel State Media Kazu Jing builds sixty rifles in one hour

Yes, comrades, the effort towards reunification goes on, represented even by the labour of our smallest children! Kazu Jing, sister of Yasuki Jing, martyred Hero of the Kurosite Revolution, last week built sixty Type D-86 rifles in a single hour of work at 2nd of November South Hamhung Armamanets Co-operative! This serves as an example to all comrades who have lost much to the enemies! By such feats of revolutionary commitment we shall soon free all Korea!

Chicken rations altered

Comrades! In light of the war begun by enemy bombings of liberated South Korea and the resulting call-up of People's Rear Defence Organisation fighters, this month's chicken rations have been cut to two birds per household. Eggs shall be reduced by one per week, and comrades are warned to expect delays in rice and grain delivery. Ordinary service shall resume once the enemies have relented in their attacks.

*Video clip is ending with a football being kicked into the goal right as the buzzer is ringing, as fans cheer "Chellis! Chellis!"*

"And an exciting end to the Demonessian soccer Preliminaries, as the Chellian national team delivers the final blow to the Houdian team, which had done very well in its previous games against chellis. It is interesting to note the two new French arrivals to the Chellian team, Dakar Carpentier, and Michel Oublier. These two new players are some serious competition, and we will have to see how this plays out. The Houdians, on the other hand, have been showi..."

"We interupt this episode of 50 Men Attacking Each Other With Swords and Axes to bring you this special report."

Reporter: "Thank you Tom. I am reporting live, in Paris, where a murderous group of crazed monkeys are attacking the civilians of the city. Rough estimates place the total number of monkeys at 12,000, an astounding number to say the least. Local police are baffled as to how the monkeys learned to use firearms, but monkeys are currently in several stand offs and fire-fights throughout the city."

The reporter hold his earphone closer, allowing him to here it over the gun fire and explosions.

Reporter: "Tom, we have news that the ringleader of the monkey wishes to speak with us over the phone. We are putting him on now. Jibbles, are you there?"

Monkey: "AHHH OAHHH AHAAh!"

Reporter: "Jibbles, why are the monkeys attacking?"

Monkey: "AUUH, OOH OOH... AAAAH.... AUAUAUAAUAUUH"

Reporter: "I see, I think. What are you demands?"

Monkey: "OOH OHOOOH AHHAHHAA OOH UHHU OOAH AHHA, eehooapaoao!"

Reporter: "There you have it, folks, the monkey rebellion has begun. Back to you, Tom!"

the Spam-o-thon is coming up in Spammernite, Contestants most spam more then there enemy

begins in 1 day.

"We here in the C.T.C wish to dispell some nasty rumors. So lets get to work.
A: We have had nothing to do with monkeys attacking Paris, as for them using firearms that has nothing to do with the two large labs outside Waco Colorado.
B: We here in the C.T.C do not and i repeat do not sell firearms to rouge nations.
C: and lastly we do not ever randomly sneak in to other nations and release monkys.
Thankyou for your time.

Rosian International New Network:

"We interrupt this episode of OMG n00b! for a special report. This is Svingsta Ilya bringing you Rosian News. There is a Parliamentary debate going on over a new law. This law states that all nudists must shave themselves. This is, of course, causing an uproar. There has been a riot in Red City and Rosktai City, which there were no dead luckily. More as it develops. We will now take you back to your regular scheduled program.

Northwestern Broadcasting Corporation
Port Easton Tonight:

and that's why you should never drink WTI's new brand of cola.

In Congressional news, Senator Allenby verbally attacked both the Grand Duke and the new Defense Minister for what he calls: "The foreign usurpation of Hamptonian sovereignty". The Nationalist Union controlled Royal Senate has been debating whether or not to continue Hamptonian involvement in several alliances...


In sports, today the New Hannon Rattlers beat the Unity Pass Legionaires 21-3 in a pre-season football match. Tennis star Joseph "Joe" McCrakkin continued his dominance of the Hamptonshire Open while new phenom Jennifer Edlace continued her drive in the women's division. At the Seaburg Golf Invitational, top rated player Zachary Poppel is currently in the lead at 8 shots under par...

