Roycelandia
01-09-2004, 16:19
[dateline] Port Royal, Roycelandia
The Imperial Government is tonight considering amendments to Roycelandia's Duelling Laws after a local Cad "behaved in a most ungentlemanly way", and caused over a million Imperial Wibbles worth of damage to a small village.
Moriarty Jeppeson had reportedly described the Mayor of Port Royal of being "on the take", an accusation described as a "Vile and Odious Lie!" by the local Mayor, who promptly challenged Jeppeson to a Duel.
Jeppeson accepted, and as the challengee, Jeppeson had the choice of weapons. Whereas Gentlemen would choose Rapiers, or perhaps Pistols, Jeppeson, in a most ungentlemanly act, chose to duel with Howitzers at 20 kilometres.
The Duelling Act was consulted at great length, and despite the Mayor's objections, nothing could be found prohibiting Jeppeson from insisting on the use of Howitzers as duelling weapons.
Accordingly, the two parties met at the Enfield Plains Proving Grounds, and, after the usual formalities and selection of seconds, retired to their pre-deployed Howitzers.
The Duelling Act only allows the discharge of one shot per party if firearms are to be used (hand to hand combat is only until the first blood is drawn), and as Challenger, the Mayor fired first. His 105mm shell landed well short of Jeppeson, who returned fire with his shell, which sailed over the top of the Mayor and landed on a petrol station in the nearby town of Jumping Dwarf Longbarrow. The resulting explosion and fire destroyed the centre of the town and hospitalised 12 people, thus provoking more Duels as the families of the injured attempted to track down Jeppeson and acheive Satisfaction.
Jeppeson, in the meantime, had departed the scene in "A great haste" and was reportedly seen boarding an Imperial Airways flight to Roycelandian East Africa.
"This man is obviously no gentleman" said the Mayor of Port Royal. "I mean really, it's most unsporting to duel with fieldguns at that sort of range as it is. Mr. Jeppeson is a most uncouth individual, and I am willing to bet he also cheats at Backgammon as well."
"It's not so much the explosion and the fire that we mind" said a resident of Jumping Dwarf Longbarrow, "it's the fact that everything that lands in this town seems to hit the petrol station. I mean, it blew up twice in the '50s when they tested the Thundercloud Rocket, there was that Napalm Missile that went off course in the '70s, and only a few years ago one of the Jetfires ploughed into it at twice the speed of sound. Took us three days to bring that one under control, it did. We've thought about moving the town, of course, but the Farmers assure us that to do so would surely cause the cows to give sour milk and the chickens to stop laying eggs, so I guess we'd better stay where we are."
Claims that the Farmers were talking out their collective rear ends were dismissed as being "City folk meddling in our business", and our reporter is currently recuperating in hospital after being challenged to a Duel by the Farmer's Guild.
Communists Blamed For Everything, Pg 3
Unladen African Swallow Found To be Faster Then European One, Pg 11
Tiny Republic Threatens to "n00k" Different Tiny Republic, pg 32
The Imperial Government is tonight considering amendments to Roycelandia's Duelling Laws after a local Cad "behaved in a most ungentlemanly way", and caused over a million Imperial Wibbles worth of damage to a small village.
Moriarty Jeppeson had reportedly described the Mayor of Port Royal of being "on the take", an accusation described as a "Vile and Odious Lie!" by the local Mayor, who promptly challenged Jeppeson to a Duel.
Jeppeson accepted, and as the challengee, Jeppeson had the choice of weapons. Whereas Gentlemen would choose Rapiers, or perhaps Pistols, Jeppeson, in a most ungentlemanly act, chose to duel with Howitzers at 20 kilometres.
The Duelling Act was consulted at great length, and despite the Mayor's objections, nothing could be found prohibiting Jeppeson from insisting on the use of Howitzers as duelling weapons.
Accordingly, the two parties met at the Enfield Plains Proving Grounds, and, after the usual formalities and selection of seconds, retired to their pre-deployed Howitzers.
The Duelling Act only allows the discharge of one shot per party if firearms are to be used (hand to hand combat is only until the first blood is drawn), and as Challenger, the Mayor fired first. His 105mm shell landed well short of Jeppeson, who returned fire with his shell, which sailed over the top of the Mayor and landed on a petrol station in the nearby town of Jumping Dwarf Longbarrow. The resulting explosion and fire destroyed the centre of the town and hospitalised 12 people, thus provoking more Duels as the families of the injured attempted to track down Jeppeson and acheive Satisfaction.
Jeppeson, in the meantime, had departed the scene in "A great haste" and was reportedly seen boarding an Imperial Airways flight to Roycelandian East Africa.
"This man is obviously no gentleman" said the Mayor of Port Royal. "I mean really, it's most unsporting to duel with fieldguns at that sort of range as it is. Mr. Jeppeson is a most uncouth individual, and I am willing to bet he also cheats at Backgammon as well."
"It's not so much the explosion and the fire that we mind" said a resident of Jumping Dwarf Longbarrow, "it's the fact that everything that lands in this town seems to hit the petrol station. I mean, it blew up twice in the '50s when they tested the Thundercloud Rocket, there was that Napalm Missile that went off course in the '70s, and only a few years ago one of the Jetfires ploughed into it at twice the speed of sound. Took us three days to bring that one under control, it did. We've thought about moving the town, of course, but the Farmers assure us that to do so would surely cause the cows to give sour milk and the chickens to stop laying eggs, so I guess we'd better stay where we are."
Claims that the Farmers were talking out their collective rear ends were dismissed as being "City folk meddling in our business", and our reporter is currently recuperating in hospital after being challenged to a Duel by the Farmer's Guild.
Communists Blamed For Everything, Pg 3
Unladen African Swallow Found To be Faster Then European One, Pg 11
Tiny Republic Threatens to "n00k" Different Tiny Republic, pg 32