NationStates Jolt Archive

Citizens of Miratha congregate near the tall, black, city tower rebuilt. A new addition has been made; a large video screen. It shows static for a moment, and then it flashes to Mayor Kabapus, a man in executioner’s outfit and carrying a large axe behind him and to the side of stage left.

“Greetings, Miratha!” Says a cheery Mayor Kabapus. “Finally, my beautiful City Tower has been rebuilt thanks to the wonders of sla--” the other man whispers something in Kabapus’ ear for a moment, and then Kabapus continues. “Thanks to the wonders of hired labour! And it’s got a beautiful new addition; this video screen! The signal is also being broadcasted via radio signals on some godforsaken signal hopefully no one uses. You can access it using any Scanner by setting it to around 775000 gHz [OOC: Not to mention being a ludicrously high frequency outside the reach of most scanners, that specific frequency should be somewhere around the colour “Red” and be visible from the far reaches of the universe; well, not that far, but to quite some point.]. So you can hear about what I have to say. Welcome to Ci… Wait, did they do that one already? Ah, who cares, it’s probably from some godforsaken hell of a country miles away. Welcome to City TV!”
“To start off our 3-minute broadcasting day, I am proud to present some great news! And to present it… Here’s Morkath!”
The man dressed as executioner wanders up as Mayor Kabapus moves to where he was. “Hey everyone, it’s me, your fun-loving Secretary! Have you ever been dissatisfied with YOUR cooking? Awful meals not cutting it anymore? Try my patent-pending Secretarial Cookies! Delicious! Some of my best work! Only a dollar each, we’ll deliver orders of up to 100 cookies! And best of all, it’s been personally tested by, oh wait, hold on…”
Mayor Kabapus disappears for a moment, and returns with a cookie in hand, and he eats it. “Woah, that’s amazing. Delicious!”
“So don’t delay, call now and we’ll send you your first batch FREE!”
Mayor Kabapus returns to the front. “And if you experience anything after ingesting, such as headaches, chest pains or vomiting, please contact us immediately, and we’ll see what we can do. Please describe the symptoms, how many people have ingested the cookies, and anything else that may have influenced the situation. Thank you. This ends our broadcasting day.”

A loud yell is heard from the top of the tower; “get back to work! I don’t let filthy slaves sleep on my streets for nothing!”

Later, inside the tower…

“So, what’s inside these cookies, again?” Asks Mayor Kabapus to Morkath.
“Ah, a special solution of Syrup of Ipecac,” says Morkath. “I discovered it when I first started cooking. It’s flavourless, scentless, and won’t actually begin to act for about one day. After that, the solution will routinely induce vomiting about… Oh, every hour. It’ll last for about a month. Plus, it won’t work if you have no metabolism.”
“Oh,” said Kabapus. “I guess that’s all for the best, after all, I don’t even remember eating anything TO vomit for a while. Plus, I hear it’s no fun to vomit. Have you prepared the antidote yet?”
“Yep, we’ll start advertising it in a week.”
“Big money, here we come.”
“Plus, it’s delicious!”

OOC: Yay! Cookies! wait, their poisoned? Why are you poisoning your own people?

OOC: Yay! Cookies! wait, their poisoned? Why are you poisoning your own people?

OOC:I’m not poisoning my own people, I’m poisoning anyone (as in other nations) who chooses to buy them, and offer them antidotes for ludicrous amounts of money. Furthermore, the poison isn’t deadly unless you’re anorexic, in which case, you might start vomiting internal organs. Not to mention the stomach acid surging up your throat every hour can’t be good for you. Keep in mind, if you’re not suspicious until the end of the post, you’d probably buy them anyway.

OOC: Oh so you'll have a cure for them too? That makes sense.... Could i just buy the cookies with the antidotes? I mean if the cookies are THAT good, isnt it worth making yourself sick and then being able to get cured?

OOC: Oh so you'll have a cure for them too? That makes sense.... Could i just buy the cookies with the antidotes? I mean if the cookies are THAT good, isnt it worth making yourself sick and then being able to get cured?