Westernese scientifical peoples have begun expirimenting with cutting down timber with silly string. Experts beleive it will be quote "Way funner and neater looking", and it will "Save energy and stuff maybe". More on this as it develops.

We are not going to apoligize for interupting the current episode of The Balsamic vingers Becuase franky the show is a piece of Crap used to take up air space. Now, over to the Nes desk.

News room:

Reporter: anyone in the audiance belive in Pyskic powers raise my hand. Oh we are back are we? Breaking news. The Emperor has triped over, it looked really funny, I mean, he fell head over heals. Look.
((Shows vidieo)) He was laughig all the way back to the palace.

"We interupt this special feature film of `Killer vampire bikini girls from hell` with news that `The Allied States of Kapake` has wilfully and with extreme prejudice shot down a boeing 747 over `The Kingdom of The Broughs`. In an interview with David Lister, a Kapake`s spokeperson he said, our listening post was tracking the movments of boeing 707 cobra ball that left the area, next thing we knew an unidentified aircraft entered our screens on the same course and heading towards our fleet. We attempted to communicate with the aircraft with no success and the only other solution was to terminate it. We would like to offer our condolances to the family who lost loved ones on that flight.

It has come to light that the ill-fated plane was a Korean passenger airliner that had stayed off its flight path, with the lost off 300 lives.

We now return you to the `Killer vampire bikini girls from hell`."

We interrupt this program to bring a special announcement:
You do not exist.
Thank you.
Now back to our feature presentation.

West Cedarbrook One News: At the top of the hour:
- Buckeyes off to solid start
- Major traffic tieup on WC-17 West of Edwardsville
- Conservatives challenge Secretary Klein on NATO application delays.

Tyrandis News Service Broadcast

"...In other news, the Tyrandis Defense Forces Committee continues to call for the declassification of documents pertaining to the actions of Special Forces in various conflicts.

Of particular concern to the TDFC are the roles that General Ayumi Hamasaki and her SOCOM played in the death of a Nazi dictator. Officially, Pathfinders under Hamasaki's command captured the man and sent him to Abu Draib prison, where he died from an apparent suicide.

However, new evidence indicates that the dictator was brutally killed by his own machines of torture.

Praetor Conrad Davidson has refused all comment, as have SOCOM's department of public affairs."

.....and that ends the Special Report on DNN.

On to National News

General Drakomis has ordered a military buildup ASAP, with all seven Allied States generously giving some 5 million to the already stored 2 billion in Military Spending.

Recruiting is on again for the Allied Forces of Drekamythia, join the Cause for Freedom and Independence!

The Allied Council has met once again today, twice in one week, to further discussions of continued Cooperation and Prosperity for the Drekamythian Alliance.

Drekamythian Aerospace National has begun development of two Helicopters that could possibly change the tide of the war in the Drekamythian Region.

Drekamythian Alliance Space Exploration has finished its prototype of the old Russian-class Buran Space Shuttle, given the name Freedom, and another Space Shuttle is on its way with the name "Independence" already crestoned to it.

IN OTHER NEWS

.......

Were sorry about interrupting your program

The President will make a 4hr speech on the state of the union. Then The Vice-President will make a 5hr speech to Congress to increase spending for VT deployment.

"We need freedoms! I want to have the right to be able to marry a Woman, or another man, or this Horse!! *neigh?!* We can't let the governor and Congress prevent us from doing what we want! It doesn't matter if it's sick or twisted or wrong! It's the Option that’s important! And...


We Interrupt this Presentation of "Liberals protest the Dandiest Things" for this special edition of K-FNA Channel 9 News. Here with the Report, is Ron Jeremy.

Thanks again, Dick.

The Paris Monkey Uprising has entered Day four, UN Officials say that is seems to appear that the Monkeys are apparently running out of ammunition, and are using Gorilla...err...guerrilla tactics...*cough* to fight. They seem to have learned how to make Molotov Cocktails and have been throwing them at French troops... who, despite their reputation, French troops refuse to surrender purely for the Pride of Humanity. I say, about damn time.

