NationStates Jolt Archive

The great people of Iakeokeo have heard that there are actually those out
there who go to other people's land and INVADE or ATTACK the natives..?!

We would like the world to know that we are very good with our specially
made sharp clam-shells, and will slaughter all invaders, or die trying.

..unless you're here for having a good time on our lovely shores..!

Though,.. PLEASE stay clear of our southern shores as that is the hunting
ground of our infamous man-eating-clam herds.

..unless you're an invader,.. in which case,... VISIT OUR SOUTHERN SHORES..!

Erm....It would appear your army's technological level leaves much to be desire. Regardless, we are not an imperialist nation. We will not attack you, assuming you don't attack us. However, if you are ever attacked, your prospects for survival are not good.

A passing pick up boat goes across the northern shore, discarding a aluminum can on the beach.

You've given me a lovely idea...
*An-32 flies over the beach, and drops CD players that can only play NSYNC music. They cannot be turned off.*

May god have mercy on your soul.

*Drops 3,000,000 tons of wood chippings on Iakeokeo*

A boat puts on it the Northern shore and unload four keg of Wolf Beer, the best beer in the USWA then leaves.

A Neo Omegian citizen "accidently" drops a match in an appearingly flammable building.

A single C-130 flies low, approaching the relatively flat Northern beach. As it skims just feet off the ground, pallets of food, books, and technology are pushed out the back.

Tag reads:

TO: Iakeokeo

FROM: Russia with Love

Euroslavia sends a 10 year old school girl to step on your shores with one foot, giggle frantically, and run away.

The landing craft skipped over the waves, headed for the as yet unexplored island of Iakeokeo. Aboard it was Captain Kosaka Yukitaka of the New Kyoto army, accompanied by ten Samurai, one of whom held the flag of New Kyoto wrapped in a leather case.

The craft ploughed into the sand of the eastern side of the island. The ramp lowered and it's occupants trooped out onto the pristine, unspoilt beach. The pilot hauled himself over the side and fumbled around in his pockets, producing a thin cigarette and a box of matches. He lit the cigarette, took a lungful, and dropped the spent match into the sand to be stomped in by his boot.

Captain Yukitaka had made his way up the beach, and stopped about ten metres from the treeline.

"Private, hand me that flag" he said. The man gave him the leather-bound flag and Yukitaka opened it's case, unfurled it, straightened it a little, and shoved it into the sand. With one hand on the flag, he drew his katana from it's sheath and held it in the air.

"I hereby claim this island in the name of the Democratic Republic of New Kyoto City!" he exclaimed, with some satisfaction.

OOC: Three cheers for me! Bringer of civilisation to this cruddy little island-soon-to-be-a-holiday-destination! To be honest, I'm surprised no-one else has done this yet. Iakeokeo practically ASKED for it.

Good for you. At least someone did it.

The Commonwealth of Granzi protests in the strongest terms this blatant imperialist act preformed by New Kyoto City. This is an unprovoked assault on a peaceful nation. We demand that your occupational force withdraw at once, or face being forced out by the Commonwealth.

OOC: I can't wait until the samurais come under attack by clam-wielding natives. ;)

Jarridia sends a small, lined, domesticated house cat to see Keiki'olu I'ake'oke'o, the cheif. The cat walks in slowly, rubs on the cheifs leg, then bits him and frolics off happily. Also, the cat was able to place a small Jarridian flag in the center of town reading "We own you"

OOC: New Kyoto, what's a Samurai doing as a Private? I mean, this is NS and you can technically do whatever you want, but if you want to be a little more true to real Japanese customs ... T-gram me and I will give you my AIM, if you like.

General Fredinvough needed a place to relive himself...

50 B-52s loom overhead. They drop their payloads of 250 million leaflets and fly away. The leaflets read: "Boom, you're dead. This death is brought to you by the Binthorian Air Force. If this was not a drill, you would not be reading this letter that I am asuming that you are reading right now. In the event of a real bombing, cluster around the site where the bomb will land."

The government of New Kyoto City regarded Iakeokeo as an unclaimed territory, leaving it open to annexation. We shall not be intimidated by baseless threats.

OOC: The NKC army is divided into three bits. Regulars, Marines and Samurai.

Regulars are peasant conscripts commanded by Samurai officers. Marines are exceptional conscripts taken from the regular army to recieve additional training, and Samurai are young Samurai, commanded by Samurai officers. Samurai go through three stages, Trooper (In Samurai-only regiment), Officer (In conscript regiment) and Senior Officer (Officer in Samurai regiment). This ensures combat experience in ALL officers.

"Great golden falcon of Alshor!" Exclaimed the king, sitting up in bed, his cry rousing an attending member of the Alshorian Guard, who burst into the chamber.

"I've just had a vision! A foreign people have transmitted a message through the distances of the world and into my brain! At least, I think that must be how it happened, since neither they nor we Ralish have developed any sort of telecommunications!"

"Your... highness?"

"Ah... that is... never mind."

That dream made no sense. Mused the king as he laid back down upon his furs. How would the message have been conveyed, and how would those other nations have had any idea at all about the boat from New Kyoto? Perhaps its a warning to strengthen our own fleet... I must demand the construction of some new triremes, come the morn.

"What the hell? That rock just bit me!"

"Rock? That's a clam, you idiot!"

"I don't care what it is, it bit me!"

"Aggressive clams? Don't make me laugh!"

"There! Look! It just jumped!"

"But..."

"It's doing it again!"

"OW!"

"What?"

"There's another one over here!"

"Told you they bit me"

*Click. BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! Splat.*

a cruise liner appears off the shoreline at least 6 miles from the beach out of one of the smoke stacks comes a long thin looking object with a trail of smoke behind it. the object slowly rises into the air then goes up beyond the clouds. then you look back to see the cruize liner and it is gone. then out of no where the object comes crashing down to what looks to be the center of the island. then the groud shakes uncontrollably the water in the sea begins to rise as the island sinks slowly into the ocean.

"if your gonna fight over it no one will have it!"

A large shape surfaces off of the North coast of Iakeokeo. The submarine moves parallel to the shore and presently, it arrives at the entrance to the main harbor of Ikekokikakilokakeoka. A small freighter steams up past the submarine and anchors in the middle of the channel, then the crew boards a few smal dinghy's and goes to the sub, which submerges.

Roughly two minutes later, teh freighter explodes and sink to the bottom, firmly blocking the channel. The submarine leaves.

Etched into every surface of the sunken ship is the phrase. "Hah! Lamers!"

OOC: We have a word for people like that, and the word is n00B

3 C-17s fly over head and drop barrels of radioactive waste with the words "Mmm Good Candy Inside" Later 2 more C-17s passed over head dropping the dead bodies of the people that died from radiation poisoning, gathering and transporting the radioctive waste.

Hmmmmmmmmmm...

Thanks for the beer (VERY MUCH!!) and the food and stuff from that big flying thing.

No random attacks happened, of course, because things like that simply DON'T HAPPEN in this part of the seas...

The New Kyoto folks, though, are a different story. :)

The Iakeokeoians saw the very large boat when it was several miles from shore, of course.

Those on the beach, digging clams, waved warmly at the party of folks landing on the shore, but otherwise had no particular interest in their actions.

As the smoldering fellow planted the flag in the sand, the Iakeokeoians cheered at his form and quickly held up their fingers, giving the smoldering fellow a cumulative total score of 228, for an average score of 4.67..!

As our new friends from across the water departed in their very large boat, the Iakeokeoians, once again, waved warmly and thanked them for the very pretty flag,.. although they did have to wonder as to why the visitors simply unfurled a flag and shoved it into the sand..

..But then, visitors are rare to the island, and they have such odd ways..

The surveyors took measurements and wrote lots of notes. The logistics crews supervised the unloading of their construction machinery, the bright yellow vehicles trundled slowly from their transports.
Some enterprising soldier had found a native and was trying to communicate with him, recieving unintelligible words and a perpetual smile.
Captain Kosaka Yukitaka, now Governor-Captain of the island sat in his quarters, reading a book to his three-year-old son, Mitsuyoshi.

General Fredinvough needed a place to relive himself...
Might I sugggest the bathroom?

Office of the First Minister.

"So what's happening in the world today?" The First Minister strode into her office, discarding various items of winter padding, a secretary running to keep up.

"EastMed stock is up, Red Sea stable, Pacific Rim went through the roof, again, Terrorist attack on New Zambinda, or someplace like that, tube 6 to Arn-Kasard is blocked due to a strange odour-"

"Again?"

"No. Still... ah, some foreign military leader can't find a toilet... oh, and some little island nation has been annexed."

"On our doorstep?"

"No. It'd be at least two blocks away."

"Then issue the following statement..."


------------------

Official Response of the Imperial Government of Macisikan
"Meh".

The surveyors took measurements and wrote lots of notes. The logistics crews supervised the unloading of their construction machinery, the bright yellow vehicles trundled slowly from their transports.
Some enterprising soldier had found a native and was trying to communicate with him, recieving unintelligible words and a perpetual smile.
Captain Kosaka Yukitaka, now Governor-Captain of the island sat in his quarters, reading a book to his three-year-old son, Mitsuyoshi.


The Iakeokeoians watched the foreigners approach, land, and offload their things,.. many of which had wheels and other fascinating devices that did delightful things.

We moved down the beach, to give them room to play. And smiled approvingly at their industriousness, and at one nice fellow in particular who approached and made lovely noises that sounded vaguely familiar, yet meant nothing more than music to us. Hopefully he would find a way to tell us what he meant with his music.

We continued doing what we do,... digging for clams and swimming in the surf...

The plans were laid out and the felling would begin. Goggled men in orange with chainsaws felled palms, cutting a clearing from the trees at the edge of the beach. After a few hours, they retired to their now-erected tents whilst more workers piled the palm logs together. As ever, the natives watched.
Governor-Captain Kosaka Yukitaka had watched them all day, and finally decided that the entire point of their existence was to enjoy themselves. All day.
What a useless bunch of people, he thought.

On hearing of the fuss going on on the island, Vastiva decides to take drastic measures.

It airdrops a good palletload of clampoons and two palletloads of pointy sticks with simple pictoral directions on the building of forts so the clams will hurt their feet trying to climb over the walls.

There is a short, undramatic debate over airdropping a radio, but it is decided such corruption is unnecessary and a bit too drastic.