OOC: You don’t KNOW that they’re poisoned. Get it? You’ll be able to get an antidote if you try it, but the price tag on it, as well as having to roleplay it, may get in the way.

OOC: Ohh.... ok. Thats good.

Ill take 20!

As your first order, you get a free batch. It’ll be delivered immediately, faster than reasonably possible. In fact, it’s probably already there. Enjoy. If you have any problems with your delivery, please notify us immediately.

*eating noises* mmpmrph mm.. Franks for frese crookies, mrphprh, Thar very Chocolarty! *more eating noises*

OOC: If you havent already guessed these people are talking liek retars because they have Cookie in thir mouth.

Mirathan bake sale is still on! Buy, buy, buy!

Sale is still on. Buy your cookies today, they're delicious and not poisoned!

Bump.

Trust him! i had them, and they're Delicious! Unfortunatly i got the stomach flu but its highly unlikely it was from the cookies :)

OO do you have some binge? I'll take 5 crates if you do.
edit: same for handgum

OOC: Eh, thanks for reminding me. I gotta remember to do that later.
Bump, cookies are still for sale!

Now low in fat! Cookies still on sale!

BUY! ... ump.

The Minister of International Affairs walked into the Lord Commander's private meeting room, carrying a poorly-made placard. "Miratha's selling cookies on the international market," he said.
"Miratha?" the Lord Commander said idly. "Aren't they ruled by that guy with the moustache?" Popping open his laptop, he looked the nation up. "Hmm...knowing them, the cookies are probably poisoned. Hell, I could afford to lose some weight though." He placed an order online for a box of cookies from Miratha and a ton of antacids from a reputable supplier.

Even though all the people who ate the cookeis have misteriously coem down with the stomach flu, we would wish to order another 100 cookies!

Ximea-As your first order, you get a free batch. It’ll be delivered immediately, faster than reasonably possible. In fact, it’s probably already there. Enjoy. If you have any problems with your delivery, please notify us immediately.

Lightning Star-Thanks for purchasing our cookies. It’ll be delivered immediately, faster than reasonably possible. In fact, it’s probably already there. Enjoy. If you have any problems with your delivery, please notify us immediately.

OOC: Moustache? Mayor Kabapus is featureless except for eyes and smile.
And Antacids won't help much, I don't think. I don't believe Ipecac is actually acid-based.

Cookie?

Buy now and you'll get a free button that says "Lord Kabapus is my one and only saviour!"

OOC: Not with much of a purpose, really, but hey, I thought I might as well put it. Hey, he thinks so.

Cookie.

If you buy a cookie today, we might not devour your souls!

Buy now and you'll get a free button that says "Lord Kabapus is my one and only saviour!"

OOC: Not with much of a purpose, really, but hey, I thought I might as well put it. Hey, he thinks so.

In that case, ill buy even MORE cookies!

In that case, ill buy even MORE cookies!

How many? Soon as you give me numbers, I'll send 'em. Don't even bother waiting for confirmation anymore, I'm lazy.

im throwing e celebration in mozambique when our new Airship lands, so ill buy 6,000 cookies, enough so that everyone can have Two! Dont forget the stickers!

I want 20 boxes. I have a big stomach being a demon who is all-but-invincible-poisoned-cookies-unless-they-have-Ipecac-in-them-since-that-sstuff-is-crazy. Not that it matters.

Both orders done. Jangle, your first order is free, of course.
OOC: By the way, what does All-But-Invincible mean? I think I know, but it... Doesn't make too much sense. Sorry, just have trouble understanding that.

Somehow, our cookies materialized several seconds before we ordered them. While we are pleasantly surprised by the speed of delivery, we worry that we may have to wait several more days before our antacid--sorry, milk arrives and we can enjoy them. How long will the cookies keep without refrigeration?

Somehow, our cookies materialized several seconds before we ordered them. While we are pleasantly surprised by the speed of delivery, we worry that we may have to wait several more days before our antacid--sorry, milk arrives and we can enjoy them. How long will the cookies keep without refrigeration?
They're cookies. They'll last for quite some time without refrigeration.

