NationStates Jolt Archive

Tired of your admiral having that same old grey table during those lonely nights at Sea? Well he doesn't have to!!!!!!1111
New from Elite-Corp comes the 'Decorative Bowl of Fruit' Mk1. Now you can add a splash of colour to your admiral's table and pretend that he is eating he "five servings a day" rather than being the scurvey ridden sea-dog he actually is.

At only $0.99 what are you waiting for?
Get yours today!


Specifications
Bowl x1
Apple x 4
Bannana x 2
Lemon x 2

All fruit is plastic. Elite-Corp takes no responsibility for illness or death caused by accidental or deliberate inhalation or consumption of said fruit or bowl. Admiral sold seperately.

ROFL

"Id buy that for a dollar!"

I'll take 5!

The Government of Solid Water has decided to purchase ten thousand (10,000) of said bowls of fruit. We will wire $10,000, with $100 being a bit extra money for your fine offering.

I'll take 18. (The wife's been on my back about adding sophistication to the war room. I keep telling her that's what all the heads on spikes are for, but nooo...)

I'll take forty. Sorry. 40,000.

All orders confirmed. Elite-Corp intends to use this money to buy a van to allow the Chairman's wife to go grocery shopping to the local market.

This is ingeneous. Furor Atlantis will take 5 to bring to the department of marketing to see if it is on demand. Then we plan to resale 500,000 within the country.

We request different variations. A disco theme, or some tropical pineapples and coconuts perhaps?


A five-dollar bill has been put inside a tiny remote controlled plane and is being flown over to your office window. I assume the window is open, so the plane can swoop in and drop the five dollar bill on the table

:D

"Let me get this straight," the Lord Commander said. "You want fruit for our warships. Not even real fruit--plastic fruit. Isn't that a little tacky?"

The War Minister was steadfast. "The fruit will add some spirit to our naval forces. Morale will improve, and with it, our military might."

"You know those bowls of fruit will just get knocked off their tables when our ships hit rough seas," the Lord Commander said.

"We'll glue them down or something," the War Minister said.

The Lord Commander sighed. "Whatever. I--I don't even care. Go ahead and put in an order for a thousand bowls of plastic fruit. It's not like we can't afford it, with our economy being so robust right now."

His sarcasm was lost on the War Minister, who immediately ordered one thousand decorative bowls of plastic fruit.

The government would like one for our cabinet meetings. We will transfer $5 to cover postage and the price.

450,000 bowls of fruit, please.

I'll buy production rights. How much are Admirals?

Oh yes, I forgot the Admirals. We'll take 225,000 Admirals too, that way we can position them on opposite sides of the bowl so they appear to be doing something useful.

OOC: What's going on here, Dyelli? Did you run out of merchant ships to raid? I've got some old ones sitting in some harbors I don't use. I can put some political prisoners on there and set them adrift if you're in that dire need of something to do!

Thje fed union wouldl ike to by a bowl of fruit lol ... 5 perferibly.

This is ingeneous. Furor Atlantis will take 5 to bring to the department of marketing to see if it is on demand. Then we plan to resale 500,000 within the country.

We request different variations. A disco theme, or some tropical pineapples and coconuts perhaps?


A five-dollar bill has been put inside a tiny remote controlled plane and is being flown over to your office window. I assume the window is open, so the plane can swoop in and drop the five dollar bill on the table

:D

Vastiva seconds the request for different variations. Peaches are big down here, also plums. And can we get a quote on bowls of plastic dates and figs?

200 USD is sent for 200 bowls of plastic fruit.

Due to the increasing demands for our products Elite-Corp has decided to launch the following new products and modifications.

Custom bowl of fruit
Now you can chose your own!
Comes with a bowl and your choice of 8 of the following plastic (but very real looking) fruits

Apple
Banana
Lemon
Pear
Bunch of Grapes
Pile of assorted nuts
Bunch of Cherries
Apricot
Plum
Guava
Peach
Small mound of dates
Fig

Extra fruit accessories can be purchased at a very reasonable $0.001

-----------------------------

But wait theres more!

