Roach-Busters
17-08-2004, 01:40
ROACH-BUSTERS WORLD FACTBOOK
The Nation Itself
Official Name
The Pest Control Company of Roach-Busters
Capital City
RB City (pop. 130,000,000)
UN Category
Compulsory Consumerist State
Civil Rights
Average
Economy
Frightening
Political Freedoms
Few
National Motto
“If it has more than four legs, kill it"
Crime Rate
Totally unknown, thanks to the all-pervasive police force
National Animal
soon-to-die
National Currency
can of Raid
Important Holidays
Easter (varies by year)
Liberation Day (June 2)
First Lady Thiensiri's Birthday (June 2)
Founding Day (September 12)
Generalissimo J.L.'s Birthday (September 19)
Christmas (December 25)
National Anthem
Roach-Busters!
If there's something dirty in your neighborhood
Who you gonna call?
Roach-Busters!
If there's something with six legs and it don't look good
Who you gonna call?
Roach-Busters!
I ain't afraid of no roach
I ain't afraid of no roach
If you're seeing things crawling around your head
Who can you call?
Roach-Busters!
A disgusting bug lying on your bed
Oh, who you gonna call?
Roach-Busters!
I ain't afraid of no roach
I ain't afraid of no roach
Who you gonna call?
Roach-Busters!
If you're all alone, pick up the phone
And call
Roach-Busters!
I ain't afraid of no roach
I hear it likes feces
I ain't afraid of no roach
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Who you gonna call?
Roach-Busters!
If you've had a dose of a freaky roach
You'd better call
Roach-Busters!
Let me tell you something
Bustin' makes me feel good
I ain't afraid of no roach
I ain't afraid of no roach
Don't get caught alone, oh no
Roach-Busters!
When it crawls under your door
Unless you just want some more
I think you better call
Roach-Busters!
Ow!
Who you gonna call
Roach-Busters!
{Repeat to fade}
Flag of Roach-Busters (http://www.nationstates.net/images/flags/uploads/roach-busters.jpg)
Region
Gulf of Thailand
Things to See, Things to Do, Places to Go
Presidential Palace (http://www.geocities.com/mr_whud/PresidentialPalace.JPG)
The official residence of Generalissimo J.L.
Roach-Busters Capitol (http://www.geocities.com/mr_whud/RBCapitol.JPG)
Where Congress convenes and where laws are made
Thiensiri Falls (http://rhodesian.server101.com/VictoriaFalls.jpg)
One of the world's most beautiful waterfalls
Lake Thiensiri (http://rhodesian.server101.com/sunset.jpg)
A peaceful, quiet, romantic setting for the ideal honeymoon
Grand as Gold Hotel (http://www.geocities.com/mr_whud/GrandAsGoldHotel.JPG)
A world-renowned, critically and commercially-acclaimed five-star hotel
Temple of the Crimson Moon (http://www.geocities.com/mr_whud/TempleOfTheCrimsonMoon.JPG)
An ancient temple once inhabited by an indigenous tribe, where thousands of human sacrifices took place
Roach-Busters Museum of Natural History (http://www.geocities.com/mr_whud/RBMuseumOfNaturalHistory.JPG)
Learn all about RB history in this prestigious museum
South Sea (http://www.geocities.com/mr_whud/SouthSea.JPG)
Take the cruise of a lifetime through this stunningly gorgeous sea
Thunder Bay (http://www.geocities.com/mr_whud/ThunderBay.JPG)
If fishing is your thing, Thunder Bay is the place to be
Mt. Turbulus (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Image:Volcano_q.jpg)
The sight of Mt. Turbulus erupting is an awesome one to behold; nature's fury at its most riveting
RB National Park (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Image:Tiger.jpg)
Tigers are among many of the hundreds of rare creatures you will see in RB National Park
Temple of the Rising Sun (http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/d/de/Dsc04099.jpg)
An exotic, ornate Buddhist temple visited by millions of tourists every year
RB City Chinatown (http://thailandforvisitors.com/include/disp_photo.html?path=/central/bangkok/chinatown/fullsize/gate1.jpg)
Home to RB's small but vibrant Chinese majority; hundreds of good restaurants and shops abound
Central Market (http://thailandforvisitors.com/include/disp_photo.html?path=/central/bangkok/chinatown/fullsize/sampaeng1.jpg)
RB City's most popular place to shop
Shrine of the Golden Elephant (http://thailandforvisitors.com/include/disp_photo.html?path=/central/bangkok/chakkrawat/fullsize/all1.jpg)
Another highly popular, beautiful Buddhist shrine popular among tourists
Thiensiri Garden (http://www.geocities.com/mr_whud/ThiansiriGarden.JPG)
A popular park home to millions of lovely flowers; if you're looking to impress a date, you can't go wrong here!
Sunstrip Beach (http://www.geocities.com/mr_whud/SunstripBeach.JPG)
A great place for swimming, surfing, and tanning
Roach-Busters Supreme Court (http://www.geocities.com/mr_whud/RB_SupremeCourt.JPG)
The Supreme Court of the Pest Control Company of Roach-Busters
Stroessner Plateau (http://www.geocities.com/mr_whud/Stroessner_Plateau.JPG)
This pulchritudinous plateau is named in honor of General Alfredo Stroessner
The World Anti-Communist Museum (http://www.geocities.com/mr_whud/World_Anti-Communist_Museum.JPG)
A prestigious museum dedicated to those who have fought Marxist-Leninist gangsterism throughout history
RB City pictures
Pic #1 (http://www.geocities.com/mr_whud/rb_city.jpg)
Pic #2 (http://www.geocities.com/mr_whud/RB_City2.JPG)
Pic #3 (http://www.geocities.com/mr_whud/RB_City3.JPG)
Pic #4 (http://www.geocities.com/mr_whud/RB_City4.JPG)
Pic #5 (http://www.geocities.com/mr_whud/RB_City5.JPG)
Pic #6 (http://www.geocities.com/mr_whud/RB_City6.JPG)
Pic #7 (Aerial view) (http://www.geocities.com/mr_whud/RB_City7.JPG)
Major Cities
Ablutopolis (http://www.geocities.com/mr_whud/Ablutopolis.JPG)
East City (http://www.geocities.com/mr_whud/EastCity.JPG)
Liberty City (http://www.geocities.com/mr_whud/LibertyCity.JPG)
North City (http://www.geocities.com/mr_whud/NorthCity.JPG)
South City (http://www.geocities.com/mr_whud/SouthCity.JPG)
West City (http://www.geocities.com/mr_whud/WestCity.JPG)
The Roach-Busters Empire
Africa (http://www.geocities.com/mr_whud/RB_Empire-Africa.JPG)
Botswana
Chad
Cote d'Ivoire
Ghana
Liberia
Mali
Rhodesia
Sierra Leone
Antarctica (http://www.geocities.com/mr_whud/RB_Empire-Antarctica.JPG)
Balleny Islands
Peter I Island
Scott Island
Asia (http://www.geocities.com/mr_whud/RB_Empire-Asia.JPG)
East Timor
Myanmar
Philippines
Thailand
Central America (http://www.geocities.com/mr_whud/RB_Empire-CentralAmerica.JPG)
Nicaragua
Europe
Azores
Map of the RB Empire (http://www.geocities.com/mr_whud/map_of_roach-busters.JPG)
Politics in RB
Important Political Figures (and other important characters)
Generalissimo J.L. (http://www.geocities.com/mr_whud/GeneralissimoJL.JPG)- Patriot Party (Biography of J.L. (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/J.L.)) (The Generalissimo's sword (http://www.geocities.com/mr_whud/The_sword_of_Generalissimo_JL.JPG)) (The Generalissimo's car (http://members.cox.net/resicorp/xg.htm))
(The Generalissimo's horse (http://www.geocities.com/mr_whud/The_horse_of_Generalissimo_JL.JPG))
First Lady Thiensiri Theveenugul (http://www.geocities.com/mr_whud/TheFirstLady.JPG)- Patriot Party
The Generalissimo's daughter (http://www.geocities.com/mr_whud/Nice_pic.JPG)
Another pic of the Generalissimo's daughter (http://www.geocities.com/mr_whud/Nice_pic2.JPG)
And yet another pic of the Generalissimo's daughter (http://www.geocities.com/mr_whud/Nice_pic3.JPG)
Vice-President Calvin Cyprian, Jr. (http://www.geocities.com/mr_whud/CalvinCyprianJr.JPG)- Patriot Party
Secretary of War Lester Lindsey (http://www.geocities.com/mr_whud/LesterLindsey.jpg)- Patriot Party
Secretary of the Navy Terris Fitten (http://www.geocities.com/mr_whud/TerrisFitten.JPG)- Christian Democratic Party
Secretary of Diplomacy Chong Moua (http://www.geocities.com/mr_whud/ChongMoua.JPG)- Moderate Party