OOC: I still don't think Ipecac is acid-based. I'll consider looking it up.
Still OOC: Well, I looked it up, and Ipecac is a stomach irritant. No acid.

Remember, kiddies, Secretarial cookies can help you lose weight if you're on a diet (OOC: Only a slightly sinister hint somewhere there)!

Latest reports say some guy lost 5 bazillion pounds with one cookie! Buy now!

The bake sale is still on!
OOC: Note that Antacid does not work on Ipecac. 'Fact, it's terrible if you eat neutrals or bases.

You Buy It!

I want more! I just realized I AM immune to Ipecac after all. It's Cakey Ape that makes me throw up until I have nothing in me anymore! Your cookies were so good, I sent them to all the starving Etheopian children, who would die if they got sick right now, since they're so thin! Isn't that great!

I want more! I just realized I AM immune to Ipecac after all. It's Cakey Ape that makes me throw up until I have nothing in me anymore! Your cookies were so good, I sent them to all the starving Etheopian children, who would die if they got sick right now, since they're so thin! Isn't that great!

Jangle is so thoughtful! hes ending world hunger!

Cookies are still on sale! Buy them and send 'em to poor, undeveloped nations to help them with food problems!

Buy some cookies, you little snot-nosed freaks, or I'll tear out your lungs.

Hahah! Just kidding!
You better hope so.

Buy some cookies, you little snot-nosed freaks, or I'll tear out your lungs.

Hahah! Just kidding!
You better hope so.

lol

I think what I'm about to say is too obvious to say.

I think what I'm about to say is too obvious to say.

Yes, you do make good cookies.

Yes, you do make good cookies.
Yeh.

this is retarded what is the point of buying cookies that you could get poisened off of??? i would rather endulge in a box of archways chocolate cookies then those cookies... i can make my own cookies i do not know if they are better or worse then your cookies because i would never consider trying your cookies, but i do know i wont get poisened from my cookies.

**try selling somthing useful**

Ya know, these might actually be useful. I'll just feed them to my enemies and bang! they're incapasitated for the election. Try giving a speech when you throw up every hour. :D

Ya know, these might actually be useful. I'll just feed them to my enemies and bang! they're incapasitated for the election. Try giving a speech when you throw up every hour. :D
do you really want me to try??? lol

this is retarded what is the point of buying cookies that you could get poisened off of??? i would rather endulge in a box of archways chocolate cookies then those cookies... i can make my own cookies i do not know if they are better or worse then your cookies because i would never consider trying your cookies, but i do know i wont get poisened from my cookies.

**try selling somthing useful**

OOC: Idiot. I may have mentioned this before, but, in case I didn't (and I DID), YOU DON'T KNOW THEY'RE POISONED. That's what makes it an interesting roleplay. I added the part about them being poisoned because it's hard to role-play something you don't know about. I was just hoping for an interesting role-play and a lot of money on antidotes. Honestly, I was expecting someone to freak out and declare war on me for selling faulty cookies; I'm disappointed it hasn't happened yet.

Still OOC: After a week of sales, I DO plan to sell them as weapons, but until then, you don't know anything about it. Come back in a week if you want poisons, not cookies.

Anyway, the sale is still on.

this is retarded what is the point of buying cookies that you could get poisened off of??? i would rather endulge in a box of archways chocolate cookies then those cookies... i can make my own cookies i do not know if they are better or worse then your cookies because i would never consider trying your cookies, but i do know i wont get poisened from my cookies.

**try selling somthing useful**

The head of Congress: What do you mean *barf*, these cokies are delicious! *barf* Exactly 24 hours after eating*barf* these cookies, i started throwing up, but its IMPOSSIBLE that these cookies are *barf* poisoned! I have one every few minutes or so! *barf*!

OOC: hes trowing up so much bcause he ate alot of cookies.

The head of Congress: What do you mean *barf*, these cokies are delicious! *barf* Exactly 24 hours after eating*barf* these cookies, i started throwing up, but its IMPOSSIBLE that these cookies are *barf* poisoned! I have one every few minutes or so! *barf*!

OOC: hes trowing up so much bcause he ate alot of cookies.