Instead, the next day, four tons of clam sauce in cute bottles are airdropped, each bottle with its own individual parachute, suitable for... well, whatever you might use a tiny piece of fabric for, we don't want to know, don't tell us.

Please. Really. Don't tell us, we don't want to know.

Several dozen black helicopters appeared on the horizon, headed for the beach. With binoculars, one could just make out the writing on the sides of the helicopters:

OMilitary Ltd
"Because Guns Matter"

They swooped across the beach, blowing up sand and rustling the nearby trees and underbrush. Hovering over the sandy terrain, troops began jumping to the ground and taking up defensive positions around their location. The choppers dumped the last of their payload, and moved back out to the aircraft carrier on the horizon.
150 elite troops began strategically moving away from the beach, shouting aggressively at any natives who smiled at them. Anyone who didn't have gold credits to give them wasn't worth their time. Forcing their way along, they found some of the New Kyoto City people, and surrounded them.
Shouting various commands, and waving their guns around angrily, the commander of their squadron moved cautiously towards them. He shouted at them (they weren't saying anything in particular, simply shouting 'AGGGHHHH!'), then slowly handed them an envelope. He and his troops glared at them for a while, screamed loudly, then moved back towards the beach, shouting angrily and waving their guns around.
The helicopters span around, only halfway back to the carrier, and came back to pick them up. The soldiers quickly hopped on board, and they lifted off again. As quickly as they had arrived, they left. In the distance, one could see a soldier fall out of one of the choppers into the sea, forcing several other helicopters to try and rescue him.

Startled New Kyoto City personnel looked around in awe for a minute, then pulled the letter out of the envelope and read it:

"To: New Kyoto City personnel on Iakeokeo
From: Omicron Alpha Tourism Board
Re: Iakeokeo
Message:

WATCH OUT FOR CLAMS!

Message Ends.

P.S. We may like to purchase/hire a section of your new territory for tourism development purposes. Still, WATCH OUT FOR CLAMS anyway."

After thoroughly reading through the letter, Governor-Captain Kosaka wrote a reply, placing it within the supplied envelope.



To: Omicron Alpha Tourism Board
From: Governor-Captain Kosaka Yukitaka
Re: Iakeokeo
Message:

Land will be made available for hire, but only when New Kyoto's construction operations are completed.

P.S. We know of the problems with clams, and have solved them. Enclosed is a sample of our local sushi.

The Director of Omicron Alpha Tourism sat in his huge, leather office chair with his feet on a huge mahogany table, whistling merrily and waving a bunch of credits around. Once in a while he span his chair around and counted his credits, then whistled a terrible tune once again.

He'd had a very quiet day. In fact, it was safe to say he'd done nothing at all since he got in this morning. Not that he was complaining or anything; as company director he made millions of credits every year. Making millions of credits for doing nothing was the primary goal of every Omicron Alpha consumer.

So it was surprising for him when the huge, mahogany double-doors were smashed to the ground by ten masked elite soldiers in black uniforms. They surrounded his huge desk and pointed silenced MP5s at his head, and silence befell the office.

Now, a mugging in Omicron Alpha was very, very rare -- people would rather hand over their genitals than their wallet here. So most people avoided the mess and simply didn't mug people. So the Director was at a loss as to why these men were... he snapped his fingers as he saw the small insignia on their chests.

OMilitary Ltd
"Because Guns Matter"

"I hired you guys didn't I?" the Director smiled. The soldiers said nothing, and kept their weapons trained on his head. Total silence filled the room, until one of the soldiers dropped his gun and shot a hole in the wall behind him.
The commander of the unit looked around at his men, raised a hand and nodded at one of them, then stepped forwards. He placed his hands on the table and leaned right down till he was almost nose to nose with the Director.
"AAAAGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" he yelled, causing the Director to back off and cover his ears.
"Yes, yes, I remember you," he nodded, squinting. "Do you have anything for me?"
The commander stood upright for a moment. He appeared to be glaring at him, but the Director couldn't tell through the darkened visor. Then he suddenly snatched an envelope from his top pocket, and used his full hand to slam it down on the desk as hard as he possibly could, almost giving the Director a heart attack.
The commander turned, nodded, and the troops marched out as quickly as they had marched in. The last soldier to leave turned around, waved sheepishly, and tried his best to prop up the two doors to appear closed. Through the crack he waved again, then marched off.

The startled Director looked around in awe for a few moments, then picked the envelope up. Something made a funny squelching noise, but he thought nothing of it and tore the soggy envelope open. Mushed-up, pink goop poured onto the wooden floorboards, and a soggy letter dropped on his lap.
"Hmm," the Director shrugged. He read the letter and nodded. He reached over his desk and pressed a button.
"Linda, come in here for a moment," he said sternly. "Oh, and bring a mop. And some wall filler."
"Erm, yes sir," a confused woman's voice said.
The Director hurriedly scribbled something down on a scrap of paper as one of the doors slammed to the ground. A very confused woman stood on the other side with her fist in the air.
"Ah come in," he beckoned. She stepped over the huge door and walked up to his desk, holding her nose. "I'm afraid I'll have to take that door out of your pay cheque -- really, you should realise how strong you are."
"Yuck," she gasped. "What's that smell?"
"Oh, I think the New Kyoto City people sent me a present," he shrugged. "I'd guess the guy's pocket smells a whole lot worse." He handed her a scrap of paper. "Here, type that up and send it to the folks at New Kyoto City. Put an egg in there as well, as reward."
"Err... yes sir," she said, glancing down at the piece of paper. She read it quickly.

"To: New Kyoto City personnel
From: Omicron Alpha Tourism Board
Re: Iakeokeo
Message:

Thank you very much for freeing up some land for us to use. We shall wait in anticipation for it to become available for development.

Message Ends.

P.S. As a token of my appreciation, I've included an egg in this envelope. I hope you enjoy it."

On hearing of the fuss going on on the island, Vastiva decides to take drastic measures.

It airdrops a good palletload of clampoons and two palletloads of pointy sticks with simple pictoral directions on the building of forts so the clams will hurt their feet trying to climb over the walls.

There is a short, undramatic debate over airdropping a radio, but it is decided such corruption is unnecessary and a bit too drastic.

Instead, the next day, four tons of clam sauce in cute bottles are airdropped, each bottle with its own individual parachute, suitable for... well, whatever you might use a tiny piece of fabric for, we don't want to know, don't tell us.

Please. Really. Don't tell us, we don't want to know.

The Iakeokeoians didn't know what to make of the "clampoons", as they had never heard or seen the word "clampoon" before, much less known what to do with them.

Of course, they also couldn't read the large emblazened printing: "CLAMPOONS INSIDE: THIS SIDE UP", so not knowing what a word meant that they couldn't read anyway seemed VERY appropriate, and just a little profound, to them.

The pointy sticks were pretty self-evidently "pointy sticks", making the pictorial directions even more of a profound revelation than the "clampoon" incident of only moments previous. Much nodding and self-congratulatory giggling and high-fiving ensued.

Hmmm,.. the implied concept of putting these nifty pointy sticks together as per the directions seemed an utter waste of otherwise perfectly usable pointy sticks, so they decided to use them as pointy sticks should be used, and dispersed onto the beach, and into the forest to "poke stuff to see what happened."

There was much smiling this day! Pointy sticks DO stuff,.. and such nifty stuff they do..!

When the "rain of little hard things" came, the Iakeokeoians were amazed, and pleased beyond their wildest expectations of what being amazed and pleased A LOT would be like. (Though that fun ceremony with the lady Iaki and the "Oo-Oo Fruit" came in a close second.)

Once they figured out that the little cap came off the bottles (the little hard things were BOTTLES!) and that the juice inside went SO well with freshly dug clam,... that they HAD indeed been visited by the old gods (probably) and a new age of really tasty stuff and new ways of poking holes in things was about to commence..!

The little round bits of cloth, which apparently had slowed the fall of the bottles from the sky, were collected and given to menstruating young women, as they seemed to think they had some GODS-GIVEN-RIGHT to them. Even the simple, yet profound, Iakeokeoians don't argue with young menstruating women..

A Highwind Transport lands in a clear spot down near the beach.

People start unloading crates of stuff.

Two of the crates has a total of 1,000 Mariette Pepperbox Pistol (http://www.butterfields.com/lib/images/7414/7414A-5339.jpg).

Two of the crates has a total of 250 Heckler and Koch G1 (http://www.kitsune.addr.com/Firearms/Auto-Rifles/HK_G11.gif).

Two of the crates has a total of 50 XM8 Lightweight Assault Rifle (http://world.guns.ru/assault/as61-e.htm).

A crate that has a total of 4 Browning M2HB .50 cal (http://www.kitsune.addr.com/Firearms/Machine-Guns/Browning_M2HB_Machine_Gun.jpg).

And ten more kegs of Wolf Beer.

hehe, we finally found a place to dump those pesky Wraith from the pegasis galaxy. See, then its a win-win-lose situation, We get rid of them, they get all the life force they want, but the islanders get eaten. Oh well. Expect our delivery in an hour.

OOC- Hehe, a cookie to the first one to guess what wraiths are from.

Meanwhile, on the opposite side of the island from the New Kyoto representives, an Ardoran submarine surfaces...

"Sir, we've found an as of yet unexplored island!"

"Excellent. Dispatch Alpha Squad to check it out."

A squad of the crack Ardoran Special Forces dismbarks from the submarine and heads for the beach in a small rubber speedboat, landing and fanning out to explore the area.

A Highwind Transport lands in a clear spot down near the beach.

People start unloading crates of stuff.

Two of the crates has a total of 1,000 Mariette Pepperbox Pistol (http://www.butterfields.com/lib/images/7414/7414A-5339.jpg).

Two of the crates has a total of 250 Heckler and Koch G1 (http://www.kitsune.addr.com/Firearms/Auto-Rifles/HK_G11.gif).

Two of the crates has a total of 50 XM8 Lightweight Assault Rifle (http://world.guns.ru/assault/as61-e.htm).

A crate that has a total of 4 Browning M2HB .50 cal (http://www.kitsune.addr.com/Firearms/Machine-Guns/Browning_M2HB_Machine_Gun.jpg).

And ten more kegs of Wolf Beer.

The pointy stick wielding Iakeokeoians watch with mild amusement as they are covered in the sand blowoff from that big flying thingy as it lands.

After cleaning out their various orifices (orifi?) of sand, they eagerly prepare for more nifty presents from the sky,... when....