Secretary of Law and Order Chia Neng Lee (http://www.geocities.com/mr_whud/ChiaNengLee.JPG)- Warmonger Party
Secretary of Education Professor Vincent DeLusia (http://www.geocities.com/mr_whud/VinceDelusia.JPG)- Moderate Party
Secretary of Commerce Christine Peralta (http://www.geocities.com/mr_whud/ChristinePeralta.JPG)- Christian Democratic Party
Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff Cody Jennings (http://www.geocities.com/mr_whud/CodyJennings.JPG)- Warmonger Party
Chief of Staff of the Army Rene Rodriguez (http://www.geocities.com/mr_whud/ReneRodriguez.JPG)- Patriot Party
Chief of Staff of the Navy James LeDuc (http://www.geocities.com/mr_whud/JamesLeDuc.JPG)- Neoconservative Party
Chief of Staff of the Air Force Calvin Cyprian, Sr. (http://www.geocities.com/mr_whud/CalvinCyprianSr.jpg)- Moderate Party
Chief of Staff of the Marines Terrel Fitten (http://www.geocities.com/mr_whud/TerrelFitten.JPG)- Christian Democratic Party
Chief Justice of the Supreme Court Steven Lasley (http://www.tvtome.com/tvtome/servlet/PersonDetail/personid-36072)- Lefty Loosy Party
President of the Senate Morton Weldstan (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Image:BarryGoldwater.jpg)- Moderate Party
President Pro Tempore Seymour Schitt (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Image:Larry_King1.jpg)- Lefty Loosy Party
Senate Majority Leader Thavatchai Theveenugul (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Image:Thaksin1.JPG)- Patriot Party
Senate Minority Leader Luang Pramoj (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Image:Ac.ramaix.jpg)- Moderate Party
Senate Majority Whip Dom Belle (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Image:Bill-Clinton.jpg)- Lefty Loosy Party
Senate Minority Whip Norman Octavius (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Image:JesseHelms.jpg)- Neoconservative Party
Speaker of the House Penkae Theveenugul (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Image:Ac.sirikit2.jpg)- Patriot Party
House Majority Leader Ramon Garcia (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Image:Ferdinand_E._Marcos.jpg)- Moderate Party
House Minority Leader Donald McRaven (http://www.geocities.com/mr_whud/DonaldMcRaven.JPG)- Warmonger Party
House Majority Whip Achmed Wahid (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Image:Habibie_former_president.jpg)- Warmonger Party
House Minority Whip Gabriel Simmons (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Image:ClarenceThomas.jpg)- Moderate Party
Major Political Parties
Patriot Party
Lefty Loosy Party
Warmonger Party
Radical Revolutionary Party (outlawed)
Moderate Party
RB Communist Party (outlawed)
Cringing Coward Party
Neoconservative Party
RB Nazi Party (outlawed)
Christian Democratic Party
House of Representatives (750 seats total)
Patriot Party- 326 seats
Lefty Loosy Party- 90 seats
Warmonger Party- 23 seats
Moderate Party- 219 seats
Cringing Coward Party- 1 seat
Neoconservative Party- 77 seats
Christian Democratic Party- 14 seats
Senate (150 seats total)
Patriot Party- 48 seats
Lefty Loosy Party- 28 seats
Warmonger Party- 1 seat
Moderate Party- 36 seats
Cringing Coward Party- 0 seats
Neoconservative Party- 21 seats
Christian Democratic Party- 11 seats
The People of RB
Racial Make-up
White 35%
Asian 30%
Black 20%
Other 15%
Religious Make-up
Christian- Protestant 30%
Buddhist 20%
Christian- Catholic 28%
Christian- Other 11%
Atheist 3%
Muslim 1%
Other 7%
Age Proportions
Age 0-2 7%
Age 3-10 19%
Age 11-17 15%
Age 18-25 23%
Age 26-45 11%
Age 46-60 15%
Age 60+ 10%
Languages Spoken
English (official language)
Thai (official language)
Tagalog
Indonesian
Shooban (spoken by slaves)
Roach-Busters's Economy
Economic Statistics (http://nseconomy.thirdgeek.com/nseconomy.php?region=gulf%20of%20thailand&nation=roach-busters)
Major Industries
Tourism
Automobile Manufacturing
Arms Manufacturing
Uranium Mining
Shooban Slave Trade
Natural Resources
Copper
Tin
Oil
Silver
Uranium
Roach-Busters Capital Punishment Supplies Storefront (http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=372704&page=1&pp=15)
Roach-Busters Genetic Engineering Storefront (http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=390459)
Roach-Busters's Foreign Relations (* indicates they have a military base in RB)
Allies
Jordaxia
Crimson blades
The Dark Nexus
Westtle
Dailey* (Base located in Ghana)
Zanat-Su
The Zoogie People* (Base located in Philippines)
United Korean Nations
The Lightning Star* (Base located in Mali)
Knight Of The Round
Generic empire* (Base located in Nicaragua)
The Wickit Klownz
Doomingsland* (Base located in East Timor)
The Horned Rat
Holy Paradise* (Base located in Myanmar)
Ruthless Slaughter* (Base located in Myanmar)
The First Republic
Cadwallader
NRAMAN
The Burnsian Desert* (Base located in Cote d'Ivoire)
Borman Empire* (Has three bases in Nicaragua)
The Parthians* (Base located in Mali)
Nikolaos the Great* (Base located in Mali)
Ybronneb* (Base located in Philippines)
Wirraway* (Base located in Mali)
Sir Peter the Sage* (Base located in Philippines)
Pacitalia* (Base located in Nicaragua)
Notquiteaplace* (Base located in Philippines)
Inkana
Sino
Camel Eaters* (Base located in Liberia)
Nutropinia
Kordo* (Base located in Myanmar)
The Island of Rose
Procco
The Canadian Union
Shenyang* (Base located in Philippines)
The Real ALM* (Base located in Sierra Leone)
Farmina* (Base located in Botswana)
Green Sun* (Base located in Philippines)
Risban* (Base located in Liberia)
Malkyer
The Transylvania* (Base located in Azores)
Sllabecaps* (Base located in Cote d'Ivoire)
Nation of Fortune* (Base located in Ghana)
The Massive Ethiopians
Third Jerusalem
The Macabees* (Base located in Botswana)
Frawley
Moronyicka
Timminism
San Dismas
Neo Earth
Azban
Space Union
Enemies
Sarzonia
Hamptonshire
Sanctaphrax
Alliances
TBA
CAD
Capitalist Defense Alliance
Capitalist Economic Alliance
SEATO (founding member)
World Capitalist and Communist Consortium
Brothers in Arms
United Nations Alliance
Pacific Rim Alliance
Conservative Collective
Group of Six
Evil Dictator's Lounge and Gentleman's Club
Who Gives a Damn About Human Rights Club (founding member)
Right-Wing Collective
Circle Alliance
Anti-Communist Entourage
Southeast Asia Treaty Organization (http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=367794&page=1&pp=15)
Military Statistics
http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=8508739&postcount=311
A Brief History of Roach-Busters
Early History
Historians estimate that the first settlers arrived in what is now known as the Federal Republic of Roach-Busters around 2000 B.C. The first settlers were an animistic, fiercely xenophobic, deeply superstitious tribe of pagans who routinely performed human and animal sacrifices, and often clashed among themselves. For centuries the various factions of these tribes alternated between brief interludes of peace and bloody eras of war. A few years before the Birth of Christ, the majestic Temple of the Crimson Moon was built in honor the tribes' pagan god, Shuuzyuumii, the God of Blood. It is estimated that at least 10,000 people, mostly women and children, were sacrificed during the celebration that was held to commemorate the unveiling of the temple (which is today a very popular tourist attraction). The temple proved to be the downfall of these primitive people. Over the years, the tribe had split into many factions over religious and political differences, and each tribe wished to sacrifice the largest number of humans to please Shuuzyuumii. A massive, very bloody war, which historian M.L. Baum estimates took over 6,000,000 lives and lasted over a decade, began. When the dust settled and the conflict ended, there was not a single survivor. The land remained barren and devoid of human life for over a thousand years.
