Westerney
03-09-2004, 07:19
This bit is taken from my region info, which I wrote also anyway but I felt like seperating it:
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[region info]
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Westerney is a simple, quiet continent/country just West of Eastonia and South of Northistan. The native people beleive this, at least. In actuality "Westerney" is a very hilly, rainy, wet, mud covered island with some fields of average grass and a forest or two yet to be discovered by the rest of the world. The nomadic people of Westerney are humble mud farmers and clay workers. They fancy themselves artisans, but they're pretty lame really. They're all a bit nutty in the head, and find all this "political" buisness downright silly.
---
[/region info]
---
GEOGRAPHY:
Mostly hills, mostly mud. Sparse grass and two forests.
POLITICS:
They like to think it is a Democracy; in actual fact it is anarchy.
CURRENT LEADERS:
Name: Groob Lermik
Role/Title: His Highness Of The Mud
Age: Like fourty something I think
Term: Dunno, ten years maybe
Name: Borkle Lermik
Role/Title: Officialman
Age: Who gives a crap
Term: Two days
Name: Flurbnarm Hiwwelnen
Role/Title: He likes "Commerce Dude"
Age: Nine
Term: a month
Name: Fido
Role/Title: Minister Of Neato Stuff
Age: In human years around 67
Term: Ten years
Also there are other people.
MILITARY:
Less than fantastic.
Around eighty foot soldiers, two catapaults and five horses.
POPULATION:
People: Oh, three hundred maybe
Lice: Oh, three hundred maybe
---
History from the Westernese point of view:
---
The Westernese originated as nomads, traversing the mudlands aimlessly. Until one fateful day, a young man discovered the Ancient Tablet Of The Gods.
It portrayed a magestic eagle perched on a mountaintop, its massive wings outstreched. Runes of some kind were written across the top, and the tablet was clearly damaged, as the runes were unreadable and the edges of the stone were cracked and imperfect.
The young man took the holy tablet to the elders of the nomad people, and they proclaimed it the most important discovery since mud. The young man was declared king for no decent reason.
Decades passed, until another fateful day.
The grandson of the young man who discovered the tablet, now king like his grandfather and father before him, was pacing about in his throne room when he saw a vision. The Eagle-God spoke to him, and it said something like this.
"Hey, kid. Yeah. Quit walking around all the time, just settle down, you know? You follow? And hey, get all that bark off the sticks in the armory, it gives me a rash."
The king rushed out of the palace and related the message to his subjects.
After this event, the Westernese were no longer nomads, and had developed a culture. Temples in their cities would preform the holy ritual.
Westernese Clerics (or "Flerbilles") gather any sticks in the country's stores into a big pot and strip the bark off of them one by one. The bark is left in the pot as a tribute to the Eagle God. The bare sticks are used to poke things or make fishing rods or used as lincoln logs. Or whatever. It's a win-win!
In modern Westerney, the kings are gone, and the current President is His Highness Of The Mud, Groob Lermik.
Instead of stripping sticks of bark in churches they just break anything really. Toys, cars, toasters. They just rip em' apart and toss the bits in a big old hole.
---
HISTORY IN REALITY:
The "Westernese" as they like to be called are a strange group of people. It is not known when they originated or how. The few who have studied them beleive they fled from an oppressive dictator in another country, or perhaps were slaves left behind when their island's mines were exhuasted. This much, though, has been peiced together:
In the "beginning" if you will their numbers where few. Twenty or so. They wandered about the muddy lands, with no obvious goal or destination. Until one day, a young man found scrap of cardboard. It is beleived it was from a box of beer-that kind with the eagle on it. Perhaps one of the slavers had beer, and his dog ripped up the box? Perhaps it was washed up from the ocean? At any rate, the young man, known only as "Tim" in Westernese legend, brought the cardboard back the "nomad" group's "elders". Everyone agreed it was a holy, ancient tablet of the gods. Clearly, they must worhip the eagle depicted on the artifact. They were all very, very stupid.
A generation later, the son of "Tim", who was now king, was pacing about one day in his mud-hovel. It is unknown when the Westernese ceased their aimless meanderings. Anyway this son of "Tim" had a "vision" (it is beleived the voice he heard was actually that of another person in the mud hut). To this day only the Westernese know what was heard in the "vision".
After this, they all built houses and even formed a culture of sorts. The current "leader" is apparently named Groob Lermik. It is not known if he is a descendent of "Tim" or if the age of "Tim" was even that long ago. The people live in mud huts, but the "government" is really just the Lermik family, and they are largely ignored. The only actual organization is the WWTMLL, or the Westernese Whack The Mud Lots League, divided into the North, South, East and West divisions. Whack The Mud Lots is their favorite sport. The rules are simple:
Players have "bludgeonizers", which appear to be stolen yellow wiffle ball bats,
and "anti bludgeonization armor", which is apparently hockey goalie gear. The announcers of this sport are some of the few people in the country who appear even slightly mentally stable. They speak coherent english, can maintain conversation, and have intermediate motor skills. The Lermik family is another group who appear vaugely sane.