They notice the now familiar shape and funky logo of "Wolf Beer", and make a mad dash toward the kegs, smiling ear to ear and shouting random syllables as is the Iakeokeoian way when very VERY excited....

Meanwhile, on the opposite side of the island from the New Kyoto representives, an Ardoran submarine surfaces...

"Sir, we've found an as of yet unexplored island!"

"Excellent. Dispatch Alpha Squad to check it out."

A squad of the crack Ardoran Special Forces dismbarks from the submarine and heads for the beach in a small rubber speedboat, landing and fanning out to explore the area.

The local Iakeokeoians, digging and swimming as usual, while not observing the submarine, see the rubber floaty thing land slightly down the beach.

A bunch of funny looking overdressed people, who are obviously NOT Iakeokeoians because if they were they'd be less interested in exploring the area than these folks.

"Mmmmm..?" said each of the Iakeokeoians, with a smile of course, as they returned to their clam digging and swimming.

Iakak did have the novel thought that "Maybe these guys have more of that good Beer drink..!?"

OHH! Clams! Can I have some?

BBBBZZZZZZZ
In a flash the beach was covered with ST slavers beamed down from the Sandman Slave Frigate in orbit.
"Commander Jis, to Sandman"
"Copy that Jis." responded the small com on Jis's left arm.
"We've landed on the island and have began sending out slaveing parties."
"What is your ETA on total containment commander?"
"ETA about...
The BzzZZZzZZZ of plasma fire is heard in the background followed by girly screams
"THIS IS JIS, REQUESTING IMMEDIATE RETRIEVAL FROM PLANET SURFACE
bssshshshshshhhhh
THEY'RE EVERYWHERE, OHH MY GOD NOT FRED
bssshshshshshhhhh
DIE YOU BASTARRDS!!!!
CLAMP.. CLAMP.. CLAMP.. ..GARGLE
bssshshshshshhhhh

"Jis, COME IN JIS"
The last thing that came through the comsystem was a picture.

http://www.aquariumfish.net/images_01/clam_freshwater_w180.jpg

*Bam*

*Bam*

*Bam*

*Bam*

"The last nails are in, Corporal-san!"

"Good, I shall inform the Governor. Make the workers form a line in front of the building"
-------------------------
*Stomp,stomp,stomp*
"Governor-san!"

"At ease, Corporal"

"The offices are complete, Governor-san!"

"Well done, Corporal. I shall inspect the building presently. Find a squad and prepare my belongings"
-------------------------
To: Omicron Alpha Tourism Board
From: Governor-Captain Kosaka Yukitaka
Re: Iakeokeo
Message:

The land mentioned in my previous letter is available now, as our constructions have been completed. Please specify the required amount of land.

P.S. Your last letter was covered with egg yolk. Sadly, there was shell in it.

OOC Clampoon (n) clam-poon : a harpoon developed for hunting clams.

For more details see:

http://www.arlo.net/yrics/reuben-clamzo.shtml

Strangely appropriate, methinks.

OHH! Clams! Can I have some?

Can you dig 'em..!?

You can have 'em..! :)

Clams for all..!

Somewhere in the ocean...

A Hydra class Bladiean Battleship comming back from a long station at Socialist Cockroaches (just annexed), see the small Island and its apparently happy citizens and decides to anchor off the coast and deploy its runships to go and have a brief vacation at the Island.

(OOC)

This is a very amusing thread. Good work Iakeokeo.

Though if the imperialists and wanna-be evildoers could back off, you’re ruining a perfectly good, peaceful, story.

(IC)

10,000 gelatinous blobs have been dropped all over the Iakeokeo islands, giving the natives another object to poke with their new pointy sticks. They expand 100 times in size when exposed to water.

BBBBZZZZZZZ
In a flash the beach was covered with ST slavers beamed down from the Sandman Slave Frigate in orbit.
"Commander Jis, to Sandman"
"Copy that Jis." responded the small com on Jis's left arm.
"We've landed on the island and have began sending out slaveing parties."
"What is your ETA on total containment commander?"
"ETA about...
The BzzZZZzZZZ of plasma fire is heard in the background followed by girly screams
"THIS IS JIS, REQUESTING IMMEDIATE RETRIEVAL FROM PLANET SURFACE
bssshshshshshhhhh
THEY'RE EVERYWHERE, OHH MY GOD NOT FRED
bssshshshshshhhhh
DIE YOU BASTARRDS!!!!
CLAMP.. CLAMP.. CLAMP.. ..GARGLE
bssshshshshshhhhh

"Jis, COME IN JIS"
The last thing that came through the comsystem was a picture.

http://www.aquariumfish.net/images_01/clam_freshwater_w180.jpg


Several days after this incident, a small band of Iakeokeoians, who lived "sorta" nearby, went to investigate what the noise had been.

Finding several very large fried man-eating-clams strewn on the beach, they stared at each other in amazement, which Iakeokeoians love to do, by the way.

"Wow.... the gods (probably) fried these up for us..!" said Iake.

"Whoa,.. yeah,.. can we eat 'em, or do you think the gods (probably) will come back for their lunch..?!" said Iaku.

"Hmmmm,... It's been a few days, I don't think they'll be back for 'em. Let's EAT...!!!" said Iake, shouting that last bit about "eating".

The band got about 10 feet from the fried clam when they suddenly realized that it WAS NOT DEAD...!

"Braaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack...!"

It looked dead. It certainly SMELLED dead..! But the loud gurrrrrrrrrgling noise and vibrating clamshell told them otherwise.

The Iakeokeoians stopped in their tracks, praying to the gods (probably) that it wouldn't turn on them.

They waited.

..and waited..

..but the clamshell continued vibrating, and the loud noise had tapered off into a sort of "clammy whine".

"Hmmmm.... I think it,... it,... it wants our help..!" said Iake.

"NO.... you been out in da sun too long, Iake..!" said Iaku.

"No,... listen.." Iake said as he crept closer to the wounded giant, listening intently.

"I think you a crazy man Iake..!" said Iaku.

"No, really, it's,.. it's wanting some water,.. can't you hear it..!?" said Iake.

"No, we can't hear it..! What da heck you talking 'bout..?!" replied Iaku.

"LISTEN man,.. listen, it says it wants us to push it back in da ocean..." said Iake, with real sympathy in his voice for the poor mollusk.

"We goin' home, man... You one big nut-job Iake..!" Iaku said as he and the others turned and walked back into the forest toward their village.

"Hey,... even da man-eating-clams deserve to <graaalmp> ...."

The other Iakeokeoians didn't bother to turn around, as they really didn't care much for Iake and his goofy ways.

"Oh man,... he had da map..!" said Iaku in disgust. "No problem,.. we just follow this trail back and we be fine."

They weren't fine. They weren't fine at all.

In fact, that big cliff, that they knew to avoid because of the old map, didn't get avoided.

"Oh bummah,.. next time we not bother investigating loud noises, but at least we only fall into da ocean..!" thought Iaku as he plummeted down the cliff-face toward the water.

The cliff had always been avoided in the past, so nobody knew that the water at it's base was only three inches deep and strewn with sharp pointy volcanic rocks.

After a month, the three people left back at the old village gave up waiting for the band of investigators, and decided that it would be good to find another village to live in that was not so close to big loud noises.

Iake became known as "Gruuuhlmpppppppppppfffffft" to the man-eating-clams.

He never saw another of his kind, the Iakeokeoians, but he lived a long and happy life on a minor island just south of the southern shore with the man-eating-clams.

Though he was not OVERLY thrilled at his job amongst the man-eating-clams.

Yes, the clam on the beach DID gobble Iake down, but quickly realized that the fluid leaking from it's meal felt very good on it's burnt tissues.

The clam, actually the KING clam, transported Iake to clam island, and thereafter, in exchange for his life and the copious comforts available on this rich island, a daily dose of "yellow man-juice" was given to all those man-eating-clams wounded in the "great noisey incident",... with an extra special helping for the KING.

(OOC)

This is a very amusing thread. Good work Iakeokeo.

Though if the imperialists and wanna-be evildoers could back off, you’re ruining a perfectly good, peaceful, story.

(IC)

10,000 gelatinous blobs have been dropped all over the Iakeokeo islands, giving the natives another object to poke with their new pointy sticks. They expand 100 times in size when exposed to water.


The first one was brought back to the village for opinions as to what do do with it.

"Let's poke it..!" said Iakiak.

"Nah,... I already done that... for several days. It's just like big snot ball, 'cept it's blue." said Iakoink.

"Oh,.... did you try to..." Iakiak started to say.

"YES,... and it took me a few minutes to get it out of there, so don't try that. It kinda felt like it was starting to get bigger..!" interrupted Iakoink.

"Well,... I say we eat it." said Iakenallday.

No one much respected Iakenallday because of his stupid name and that he was always complaining of "never getting any".

"OK smart guy,... I just said that it felt like it was gettin' bigger when I had it in there..! You want to get really full stomach by eating this thing..?" retorted Iakoink.

"Mmmmm... maybe not. But how bigger could it get..?" Iakenallday sheepishly, though sheep are unknown on Iakeokeo Island, asked.

Iakiak grabbed the snotball and dropped it into a half full bowl of soup.

<FOOOOOOOOP!>

"Oh,... that's not bad!" said Iakenallday observing that it merely absorbed the soup and only got half as big as the bowl, about the size of a small grapefruit.

"That's GOTTA be as big as it gets..!" Iakenallday said, grabbing the goober out of the bowl, and poking it with his pointy-stick. "See,... it can't even hold the soup completely. It's leaking soup when I poke it."

He was half way to pinching off a piece of the goo-ball and popping it into his mouth, when Iakiak reminded him which orifice of his he'd experimented with placing it into.

"Ah..... that's good point, Iakiak. I'll go wash it off first." was Iakenallday's response.

On his way to the surf to wash the goo, Iakenallday thought a funny thing, and put the goo into his favorite place to keep things.

The great whoooosh of sea spray hit the village like one of those nasty storms that blows your surfboard and your pointy-sticks into the forest.

Several hundred yards out to sea was a great blue ball. Well, you could only see half of it actually, but that's not important now.

The Iakeokeoians never did find Iakenallday, but they did find his most cherished possesion.

The big blue goo ball, once they dragged it back to shore, seemed to be safely expanded to it's full size now, and after a few tests (most involving pinching bits off and flinging them into the ocean), it was Iakiak's duty to perform the ultimate test.

The ultimate test of any new thing found on the island was always whether it was, indeed,... tasty.