Earlier this morning, A Monkey Squad climbed the Eiffel Towel, and flew from the top, upside down...the flag of the Confederacy of Texas and Colorado. Earlier today, at the Confederate Embassy in Las Vegas, Ambassador Fulla Shight, said these words about the Monkeys flying his country's Flag.

"We have no clue as to why these Monkeys choose to emulate the Confederacy of Texas and Colorado...but they do. This could explain why the Monkeys decided to go out of their way to find the same Assault Rifle that our Infantry use, The COLT M4A1 carbine. Nobody knows how they can carry and fire the weapon, or where the heck they got them from. But those are questions that can be addressed when the Rebellion is quelled"

We now go to our intern reporter in New San Francisco, Jill Bates. Hello Jill, how are things treating you out there?


"Thanks Ron, you know I'm always ready to endure anything Hard for you and the Entire Station..." the pretty little blonde giggles, and recomposes herself" Behind me you can see just Dozens upon Dozens of Protesting Humans and Monkeys, angry that the Californian government has denounced the French Monkey revolution. Protesters are carrying signs with such slogans as "Chimps in Charge" "Banana Republic" "Liberty for Lemurs" and "Hominids deserve equal Rule" *the reporter gestures behind her* they are just chanting in gibberish, Jumping around...and Flinging their Poo. The Mayor's office has just announced to the crowds, that Riot Control will be sent to monetarily, let me ensure you they can't get here soon enough. I’m tired of this stupid assignment and I...*something brown comes flying from off camera and strikes the side of the blonde's head, and she, still looking strait foreword, reaches to the side of her face, touches it, and then brings her hand in front of her, and she looks down at her hand, and she screams "EEEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWW!!!!" and the Video feed is lost*

Jill? Jill...uh...well that’s it for this Special Edition of K-FNA Channel 9 news...for consistent coverage, tune into CNN, the California News Network, I'm Ron Jeremy...Good Afternoon.

We now return you to "Liberals Protest the Darndest Things"

"...I’ve been tied to this Tree for a week, and I will stay tied to it until the Government stops Mandating that we have to wash our hands to serve Food!!"

"We'll return to our show, Rollin' with Nolan in just a moment, but first, a word from our sponsor."

"Hello, I'm Cutesy Bedbug, president of DAMN, National Mothers Against Dyslexia. Have you ever watched a loved one spill their marijuana because they tried to roll it up backwards? Do you sometimes find yourself asking for a B.J. when what you really want is a J.B. rolling paper? You've probably laughed or giggled when that happened or maybe you felt embarassed, but did you ever think that maybe you or they were suffering from Dyslexia? Were you aware that almost 4% of our population suffers from some form of Dyslexia? Please, won't you help us in the fight to cure Dyslexia? Don't let Mauiwowee remain a backwards nation. Support DAMN with your donations. Call DAMN-555-800-1 to find out how you can help."

"And now, back to Rollin' with Nolan"

"Hi, if you're just joining us, today our topic is B.J.'s versus Tops, who makes the better rolling paper. With us is . . ."

We interupt this presentation of "Cooking with Endangerd Species" for a special announcment.

In New San Francisco, when dozens upon DOzens of Human and Monkey Protestors, angerd with California's stance on the French Monkey War, Finished making and lighting the World's Largest Joint. The joint, which was 4 City Blocks long, weighing 40 Metric Tons, was lit Via the Servacies of A FLamethrower weilding Gibbon.

The Mayor's office had this to say.

"They had every righ tot light that up to express themselves, It's freedom of expression, we jsut have to arrest the ones most responsible afterwards"

The Gigantic Joint coverd 15 City blocks with Smoke, and Protestors, one by one...slowlly drifted away to other parts of the city looking for Snacks and Assorted Foods. those who brought their own food and didn't have to leave, were arrested on sight by Swat Officers in Gas Masks.

We now Return to your regualritlly schedualed program.

"mm..that Condor Egg Omlette and Manatee steak are the best eatin you'll have..i gaarontee..."

Federation News Network
"Welcome to the Federation News Network, I'm Brian Andrews. Its the top of the hour time for headlines.

In St. George today a group of 185,000 protesters marched on a meeting of High Ranking Conservative Party leaders. The protesters, mostly from the socialist New Democratic Party and the Left Alliance, were marching to protest, what they called, the governments continueing militarism, imperialism and international escapades.