OOC: Ya know, if ya bought 3600 cookies and ate one every second (even if they're the same second on a different hour); I shudder to think.

OOC: oh, and your not SUPPOSED to know that they're poisoned. The poison is invisible to scanners, and it takes a day for them t use so you cant TELL they're poisoned.

OOC: Even if it wasn't invisible to scanners, you'd need to buy 'em first, have a scanner, have the idea to scan the cookies and make sure your scanner is capable of scanning a form of Ipecac that no one knows exists.

So, yeah. Buy a cookie.

Yeh.
I agree.

I agree.
What? Your agreeing with yourself? Why didnt I think of that!

What? Your agreeing with yourself? Why didnt I think of that!
It takes a certain amount of retardedness to think of something like that. You still need work, but hey, practice makes perfect.

Signing out of the forums to sign in as a puppet and agree with your original account is another matter...

... I'll be back.

Buy cookies!

Bump.

Bumpity-bump bump bump.

Bumporz.

Ive run out of cookies, can i have 3000 more for my presidents inauguration party?

Lightning Star-Cookies have been delivered.
Honestly, I think you're eating a little too many cookies. Not saying that, ya know, that'd be bad, but...
...
...
... You might get fat?

Lightning Star-Cookies have been delivered.
Honestly, I think you're eating a little too many cookies. Not saying that, ya know, that'd be bad, but...
...
...
... You might get fat?

Dont worry, our country government has a special No-fat Pill, which only side affect is when its take with Ipecac in the body, it causes throwing up. But we dont hve any Ipecac in our bodies, so we're FINE!

Buy a cookie today or we really WILL rip out your lungs.

Buy a cookie today or we really WILL rip out your lungs.
I'll buy a cookie. Or maybe 5 million boxes. One of the two.

Buy a cookie today or we really WILL rip out your lungs.

OOC: Really Persuasive! ill buy 30 more! (how much do i owe you know, 15 thousand dollars or something :)

Dawn Kradii, Secretary to the CEO, was watching the proceedings on Resi-owned CNN on her lunchbreak.

It was a slow news day, obviously.

She seemed a little put off by the mayor's disclaimer at the end, which was obviously quite the stupid bit of foreshadowing.
"They're probably testing some government chemical," she thought, "like a nerve agent or something. Then they'll write off the effects of the cookies as terrorists interferring with the baking or a mistake in the recipe. They'll probably say something like, 'Oops, we ment to put orange rinds, not Agent Orange'. They're just asking for trouble with this."
"Ah, what the hell," she said aloud, pressing the button on her intercom, "Cynthia, order me a box of those, then ship them to the chem-analysis lab."
"Yes, m'am." the reply crackled acrossed.

OOC: Really Persuasive! ill buy 30 more! (how much do i owe you know, 15 thousand dollars or something :)

OOC: A dollar per cookie. Even so, it doesn't really matter, it's such a small total of government funds you might as well not even count it. I mean, I am, because I'm a penny-pinching bastard, but you don't have to, I don't really care.

IC: Resi Corporation-Cookies have been delivered. Enjoy. They're free, 'cause they're your first order.
Lightning Star-Cookies have also been delivered.
Jangle Jangle Ridge-I'm not sure. However many you ordered, they've been delivered.

OOC again: Resi: You probably won't find much, considering you're looking for a modified version of a plant that technically isn't poisonous. In fact, Ipecac is generally used to induce vomiting to REMOVE poisons.

Cookies are still on sale!

Dawn Kradii, Secretary to the CEO, was watching the proceedings on Resi-owned CNN on her lunchbreak.

It was a slow news day, obviously.

She seemed a little put off by the mayor's disclaimer at the end, which was obviously quite the stupid bit of foreshadowing.
"They're probably testing some government chemical," she thought, "like a nerve agent or something. Then they'll write off the effects of the cookies as terrorists interferring with the baking or a mistake in the recipe. They'll probably say something like, 'Oops, we ment to put orange rinds, not Agent Orange'. They're just asking for trouble with this."
"Ah, what the hell," she said aloud, pressing the button on her intercom, "Cynthia, order me a box of those, then ship them to the chem-analysis lab."
"Yes, m'am." the reply crackled acrossed.