Iakiak steadied himself.

He opened his mouth slowly,... then bit off a tiny little morsel of the blue goo.

The village was hushed. No one breathed.

Iakiak's head.... did not explode.

"Hey,... dis stuff is pretty good!! Tastes like ia-ia-chicken..!!" proclaimed Iakiak.

Four days later the village had "butchered" half of the blob, into nice neat stackable bricks, and had reached the center of the ball.

"What the heck is this..!?" exclaimed Iakupup as he cut another brick from the exact center of the blob.

"Wait,.. I know what that is! Iakenallday used to show those to the girls to make them run away when we were kids." explained Iakenen, who was Iakenallday's cousin.

"Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh,... Well,... he would be happy to know he REALLY DID have the biggest blue ball in the village..!"

Shameless bump....

Or, more appropriately:

The Iakeokeoians decided that the next wacky thing delivered to them from the gods (probably) would be thrown into the volcano at the center of the island as a tribute to Iakaka [God of Hot Stinky Stuff (including brown man-paste)].

They waited in high anticipation for the sky-droppings.

"Damn seagulls..! Tell everybody to ignore the seagull poop..!!" shouted Iakia, self appointed arbiter of "TRUE gifts from the gods (probably)".

"The natives seem to have a new hobby"

"Oh?"

"They've got this blue stuff, and they stick it in their ears"

"Funny bunch"

"The natives seem to have a new hobby"

"Oh?"

"They've got this blue stuff, and they stick it in their ears"

"Funny bunch"

"Pssssst...! PSSSSSSSSSSST..!" said Iakolol to the pair of foreigners pointing at his cousin's new ear-ornament.

He approched the pair with a HUGE smile on his face, as they seemed to be less nervous when you had a huge smile on your face.

"I speak a little you' talk-talk..! Da' blue stuff...? It's not just for ears, but gotta be VERY careful 'bout other places you put it." he explained, slowly.

"Don' stick it in you' mouth, 'nless you wan you' head explode."

"..but is OK to put in place where man-paste, gift of da' god Iakaka, come from,.. at least for a little time. Makes funny feeling like,.. well, hard to 'splain... "

"Just don' leave in too long,... very bad,... cousin Iakipipi leave in too long,.. took many days to scrape off huts and beach." explained Iakolol.

Iakolol always thought the expressions of the foreigners was amusing. This was one of the most amusing he'd seen yet..!

"Poor, stupid tribal. Give him something"

"Like what? I'm not giving him anything, he'd probably stick it in his ears"

"Fine. Here, tribal. Have a clam-on-the-shell. Be careful, it's hot"

"New Kyoto city. This is Admiral Vladimir on the S.S. Borman. Permission to land and interact with natives. Also have supplies with us if you need any."

2 Highwind Transports land near the beach and unload alot of beer.

100 kegs of Wolf Beer
1,000 case of Wolf Beer (24 beers per case)
12 wet t-shirt babes.

"Very well. We shall land a forth way around the island. In area you have yet to control. After we are set up we will establish a supply line to your camp."

The carrier sailed off and came as close as possible to an unclaimed stretch of beach. Transports shot off and more boats followed. By the time the ngineers had landed and were unloading supplies the marines had set a barbed wire perimeter down and were positioned all along it. When a clam came they captured it and threw it in a sack to eat later.

"Begin work. Kyoto and Borman shall work together once again."

OOC: Want to establish embassies or MB in each other?

2 Highwind Transports land near the beach and unload alot of beer.

100 kegs of Wolf Beer
1,000 case of Wolf Beer (24 beers per case)
12 wet t-shirt babes.


"Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh... damn..! We REALLY gotta toss these into da volcano..!!?" grumbled Iakopopo.

"Heck yeah, man... If we don', we get in LOTTA big trouble with the gods (probably)..!" shot back Iakorolo.

"..but.." started Iakopopo.

"No talk-back..! Start tossin' cousin...." were Iakorolo's determined words to his slightly stupider cousin.

"..it good though that we get to keep the lovelies..." sighed Iakopopo.

"Yeah,... dat a good-good thing..!" snickered Iakorolo.

As the twelfth one hit the lava, and the screaming stopped, the crowd collectively exclaimed "BEER TIME...!!!!."

The military base started to take shape as a sandbag and mine perimeter was established. Night was coming and a clam roast occured where hundreds of clams were roasted and the amrines ate the lovely meal.

"Very well. We shall land a forth way around the island. In area you have yet to control. After we are set up we will establish a supply line to your camp."

The carrier sailed off and came as close as possible to an unclaimed stretch of beach. Transports shot off and more boats followed. By the time the ngineers had landed and were unloading supplies the marines had set a barbed wire perimeter down and were positioned all along it. When a clam came they captured it and threw it in a sack to eat later.

"Begin work. Kyoto and Borman shall work together once again."

OOC: Want to establish embassies or MB in each other?

"What's this pointy-vine-thingy..?" inquired Iakalala of his cousin Iako.

"I dunno... how come there all these dead foreigners people lying around..?" Iako responded.

"Must be da man-eating-clams again. They gettin' more pesky lately" said Iakalala.

"Mmmmmmmmmm.. too bad. These foreigners are lotta fun to smile at. Hey,.. how 'bout we go fo' swimming..?" quipped Iako.

"Sure man,.... jus' watch out for the jellyfish,... and don't touch anything blue,... OK..!?"

(( Borman Empire is on my ignore list for "being a downer" ))

A Borman supply truck sped into a village. Armed amrines jumped out and pointed guns at the people staring in awe. Other marines begin unloading a favourite Borman beer, Justice Pale Ale, they also added Corona, and Borman Brew. On top of that they added 1,000 pointy sticks and 100 cases of lube. Then some food and water was added and the Supply truck took off.

A marine said aloud,

"Why are we doin this?"

"Why not marine? Let's try to give these peoples every advantage they can get, plus maybe they have somethin rare or they could be an ally. Anyway we're going back to base. We need to protect and establish a supply route to new Kyoto city's base."

Bump< Bump< Bump=bump!>bump>bump>bump

(( Borman Empire is on my ignore list for "being a downer" ))

???OOC: WHY?

A road was halfway done connecting the New Kyoto Base and the Borman base. Defenses were on either side and soldiers constantly patrolled.

???OOC: WHY?

A road was halfway done connecting the New Kyoto Base and the Borman base. Defenses were on either side and soldiers constantly patrolled.


OOC Because you're attempting conquest in a comedy thread and looking absolutely ridiculous for even attempting it. In other words - you're showing characteristics which are not desirable by those who are having a decent time with this.

OOC Because you're attempting conquest in a comedy thread and looking absolutely ridiculous for even attempting it. In other words - you're showing characteristics which are not desirable by those who are having a decent time with this.

I'm not trying to conquest. I'm coming to interact with beer and stuff. I'm only setting up a little area then i'm leavin.

As the supply truck came back they saw massive holes in the sandbags and hundreds of holes where mines had detonated.

"What happened here?"

"I dunno. HELlO! ANYONE HERE!?"

The marines began to move inside the coplex when their sarge stopped 'em.

"Wait. I don't think we'll be coming back here. The boats are still here and so its the cruiser. Start loadig all the supllies into the cruiser, once that's done we can go inside."

When it was almost done Sar. Peterson heard a CLAMP. He pointed his gun around but heard nothing, so he resumed loading.

"Is it all onboard?"

"Yes. And three escape boats are here like you asked, one fits us and two for whoever and whatever we find."

"Good."

The teams started searching the first floor and whenever they found valuable things such as guns and defensive utilities they brought 'em out to the cruiser. The same on the second floor. But when they entered the third floor they saw blood all over the walls and bullet scorchings marked everything.

"What happened?"

"Stay together."

Nothing was valuable on the third floor, it had all been pulled out in a haste. They came to an elavator that led down to the brewery in the basement. They took it down and when the doors opened a dead marine fell in.

"Jesus. Let's go, now."

"No."

The men walked arond and found everything in decent shape, besides the blood and bullet holes. But it the backroom immediatly after opening the dor CLAMPs were heard. Hundreds of great clams and little clams were in there feasting on fallen soldiers and beer. The rounds of ammo that were pumped in seemed to have no effect.

"To the elevator!"

The doors closed just as a clam smashed into them. When they opened on the third floor hundreds of little clams flooded at them but the marines shut the doors and shot or stompped all that got in. On the fourth flor various hallways had medium sized and little clams. At the end they got to Vladimir's room. They opened it up and threw in a smoke grenade.

"Googles on?"

"Yes sir."

"Good."

THey charged in and found the office completly peaceful as if nothing had happened. Then something came from Vladimir's chair, the back was facing them. The chair spun and a marine missing his arm, one eye, fingers, and his knees spoke to them.

"They're not stupid, it's a trap."

Peterson almost threw up as he sw the man. He grabed the door and threw it open, a giant clam pulled him out. THe other men slammed it shut as one man dragged the desk in front of the door. A couch was put behind that sideways so it was almost touching the wall. THat way when the door opened the couch would hit the wall and stop it from opening.

"I love ya man."

Just then the door shuddered as holes appeared in the top and the couch began to go through the wal.

"AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!"

THe marines noticed a vent and opened it, when they went to grab the marine in the chair he was gone.

"Jesus christ."

THey climbed around untill eventually they came on the first floor. THey shot at everything that moved as they made their way to the door. Once outside they locked it with their acces cards. As they ran to the boats they saw it fly off. THey jumped in two boats and took off towards the cruiser. Clams got in the last and followed. As one man was about to shoot the clams boat a massive clam rose from the water and swallowed his boat and all passengers. The last boat made it safely onboard the already moving cruiser. On the deck ws blood and they aproached the bridge with caution. THey threw open the door and aimed weapons.

"Admiral Vladimir?"

"Yes. My men evacuated me and as much of the command crew as we could, of course as many soldiers. We waited for you and while we did Clams boarded, i have about 13 soldiers now. I managed to get in contact with Borman, they say drop all work and return home immediatly."

"No, duh. Pass me a Justice pale ale," he said as he sat down on a couch in the bridge,"That had to be the scariest thing ever."

The cruiser sailed off and back to Borman with everything and everyone they could get. The clams had won this day. Now all beer if any given to the natives would be through air drops.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Borman Empire
???OOC: WHY?

A road was halfway done connecting the New Kyoto Base and the Borman base. Defenses were on either side and soldiers constantly patrolled.