The Colonial Era
In 1591, in Western Europe (no two historians can agree on the precise nation), King Airemital XIII sent navigator Marcus Franco and four hundred men on an expedition to locate, explore, and colonize new lands abroad, to begin building a global empire. Franco and his crew left aboard the Fair Rose on November 21, 1591. They never returned.
After drifting across the ocean for many months, arriving at scores of continents and lands only to discover with great disappointment that they were already occupied, Franco grew so frustrated that he decided they might as well return home. On their voyage home, however, a horrific hurricane of unfathomable force struck, decimated their ship, and claimed the lives of 27 crewmen, including Franco himself. The survivors landed in modern-day Thailand. There, with the help of sympathetic Thai people, they rebuilt their ship, and departed in search of their old home. Several dozen Thai men, women, and children accompanied them. For weeks they sailed, only to have disaster strike again.
Their next catastrophe was not a hurricane, but a gang or pirates who shanghaied their ship and forced them all to work as slaves. They were brought to the pirates' slave labor farms in a small island near the Philippines, where hundreds of Filipino men, women, and even children were forced to work as slaves. However, Richard Faire, Franco's successor, was appalled by the barbarity, immorality, and wanton disregard for human life that the pirates exhibited. Rallying the slaves behind him, he launched a rebellion, which ousted the pirates and killed every single one of them. In gratitude, the former slaves joined Faire's growing party. Faire was uncertain how the people of Europe would react to the arrival of hundreds of people of different colors and religions, so going home with them was not an option. Yet, he had become deeply enamored of these gentle people and their fascinating culture, and certainly had no desire to leave them. So, Faire, his 48 surviving crewmates, and the Thais and Filipinos they had met, set sail in search of a new land.
On September 12, 1596, they at last found a small archipelago of uncharted, uninhabited islands, which they made their home. Ancient temples suggested that the islands had once been inhabited, but they were empty now, save for birds, snakes, and millions of naked mole rats. And there the nation of Roach-Busters was born.
A New Nation
The settlers built a few plantations, and peacefully toiled away in the fields all day. A small but prosperous timber industry was born. The people worked very hard, and scarcely had time to relax, but everyone was happy. As the years went by, other settlers, mostly Europeans, arrived, bringing with them African slaves. However, the settlers vehemently loathed the concept of slavery, and demanded that the Europeans either free their slaves immediately or leave. The Europeans refused. Just as war seemed likely, Father Thaddeus Riley intervened and suggested the settlers and the Europeans sign a series of compromises. The Europeans agreed to gradually abolish slavery, if, in return, they were allowed to mine the geologically rich mountains, which were abundant in copper. The compromises were unanimously accepted. So impressed were the people that they decided to make Riley their leader. Riley became governor of the colony, handpicked four Europeans, four original settlers (three of them Asian), and two emancipated slaves to be his cabinet. Within weeks, a constitution was written, courts and schools were built, justices were appointed, and a parliament was established. Elections were routinely held. Within four years, all the slaves had been released. The peoples' future seemed to be a bright one.
The Thanom Dynasty
However, in 1601, Bhumibol Thanom, a super patriotic Thai who, as a teenager, had been forced to accompany the settlers with his family, began to resent the whites and blacks. Whites, blacks, and the Asians regularly married, and many of his fellow Thai converted to Christianity. In an attempt to purge all white and black influence and return his people to their roots, Thanom instigated a bloody coup d'etat against Governor Ruford Nagaer, toppling the colonial government and assuming power. To prevent rebellion, he deceived the people into believing that Nagaer's rule would have been disastrous, and that he was acting in the best interest of the new nation. However, he soon showed his true colors when he had his followers imprison, execute, and enslave many whites and blacks, denied them civil rights, and granted bountiful freedoms to the native Thais, and made Buddhism the only legal religion. For forty years the genocidal Thanom ruled with an iron fist, oppressing all but the Thai natives, while consolidating his power. In his final years, he purged dozens of even his most loyal followers, had one hundred random citizens executed for 'treason' and had his wife arrested before he died of a stroke. His son, Thaksin, released the slaves and prisoners and restored some civil rights, but would not permit elections.
The Thanom Dynasty wavered back and forth between libertarianism and despotism, freedom and tyranny, for over two hundred years.
The Industrialization Era and the Fall of the Thanoms
Despite the brutality, rampant corruption, and unpopularity of the Thanom dynasty, historians generally agree that there is one area where the Thanoms improved the nation considerably: industrialization. When Bhumibol Thanom first seized power, Roach-Busters was a socially progressive but very poor, rural, agrarian nation. Under Thanom and his successors' leadership, RB's economy grew explosively. Dozens of trade agreements were signed with various nations, which actively exchanged goods with RB and invested heavily in the government. Companies began settling into the nation. By the time Thanom's great-great grandson, Khuang, became Emperor, RB had one of the highest annual growth rates in the world. Unemployment plummeted, the standard of living shot up dramatically, and the treasury accumulated astronomically high surpluses. Unfortunately, no matter how successful the Thanoms' economic policies were, they were still unpopular. The man who sealed the dynasty's fate was Kukrit Thanom, who assumed power in 1878. An extremely paranoid man, he lived in constant fear of being overthrown, and established fifteen different police forces, fourteen of them secret, all of them ruthless, repressive, and bloodthirsty. On the most ludicrous charges, citizens were arrested, imprisoned, and often executed. Civil rights and political freedoms virtually vanished. Fortunately, his reign lasted a mere six months. Six months after he assumed power upon the death of his older brother (his brother, who had died under dubious conditions, was widely believed to have been killed by Kukrit), Catholic priest Ferdinand Ugarte overthrew Kukrit Thanom in a bloodless coup, and scheduled elections to be held in four months. But in an unexpected twist of fate, an unknown assailant assassinated Ugarte within hours of overthrowing Kukrit. A long and very bloody civil war lurked just over the horizon...