OOC: Hey Resi. Long time, no see, ey? Come help us on Lightning Star's page. We're reinstating the monarchy. But the people want it, so I suppose it's ok. Support the black army!

OOC: Hey Resi. Long time, no see, ey? Come help us on Lightning Star's page. We're reinstating the monarchy. But the people want it, so I suppose it's ok. Support the black army!
((OOC: Pfft, when has the people wanting anything ever mattered to us for anything other than sales? I'll see what I can do, seeing as having a hand in the reconstruction of a government gives us a chance to integrate ourselves into their nation. :D

All I need is a link, though.))

Bumpity bumorz.

Hmm… Cookies, eh? Fine. King Omu Gras considers your offer of 100 free cookies, and accepts.

Hmm… Cookies, eh? Fine. King Omu Gras considers your offer of 100 free cookies, and accepts.
Orders confirmed; I promise they will make you feel in tip-top shape for the rest of the day.

Orders confirmed; I promise they will make you feel in tip-top shape for the rest of the day.
Heheh… Hahahah! These are delicious! MORE FOR OMU GRAS! I SHALL DEVOUR!
EDIT: Forgot to put how many I ordered. I don’t care about the limit; 10,000 cookies.

OOC: Boy, Miratha, you sure are gonna get rich off of these cookies. I mean the antidotes for these cookies. Yourve probably raised like 100,000 dollars from the cookies alone... with the antitode it will probably be a million or 2 :D

Buy More Cookies! Your Robot Overlords Command it!

The Robot overlords? Ok, ill buy 5000 more :D

OOC: Boy, Miratha, you sure are gonna get rich off of these cookies. I mean the antidotes for these cookies. Yourve probably raised like 100,000 dollars from the cookies alone... with the antitode it will probably be a million or 2 :D

Buy More Cookies! Your Robot Overlords Command it!

The Robot overlords? Ok, ill buy 5000 more :D
Both orders confirmed.
OOC: Well, I’ve been thinking about various prices, and considering the inevitable cruelty of Mayor Kabapus, I’m thinking $5 billion per nation.
Yeah, I’m an ass.

Both orders confirmed.
OOC: Well, I’ve been thinking about various prices, and considering the inevitable cruelty of Mayor Kabapus, I’m thinking $5 billion per nation.
Yeah, I’m an ass.

OOC: Pfft, 5 billion? No problem. Thats a large amount of income for a small city :)

((OOC: Pfft, when has the people wanting anything ever mattered to us for anything other than sales? I'll see what I can do, seeing as having a hand in the reconstruction of a government gives us a chance to integrate ourselves into their nation. :D

All I need is a link, though.))
OOC: Don't give away my secret. I filled a huge barge like my Terracostes, but just a cockpit with a big 3-story-building sized cargo bay, with old shells and missiles, then tossed in a couple barrels of C-4, then crashed it into a main base-camp using a remote drone to drive it. It helped. :D

OOC: Don't give away my secret. I filled a huge barge like my Terracostes, but just a cockpit with a big 3-story-building sized cargo bay, with old shells and missiles, then tossed in a couple barrels of C-4, then crashed it into a main base-camp using a remote drone to drive it. It helped. :D

OOC: I found out your secret! Ha ha! :mp5: Now if only i knew how to get a terracoste...

OOC: I found out your secret! Ha ha! :mp5: Now if only i knew how to get a terracoste...
OOC: That's easy.He sells ‘em for $500 billion (100 antidotes, and I get a new terracoste! Buy more cookies, people!). I have a link to it in my signature.

OOC: That's easy.He sells ‘em for $500 billion (100 antidotes, and I get a new terracoste! Buy more cookies, people!). I have a link to it in my signature.

OOC: i know,but right now he and another nation are pillaging my cities and towns, and turning my lush country into a barren wasteland... at least i have my cookies :D

OOC: That's easy.He sells ‘em for $500 billion (100 antidotes, and I get a new terracoste! Buy more cookies, people!). I have a link to it in my signature.
Yay!