OOC Because you're attempting conquest in a comedy thread and looking absolutely ridiculous for even attempting it. In other words - you're showing characteristics which are not desirable by those who are having a decent time with this.

The great god (probably) "OOC", who's thunderous voice is like the sound of the "big surf", speaks.

And it speaks the truth..!

(( The Iakeokeoians sometimes have a difficult time with the gender of their gods [probably], as the gods [probably] are a bit squirrely about revealing themselves,.. though there are no actual "squirrels" anywhere near the island. ))

Anyway,... after the memo from TGG[P] ("the great god [probably]") "OOC", the Iakeokeoians stared at each other for several moments,.. shrugged,.. resumed smiling,.. and returned to playing in the surf and digging for clams.

Little did they realize what was approaching from the north....

Little-er yet did they care....

Little did they know the danger....

Little did they freakin' care..!

Little did they understand the warning in the sky...

LITTLE DID THEY CARE,... DAMN IT..!

Little do I care..!

Little do I care, too..!

Little are YOU..!

I know you are, but what am I..!?

I know YOU are, but what am I..!?

I KNOW YOU ARE,.. BUT WHAT AM I..!?

"What da heck is dat..!?" thought Iakuhuh, of the voices in his head.

"Sounds like da gods (probably) messing with us again... This been a wacky week..!" thought Iakehehe, who had apparently overheard Iakuhuh's thoughts.

"Oh now STOP DAT..!" said Iakuhuh, out loud this time, as he threw sand on his cousin Iakehehe for getting into his head again.

"How many times I gotta tell you,.... we not allowed to do dat, 'cause da gods (probably) get big-nasty-angry when we do stuff like dat..! You wanna get da gods (probably) down on us again..!?" said Iakuhuh.

"Nah,... I don' want da gods come back and bend up my surfboard like last time,... or blunt all my pointy-sticks either.." sighed Iakehehe.

"GOOD,.. now get me 'nother one of those beers! And a goo-d sandwich! And lick my surfboard til it's clean..!" commanded Iakuhuh.

Little did they realize how....

[[ OOC INTERUPT! ]]
"And I sayeth to the minor narrative voices not associated with actual IC personas,... KNOCK IT OFF.....!"
[[ /OOC INTERUPT! ]]

Oooo... right Sir, or Ma'am,... will do..!

Uh,... yeah,.... Me too..!

an MI-24 helicopter flew over the beach near the remanants of the beach and saw natives playing in the water. A rope lowered down with a box in it. The rope was disconnected and the chopper flew off with people looking at the destroyed base wondering if the clams ever gave the naties that trouble.

The box contains 100,000 pointy sticks; 100 kegs of Justice pale ale, Borman Brew, and Corona; and lastly 500 cases of Justice pale Ale(each with 6 bottles). Also a bottle opener was on top.

OOC: I don't like to be on your ignore list, your one cool guy in my books. NOT SARCASAM

OOC Because you're attempting conquest in a comedy thread and looking absolutely ridiculous for even attempting it. In other words - you're showing characteristics which are not desirable by those who are having a decent time with this.

OOC: im not trying to conquer, just have a good time too. I wouldn't want to conquer cause of clams and plus even if i shot the natives they'd just go on swimming so there would be no use in trying to conquer. If you'll look at the beginning i came to interact. And the road was connecting it to bring supplies back and forth and it ws guarded becuase of man eating clams. Obviously not enough becuase they overran the base in a half-life/halo-flood like manner.

A Kroblexskijan homing pigeon releives its self over your chieftens hut

Five Pwnican cargo helicopters flew over the shores of Iakeokeo, preparing to drop their boxes, which contained the following: Turkies, gravy, chocolate, cakes, rice, coca-cola, BEER, and "Mystery Meat". Atop the biggest box was a message explaining what is inside and that it's from Pwnica, and that the natives can keep the parachutes.

The co-pilot of the leading chopper looked at the shore, at the natives, and then at the pilot. "Do these people even speak American?"

"Eh, let's hope so. Who cares, anyway? It's an act of kindness."

The helis starting dropping the boxes, and they started their slow decent to the shore.

"Whatever. Any idea what this "Mystery meat" shit we're giving them is?"

"Excess stuff from the Pwnica school cafeterias. No one's eating them, and they were starting to smell. I think they have radioactive things in it. Hmm...maybe we should leave these guys another message, to warn them."

The co-pilot quickly scrawled up a message while the pilot hovered the craft.

Dear natives,

Please be warned, that if you turn into big green goopy monsters as a result of eating or being near the mystery meat, it's not our fault! Bye.

He taped the message to the last box in the chopper and sent it down, and the helicopters started their way back to their carrier, which was waiting some ways out to take them back home.

As the MI-24 went to give more beer and other stuff to the natives they dropped a message over the New Kyoto City Base.

Official Communique

We have lost our encampment due to a massive attack by clams, sorry you will not be able to establish supply lines with us.

End transmission

THe chopper dropped the boxes of beer along with another box. It contained weapons the natives could use to defend themselves with and instructions how to use them. Scientists believed they had found out the native language and sent along a translator(small machine) to translate the instruction.

The commercial airliner rolled back and forth in the violent storm. Lightning flashed all around as the passengers screamed in primal terror.

"Ladies and gentlemen, it appears we have some technical difficulties, so fasten your seatbelts. We're all going to be fi- Just kidding! You're all going to die horrible, agonizing deaths! Muahahahaha!"

The form of the pilot could be seen through the window as it floated gently to Earth on a parachute. Through the torrential rain, he could be seen giving the finger to the doomed passengers. A large man stood up in his seat, yelling wildly, before ripping the exit door from its hinges and jumping out. The plane began to plummet to Earth at the loss of cabin pressure. As the useless hunk of metal screamed towards the ocean, all seemed lost. Suddenly, a great white light shone down, and the plane stopped its awful descent. A voice boomed through the suddenly quiet skies. It sounded strangely like Joe Pesci.

"I am the Lord God! Pitiful martels, I am here to save your pathetic lives! Do not fear, your time is not yet come!"

The hand of God reached out, and grabbed the airplane, moving it slightly to the left. As the rain had been pounding the plane for hours, it was soaking wet, and wet metal, as we all know, is quite slippery. Thus, the plane came free, and plummeted to destruction on a small island below.

"Damn. Should have quit after that 'Goodfellas' gig."

----------

The drunk stumbled out of the burning wreck. The only survivor, this derelict had downed his fear in liquer, and now was too wasted to realize where he was or what had happened. He promptly passed out.

The Mi-24 had not seen the man and dropped a whole cargo case of Borman Brew next to him with the message,

"To our island friends"

One of the cargo boxes, containing Mystery Meat, coincidentally landed on the drunk's head.

OOC: Wouldn't he have landed on the crate since he came afterwards.

[OOC] The crate was with a parachute, and was dropped from somewhat up high, so it'd take a while to get down. Maybe the plane crash happened at the same time, or something. Who cares, it's all in fun. And it'll also be funny if he gets a bump on the head. Bumps on the head are funny.

[OOC] The crate was with a parachute, and was dropped from somewhat up high, so it'd take a while to get down. Maybe the plane crash happened at the same time, or something. Who cares, it's all in fun. And it'll also be funny if he gets a bump on the head. Bumps on the head are funny.

OOC: Laugh Out Loud

I sent down some people to open up a McDonalds, a Wal-Mart, five Starbucks Coffee Houses, and a skin bar called "Lou's".

Several Pwnican saboteurs have infiltrated these new buildings constructed by Tristram Shandy and hidden extra radioactive Mystery Meat in the pipework.

A man runs in and up to the counter.

"Please.....i need.......a......... big mac, stat!"

As the man ate he stood up and screamed,

"The clams are coming!

He took out 3 grenades shaped like clams and threw them behind the counter then dived out the window and ran into a giant man-eating clam.

"Wow. Where'd all these people come from?"

"Dunno"

"Hey look. That tribal has a jar of vaseline and a rat. I wonder what he's gonna...Urgh"

"Poor rat"

{OOC}

In a further attempt to interfere with the operation of cultures outside of The Blackguard, I will drop some more random items for you to experiment with.

Take your pick:

Air horns
Tazers
Bubble bath
Expired deodorant
Vinyl records
Shiny coins
Ribbon
Plastic display food
Anvils
Large tires
10-tonnes of ice compressed into a ball
Raw sewage

I send in the A-TEAM with the black guy mr T in first :sniper: :mp5: :gundge: boom bang i win i take over the whole world and enslave all roleplaying nerds

Five Pwnican cargo helicopters flew over the shores of Iakeokeo, preparing to drop their boxes, which contained the following: Turkies, gravy, chocolate, cakes, rice, coca-cola, BEER, and "Mystery Meat". Atop the biggest box was a message explaining what is inside and that it's from Pwnica, and that the natives can keep the parachutes.

The co-pilot of the leading chopper looked at the shore, at the natives, and then at the pilot. "Do these people even speak American?"

"Eh, let's hope so. Who cares, anyway? It's an act of kindness."

The helis starting dropping the boxes, and they started their slow decent to the shore.

"Whatever. Any idea what this "Mystery meat" shit we're giving them is?"

"Excess stuff from the Pwnica school cafeterias. No one's eating them, and they were starting to smell. I think they have radioactive things in it. Hmm...maybe we should leave these guys another message, to warn them."

The co-pilot quickly scrawled up a message while the pilot hovered the craft.


Quote:
Dear natives,

Please be warned, that if you turn into big green goopy monsters as a result of eating or being near the mystery meat, it's not our fault! Bye.


He taped the message to the last box in the chopper and sent it down, and the helicopters started their way back to their carrier, which was waiting some ways out to take them back home.


"Oh... LOOK,... more stuff to toss in da volcano..!" shouted Iakaraka.

"Grumnolmerooviaiaiaiiaiaiaiaiiaiiaiia..!" grumbled Iakapo to himself.

"Just what we need,... more crap from da gods (probably)..!" was his thought.

"Oooooooooooo... stinky cans! That's fo' the volcano, fo'sure..!" loudly stated Iakapo, after the group had gotten to the dropped stuff.

Hauling back the loot was a chore. As nobody wanted to carry anything but the beer. But, eventually, they got it all back to the village.

Iakapo had been "assigned" the job of "god stuff arbiter" by the village,.. mostly because he got to the hut last the day they were handing out "assignments", and he had a reputation for sandy "private parts" (the "oi-oi" in Iakeokeoian), which carries an implied meaning of... well,... you figure it out.

