Dyelli Beybi
02-08-2004, 04:52
Elite-Corp is proud to announce it's new line of Quality products for the discerning Nation - World Leaders and their pets!
World Leaders
Tired of your Nationas leader. Well Elite-Corp has a selection of well groomed plastic manequins to replace him/her. All are programed with a complicated selection of catch phrases which are randomly played to fool all but the wisest reporter that they are indeed in the presense of genius. So what are you waiting for? Buy one today! And why keep it at one? Buy twelve and give some to your friends, or keep the extras in the cupboard until the first one is worn out.
For a limited time only. The first six to order will be given a novelty Elite-Corp keyring. Buy now!
Democratic Leader Mk1
Perfect for a democracy which fancies itself as a world power. Comes wearing a suit and suitable expression of confusion as to where he is. Programed with the following all-purpose catch-phrases,
"We will not tolerate acts of terrorism."
"We will liberate <insertnamehere>"
"We aim our nukez at j00."
Price: $100.50 comes with a desk valued at $100.
Democratic Leader Mk2
Is the Mk 1 too belligerent for you? Perhaps you are tired of super-power status? Well the Mk-2 is exactly what YOU are looking for! Comes with the following catch phrases,
"We deplore acts of terrorism."
"We are appalled at the invasion of <insertnamehere>."
"We aim our nukez at j00."
Price: $1.50
Democratic Leader Mk3
This one's a GIRL. Yes it's FEMALE!!!!!!11111 It has unrealistically large breasts and wears a tank top and mini-skirt. Perfect if your Nation is a teenage boy's sexual fantasy. Comes with the following catch-phrases,
"Come to bed big boy."
"I'm actually bisexual."
"We aim our nukez at j00."
Price: $999999999999999 trillion
Communist Leader
Comes wearing a Russian uniform and with an enormous moustache. Perfect if you are an opressed Communist state. Comes with the always useful phrases,
"Prepare for war Comrade."
"They are nothing but evil Capitolist pigdogs, Comrade."
"We aim our nukez at j00....Comrade."
Price: $5 OR FOR A LIMITED TIME ONLY 3 for the price of 2!!!!!!!
Fascist Leader
Comes wearing a huge selection of medals shaped like iron crosses and swaztikas. This all-purpose leader also wears a military uniform and comes with slicked black hair and a small well-trimmed moustache. Do you need to know those catch phrases?
"Let's kill all the <insert racial group of your choice>!"
"Let's have a party....and kill all the <insert racial group of your choice>."
"We aim our nukez at all the <insert racial group of choice>."
Price: A 1 acre slice of land in the Riviera.
God-Emperor
The Deluxe model of world leader. Not only does this one come with a long flowing robe and expression of majesty, but if you purchase the 'God-Emperor' today you get a free throne!!! (throne is plastic, not recommended for under 5s, contains small parts.) Are you waiting for those catch phrases?
"Bow to me peasants!"
"I am your God!"
"I could destroy your Nation, but can't be bothered at the moment."
"My armies are indestructable."
"I'm gonna kick your a$$."
"I'm not a n00B!!!!!!!11"
"I aim my nukez at j00."
Price: $12
What are you waiting for, buy buy buy! Come on! Stocks can't last, you've gotta buy! BUY! BUY!!!
Pets
All world leaders need a pet right? Don't have one? Well Elite-Corp can get you one.
Cat
Its a cat. It goes me-ow and sits on stuff.
Price: A raw turnip
Dog
Similar to cat except it's a dog.
Price: Free
Rat
Similar to cat, except smaller and smells worse.
Price: 2 raw turnips.
Rhinocerous
Not recommended for under 5s.
Does your world-leader really need to look tough. Well what's tougher than a (nearly) tame rhino in their study!?!?!?
Wow! You've got to buy it! Buy buy buy!
Price: $1 million.