As of 6:30 Morathanian Central Time 2300 protesters have been arrested for crimes ranging from vandalism to assualting a police officer. In one incident today a group of anarchists assualted a group of 250 riot police and began a small riot in the Historic Destrict in the Center of St. George. From what we can tell 5 blocks of the Historic District were closed from 9 AM to close to 7 PM because of the riot. Police estimate over 89,000,000 dollars in damage from the protesters.

President of the Federation Colin Wixted and the leaders of the 5 political parties were appaled at the riots and asked that the protesters remain peaceful and cause the least amount of disterbance to residents of St. George.

In other news, the Senate, today, voted to leave the United Nations. In a outstanding 83-17 descision the Senate voted to leave the United Nations. President of the Senate Bill Simpson of the Conservative Party later said this about the descision to leave the United Nations."

*Cut to clip of Bill Simpson*

"The United Nations resently has taken a desidedly leftist turn in their resolutions to the point that the resolutions that the United Nations approved active went against the laws and Admendments of Morathania. Also the UN has proved unable to bring peace to the world and to maintain order. It does not have any power and, in my opinion, is actively being sidelined by the emergance of other alliances. The United Nations had just become an organization that held back Morathania in every way possible."

The United Nations vote has been the first in many years to bring together the three major parties. The Conservatives, Libertarians, and a majority of Christian Democrats in the Senate voted to leave the United Nations with only the New Democrats and the Left Alliance voting for continued UN membership.

In economic news the All Ordinaries Industrial Average was up 10 points today to 8753 and the FAMDA Index was up 34 points to 5634.

Those are the headlines for today. We will have continueing coverage of the St. George Meeting. Coming up next Pan Continental Airlines is set to declare bankruptcy. More after the break on Morathania's number one 24 hour news network."

(sounds of crappy jazz like music with loud anoucer) Do you need workers? Why pay your hard earned savings when you can force those damn lazy ingrates to work for free. here at Slaver Pete we have the best condintioned slaves just ask Himmler Von Hitler
" Vhat? yes ve use de slaves. Vhy Gott himself says to use them and Slaver petes has the best"

See yall come on down now ya here, just east of I-69 and SS way.

"Slaver Pete's! We Breed 'em! you Beat 'em!"

"As has been known, the United Socialist States of Neo-Soviet Russia has been under a number of internal changes. A reorganization of the government branches and agencies has been in the process for the past year or so, the outline having been made and reformed for a number of years before hand. This reorganization, Premier Estridge has stated, is meant to make the government and its services more effective, and more efficient, with that serving the people more effectively."

Pausing for a mere second, the anchor assured that the viewers attention was on him.

"Changes within the Legislature have include a restructed web of soviets ranging from local based up to the Grand Soviet. Room within the higher soviets has also been made for possible smaller councils to discuss issues varying from security to social welfare before possibly bringing these issues to the forefront of discussion."

"Other changes include a restruction, overhaul, and expansion of armed forces. Reasons for this, the government has stated, is to keep the nation safer as a whole via a technological edge as well as giving a better balance between the number of troops and civillians. With a population over a billion only an estimated five million are believed to currently be within the services."

"As before mentioned agencies too have been affected by the reorganization. Combinations and creations have been made, as well as an established web of connections to help with the trade of information."

"In other news..."

Hi and welcome to WNN news.
And now for our top Stories tonight....

The New Allinio Subway Extension was completed today with a huge festival and free rides on the new corridor. Along with 5 New Subway cars.

The Webombu Soccer Team has been Sent to Castillanos to compete in the 1st Olympiad. We wish them the best of luck.

A 5.2 earthquake struck the small town of San Marcos today. Minimal Damage reported and 7 people were injured. The Webombu Military has been sent in to keep the peace.

The Webombu Naval Base is to be completed this week, Ships are docked there now, but it is not yet operational.

Along with the Naval Base, the Webombu Air Force Base just finished A huge renovation to upgrade the runways and hangars. The base is capable of storing 1,000,000 aircraft.