"OK,.. so,... we keep da BEER, of course,..." stating the obvious first.

"And these noisey chicken things... Hey..! Where da noisey chicken things..!?"

The turkey heads were strewn around the fat girls hut, and the rest of the turkeys were apparently already well on their way to being lunch.

The stinky cans had been left on the outskirts of the village, closest to the path to the volcano.

"OK,... you girls take the noisey chicken things, then.. What we do wit' THIS..!?" he proclaimed as he held up the cans of gravy and the cans of coca-cola.

"Volcano..! They look dangerous..!" came from the crowd.

"Those made of dat shiny stuff. I cut myself once on dat stuff,.. very bad! VOLCANO..!" said another person.

"Hey,... how 'bout we see what inside those things...?" quietly inquired the elder of the village.

"Nah....! Never any good stuff in those..!" exclaimed the crowd, now starting to get into this "rabble" frame of mind.

"Yeah,... and let's torture them big time..!" came another enthusiastic voice.

Iakapo squinted at the nimrod that had gone just a bit too far. The rest of the crowd squinted at him too.

"Oooo look..!?" the silly cousin said to deflect attention from himself, as he pointed into the sky to the north.

"Nmmmnnmnnnnnnnmnnnnmmmnnn.." mumbled the crowd, specifically NOT averting their eyes from the silly cousin.

"The BEER comes in cans." intoned the old wise man, the village elder.

"Ohhhhhhhhhh...! That's right..!" said our not-overly-bright crowd.

"Let's open them and see if it's more beer." the elder suggested.

"OK,... but I'm not doin' it. Here,.. Iakaraka,.. You do da honors..!" said Iakapo.

Iakaraka stepped up, as if he'd won the whole-island surf off at Iaouwmaigaadaimtost (pron: "yee-ow-my-god-I'm-toast) beach, down south-land.

He "saluted" and ran to get his favorite pointy stick (his family's ancestoral Iaouw-Uu-Uu), but he returned to find the cans all opened by the old man, who carried his pointy-stick around with him at tall times because he feared the inevitable man-eating-clam attack that he'd always warned the village about.

The old man was once a young boy,.. and a very athletic boy,.. who was prone to falling onto rocks.

One day, as he'd just peeled himself off the third rock this morning in his quest for "the perfect wave", a god (probably) came to him.

"The man-eating-clams will come to the village and eat you all" calmly stated the god, in a rather cheery way that he found disturbing, as this was NOT good news.

"What..!? When..!!?" he said.

"They will come when you least expect it,.. but they will not come while you are surfing,.. nor while you're sleeping,.. nor while you carry your pointy-stick,.. nor while you refrain from mixing Coca-cola and gravy" the overly cheerful god proclaimed.

"I have never heard of this 'Coca-cola' or 'gravy'..! What are they so that I may be sure not to imperil my village..!?" he said.

"You will know them as 'noseburn' and 'meatwater'.." said the presumably wise god.

"OK then,... I shall watch for those things..." he said, as the god slowly faded back into the surf spray.



Meanwhile,.. back at the village... back in the present...



The old man went to clean his pointy-stick in the traditional way. He didn't have a tree-fruit with him, so he walked his usual slow walk to the edge of the village, to the first tree-fruit tree he could find.

The only tree-fruit he found was really high up in the tree, but he could jump to it.

His pointy-stick stuck in the fruit. It was not a ripe fruit, and it was very dense so it held onto the stick.

"Oh my....! This has never happened before." he thought.

After jumping at his now suspended stick a few times and not reaching it, he turned to yell for some help from the crowd.

"Hey,... dis stuff make my nose burn somethin' fierce..!" said a big fella who'd just taken a big swig of the Coca-cola.

"Mmmnnyoooooh... Anybody want some of dis meatwater stuff..! It's pretty good taste..!" said one of the fat girls, her face still covered in barely cooked turkey.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO....!" said the elder, with a blood-curdling scream.



By dusk they had eaten everything that could be eaten. The people. The bags of rice. The cakes. The chocolate, which later killed four of them due to an inherent food-allergy that man-eating-clams have for chocolate. THE BEER..! Everything...

Everything but,.. the stinky cans stuff, laying at the far edge of the village,.. glowing ever so slightly in the descending evening darkness.

(( United Aryan Nations is on my ignore list for "being a downer" ))

(( United Aryan Nations is on my ignore list for "being a downer" ))

OOC: Am i still on your ignore list. If i don't get a response i will know that it is a yes. I'm sorry for being a downer.

Aboard the Pwnican missile ship hanging off-shore, the captain looked through the binoculars.

"Hmm. Damn, they didn't eat the Mystery Meat. Would've been funny to see what would've happened."

He had an idea, and made his way to see his weapons officer.

"Jim, load up some of the excess fireworks we've been holding since the 365 year celebration, and shoot it over the volcano. And rig it to make spooky faces, if you can. Oh, and make some in the shape of beer cans."

After an hour, the fireworks were loaded into the missile bays and were fired.

Unfortunately, you are already counted as a Hogsweatian colony. Prepare to be colonised, biatch.

EDIT: Actually, this guy proves that ancient tech isn't always badly RPed.

OOC: Am i still on your ignore list. If i don't get a response i will know that it is a yes. I'm sorry for being a downer.


OOC: Personally? You did ok drama afterwards. Clarity would be a good thing when you post on threads like this.

IC:
"Sir? We have a rather strange telegram from Seismology."
"Oh?"
"Yes sir. They want to know if we've ever heard of a volcano that burped."
"Well, that depends. There are many instances when a volcano goes live to dormant and back again..."
"Uhm, no sir. Not that sort of burp."

~pause~

"What sort of burp?"

~pause~

"Well, sir, they said it sounded like a cola and gravy and fried clam burp...."

The director sat at his desk, his secretary sitting opposite him while he filled out some paperwork. He hated having to do work, and avoided as much of it as he could. He sat up and smiled.
"Done!" he said, shoving the papers across the desk and spinning round to look out the window over the city of Haven.
"OK, I'll take these down to human resources, sir," she said, standing up.
The Director screamed suddenly as the window smashed, and his chair flew back and hit the desk.
"Sir, sir, are you alright?!" she gasped. He slowly turned, and she covered her gaping mouth when she saw an arrow poking out of his chest.
"Oh my... oh my God..." she said, in shock. "Shall I hire an ambulance?"
"No... it's too late..." he gasped, clutching his chest.
"You can't die, sir!"
"I may as well," he said, pulling the arrow out and reaching into his jacket pocket. He pulled out a bulging, expensive leather waller with a hole in it. "Sods got my wallet!"
"That's awful, sir!" she gasped, even more shocked.
"300 credits I had in here, useless..."
"Sir, there's something on the end of that arrow," his secretary pointed. He looked at her curiously, then looked down at the end of the arrow. Sure enough, there was an envelope on the end.
"Huh," he shrugged. "Well how about that. It better be good news, or someone's going to have a 300 credit pay cut this week..."
He pulled it off the end of the arrow and opened it, reading the letter inside.


Originally Posted by Letter
To: Omicron Alpha Tourism Board
From: Governor-Captain Kosaka Yukitaka
Re: Iakeokeo
Message:

The land mentioned in my previous letter is available now, as our constructions have been completed. Please specify the required amount of land.

P.S. Your last letter was covered with egg yolk. Sadly, there was shell in it.


"Ah good!" he clapped his hands. "We have somewhere new to dump tourists!"
"Iakeokeo, sir?" his secretary asked.
"Yes, yes," he nodded. "Quickly, take down a letter..."


To: Governor-Captain Kosaka Yukitaka
From: Omicron Alpha Tourism Board
Re: Iakeokeo
Message:

W00t. We'd like a stretch of beach, maybe, five miles long and a mile wide. Danke!

P.S. I'm very, very sorry. In all fairness, your messenger did shoot me with an arrow and hurt my wallet. Here is a hard boiled egg; I hope this reaches you in better condition.

"Now, take that to 'Lemming Post' and have them send it to them," he said. His secretary rushed out of the room.

To: Omicron Alpha Tourism Board
From: Governor-Captain Kosaka Yukitaka
Re: Iakeokeo
Message:

My sincere apologies for the previous letter's method of delivery. I shall never entrust mail to our special forces again. A section of the western beach, five miles long, as specified, and one mile inland, has been reserved. Please discuss rent with our accountants using the enclosed mobile phone.

P.S. My thanks for the hard-boiled egg. Though I was forced to reheat it when I recieved it, it went well with my breakfast. My condolences to your wallet. The postlemming will be returned by one of my staff.

"Hey, Yuki. Watch this"

"What're you up to?"

"I'm gonna find a tribal and show him my lighter. It'll blow his mind"

OOC: Thank you Vastiva

IC: A marine walked along hte beach.

"This would be a good place to have a clam roast."

Clamp, Clamp.

"Oh god."

He turned around to find a vast army of man-eating clams.

"Judgement day is here!"

He ran towards the mcdonalds knowing the toxic food they served could be of use.

OOC: i guess that means i'm on your ignore list still.

(( Omicron Alpha is on my ignore list for "being a downer" ))

OOC: Iakeokeo is on my ignore list for Being a downer

(( Iakeokeo is on my ignore list for "being an idiot" ))

bump

OOC:

A suggestion to Borman Empire and Omicron Alpha:

If you want to contribute to this thread, such that I will bother to read your stuff, simply do this:

*) Delete all your posts.

When you've done so, I'll un-ignore you.


All sensible contributions to the thread are more than welcome.

Just get into the spirit of the thead itself. :)

Thanks..!

OOC: Temorarily unignored.

The spirit of things is fun and comedy. I sent in men to make a military base. In a halo/half-life things the base was overrun by giant man eating clams. Now i do random wacky stuff. I had good funny posts, and some not so good. I will not delete all my posts becuase there were good and bad posts. It was in the spirit of the thread and should belong. You will be ignore untill im un-ignored. I will be doing stupid random stuff. And if you thought i was trying to conquer what did you think New Kyoto City was doing?

Unignored untill answer to question comes

Does it cost anything to visit for a vacation? Like Mirrors or something of the sort?

everything costs

Does it cost anything to visit for a vacation? Like Mirrors or something of the sort?

Heck no...! :) It don't cost nothin', and we got great beaches..! And surf..! And forests, and mountains,.. and the nifty volcano in da middle of the island..!