"So, what's your conclusion?" the Lord Commander asked the Bio-Sciences Division chief. His desk was covered with small, bite-sized piles of squishy organs and feathers.
"It's not a normal poison, if that's what you mean," the science advisor said. "We're looking at some other options. So far, one test has shown a partial match for ipecac, but nothing conclusive."
"Ipecac?" the Lord Commander asked.
"A vomit-inducing agent. Normally, though, it shouldn't be strong enough to do...that." The science advisor pointed at the piles of organs. "How much did you feed those things?"
"Not too many," the Lord Commander said. "It's hard getting hummingbirds to eat cookies. But their hyperactive metabolism paid off--for me, anyway. Not for them."
One pile of organs near the edge of the table suddenly pulsed and shot a jet of blood onto the science advisor's pristine white labcoat.
"They're inside out," the Lord Commander added unnecessarily.

"Let me guess, the cookies were poisoned?"
"Heavens above!" came the shocked reply from Dawn Kradii's assistant, "How'd you guess?"
"Well, they were kind of STUPID with their disclaimer. They didn't even try and hide it or anything. They should've at least had the sense to make it subliminal."
"Oh, well, I didn't really see the commercial."
"I gathered that."
"Er, yeah..."
"Just send me the specs on the toxin, or whatever it is. See if you can make an antidote or a bacteriophage if it's a living thing that's causing this."
"Yes ma'am, no problem, ma'am."

Shutting off the intercom, Dawn turned her chair away from her desk to look out of the window behind her.
"Why the HELL did they poison the cookies, anyway?" she wondered aloud, "No matter, we'll just get the antidote and sell it back to the nations that... bought... 'em..."
Then it hit her.
"They're wannabe capitalists!" she exclaimed, "Oh, this is so sad, yet so beautiful. They'll get their asses handed to them for poisoning nations, and we'll make a hefty sum off of the cure! If they get a chance to sell the cure before we do, we'll just undercut their price. It's so simple!"

((OOC: As my biomed labs have been studying the cookies, they know all about what's wrong with them. As such, I need to know. Tell me OOCly, is this a toxin we're dealing with, or bacteria? Or is it a virus?))

OOC: It's none of them, it's a stomach irritant.

Buy cookies, people!

Robot: the Robot overlords are displeased with you, Resi and Ximea! YOU MUST BUY AND EAT THESE COOKIES!


Guy: The ovelords want me to buy more? Ill buy 3000!

Bumpity.

"No, you are!"

Robot: the Robot overlords are displeased with you, Resi and Ximea! YOU MUST BUY AND EAT THESE COOKIES!((OOC: Errr... how do you know that we're not eating them? For all you know, Dawn Kradii could want these for her personal cookie stash.))

((OOC: Errr... how do you know that we're not eating them? For all you know, Dawn Kradii could want these for her personal cookie stash.))

OOC: The robot Overlords know all.

"Let me guess, the cookies were poisoned?"
"Heavens above!" came the shocked reply from Dawn Kradii's assistant, "How'd you guess?"
"Well, they were kind of STUPID with their disclaimer. They didn't even try and hide it or anything. They should've at least had the sense to make it subliminal."
"Oh, well, I didn't really see the commercial."
"I gathered that."
"Er, yeah..."
"Just send me the specs on the toxin, or whatever it is. See if you can make an antidote or a bacteriophage if it's a living thing that's causing this."
"Yes ma'am, no problem, ma'am."

Shutting off the intercom, Dawn turned her chair away from her desk to look out of the window behind her.
"Why the HELL did they poison the cookies, anyway?" she wondered aloud, "No matter, we'll just get the antidote and sell it back to the nations that... bought... 'em..."
Then it hit her.
"They're wannabe capitalists!" she exclaimed, "Oh, this is so sad, yet so beautiful. They'll get their asses handed to them for poisoning nations, and we'll make a hefty sum off of the cure! If they get a chance to sell the cure before we do, we'll just undercut their price. It's so simple!"

((OOC: As my biomed labs have been studying the cookies, they know all about what's wrong with them. As such, I need to know. Tell me OOCly, is this a toxin we're dealing with, or bacteria? Or is it a virus?))
OOC: By the way, how are you going to go about finding lists of users? Surely that's strictly confidential information.