The Roach-Busters Civil War
Dozens of factions competed with each other for control of the nation. The outlawed Roach-Busters Communist Party, the Illuminist cult known as the Red Dragons, ex-Emperor Thanom and his followers, the Catholics, the anticommunist but pro-socialist peasants, a group of generals who had defected in disgust at Kukrit Thanom's barbaric rule, a band of renegade pirates, and a small but very militant faction of fascists, and many others, all struggled with every fiber of their beings attempting to seize power for themselves. Each group was guilty of committing mass atrocities against civilians, forcing innocent people to join their ranks, and torturing and even killing those who they suspected of harboring sympathies for their rivals. Few if any people were able to remain neutral. Everyone eventually joined one group either because it was the "least of the several evils," or because it was the one they feared the most. Brother fought brother, friend fought friend, and mass anarchy, bloodshed, chaos, and turbulence gripped the nation. Women were raped, entire villages and cities torched to the ground, children kidnapped, men beaten to death. Hundreds of thousands perished, and no group seemed to have the upper hand. Finally, in 1895, the vast majority of fighters had either been killed, maimed, or had surrendered, and General Nikro Xinimret assumed power. The war was finally over. Nearly one million people had died, the economy was in shambles, millions were starving, hundreds of thousands of men had been crippled for life, and over half of the nation lay smoldering in ruins. Would General Xinimret be able to raise the shattered nations from the ashes? Or was Roach-Busters destined to fall as had no many nations before it? Only time would tell...
A New Century
So relieved were the people that the long and terrible war had finally ended that they would have literally settled for any leader, so long as future bloodshed was averted. General Xinimret proved to be a highly authoritarian but very benign dictator. In spite of nearly non-existent political freedoms, blatant corruption and nepotism in the government, and the government's refusal to hold elections, the people enjoyed extensive personal freedoms, and were free to live their lives as they pleased. The taciturn but charismatic Xinimret proved to be immensely popular. After inviting economists from the United States and Europe to RB and consulting with them, he quickly raised RB from the ashes of war and turned it into an economic, industrial, and military powerhouse. General Xinimret died in 1914. Because various generals repeatedly staged bloodless coups against one another and each took turns temporarily becoming strongman of the week, the nation became highly unstable and crime skyrocketed. It remained that way until "agrarian reformer" Vladimir Trotschev, a Russian immigrant, entered the fray...
Roach-Busters Falls to Communism
In 1921, Vladimir Trotschev, who had infiltrated the military and gradually and patiently advanced higher and higher in the ranks, seized a coup against General Simon Stinger and assumed power himself. Assuring the people that he was a "progressive, peaceful, patriotic agrarian reformer of the utmost integrity," he promised free and fair elections to allow the people to decide, for the first time in centuries, which their leader would be. Unfortunately, the elections proved to be a farce. After examining the polls and determining who had voted for whom, Trotschev arrested, imprisoned, atrociously tortured, and mercilessly executed everyone who had not voted for him. All businesses were forcibly taken over by the government. Heavy, crushing income taxes sapped away the savings of everyone, rich and poor, and went into the government's coffers. All media was strictly censored. All guns and weapons were confiscated. Children were sent to 'indoctrination' camps, where they were brainwashed to serve only the state. Adults worked long, grueling, strenuous hours in slave labor camps. Many of them were overworked and died of exhaustion. While massive poverty afflicted the populace, Trotschev and his cronies achieved fabulous wealth beyond their wildest dreams. Millions of people were forced to construct a Mount Rushmore-esque image of Trotschev in one of the mountains. Professor Baum estimates that over two hundred thousand people were worked to death constructing Mount Trotschev, while tens of thousands more were shot for "slacking off." It was the beginning of a long, dark night of tyranny and chaos.
The Death of Trotschev and the Power Struggle
For years, Trotschev ruled with an iron fist. Finally, on September 7, 1939- just days after the beginning of the Second World War- he died of cirrhosis of the liver. Historians estimate that between 400,000 and 750,000 people were killed during his reign of terror. After his death, a brief but intense power struggle ensued, until, four years later, Nikolai Pupin finally swept away the opposition and became Premier.
Can't Stop Pupin
Fortunately for the people of Roach-Busters, one individual was brave enough to challenge the communists head-on: Jack Maple, a young Baptist whose parents had been beaten to death and decapitated for being Christians. Before Pupin could fully consolidate his power, Maple rallied over forty thousand citizens, many of them armed with nothing but brooms, mops, pans, shovels, and rakes, and launched a guerrilla raid against Pupin's manor. However, when they arrived, they began to sharply dispute whether to overthrow the regime violently or peacefully. Maple denounced the pro-violence sentiment among many of the peasants, and was shot. Rioting and in fighting resulted, and most of them were either killed or arrested by the secret police. Incidentally, Pupin remained in power.
Pupin's "Reforms"
Pupin promised the people he would undergo drastic reforms in his government, stamp out corruption, and hold free and fair elections. Thousands of people showed up at the polls on 'election day.' They were quickly rounded up and shot. Pupin brought changes to the government, all right. He increased censorship of the press. He increased the number of secret police from less than 500 to over 16,000. He tripled the number of concentration camps. He purged thousands of fellow communists, even those who were fanatically loyal to him. He expelled all foreigners. He increased the number of hours the peasants had to work in a day to twenty-one. He slaughtered at least 100,000 random citizens each year for "disloyalty." He even had his elderly, invalid mother, his wife, and his seven children executed. His mother and children were executed for not exhibiting "the progressive proletarian spirit of the worker" and his wife was executed on charges of adultery (never mind the fact that Pupin had over seventeen mistresses). People began to long for the days of Trotschev.
General J.L. and the Coup
Pupin died in 1971, and was replaced by his son, Konstop Pupin. Pupin wasn't as draconian or psychotic as his father, but he wasn't exactly Mother Teresa, either. He was almost as dictatorial and unpopular as his father was. Unbeknownst to him, however, was a little-known but ambitious and virulently anticommunist general in the army: J.L. A lifelong, staunch anticommunist, J.L. had joined the army when he was sixteen, for the sole purpose of one day becoming powerful enough to overthrow the Pupin regime and restore freedom to Roach-Busters. By 1990, J.L. had become General of the Army, cleverly and carefully concealing his hatred of communism and feigning loyalty to the Pupin government. On June 2, 1990, Pupin invited J.L. to dinner at his mansion, just the two of them. J.L. accepted the invitation. When J.L. arrived, Pupin reached out to shake his hand. J.L. then pointed his revolver directly at Pupin's carotid artery and pulled the trigger, ending the 69-year nightmare of communism. He then called in his men, who arrested and peacefully exiled the members of Pupin's cabinet. In the next month, J.L. abolished the secret police, closed down the concentration camps, relaxed censorship, privatized businesses, and restored liberty. Six months later, elections were held, and over 90% of the people voted for J.L. No longer was he General J.L. He was now President J.L.
The Present
Since then, Roach-Busters has gone from a slovenly, destitute state (whose economy was flushed down the toilet by the communists) to one of the wealthiest and most powerful nations in the world. Although at times certain crises have forced J.L. to adopt authoritarian and repressive measures temporarily, for the most part, he granted the people extensive freedoms and allowed them to go about their lives as they saw fit. Roach-Busters has had major problems in recent years- a bloody war with Socialist Cockroaches (which RB may have lost had it not been for the heroic and selfless intervention of many stronger nations), occasional terrorist attacks by the Red Dragons (who have now been wiped out), a very brief but extremely bloody civil war, among other problems. However, J.L.'s calm and reassuring leadership, good humor, integrity, and wisdom have successfully guided the nation through each of these problems. Roach-Busters became a member of several alliances, maintained military relations with many other nations, and became a major military and economic presence in world affairs. Roach-Busters is the founding member of the Southeast Asia Treaty Organization, the Who Gives a Damn About Human Rights Club, and the Anti-Communist Entourage, and now has two storefronts: one which sells supplies used for executing prisoners, another which genetically engineers animals, humans, etc. Later, after conquering the nations of Thailand, Philippines, Myanmar, East Timor, Mali, Ghana, Sierra Leone, Cote d'Ivoire, Liberia, Chad, Botswana, Zimbabwe (renamed Rhodesia), Nicaragua, and the islands of Azores, Balleny Islands, Peter I Island, and Scott Island, the Roach-Busterians abandoned the original island and distributed the population among the aforesaid territories, merging them into a new country, the Pest Control Company of Roach-Busters.