---
THE WESTERNESE WHACK THE MUD LOTS LEAGUE:
SOUTH DIVISION
The "Fishy Whalers" LAME TEAM
The "Oh Dear Mudhaulers" AVERAGE TEAM
The "Giant Monster In The Water, Look Out Maniacs" GREAT TEAM
The "Digsubar Farmers" LAME TEAM
NORTH DIVISION
The "Nurle Bludgeonmasters" AVERAGE TEAM
The "Yergipp Yippers" AVERAGE TAM
The "Leeknewmoo Screwballs" AVERAGE TEAM
The "Hooploo Hoppers" AVERAGE TEAM
EAST DIVISION
The "Duh Morons" LAME TEAM
The "Guh Losers" LAME TEAM
The "Gribbintsee Mudtossers" AVERAGE TEAM
The "Floopig Royals" AVERAGE TEAM
The "Stanistan Knights" GREAT TEAM
The "Weebloostan Elites" GREAT TEAM
WEST DIVISION
The "Blurgibble Garglers" LAME TEAM
The "Durgisban Rhinoceroses" GREAT TEAM
The "Burpid Burrowers" LAME TEAM
The "Treeville Cow Herders" LAME TEAM
REPUTATIONS OF THE TEAMS:
The Durgisban Rhinos are known for being the best at ignoring other people whacking them. Their defense is the best around.
The Weebloostan Elites are known for being the best at whacking things. Their offense is the best around.
The Stanistan Knights are known for being very well balanced. Their offense and defense are exceptional. They are considered the best team.
The Giant Monster In The Water, Look Out Maniacs are known for being totally insane (Everyone in Westerney is, but people in Giant Monster In The Water, Look Out are the most insane. They are easily visually identified as crazy because they tend to flail about at random and do silly things for no reason). They are one of the best teams.
The Duh Morons are lame. They're really lame.
The East Division (really the North Division) have the best teams.
---
You ever seen Monty Python And The Holy Grail? It's all a bit like Dennis the filth gathering guy, only they're idiots, not superb political analysts, and there's mud everywhere.
---
[region info]
---
Westerney is a simple, quiet continent/country just West of Eastonia and South of Northistan. The native people beleive this, at least. In actuality "Westerney" is a very hilly, rainy, wet, mud covered island with some fields of average grass and a forest or two yet to be discovered by the rest of the world. The nomadic people of Westerney are humble mud farmers and clay workers. They fancy themselves artisans, but they're pretty lame really. They're all a bit nutty in the head, and find all this "political" buisness downright silly.
---
[/region info]
---
GEOGRAPHY:
Mostly hills, mostly mud. Sparse grass and two forests.
POLITICS:
They like to think it is a Democracy; in actual fact it is anarchy.
CURRENT LEADERS:
Name: Groob Lermik
Role/Title: His Highness Of The Mud
Age: Like fourty something I think
Term: Dunno, ten years maybe
Name: Borkle Lermik
Role/Title: Officialman
Age: Who gives a crap
Term: Two days
Name: Flurbnarm Hiwwelnen
Role/Title: He likes "Commerce Dude"
Age: Nine
Term: a month
Name: Fido
Role/Title: Minister Of Neato Stuff
Age: In human years around 67
Term: Ten years
Also there are other people.
MILITARY:
Less than fantastic.
Around eighty foot soldiers, two catapaults and five horses.
POPULATION:
People: Oh, three hundred maybe
Lice: Oh, three hundred maybe
---
History from the Westernese point of view:
---
The Westernese originated as nomads, traversing the mudlands aimlessly. Until one fateful day, a young man discovered the Ancient Tablet Of The Gods.
It portrayed a magestic eagle perched on a mountaintop, its massive wings outstreched. Runes of some kind were written across the top, and the tablet was clearly damaged, as the runes were unreadable and the edges of the stone were cracked and imperfect.
The young man took the holy tablet to the elders of the nomad people, and they proclaimed it the most important discovery since mud. The young man was declared king for no decent reason.
Decades passed, until another fateful day.
The grandson of the young man who discovered the tablet, now king like his grandfather and father before him, was pacing about in his throne room when he saw a vision. The Eagle-God spoke to him, and it said something like this.
"Hey, kid. Yeah. Quit walking around all the time, just settle down, you know? You follow? And hey, get all that bark off the sticks in the armory, it gives me a rash."