Though we do accept cool gratuities. :)

But do stay away from the southern shores, as that's where the nasty man-eating-clams are. Very dangerous...!

But we mostly just like talk-talk. That is most fun.

Well,.. that and surfing... :D

OK...!

Everybody is unignored,.. 'cause I can always just ignore your posts individually..! :)

Heh he he he he he....

And anyway,... I thought that it would just ignore in this thread,.. but it does so everywhere, which is WAY too broad a stroke..!

So,... post away.

Mahalo nui gang..! :D

cool

Tehran, Parthia, Globocorp Chemicals INC Corporate Headquarters-

The President of Globorcorp looked sternly at the secretary who read him the report of a new unclaimed island. "......In conclusion, we find that this new island is a perfect place to dump toxic and radioactive wastes since natives either place the materials into a volcano or utilize it in some primitive way." The secretary looked up from his paper. "Good, send a ship with 500 tons of biological wastes and dump it off. Dump as much as you want every month", said the president of the company.

The container ship pulled off the coast of the little island. Two PAVE-LOW helicopters were ferrying the toxic wastes from the ship to a special dumping ground on the island.

The bormanian empire has seen this as an excellent opportunity to follow the parthians. All waste shall be dumped on the island unless the natives express disgust and wish us to stop.

The bormanian empire has seen this as an excellent opportunity to follow the parthians. All waste shall be dumped on the island unless the natives express disgust and wish us to stop.

Ia said unto his/her (?!) assembled semi-hemi-demi-gods, "Ya' know,.. I don't mind my people gettin' a little novel amusement from this stuff from these foreigners, but this is gettin' out a' hand.."

And with that, he/she (?) raised his great Iaouw-Uu-Uu, THE great Iaouw-Uu-Uu of the Greatest god Ia, the pointy-stick of the great god that had pulled the very islands of this region from the bottom of the warm ocean himself.

At that, and for thousands of miles around centered on the island of Iakeokeo, the islands exuded even more beauty and wonder than they normally do. To the point where nothing, no mind or body, could resist it.

The nasty-bio-dreck was transformed into maitai mix.

The other icky-not-good-stuff was turned into various forms of really expensive alcoholic beverage.

Everyone in the region had the overwhelming urge to go to 'da beach and play in 'da surf.

All clothing was either evaporated into nothingness or transformed into aloha-print rayon that was two sizes too big, so it'd be nice and comfy.

Surfboards sprang spontaneously from the sandy beaches.

"I'm gonna find myself one of these lovelies, have some little ones, and live in this place, bra'..! No goin' back for me..! You too..!?" said many sunburned-but-aclimatizing foreigners to his fellow ex-patriots.

"HELL yeah, bra'..! This is the life..!" was the usual reply.

Those who found it too pleasurable simply swam out into the endless warm ocean to drown in paradise.

The bormanian empire has seen this as an excellent opportunity to follow the parthians. All waste shall be dumped on the island unless the natives express disgust and wish us to stop.

OOC Yanno, here's the thing. You get a chance, and you smurf it up.

A massive 2 mile long ship decends from the skies over the shore. It stops and hovers a few thousand feet over the land. Just then a streamlined fighter bursts from the ship, soaring in almost random manner, till it settles gently on the beach... The cockpit opens, as the pilot gets out... Looking around ammusingly, he goes to a small hold, and pulls a box from it. Opening the box he begins to pull out some large red object, which he places on the sand. Then he closes the box and places it back in its hold.... Turning around he marvels at his work. With a smile, he jumps back in his fighter, takes back off and lands in one of the landing bays off the ship. Slowly the massive craft ascends back into the heavens, making a loud rumbling as it does, shaking the sand, as it gently blows the sand over the large red dot left on the beach, bearing the friendly, bright letters, reading, "You are here!"....

OOC Yanno, here's the thing. You get a chance, and you smurf it up.

OOC: ???

IC: "Dude, this place is awesome."

"I kow, but we still got to unload the beer."

"Marines unloaded in total 300 gallons of the 2 finest Bormanian beers and then left to go back to their dank ship.

fairly random...

A massive 2 mile long ship decends from the skies over the shore. It stops and hovers a few thousand feet over the land. Just then a streamlined fighter bursts from the ship, soaring in almost random manner, till it settles gently on the beach... The cockpit opens, as the pilot gets out... Looking around ammusingly, he goes to a small hold, and pulls a box from it. Opening the box he begins to pull out some large red object, which he places on the sand. Then he closes the box and places it back in its hold.... Turning around he marvels at his work. With a smile, he jumps back in his fighter, takes back off and lands in one of the landing bays off the ship. Slowly the massive craft ascends back into the heavens, making a loud rumbling as it does, shaking the sand, as it gently blows the sand over the large red dot left on the beach, bearing the friendly, bright letters, reading, "You are here!"....

"What da' heck..!?" thought Iakuea.

"Uhhhhhh,.. you know what dat' big noise was a while ago..?" he said to his cousin Iako'o.

"No, da' jungle's way too thick near my hut. It's probably another one of those god-things..." said Iako'o.

"Oh,.. those again. And is THIS another one of those god-things..?" Iakuea said as he pointed at the big round red mat thingy on the beach that they'd come to because of the big noise.

"Yeah, probably... Can you read da' writing thingies on it..?" asked Iako'o.

"I think so,.. I been trying to learn some of the foreigner scribbles-talk. Let's see..." said Iakuea as he perused the writing.

"Hmmmmmmmmm... It either says 'You something BEER' or 'Foo something BEER'... Either way, it's got something to do with BEER..!" he said gleefully.

"Ahhh cool, great news..! Mo' beer..!" exclaimed Iako'o.

"Uhhhh,.. is it under dis' big mat thingy..?" he asked.

"I don't know,... you go check.." commanded Iakuea.

"OK..." complied Iako'o.

After shuffling under the edge of the mat thingy, and burrowing toward the center of the big round mat....

"Mm mmfmm mnflmm rmmnfrrlrrmurf..!"

"What..!? I can't hear you too good..!? WHAT..!?" replied Iakuea to the muffled speech of Iako'o.

"M saimd, Mm mmfmm mnflmm rmmnfrrlrrmurf..!"

"Huh....? Can you hear ME..!? Yell once if ya' can, cousin..!" said Iakuea.

"MMYRL..!"

"OK.. good. NOW ANSWER 'DIS..! IS THERE ANY BEER THERE..?!" inquired Iakuea.

"Mm mmfmm mnflmm rmmnfrrlrrmurf..!"

"NO,.. just YELL once if the answer's yes..!" repeated Iakuea.

Silence.

"Oh,.. yeah.. YELL TWO TIMES IF DA' ANSWER'S NO..!" clarified Iakuea.

"MMYRL MMYRLMNR"

"OK, so come outta there then..." requested Iakuea.

"Mm mmfmm mnflmm rmmnfrrlrrmurf... MM MMFMM MNFLMM RMMNFRRLRRMURF..!!" said Iako'o.

"Jus' come outta there cousin, and we talk.." commanded Iakuea.

"Mmo Ngay"...

Several seconds later Iako'o emerges from the edge of the mat thingy.

"Wow, cousin,... It's HOT under there..!"

"So, what were you tryin' to say..?" asked Iakuea.

"Oh.... Just that there' some scribbles-talk on the underside of dat' mat thingy too," said Iako'o, "and I can't read it, o' course."

"OH..! But no beer, right..?" said Iakuea.

"Uh,.. right. No beer." Iako'o replied.

"OK den',.. I' go under da' mat an' see what it says..." stated Iakuea.

He followed the same semi-pre-dug path of his cousin as he scrambled under the big mat thingy.

"Mmoh..! Hmmmmm..!? Mml mee mrlm nmfl..!!" Iakuea said excitedly to his cousin Iako'o when he got to the center.

"You' right... can't hear iaka-ka-man-paste out here..!" said Iako'o to nobody in particular.

His cousin, after a little struggling to get back out, rushed over excitedly to the middle of the mat thingy to talk.

"I scratched the scribble onto my arm so I wouldn't forget..!" said Iakuea.

"I think it says 'it's the beer bing'.."

"What..!? 'Bing Beer'..? I HATE Bing beer..!! It tastes like rancid tuna squeezings..!" was all that Iako'o could say, after which he walked back into the jungle toward his hut, dejected at not getting anything good after all this work.

"Well,.. I never had Bing Beer, but I guess nobody likes it, so the gods made a boo-boo this time..." thought Iakuea, "I'll get this stupid thing off the beach and let the sea have it."

He grabbed the most inland edge of the big round mat thingy, and peeled it toward the water in a way that flipped it over, as he dragged it into the surf and futher out into the current beyond the waves.

As it floated away, further out to sea, he looked at the scrawl on his arm again.

It read, if Iakuea could read it properly, "It's the Real Thing!"

Little did Iakuea realize how pivotal Coka-cola and "the big mat thingy" would play in the days to follow...

OOC: ???

IC: "Dude, this place is awesome."

"I kow, but we still got to unload the beer."

"Marines unloaded in total 300 gallons of the 2 finest Bormanian beers and then left to go back to their dank ship.

"Can't... do... it..." said each marine, in his own time, as the group headed back to the dank ship.

"It's... so... BEAUTIFUL...!" each said as they fell prey to Ia's "curse of paradise".

The dank ship, after all the Bormanian personnel had left it, their clothes transmogrified into aloha-print rayon or nakedness, transformed into a very large and fully stocked wet-bar featuring fully upholstered leather stools and a nifty "Tahitian" theme.

A gaggle of Iakeokeoian youths (of age thank you very much!) just happened to stroll on by at that precise moment, initiating a great party with much merriment and eventual native-on-foreigner action.

Bhalk would like to announce that all military peoples retiring from the Borman military will be able to retire on the island if they served 30 years or more, if they wish, and who wouldn't?

Bhalk would like to announce that all military peoples retiring from the Borman military will be able to retire on the island if they served 30 years or more, if they wish, and who wouldn't?

Yeah...! Come on down..!! Don' even gotta bring you' own skivvies..! :D

And FREE surfboards..!

Immediatly 20,000 retired personnely headed for the island.

A DDOO IL-76 Candid flew over the island, dropping 4 tons of Bischoff beer.
It returned to Oologah, reloaded with Bittburger, and dropped it on the island.
After making another return trip, it loaded up on 4 tons of bacon and bicsuits and dropped them on the island.
It also dropped several pamphlets with this message on them.
We PWN you!