Admiral Mk 1
The Mk 1 Admiral comes with military fatigues, expression of constipated determination and three all purposes phrases,
"Attack the enemy!"
"Fire the Missiles"
"Post losses!"

Price: $5

Admiral Mk 2
Due to the fact that the Admiral Mk 1 is out of many Nations price range for 'pointless military top brass', the Mk 2 was created to fill the buget market. The Mk 2 comes with a fig leaf, and expression of confusion as well as a different three phrases,
"I don't know what I'm doing here."
"Whats this button do?"
"Who stole my pants?"

Price: An egg

Admiral Mk 3
The 'deluxe' edition. Comes with a full Napoleonic style Admiral's uniform with ridiculous amounts of gold braid and an oversized bicorn hat. He comes with an expression of outrage, and 6 all purpose phrases,
"Broadside!"
"Shiver me timbers!"
"Broadside!!"
"Who wants to walk the plank?"
"Broadside!!!"
"Ready the Cabin Boy!"

Price: 12 dubloons

Are we taling models or real people here.

Either way one would be nice for the military offices.

Number 3 please. I have aqquired the dubloons from a museum. "for reasons of great national importance"

We will send them soon, and collect them with one "Minnow" class naval mine removal boat for carrying this important and valuable cargo.

We will take one budget MkII to act as the new minister of foreign affairs.

OOC: rofl!

IC: We'll buy 300 of all three types of Admiral.

Do the admirals and fruit come in "moldy"?

Are we taling models or real people here.

Either way one would be nice for the military offices.

Number 3 please. I have aqquired the dubloons from a museum. "for reasons of great national importance"

We will send them soon, and collect them with one "Minnow" class naval mine removal boat for carrying this important and valuable cargo.

They are of course real humans. They have however been specially selected for their mental 'backwardness' a trait we at Elite-Corp believe to be essential in all high ranking officers,

-------------------------------

We are sure we can add the mould effect to all available models of 'bowl' or admiral' however it will be costly.

Price: One cocker spaniel.

-------------------------------------

Elite-Corp wishes to confirm all orders. We are very excited at the popularity of our products. We wish to announce profits are being directed into research into the new range of "World Leaders and their Pets" due to be released soon.


This message has been brought to you by:
Elite-Corp
Quality Priapic Goods

:D
"An Admrial for five bucks?"
"Yes Naval Marshall..."

"God let's hope the finance minister doesn't hear of this. I'll wind up with a bunch of low IQ twits...and have admirals cleaning toilets."

****

Do you have any generals?

The nation of Pogmo Thoin would like to place an order for 6 of these formidible units. 3 will go into active duty on our fleet of anti-Doujin pontoon boats, the other 3 will be kept in reserve for fleet expansion!

The money will be wired upon order confirmation...er, do you take post-dated checks by the way?

They are of course real humans. They have however been specially selected for their mental 'backwardness' a trait we at Elite-Corp believe to be essential in all high ranking officers,

-------------------------------

We are sure we can add the mould effect to all available models of 'bowl' or admiral' however it will be costly.

Price: One cocker spaniel.

-------------------------------------

Elite-Corp wishes to confirm all orders. We are very excited at the popularity of our products. We wish to announce profits are being directed into research into the new range of "World Leaders and their Pets" due to be released soon.


This message has been brought to you by:
Elite-Corp
Quality Priapic Goods
I would like a moldy version of the bowl, a moldy Admiral MK1-3. That should be 6 dollars, four cocker spaniels, an egg, 5 chocolate dubloons I got for christmas(I decided they were worth 12 because they are ALSO moldy), and that's all. :D

As we have refurbished a good part of our navy, we wish to order another 2000 bowls of plastic fruit and six Admirals, two of each kind.