The king rushed out of the palace and related the message to his subjects.
After this event, the Westernese were no longer nomads, and had developed a culture. Temples in their cities would preform the holy ritual.
Westernese Clerics (or "Flerbilles") gather any sticks in the country's stores into a big pot and strip the bark off of them one by one. The bark is left in the pot as a tribute to the Eagle God. The bare sticks are used to poke things or make fishing rods or used as lincoln logs. Or whatever. It's a win-win!
In modern Westerney, the kings are gone, and the current President is His Highness Of The Mud, Groob Lermik.
Instead of stripping sticks of bark in churches they just break anything really. Toys, cars, toasters. They just rip em' apart and toss the bits in a big old hole.
---
HISTORY IN REALITY:
The "Westernese" as they like to be called are a strange group of people. It is not known when they originated or how. The few who have studied them beleive they fled from an oppressive dictator in another country, or perhaps were slaves left behind when their island's mines were exhuasted. This much, though, has been peiced together:
In the "beginning" if you will their numbers where few. Twenty or so. They wandered about the muddy lands, with no obvious goal or destination. Until one day, a young man found scrap of cardboard. It is beleived it was from a box of beer-that kind with the eagle on it. Perhaps one of the slavers had beer, and his dog ripped up the box? Perhaps it was washed up from the ocean? At any rate, the young man, known only as "Tim" in Westernese legend, brought the cardboard back the "nomad" group's "elders". Everyone agreed it was a holy, ancient tablet of the gods. Clearly, they must worhip the eagle depicted on the artifact. They were all very, very stupid.
A generation later, the son of "Tim", who was now king, was pacing about one day in his mud-hovel. It is unknown when the Westernese ceased their aimless meanderings. Anyway this son of "Tim" had a "vision" (it is beleived the voice he heard was actually that of another person in the mud hut). To this day only the Westernese know what was heard in the "vision".
After this, they all built houses and even formed a culture of sorts. The current "leader" is apparently named Groob Lermik. It is not known if he is a descendent of "Tim" or if the age of "Tim" was even that long ago. The people live in mud huts, but the "government" is really just the Lermik family, and they are largely ignored. The only actual organization is the WWTMLL, or the Westernese Whack The Mud Lots League, divided into the North, South, East and West divisions. Whack The Mud Lots is their favorite sport. The rules are simple:
Players have "bludgeonizers", which appear to be stolen yellow wiffle ball bats,
and "anti bludgeonization armor", which is apparently hockey goalie gear. The announcers of this sport are some of the few people in the country who appear even slightly mentally stable. They speak coherent english, can maintain conversation, and have intermediate motor skills. The Lermik family is another group who appear vaugely sane.
---
THE WESTERNESE WHACK THE MUD LOTS LEAGUE:
SOUTH DIVISION
The "Fishy Whalers" LAME TEAM
The "Oh Dear Mudhaulers" AVERAGE TEAM
The "Giant Monster In The Water, Look Out Maniacs" GREAT TEAM
The "Digsubar Farmers" LAME TEAM
NORTH DIVISION
The "Nurle Bludgeonmasters" AVERAGE TEAM
The "Yergipp Yippers" AVERAGE TAM
The "Leeknewmoo Screwballs" AVERAGE TEAM
The "Hooploo Hoppers" AVERAGE TEAM
EAST DIVISION
The "Duh Morons" LAME TEAM
The "Guh Losers" LAME TEAM
The "Gribbintsee Mudtossers" AVERAGE TEAM
The "Floopig Royals" AVERAGE TEAM
The "Stanistan Knights" GREAT TEAM
The "Weebloostan Elites" GREAT TEAM
WEST DIVISION
The "Blurgibble Garglers" LAME TEAM
The "Durgisban Rhinoceroses" GREAT TEAM
The "Burpid Burrowers" LAME TEAM
The "Treeville Cow Herders" LAME TEAM
REPUTATIONS OF THE TEAMS:
The Durgisban Rhinos are known for being the best at ignoring other people whacking them. Their defense is the best around.
The Weebloostan Elites are known for being the best at whacking things. Their offense is the best around.
The Stanistan Knights are known for being very well balanced. Their offense and defense are exceptional. They are considered the best team.
The Giant Monster In The Water, Look Out Maniacs are known for being totally insane (Everyone in Westerney is, but people in Giant Monster In The Water, Look Out are the most insane. They are easily visually identified as crazy because they tend to flail about at random and do silly things for no reason). They are one of the best teams.
The Duh Morons are lame. They're really lame.
The East Division (really the North Division) have the best teams.
---
You ever seen Monty Python And The Holy Grail? It's all a bit like Dennis the filth gathering guy, only they're idiots, not superb political analysts, and there's mud everywhere.