This Storefront was brought to you by
Elite Corp
Quality Priapic Goods
Elite-Corp is not responsible for any loss of life or limbs caused by the purchase of their goods.
World Leaders
Tired of your Nationas leader. Well Elite-Corp has a selection of well groomed plastic manequins to replace him/her. All are programed with a complicated selection of catch phrases which are randomly played to fool all but the wisest reporter that they are indeed in the presense of genius. So what are you waiting for? Buy one today! And why keep it at one? Buy twelve and give some to your friends, or keep the extras in the cupboard until the first one is worn out.
For a limited time only. The first six to order will be given a novelty Elite-Corp keyring. Buy now!
Democratic Leader Mk1
Perfect for a democracy which fancies itself as a world power. Comes wearing a suit and suitable expression of confusion as to where he is. Programed with the following all-purpose catch-phrases,
"We will not tolerate acts of terrorism."
"We will liberate <insertnamehere>"
"We aim our nukez at j00."
Price: $100.50 comes with a desk valued at $100.
Democratic Leader Mk2
Is the Mk 1 too belligerent for you? Perhaps you are tired of super-power status? Well the Mk-2 is exactly what YOU are looking for! Comes with the following catch phrases,
"We deplore acts of terrorism."
"We are appalled at the invasion of <insertnamehere>."
"We aim our nukez at j00."
Price: $1.50
Democratic Leader Mk3
This one's a GIRL. Yes it's FEMALE!!!!!!11111 It has unrealistically large breasts and wears a tank top and mini-skirt. Perfect if your Nation is a teenage boy's sexual fantasy. Comes with the following catch-phrases,
"Come to bed big boy."
"I'm actually bisexual."
"We aim our nukez at j00."
Price: $999999999999999 trillion
Communist Leader
Comes wearing a Russian uniform and with an enormous moustache. Perfect if you are an opressed Communist state. Comes with the always useful phrases,
"Prepare for war Comrade."
"They are nothing but evil Capitolist pigdogs, Comrade."
"We aim our nukez at j00....Comrade."
Price: $5 OR FOR A LIMITED TIME ONLY 3 for the price of 2!!!!!!!
Fascist Leader
Comes wearing a huge selection of medals shaped like iron crosses and swaztikas. This all-purpose leader also wears a military uniform and comes with slicked black hair and a small well-trimmed moustache. Do you need to know those catch phrases?
"Let's kill all the <insert racial group of your choice>!"
"Let's have a party....and kill all the <insert racial group of your choice>."
"We aim our nukez at all the <insert racial group of choice>."
Price: A 1 acre slice of land in the Riviera.
God-Emperor
The Deluxe model of world leader. Not only does this one come with a long flowing robe and expression of majesty, but if you purchase the 'God-Emperor' today you get a free throne!!! (throne is plastic, not recommended for under 5s, contains small parts.) Are you waiting for those catch phrases?
"Bow to me peasants!"
"I am your God!"
"I could destroy your Nation, but can't be bothered at the moment."
"My armies are indestructable."
"I'm gonna kick your a$$."
"I'm not a n00B!!!!!!!11"
"I aim my nukez at j00."
Price: $12
What are you waiting for, buy buy buy! Come on! Stocks can't last, you've gotta buy! BUY! BUY!!!
Pets
All world leaders need a pet right? Don't have one? Well Elite-Corp can get you one.
Cat
Its a cat. It goes me-ow and sits on stuff.
Price: A raw turnip
Dog
Similar to cat except it's a dog.
Price: Free
Rat
Similar to cat, except smaller and smells worse.
Price: 2 raw turnips.
Rhinocerous
Not recommended for under 5s.
Does your world-leader really need to look tough. Well what's tougher than a (nearly) tame rhino in their study!?!?!?
Wow! You've got to buy it! Buy buy buy!
Price: $1 million.
This Storefront was brought to you by
Elite Corp
Quality Priapic Goods
Elite-Corp is not responsible for any loss of life or limbs caused by the purchase of their goods.