THE END
The Nation Itself
Official Name
The Pest Control Company of Roach-Busters
Capital City
RB City (pop. 130,000,000)
UN Category
Compulsory Consumerist State
Civil Rights
Average
Economy
Frightening
Political Freedoms
Few
National Motto
“If it has more than four legs, kill it"
Crime Rate
Totally unknown, thanks to the all-pervasive police force
National Animal
soon-to-die
National Currency
can of Raid
Important Holidays
Easter (varies by year)
Liberation Day (June 2)
First Lady Thiensiri's Birthday (June 2)
Founding Day (September 12)
Generalissimo J.L.'s Birthday (September 19)
Christmas (December 25)
National Anthem
Roach-Busters!
If there's something dirty in your neighborhood
Who you gonna call?
Roach-Busters!
If there's something with six legs and it don't look good
Who you gonna call?
Roach-Busters!
I ain't afraid of no roach
I ain't afraid of no roach
If you're seeing things crawling around your head
Who can you call?
Roach-Busters!
A disgusting bug lying on your bed
Oh, who you gonna call?
Roach-Busters!
I ain't afraid of no roach
I ain't afraid of no roach
Who you gonna call?
Roach-Busters!
If you're all alone, pick up the phone
And call
Roach-Busters!
I ain't afraid of no roach
I hear it likes feces
I ain't afraid of no roach
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Who you gonna call?
Roach-Busters!
If you've had a dose of a freaky roach
You'd better call
Roach-Busters!
Let me tell you something
Bustin' makes me feel good
I ain't afraid of no roach
I ain't afraid of no roach
Don't get caught alone, oh no
Roach-Busters!
When it crawls under your door
Unless you just want some more
I think you better call
Roach-Busters!
Ow!
Who you gonna call
Roach-Busters!
{Repeat to fade}
Flag of Roach-Busters (http://www.nationstates.net/images/flags/uploads/roach-busters.jpg)
Region
Gulf of Thailand
Things to See, Things to Do, Places to Go
Presidential Palace (http://www.geocities.com/mr_whud/PresidentialPalace.JPG)
The official residence of Generalissimo J.L.
Roach-Busters Capitol (http://www.geocities.com/mr_whud/RBCapitol.JPG)
Where Congress convenes and where laws are made
Thiensiri Falls (http://rhodesian.server101.com/VictoriaFalls.jpg)
One of the world's most beautiful waterfalls
Lake Thiensiri (http://rhodesian.server101.com/sunset.jpg)
A peaceful, quiet, romantic setting for the ideal honeymoon
Grand as Gold Hotel (http://www.geocities.com/mr_whud/GrandAsGoldHotel.JPG)
A world-renowned, critically and commercially-acclaimed five-star hotel
Temple of the Crimson Moon (http://www.geocities.com/mr_whud/TempleOfTheCrimsonMoon.JPG)
An ancient temple once inhabited by an indigenous tribe, where thousands of human sacrifices took place
Roach-Busters Museum of Natural History (http://www.geocities.com/mr_whud/RBMuseumOfNaturalHistory.JPG)
Learn all about RB history in this prestigious museum
South Sea (http://www.geocities.com/mr_whud/SouthSea.JPG)
Take the cruise of a lifetime through this stunningly gorgeous sea
Thunder Bay (http://www.geocities.com/mr_whud/ThunderBay.JPG)
If fishing is your thing, Thunder Bay is the place to be
Mt. Turbulus (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Image:Volcano_q.jpg)
The sight of Mt. Turbulus erupting is an awesome one to behold; nature's fury at its most riveting
RB National Park (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Image:Tiger.jpg)
Tigers are among many of the hundreds of rare creatures you will see in RB National Park
Temple of the Rising Sun (http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/d/de/Dsc04099.jpg)
An exotic, ornate Buddhist temple visited by millions of tourists every year
RB City Chinatown (http://thailandforvisitors.com/include/disp_photo.html?path=/central/bangkok/chinatown/fullsize/gate1.jpg)
Home to RB's small but vibrant Chinese majority; hundreds of good restaurants and shops abound
Central Market (http://thailandforvisitors.com/include/disp_photo.html?path=/central/bangkok/chinatown/fullsize/sampaeng1.jpg)
RB City's most popular place to shop
Shrine of the Golden Elephant (http://thailandforvisitors.com/include/disp_photo.html?path=/central/bangkok/chakkrawat/fullsize/all1.jpg)
Another highly popular, beautiful Buddhist shrine popular among tourists
Thiensiri Garden (http://www.geocities.com/mr_whud/ThiansiriGarden.JPG)
A popular park home to millions of lovely flowers; if you're looking to impress a date, you can't go wrong here!
Sunstrip Beach (http://www.geocities.com/mr_whud/SunstripBeach.JPG)
A great place for swimming, surfing, and tanning
Roach-Busters Supreme Court (http://www.geocities.com/mr_whud/RB_SupremeCourt.JPG)
The Supreme Court of the Pest Control Company of Roach-Busters
Stroessner Plateau (http://www.geocities.com/mr_whud/Stroessner_Plateau.JPG)
This pulchritudinous plateau is named in honor of General Alfredo Stroessner
The World Anti-Communist Museum (http://www.geocities.com/mr_whud/World_Anti-Communist_Museum.JPG)
A prestigious museum dedicated to those who have fought Marxist-Leninist gangsterism throughout history
RB City pictures
Pic #1 (http://www.geocities.com/mr_whud/rb_city.jpg)
Pic #2 (http://www.geocities.com/mr_whud/RB_City2.JPG)
Pic #3 (http://www.geocities.com/mr_whud/RB_City3.JPG)
Pic #4 (http://www.geocities.com/mr_whud/RB_City4.JPG)
Pic #5 (http://www.geocities.com/mr_whud/RB_City5.JPG)
Pic #6 (http://www.geocities.com/mr_whud/RB_City6.JPG)
Pic #7 (Aerial view) (http://www.geocities.com/mr_whud/RB_City7.JPG)
Major Cities
Ablutopolis (http://www.geocities.com/mr_whud/Ablutopolis.JPG)
East City (http://www.geocities.com/mr_whud/EastCity.JPG)
Liberty City (http://www.geocities.com/mr_whud/LibertyCity.JPG)
North City (http://www.geocities.com/mr_whud/NorthCity.JPG)
South City (http://www.geocities.com/mr_whud/SouthCity.JPG)
West City (http://www.geocities.com/mr_whud/WestCity.JPG)
The Roach-Busters Empire
Africa (http://www.geocities.com/mr_whud/RB_Empire-Africa.JPG)
Botswana
Chad
Cote d'Ivoire
Ghana
Liberia
Mali
Rhodesia
Sierra Leone
Antarctica (http://www.geocities.com/mr_whud/RB_Empire-Antarctica.JPG)
Balleny Islands
Peter I Island
Scott Island
Asia (http://www.geocities.com/mr_whud/RB_Empire-Asia.JPG)
East Timor
Myanmar
Philippines
Thailand
Central America (http://www.geocities.com/mr_whud/RB_Empire-CentralAmerica.JPG)
Nicaragua
Europe
Azores
Map of the RB Empire (http://www.geocities.com/mr_whud/map_of_roach-busters.JPG)
Politics in RB
Important Political Figures (and other important characters)
Generalissimo J.L. (http://www.geocities.com/mr_whud/GeneralissimoJL.JPG)- Patriot Party (Biography of J.L. (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/J.L.)) (The Generalissimo's sword (http://www.geocities.com/mr_whud/The_sword_of_Generalissimo_JL.JPG)) (The Generalissimo's car (http://members.cox.net/resicorp/xg.htm))
(The Generalissimo's horse (http://www.geocities.com/mr_whud/The_horse_of_Generalissimo_JL.JPG))
First Lady Thiensiri Theveenugul (http://www.geocities.com/mr_whud/TheFirstLady.JPG)- Patriot Party
The Generalissimo's daughter (http://www.geocities.com/mr_whud/Nice_pic.JPG)
Another pic of the Generalissimo's daughter (http://www.geocities.com/mr_whud/Nice_pic2.JPG)
And yet another pic of the Generalissimo's daughter (http://www.geocities.com/mr_whud/Nice_pic3.JPG)
Vice-President Calvin Cyprian, Jr. (http://www.geocities.com/mr_whud/CalvinCyprianJr.JPG)- Patriot Party
Secretary of War Lester Lindsey (http://www.geocities.com/mr_whud/LesterLindsey.jpg)- Patriot Party
Secretary of the Navy Terris Fitten (http://www.geocities.com/mr_whud/TerrisFitten.JPG)- Christian Democratic Party
Secretary of Diplomacy Chong Moua (http://www.geocities.com/mr_whud/ChongMoua.JPG)- Moderate Party
Secretary of Law and Order Chia Neng Lee (http://www.geocities.com/mr_whud/ChiaNengLee.JPG)- Warmonger Party