A DDOO IL-76 Candid flew over the island, dropping 4 tons of Bischoff beer.
It returned to Oologah, reloaded with Bittburger, and dropped it on the island.
After making another return trip, it loaded up on 4 tons of bacon and bicsuits and dropped them on the island.
It also dropped several pamphlets with this message on them.

Quote:
Originally Posted by pamphlet
We PWN you!


"Hmmmmmm... more unnecessary stuff from the foreigners. Let's try this then..." said the great god Ia.

Raising his Iaouw-Uu-Uu once again, a mighty glow shot from the central caldera of the Iakeokeoian volcano to the far reaches of the region, far FAR out to sea.

"Hey, cousin,.. what's with the flower petals dropping from the sky..!?" said Iako'e.

"..Uhhhhh.. probably just more goofy god stuff goin' on." said Iakuea.

"Oh... I do wish that the gods would drop some more USEFUL stu... WHAT 'DA HECK..!!?" Iako'e said, startled that 3 guys in aloha-print rayon that had just fallen out of the sky and into the huge pile of flower petals.

"Somebody.... get.... me.... a.... maitai...." was the plaintiff, and somewhat zombie-like, call of each of the fallen aloha-print rayon clad flyers, as they clawed their way out of their perfumed landing cushion.

Ia was amused.

DUe to the fact that all who go dont come back we will only send supplies with cheap boats and those wishing to retire on the island, witch grows every day.

hehe, we finally found a place to dump those pesky Wraith from the pegasis galaxy. See, then its a win-win-lose situation, We get rid of them, they get all the life force they want, but the islanders get eaten. Oh well. Expect our delivery in an hour.

OOC- Hehe, a cookie to the first one to guess what wraiths are from.

OOC: thats from Stargate Atlantis

IC: 2 C-130's flew overhead dropping 200 bottles of Jipleastan's finest wine "Liquor del Jipleastanio"

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. MY friend, your men will not come back to you, they shall never return.

IC: 2 C-130's flew overhead dropping 200 bottles of Jipleastan's finest wine "Liquor del Jipleastanio"


"Jeez...! I didn't realize the tensile strength of Rayon, dude..!" said the C-130 pilot as he floated to earth under his aloha-print rayon parachute.

"..uh,.. yeah,.. and since when did they start making parachutes with this cool flowers and hula-girls print..?" said his co-pilot, not too far away, and only slightly lower in altitude.

"Good question, dude... and why am I saying 'dude' so much,.. that's not my normal speech pattern,.. dude..." said the pilot.

"..I don't know, dude,... but me too,.. Anyway,.. check out the plane,.. dude!" said the co-pilot.

The C-130, now completely unoccupied, started a slow roll to starboard, into an inverted position.

Just as it would have reached completely inverted position...

"FfffffffffffffffffffffffffffWHOOP..!"

"Wow,.. DUDE...! Did you see that..!?" said the co-pilot, "NARLEY to the MAX..!"

"I just hope we land near it,... that's all I gotta say..!" said the pilot.

They drifted slowly toward the beach,.. directing their parachutes the best they could, toward the great hulk that had landing with surprising lightness in the sand.

"OK,... COOL...! Let's go Dude..!" yelled the co-pilot to his comrad who was three seconds behind him in landing on the soft warm beach.

"PART-AY...!!" they screamed in unison, slogging through the soft sand toward their "objective".

The door was open and beckoning, as were the girls, as they rushed through the open edifice.

Above the doorway, in flashing neon, powered (apparently) by the great god Ia him/her-self it read:

"Ia's Retirement Home and Disco-Boogie Paradise"

..and in smaller letters underneath:

"All Booze 50% Off Our Already Low $0 Prices!!"

The outdated transport sailed towards the shore. IT could only hold so many people, and it was packed full. Technology was old, it was falling apart and much more. But when it neared the shores the captaijn lost control. IT slammed into the beach and when the people regained themselves the ship had become a massive dock with restaurants, boat renting for fishing and swimming and such, and many more things to make the new inhaitants very happy.

OOC: Your turn for their speech

OOC: guess it's time for some more toys for the natives.

Departing from JIA (Jipleastani International Airport) were 6 C-130's filled with sharp metal sticks, razor blades, and white phospherus grenades, they would be flying over the natives soon........ enough time....... the C130's droped their cargo on the island along with a U-2 spyplane to watch the fun.

OOC: If I make a mistake please forgive me I didn't read the whole thread


Um...its mostly a fun forum. You made a mistake, there is no conquest here.

The outdated transport sailed towards the shore. IT could only hold so many people, and it was packed full. Technology was old, it was falling apart and much more. But when it neared the shores the captaijn lost control. IT slammed into the beach and when the people regained themselves the ship had become a massive dock with restaurants, boat renting for fishing and swimming and such, and many more things to make the new inhaitants very happy.



He emerged from the jungle and was met by a mighty,.. well,... cosmic fart was the only thing that came to mind.

"What the..!!!?" he said.

The new restaurant served very good goo-d (remember THAT from a while ago [sorta a blue quasi-gelatinous semitransparent SPAM]) and decent mahi-mahi steaks.

But the REALLY cool thing was the water slide into the surf.

"Hey bra',.. let's say we get with some of those foreigner wahine's and make some waves in 'da waves, ya' know what I mean, eh..!?" said one of the cousins that had been making a career of traveling from one "weird foreigner drop zone" to the next, enjoying the amenitites of each.

"You know,... If we havin' too much fun, 'da gods gonna take it all away, you know...!" said one of his cousins.

"Yeah,... prob'ly,.. but we gotta enjoy it while we can, eh...?" he retorted.

"How 'bout this. Just to show 'da gods that we not havin' TOO much fun, how 'bout we take the next volcano tour group a little TOO CLOSE to the hot-hot lava, eh bra'..!?" re-retorted his cousin.

"Hmmmmmmmmmmmm... you know, you' a real true-blue sandy butted genius,.. regardless of what ever'body says!" he agreed.

"Thanks bra',... my self esteem had been flaggin' a bit after 'dat whole 'bikini snatchin' incident..." gratuitously offered his cousin, even though NOBODY wanted to hear THAT story again.

Bump

Super Buuuuuuump!!!!!!!!

WHo do u think u are?

It's my job too bump.

Bumpity Bumpity Boo.

HA

Well, bump

"Wha....? Is that noise coming from 'da volcano..!!!?" said Iakie.

"Hmmmmmmmmm.... It's,... It's coming from under 'da beach.." replied his cousin Iakoi, after plunging his left ear into the sand.

"Why would such big noise come from under 'da beach..!!?" said Iakie.

".....It's 'da gods fighting other gods..." Iakoi pronounced, matter of factly and with that intellectual intensity that he is known for.

".....and they' fighting on the other side of the whole-world.." Iakoi continued.

"HOW could you know 'dat, bra'...!? 'Dat's crazy..!" retorted Iakie.

"Either that, and I'm 'da new prophet-guy of the Iakeokeoians,... or.... I'm making it up.." calmly stated Iakoi.

Both of the cousins froze, staring at each other for a few seconds..

"Heh he he he he he he.... I think you' just makin' it up..!" spouted Iakie to relieve the suspense, "What you think we go find some maitai-girls and some mo' beer..!?"

"Heh he he he...." responded Iakoi as he slowly pulled himself to his feet.



"Bump"
"Super Buuuuuuump!!!!!!!!"
"WHo do u think u are? It's my job too bump."
"Bumpity Bumpity Boo. HA"
"Well, bump"


"I think I'm 'da new prophet-guy..." thought Iakoi, as he and his cousin started their search for the maitai-girls and the free beer...

OOC: you never responded to my drop of the metal pointy sticks, the razor blades, and the white phosphorus grnades.

OOC: you never responded to my drop of the metal pointy sticks, the razor blades, and the white phosphorus grnades.

OOC:

The metal pointy sticks turned into "Tiki-god" shaped swizzlesticks.

The razor blades turned into those silly little umbrellas fo' 'da maitai's.

And the grenades turned into, alternately, martini shakers and small bottles of SPF-200 sunblock for the "rather pale" newcomers.

:D

What about all the pointy sticks you had first?

What about all the pointy sticks you had first?

OOC:

That was before the great god Ia created the "Just Hangin' Zone" out of the entire region around Iakeokeo island.

OOC: Aha

Super Bump!

*Shakes fist* Ill give you a super bump

Super Bump!


"Damn silly gods..!" said Iako'o, "..Jus' bumpin' all day..!"

:)

How dare...i..you...why i oughta bump this again.

A dozen youngsters from Givitago pull up on the beach in a wooden whaler. Their leader, slightly older than the others and dressed in a white chinos, sports jacket and deerstalker steps out. He is holding a blue cocktail with a sparkler in it.

*Waves cheerfully at the locals.*

He is wearing sunglasses.

The man obseving shakes his head.

"Tsk, Tsk, Tsk, he won't ever go home."

One of the youngsters brings a deckchair for her leader. The others start digging a large pit. The leader sits down, and lights a cigar.

*Hands them round to any onlookers.*

He is smiling broadly.

"He's not leaving either."

How about a floating truck load
of hungry Cuban refugee boat people
across 90 miles of shark infested waters.

[Santa- nita]
How about a floating truck load
of hungry Cuban refugee boat people
across 90 miles of shark infested waters.

"Who 'deez guys, Iako'o...?" said Iaku'u.

"I don' understand them real good, but I think they say they from a pretty big Island WAY way far away called 'Coobah', bra'...." said Iaku'u.

"Mmmm... what they wan'..? They wanna party like all these other foreigners..!?" said Iako'o.

"I don' think so, 'cause they already gotta pretty good party goin' on already 'tween themselves. They seem REALLY happy to be anywhere but Coobah,.. and they keep saying 'Viva yooessay!', and chowin' down on the hot-wings, peanuts and good drinkin's from 'da bar.." said Iaku'u.

"They got anythin' interesting on 'em..!?" said Iako'o.

"Lemme go ask their leader, Santa-nita, what they brought with 'em.." said Iaku'u.

(( ooc: Hey Santa-nita,.. What the "Coobahns" bring with 'em,.. eh bra'..!? ))

I don't think they want to leave.

Hmmm how about a few cigarate lighters?

A small boat apprached the shore and dropped off 6 crates of cigarate lighters, for the natives to play with. They also dropped off a dicctionary of the Jipleastani launguage.

Then those on the boat quickly turned around. they were to spend the rest of their life ont he island.