The Webombu Military base suffered an Attack today by protestors hoping to throw off the Military. They threw Molotov Cocktails and Homemade Napalm, the Police Force and the SWAT team were called in to subdue the protestors and hey are Scheduled For execution this Tuesday. Fires are still burning the Auxilary Bunker.

It was announced today that Funding is going down on the Nations Highways and Roads in light of The Highest Air Pollution Rate in Webombu History. Officials are hoping the Lack of Funding will push people to use the Public Transit System. One of the Best in the World.

Wildfires are still burning in the Webombu National Forest endangering People in the Mountain Town of Rocky Ridge. A Full scale Evacuation of the Town has been called for and Dictator Allio has ordered for 25 civilian Transport Helicopters to go to Rocky Ridge to help evacuate. The only way in and out of that town is on a two lane mountain road. Trains have been Trying to get to the Town but the Fire is dangerously close to the Tracks and there is only 1 track leading to and from there.

I'm Tyler Buchannen, Have a good Evening and a Pleasent Tomorrow.

(sounds of crappy jazz like music with loud anoucer) Do you need workers? Why pay your hard earned savings when you can force those damn lazy ingrates to work for free. here at Slaver Pete we have the best condintioned slaves just ask Himmler Von Hitler
" Vhat? yes ve use de slaves. Vhy Gott himself says to use them and Slaver petes has the best"

See yall come on down now ya here, just east of I-69 and SS way.

"Slaver Pete's! We Breed 'em! you Beat 'em!"

*Sounds of C.T.C antham*
"hello my fellow citizens, I am sorry for intrupting your Football game but I am here to say one thing, we do not condon nor use slaves, the comercial you heard was from our old setellment of Slavers Point. That is all.

Tag

From N.S.N - nationstates news

In just 1 week of Zion leadership raven corps stock has lost 2 points on the market. and some are now calling for his removal.

" I have done nothing but the best for this company, and this is all i get" says Former commander and now owner of Raven corps

More on this story later...

Drabikstan resumes gas supplies to Naxivan

By DRABIKSTAN SOCIALIST NEWS

Kibardograd - Drabikstan's national gas company Drabgaz will resume gas supplies to neighbouring Naxivan in full after September 15. Representatives of Drabgaz and the Naxivanian company NaxEnergy reached the relevant agreement during talks on Monday, the Drabgaz press service told DSN on Monday.

Drabgaz suspended Drabikstani gas supplies to Naxivan over the debts of the Naxivanian side earlier this year. The full volume of these supplies will be 400,000 cubic metres of gas daily. Drabgaz is a state owned company, controlled by Drabikstani President Xer Kibard himself.

California News Network...

Hello everyone, I'm Cathy Ullu...and these are Today's Headlines.

The Republic of Californian People was Elected as the Official Mordified Penguin Represntative in the UNited Nations. The Position went up for Grabs last year when The Confederecy of Texas and Colorado announced, that they no longer wished to be the Delegate, but didn't want to leave the UN. Governer Brimstone had this to say...

"I am proud of our country, perhaps now, we can have a bigger impact on resolutions that will Improve California and the rest of our Area, for the better! But keep in mind, this isn't whats best for California, our UN Ambassador, John Blackthorn, well do what is best for all of Mordified Penguin."

We certainlly hope so. In other news today, a High School in Fresno had to be closed down today, as result of a rather unusual Prank. An as of yet unknown student or group of Students, Released an estimaited 1200 Grasshoppers into the school via the Air Ducts. John Denver High Principle Calvin Sparerod had this to say to a Local News station...

"We are cooperaiting with the Fresno Sherriff's Department to find those responsible. This is not a simple Prank like egging the Freshmen, or putting a cherry bomb in the Teacher's Lounge Bathroom. the Grasshoppers tore everything up, and those that escaped into wilderness could have a negative effect on the environment" he said as he smacked at a grasshopper that was on his shoulder. "This will cost the school and the Tax Payers alot of money, becasue we have to Fumigate the school, replace tons of furniture and paper, and other suplies that have been chewed up beyond use, fixing broken glass all over the school. As of now the Damages add up to an estimaited $13,000...and thats only a ball park figure..."

More on this story as it develops...we'll be right back...

California News Network...This...is CNN...