Secretary of Education Professor Vincent DeLusia (http://www.geocities.com/mr_whud/VinceDelusia.JPG)- Moderate Party
Secretary of Commerce Christine Peralta (http://www.geocities.com/mr_whud/ChristinePeralta.JPG)- Christian Democratic Party
Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff Cody Jennings (http://www.geocities.com/mr_whud/CodyJennings.JPG)- Warmonger Party
Chief of Staff of the Army Rene Rodriguez (http://www.geocities.com/mr_whud/ReneRodriguez.JPG)- Patriot Party
Chief of Staff of the Navy James LeDuc (http://www.geocities.com/mr_whud/JamesLeDuc.JPG)- Neoconservative Party
Chief of Staff of the Air Force Calvin Cyprian, Sr. (http://www.geocities.com/mr_whud/CalvinCyprianSr.jpg)- Moderate Party
Chief of Staff of the Marines Terrel Fitten (http://www.geocities.com/mr_whud/TerrelFitten.JPG)- Christian Democratic Party
Chief Justice of the Supreme Court Steven Lasley (http://www.tvtome.com/tvtome/servlet/PersonDetail/personid-36072)- Lefty Loosy Party
President of the Senate Morton Weldstan (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Image:BarryGoldwater.jpg)- Moderate Party
President Pro Tempore Seymour Schitt (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Image:Larry_King1.jpg)- Lefty Loosy Party
Senate Majority Leader Thavatchai Theveenugul (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Image:Thaksin1.JPG)- Patriot Party
Senate Minority Leader Luang Pramoj (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Image:Ac.ramaix.jpg)- Moderate Party
Senate Majority Whip Dom Belle (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Image:Bill-Clinton.jpg)- Lefty Loosy Party
Senate Minority Whip Norman Octavius (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Image:JesseHelms.jpg)- Neoconservative Party
Speaker of the House Penkae Theveenugul (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Image:Ac.sirikit2.jpg)- Patriot Party
House Majority Leader Ramon Garcia (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Image:Ferdinand_E._Marcos.jpg)- Moderate Party
House Minority Leader Donald McRaven (http://www.geocities.com/mr_whud/DonaldMcRaven.JPG)- Warmonger Party
House Majority Whip Achmed Wahid (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Image:Habibie_former_president.jpg)- Warmonger Party
House Minority Whip Gabriel Simmons (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Image:ClarenceThomas.jpg)- Moderate Party
Major Political Parties
Patriot Party
Lefty Loosy Party
Warmonger Party
Radical Revolutionary Party (outlawed)
Moderate Party
RB Communist Party (outlawed)
Cringing Coward Party
Neoconservative Party
RB Nazi Party (outlawed)
Christian Democratic Party
House of Representatives (750 seats total)
Patriot Party- 326 seats
Lefty Loosy Party- 90 seats
Warmonger Party- 23 seats
Moderate Party- 219 seats
Cringing Coward Party- 1 seat
Neoconservative Party- 77 seats
Christian Democratic Party- 14 seats
Senate (150 seats total)
Patriot Party- 48 seats
Lefty Loosy Party- 28 seats
Warmonger Party- 1 seat
Moderate Party- 36 seats
Cringing Coward Party- 0 seats
Neoconservative Party- 21 seats
Christian Democratic Party- 11 seats
The People of RB
Racial Make-up
White 35%
Asian 30%
Black 20%
Other 15%
Religious Make-up
Christian- Protestant 30%
Buddhist 20%
Christian- Catholic 28%
Christian- Other 11%
Atheist 3%
Muslim 1%
Other 7%
Age Proportions
Age 0-2 7%
Age 3-10 19%
Age 11-17 15%
Age 18-25 23%
Age 26-45 11%
Age 46-60 15%
Age 60+ 10%
Languages Spoken
English (official language)
Thai (official language)
Tagalog
Indonesian
Shooban (spoken by slaves)
Roach-Busters's Economy
Economic Statistics (http://nseconomy.thirdgeek.com/nseconomy.php?region=gulf%20of%20thailand&nation=roach-busters)
Major Industries
Tourism
Automobile Manufacturing
Arms Manufacturing
Uranium Mining
Shooban Slave Trade
Natural Resources
Copper
Tin
Oil
Silver
Uranium
Roach-Busters Capital Punishment Supplies Storefront (http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=372704&page=1&pp=15)
Roach-Busters Genetic Engineering Storefront (http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=390459)
Roach-Busters's Foreign Relations (* indicates they have a military base in RB)
Allies
Jordaxia
Crimson blades
The Dark Nexus
Westtle
Dailey* (Base located in Ghana)
Zanat-Su
The Zoogie People* (Base located in Philippines)
United Korean Nations
The Lightning Star* (Base located in Mali)
Knight Of The Round
Generic empire* (Base located in Nicaragua)
The Wickit Klownz
Doomingsland* (Base located in East Timor)
The Horned Rat
Holy Paradise* (Base located in Myanmar)
Ruthless Slaughter* (Base located in Myanmar)
The First Republic
Cadwallader
NRAMAN
The Burnsian Desert* (Base located in Cote d'Ivoire)
Borman Empire* (Has three bases in Nicaragua)
The Parthians* (Base located in Mali)
Nikolaos the Great* (Base located in Mali)
Ybronneb* (Base located in Philippines)
Wirraway* (Base located in Mali)
Sir Peter the Sage* (Base located in Philippines)
Pacitalia* (Base located in Nicaragua)
Notquiteaplace* (Base located in Philippines)
Inkana
Sino
Camel Eaters* (Base located in Liberia)
Nutropinia
Kordo* (Base located in Myanmar)
The Island of Rose
Procco
The Canadian Union
Shenyang* (Base located in Philippines)
The Real ALM* (Base located in Sierra Leone)
Farmina* (Base located in Botswana)
Green Sun* (Base located in Philippines)
Risban* (Base located in Liberia)
Malkyer
The Transylvania* (Base located in Azores)
Sllabecaps* (Base located in Cote d'Ivoire)
Nation of Fortune* (Base located in Ghana)
The Massive Ethiopians
Third Jerusalem
The Macabees* (Base located in Botswana)
Frawley
Moronyicka
Timminism
San Dismas
Neo Earth
Azban
Space Union
Enemies
Sarzonia
Hamptonshire
Sanctaphrax
Alliances
TBA
CAD
Capitalist Defense Alliance
Capitalist Economic Alliance
SEATO (founding member)
World Capitalist and Communist Consortium
Brothers in Arms
United Nations Alliance
Pacific Rim Alliance
Conservative Collective
Group of Six
Evil Dictator's Lounge and Gentleman's Club
Who Gives a Damn About Human Rights Club (founding member)
Right-Wing Collective
Circle Alliance
Anti-Communist Entourage
Southeast Asia Treaty Organization (http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=367794&page=1&pp=15)
Military Statistics
http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=8508739&postcount=311
A Brief History of Roach-Busters
Early History
Historians estimate that the first settlers arrived in what is now known as the Federal Republic of Roach-Busters around 2000 B.C. The first settlers were an animistic, fiercely xenophobic, deeply superstitious tribe of pagans who routinely performed human and animal sacrifices, and often clashed among themselves. For centuries the various factions of these tribes alternated between brief interludes of peace and bloody eras of war. A few years before the Birth of Christ, the majestic Temple of the Crimson Moon was built in honor the tribes' pagan god, Shuuzyuumii, the God of Blood. It is estimated that at least 10,000 people, mostly women and children, were sacrificed during the celebration that was held to commemorate the unveiling of the temple (which is today a very popular tourist attraction). The temple proved to be the downfall of these primitive people. Over the years, the tribe had split into many factions over religious and political differences, and each tribe wished to sacrifice the largest number of humans to please Shuuzyuumii. A massive, very bloody war, which historian M.L. Baum estimates took over 6,000,000 lives and lasted over a decade, began. When the dust settled and the conflict ended, there was not a single survivor. The land remained barren and devoid of human life for over a thousand years.
The Colonial Era
In 1591, in Western Europe (no two historians can agree on the precise nation), King Airemital XIII sent navigator Marcus Franco and four hundred men on an expedition to locate, explore, and colonize new lands abroad, to begin building a global empire. Franco and his crew left aboard the Fair Rose on November 21, 1591. They never returned.
After drifting across the ocean for many months, arriving at scores of continents and lands only to discover with great disappointment that they were already occupied, Franco grew so frustrated that he decided they might as well return home. On their voyage home, however, a horrific hurricane of unfathomable force struck, decimated their ship, and claimed the lives of 27 crewmen, including Franco himself. The survivors landed in modern-day Thailand. There, with the help of sympathetic Thai people, they rebuilt their ship, and departed in search of their old home. Several dozen Thai men, women, and children accompanied them. For weeks they sailed, only to have disaster strike again.
Their next catastrophe was not a hurricane, but a gang or pirates who shanghaied their ship and forced them all to work as slaves. They were brought to the pirates' slave labor farms in a small island near the Philippines, where hundreds of Filipino men, women, and even children were forced to work as slaves. However, Richard Faire, Franco's successor, was appalled by the barbarity, immorality, and wanton disregard for human life that the pirates exhibited. Rallying the slaves behind him, he launched a rebellion, which ousted the pirates and killed every single one of them. In gratitude, the former slaves joined Faire's growing party. Faire was uncertain how the people of Europe would react to the arrival of hundreds of people of different colors and religions, so going home with them was not an option. Yet, he had become deeply enamored of these gentle people and their fascinating culture, and certainly had no desire to leave them. So, Faire, his 48 surviving crewmates, and the Thais and Filipinos they had met, set sail in search of a new land.
On September 12, 1596, they at last found a small archipelago of uncharted, uninhabited islands, which they made their home. Ancient temples suggested that the islands had once been inhabited, but they were empty now, save for birds, snakes, and millions of naked mole rats. And there the nation of Roach-Busters was born.
A New Nation
The settlers built a few plantations, and peacefully toiled away in the fields all day. A small but prosperous timber industry was born. The people worked very hard, and scarcely had time to relax, but everyone was happy. As the years went by, other settlers, mostly Europeans, arrived, bringing with them African slaves. However, the settlers vehemently loathed the concept of slavery, and demanded that the Europeans either free their slaves immediately or leave. The Europeans refused. Just as war seemed likely, Father Thaddeus Riley intervened and suggested the settlers and the Europeans sign a series of compromises. The Europeans agreed to gradually abolish slavery, if, in return, they were allowed to mine the geologically rich mountains, which were abundant in copper. The compromises were unanimously accepted. So impressed were the people that they decided to make Riley their leader. Riley became governor of the colony, handpicked four Europeans, four original settlers (three of them Asian), and two emancipated slaves to be his cabinet. Within weeks, a constitution was written, courts and schools were built, justices were appointed, and a parliament was established. Elections were routinely held. Within four years, all the slaves had been released. The peoples' future seemed to be a bright one.
The Thanom Dynasty
However, in 1601, Bhumibol Thanom, a super patriotic Thai who, as a teenager, had been forced to accompany the settlers with his family, began to resent the whites and blacks. Whites, blacks, and the Asians regularly married, and many of his fellow Thai converted to Christianity. In an attempt to purge all white and black influence and return his people to their roots, Thanom instigated a bloody coup d'etat against Governor Ruford Nagaer, toppling the colonial government and assuming power. To prevent rebellion, he deceived the people into believing that Nagaer's rule would have been disastrous, and that he was acting in the best interest of the new nation. However, he soon showed his true colors when he had his followers imprison, execute, and enslave many whites and blacks, denied them civil rights, and granted bountiful freedoms to the native Thais, and made Buddhism the only legal religion. For forty years the genocidal Thanom ruled with an iron fist, oppressing all but the Thai natives, while consolidating his power. In his final years, he purged dozens of even his most loyal followers, had one hundred random citizens executed for 'treason' and had his wife arrested before he died of a stroke. His son, Thaksin, released the slaves and prisoners and restored some civil rights, but would not permit elections.
The Thanom Dynasty wavered back and forth between libertarianism and despotism, freedom and tyranny, for over two hundred years.
The Industrialization Era and the Fall of the Thanoms
Despite the brutality, rampant corruption, and unpopularity of the Thanom dynasty, historians generally agree that there is one area where the Thanoms improved the nation considerably: industrialization. When Bhumibol Thanom first seized power, Roach-Busters was a socially progressive but very poor, rural, agrarian nation. Under Thanom and his successors' leadership, RB's economy grew explosively. Dozens of trade agreements were signed with various nations, which actively exchanged goods with RB and invested heavily in the government. Companies began settling into the nation. By the time Thanom's great-great grandson, Khuang, became Emperor, RB had one of the highest annual growth rates in the world. Unemployment plummeted, the standard of living shot up dramatically, and the treasury accumulated astronomically high surpluses. Unfortunately, no matter how successful the Thanoms' economic policies were, they were still unpopular. The man who sealed the dynasty's fate was Kukrit Thanom, who assumed power in 1878. An extremely paranoid man, he lived in constant fear of being overthrown, and established fifteen different police forces, fourteen of them secret, all of them ruthless, repressive, and bloodthirsty. On the most ludicrous charges, citizens were arrested, imprisoned, and often executed. Civil rights and political freedoms virtually vanished. Fortunately, his reign lasted a mere six months. Six months after he assumed power upon the death of his older brother (his brother, who had died under dubious conditions, was widely believed to have been killed by Kukrit), Catholic priest Ferdinand Ugarte overthrew Kukrit Thanom in a bloodless coup, and scheduled elections to be held in four months. But in an unexpected twist of fate, an unknown assailant assassinated Ugarte within hours of overthrowing Kukrit. A long and very bloody civil war lurked just over the horizon...
The Roach-Busters Civil War
Dozens of factions competed with each other for control of the nation. The outlawed Roach-Busters Communist Party, the Illuminist cult known as the Red Dragons, ex-Emperor Thanom and his followers, the Catholics, the anticommunist but pro-socialist peasants, a group of generals who had defected in disgust at Kukrit Thanom's barbaric rule, a band of renegade pirates, and a small but very militant faction of fascists, and many others, all struggled with every fiber of their beings attempting to seize power for themselves. Each group was guilty of committing mass atrocities against civilians, forcing innocent people to join their ranks, and torturing and even killing those who they suspected of harboring sympathies for their rivals. Few if any people were able to remain neutral. Everyone eventually joined one group either because it was the "least of the several evils," or because it was the one they feared the most. Brother fought brother, friend fought friend, and mass anarchy, bloodshed, chaos, and turbulence gripped the nation. Women were raped, entire villages and cities torched to the ground, children kidnapped, men beaten to death. Hundreds of thousands perished, and no group seemed to have the upper hand. Finally, in 1895, the vast majority of fighters had either been killed, maimed, or had surrendered, and General Nikro Xinimret assumed power. The war was finally over. Nearly one million people had died, the economy was in shambles, millions were starving, hundreds of thousands of men had been crippled for life, and over half of the nation lay smoldering in ruins. Would General Xinimret be able to raise the shattered nations from the ashes? Or was Roach-Busters destined to fall as had no many nations before it? Only time would tell...
A New Century
So relieved were the people that the long and terrible war had finally ended that they would have literally settled for any leader, so long as future bloodshed was averted. General Xinimret proved to be a highly authoritarian but very benign dictator. In spite of nearly non-existent political freedoms, blatant corruption and nepotism in the government, and the government's refusal to hold elections, the people enjoyed extensive personal freedoms, and were free to live their lives as they pleased. The taciturn but charismatic Xinimret proved to be immensely popular. After inviting economists from the United States and Europe to RB and consulting with them, he quickly raised RB from the ashes of war and turned it into an economic, industrial, and military powerhouse. General Xinimret died in 1914. Because various generals repeatedly staged bloodless coups against one another and each took turns temporarily becoming strongman of the week, the nation became highly unstable and crime skyrocketed. It remained that way until "agrarian reformer" Vladimir Trotschev, a Russian immigrant, entered the fray...
Roach-Busters Falls to Communism
In 1921, Vladimir Trotschev, who had infiltrated the military and gradually and patiently advanced higher and higher in the ranks, seized a coup against General Simon Stinger and assumed power himself. Assuring the people that he was a "progressive, peaceful, patriotic agrarian reformer of the utmost integrity," he promised free and fair elections to allow the people to decide, for the first time in centuries, which their leader would be. Unfortunately, the elections proved to be a farce. After examining the polls and determining who had voted for whom, Trotschev arrested, imprisoned, atrociously tortured, and mercilessly executed everyone who had not voted for him. All businesses were forcibly taken over by the government. Heavy, crushing income taxes sapped away the savings of everyone, rich and poor, and went into the government's coffers. All media was strictly censored. All guns and weapons were confiscated. Children were sent to 'indoctrination' camps, where they were brainwashed to serve only the state. Adults worked long, grueling, strenuous hours in slave labor camps. Many of them were overworked and died of exhaustion. While massive poverty afflicted the populace, Trotschev and his cronies achieved fabulous wealth beyond their wildest dreams. Millions of people were forced to construct a Mount Rushmore-esque image of Trotschev in one of the mountains. Professor Baum estimates that over two hundred thousand people were worked to death constructing Mount Trotschev, while tens of thousands more were shot for "slacking off." It was the beginning of a long, dark night of tyranny and chaos.
The Death of Trotschev and the Power Struggle
For years, Trotschev ruled with an iron fist. Finally, on September 7, 1939- just days after the beginning of the Second World War- he died of cirrhosis of the liver. Historians estimate that between 400,000 and 750,000 people were killed during his reign of terror. After his death, a brief but intense power struggle ensued, until, four years later, Nikolai Pupin finally swept away the opposition and became Premier.
Can't Stop Pupin
Fortunately for the people of Roach-Busters, one individual was brave enough to challenge the communists head-on: Jack Maple, a young Baptist whose parents had been beaten to death and decapitated for being Christians. Before Pupin could fully consolidate his power, Maple rallied over forty thousand citizens, many of them armed with nothing but brooms, mops, pans, shovels, and rakes, and launched a guerrilla raid against Pupin's manor. However, when they arrived, they began to sharply dispute whether to overthrow the regime violently or peacefully. Maple denounced the pro-violence sentiment among many of the peasants, and was shot. Rioting and in fighting resulted, and most of them were either killed or arrested by the secret police. Incidentally, Pupin remained in power.
Pupin's "Reforms"
Pupin promised the people he would undergo drastic reforms in his government, stamp out corruption, and hold free and fair elections. Thousands of people showed up at the polls on 'election day.' They were quickly rounded up and shot. Pupin brought changes to the government, all right. He increased censorship of the press. He increased the number of secret police from less than 500 to over 16,000. He tripled the number of concentration camps. He purged thousands of fellow communists, even those who were fanatically loyal to him. He expelled all foreigners. He increased the number of hours the peasants had to work in a day to twenty-one. He slaughtered at least 100,000 random citizens each year for "disloyalty." He even had his elderly, invalid mother, his wife, and his seven children executed. His mother and children were executed for not exhibiting "the progressive proletarian spirit of the worker" and his wife was executed on charges of adultery (never mind the fact that Pupin had over seventeen mistresses). People began to long for the days of Trotschev.
General J.L. and the Coup
Pupin died in 1971, and was replaced by his son, Konstop Pupin. Pupin wasn't as draconian or psychotic as his father, but he wasn't exactly Mother Teresa, either. He was almost as dictatorial and unpopular as his father was. Unbeknownst to him, however, was a little-known but ambitious and virulently anticommunist general in the army: J.L. A lifelong, staunch anticommunist, J.L. had joined the army when he was sixteen, for the sole purpose of one day becoming powerful enough to overthrow the Pupin regime and restore freedom to Roach-Busters. By 1990, J.L. had become General of the Army, cleverly and carefully concealing his hatred of communism and feigning loyalty to the Pupin government. On June 2, 1990, Pupin invited J.L. to dinner at his mansion, just the two of them. J.L. accepted the invitation. When J.L. arrived, Pupin reached out to shake his hand. J.L. then pointed his revolver directly at Pupin's carotid artery and pulled the trigger, ending the 69-year nightmare of communism. He then called in his men, who arrested and peacefully exiled the members of Pupin's cabinet. In the next month, J.L. abolished the secret police, closed down the concentration camps, relaxed censorship, privatized businesses, and restored liberty. Six months later, elections were held, and over 90% of the people voted for J.L. No longer was he General J.L. He was now President J.L.
The Present
Since then, Roach-Busters has gone from a slovenly, destitute state (whose economy was flushed down the toilet by the communists) to one of the wealthiest and most powerful nations in the world. Although at times certain crises have forced J.L. to adopt authoritarian and repressive measures temporarily, for the most part, he granted the people extensive freedoms and allowed them to go about their lives as they saw fit. Roach-Busters has had major problems in recent years- a bloody war with Socialist Cockroaches (which RB may have lost had it not been for the heroic and selfless intervention of many stronger nations), occasional terrorist attacks by the Red Dragons (who have now been wiped out), a very brief but extremely bloody civil war, among other problems. However, J.L.'s calm and reassuring leadership, good humor, integrity, and wisdom have successfully guided the nation through each of these problems. Roach-Busters became a member of several alliances, maintained military relations with many other nations, and became a major military and economic presence in world affairs. Roach-Busters is the founding member of the Southeast Asia Treaty Organization, the Who Gives a Damn About Human Rights Club, and the Anti-Communist Entourage, and now has two storefronts: one which sells supplies used for executing prisoners, another which genetically engineers animals, humans, etc. Later, after conquering the nations of Thailand, Philippines, Myanmar, East Timor, Mali, Ghana, Sierra Leone, Cote d'Ivoire, Liberia, Chad, Botswana, Zimbabwe (renamed Rhodesia), Nicaragua, and the islands of Azores, Balleny Islands, Peter I Island, and Scott Island, the Roach-Busterians abandoned the original island and distributed the population among the aforesaid territories, merging them into a new country, the Pest Control Company of Roach-Busters.
THE END