OOC: I'm getting really bored of waiting. I was gonna put this off for another day, but no one's really purchasing any more. So, here we go.

IC: Once again, the video screen of the City Tower goes on, with an unusually somber Mayor Kabapus.
"I have some bad news, folks," Kabapus says. "For some reason; I don't exactly know myself; an unusual poison has entered the cookies we were recently selling. We first noticed when we began to hear of unusual symptoms of vomiting; after some research, we learned about the situation. Morkath has designed a special antidote for the poison; we are currently selling it to any nations which have purchased the cookies; the price is $5 billion for enough antidote for every person in a single nation who is known to have ingested some of the poison; if you are unable to meet our ticket price, what you have will surely do. If you do not take the antidote, within a month of ingestion, the vomiting will stop; this is a sign that the poison has finally circulated throughout your entire body, and within a week after, you'll feel extreme agony and die. We apologize for the inconvenience. If you have purchased any cookies and wish to cure someone, please give us money and the number of people who have ingested the poison. Personally, I believe this may be for one of two reasons; the Orange Rinds that were supposed to be in it were replaced somehow, and this may either be an accident or a Terrorist Attack on Miratha. We believe it was probably the work of the sickeningly evil UN totalitarian society FROM HELL. As such, we now dedicate Miratha to the destruction of this disastrous corporation."
Morkath also walks up and says something. "In the meantime, we are still selling cookies! Use 'em as poison against your enemies! One million dollars per cookie!"
The screen fades back into static, and maniacal laughter is heard from inside the tower.
OOC: Don't buy cookies here anymore. This thread is solely for antidotes and the many people who wish to complain. Cookies'll be for sale here (http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=344874) in a bit.

OOC: Mmm, orange rinds....

Robot: Buy the antidotes, your Robot Overlords command it!

Guy: Ok, il buy some! 5 billion U.S. Dollars are en-route.

OOC: Mmm, orange rinds....

Robot: Buy the antidotes, your Robot Overlords command it!

Guy: Ok, il buy some! 5 billion U.S. Dollars are en-route.
Thank you. We apologize for the inconvenience; 1 antidote per cookie purchased will be sent.

Soon to come: Unpoisoned Cookies!

OOC: By the way, how are you going to go about finding lists of users? Surely that's strictly confidential information.
((OOC: Oh, we don't need a list of the users. We just release the information to the public, and those people who ate your vomit-inducing cookies will buy it. It's not like they'd be too embarassed to buy from us, or anything.))
IC:
The following commercial is played on CNN every 30 minutes:

"Are you feeling sick? Are you vomiting uncontrollably? President Bob of Madeupastan is."
Camera fades to a man in a suit with his head in a toilet, making vomiting noises.
"That's because President Bob decided to buy discount cookies from Miratha instead of the quality cookies that Granny SLAG makes. Bob needs help, and we here at Resi Corp can keep him from tossing his cookies."
Bob pulls his head from the toilet, and looks at the camera wide-eyed. "Huh?" he exclaims.
"That's right, Bob! Simply buy some Barf-B-Gone! It costs a mere $20 per box of cookies purchased to medicate your entire nation! Simply send money or check to blah blah blah, blah blah, blah blah."
Camera shows Bob smiling, and his followers dancing happily around him.
"See folks? Bob didn't get impeached! Buy some Barf-B-Gone today!

((OOC: Oh, we don't need a list of the users. We just release the information to the public, and those people who ate your vomit-inducing cookies will buy it. It's not like they'd be too embarassed to buy from us, or anything.))
IC:
The following commercial is played on CNN every 30 minutes:

"Are you feeling sick? Are you vomiting uncontrollably? President Bob of Madeupastan is."
Camera fades to a man in a suit with his head in a toilet, making vomiting noises.
"That's because President Bob decided to buy discount cookies from Miratha instead of the quality cookies that Granny SLAG makes. Bob needs help, and we here at Resi Corp can keep him from tossing his cookies."
Bob pulls his head from the toilet, and looks at the camera wide-eyed. "Huh?" he exclaims.
"That's right, Bob! Simply buy some Barf-B-Gone! It costs a mere $20 per box of cookies purchased to medicate your entire nation! Simply send money or check to blah blah blah, blah blah, blah blah."
Camera shows Bob smiling, and his followers dancing happily around him.
"See folks? Bob didn't get impeached! Buy some Barf-B-Gone today!
The City Tower goes on again. A large area of the city around the tower has been barricaded, containing 1,000 Mirathan citizens and several vehicles, with generals on them holding Void Blades or modified Thompson Submachine Guns, each vehicle outfitted with the Number Five Automatic Shotgun. The tower is not broadcasting anything to other nations, but instead only on the single screen.
“Gentlemen,” a jolly Mayor Kabapus says, “we believe there has been a leak. Somehow, information got out that our food was poisoned with a special solution of Ipecac and started producing antidotes for cheaper amounts of money. We believe it is one of this crowd of a thousand. As such, it will be your task to try to climb the barricades as these vehicles are started, the Void Blades start swinging and these shotguns n’ tommyguns start flying. If you can make it out, you’re guilty of Grand Heresy. Let the games begin!” Thousands of projectiles fly as the populace tries to escape.
The next day, the front page article of the Mirathan Post says “1,000 corpses of Mirathan citizens found near the City Tower; attack blamed on UN terrorists.” A copy is sent to The Resi Corporation, with a note saying “Please refrain from selling any more antidote. If you do, you may soon find your head on a pike. Sincerely, Mayor Kabapus.”
OOC: If you’re wondering why Kabapus suspected a leak, keep in mind he doesn’t really know what happened, nor cares.

The City Tower goes on again. A large area of the city around the tower has been barricaded, containing 1,000 Mirathan citizens and several vehicles, with generals on them holding Void Blades or modified Thompson Submachine Guns, each vehicle outfitted with the Number Five Automatic Shotgun. The tower is not broadcasting anything to other nations, but instead only on the single screen.
“Gentlemen,” a jolly Mayor Kabapus says, “we believe there has been a leak. Somehow, information got out that our food was poisoned with a special solution of Ipecac and started producing antidotes for cheaper amounts of money. We believe it is one of this crowd of a thousand. As such, it will be your task to try to climb the barricades as these vehicles are started, the Void Blades start swinging and these shotguns n’ tommyguns start flying. If you can make it out, you’re guilty of Grand Heresy. Let the games begin!” Thousands of projectiles fly as the populace tries to escape.
The next day, the front page article of the Mirathan Post says “1,000 corpses of Mirathan citizens found near the City Tower; attack blamed on UN terrorists.” A copy is sent to The Resi Corporation, with a note saying “Please refrain from selling any more antidote. If you do, you may soon find your head on a pike. Sincerely, Mayor Kabapus.”
OOC: If you’re wondering why Kabapus suspected a leak, keep in mind he doesn’t really know what happened, nor cares.

OOC: ahh, corrupt Capitalism... Almost as bad as curropt Communism.. Me likey!

((OOC: Or that he wanted a scapegoat to keep himself from looking bad. :p ))
IC:
"So they kill their own civilians as a threat to us?" Dawn Kradii said, reading the attached note.
"Er, it appears that way, ma'am."
"Wow, we should keep this up. They might just whipe themselves out for us!"
"You're an optimist, ma'am."
"You know it. Should we provoke them some more?"
"Isn't that what continuing to sell the cure is doing?"
"True, but that's not enough."

The next day, a cheesy postcard from the Resi Corporation's tourist island of Bandonia arrives at the mayor's office. On it is scrawled:
"We thought about which their threats cannot in the diminished position, of that constantly and would be. They would have that to consider, the end to give to shutdowns the other way around its nation to the resistance of the society released of."

((OOC: What the postcard says is a Babelized version of: "We think your threats are idle and unable to be backed up. You should consider surrendering your nation to the might of the Resi Corporation." :p
To babelize text, visit this site (http://www.tashian.com/multibabel/).))

((OOC: Or that he wanted a scapegoat to keep himself from looking bad. :p ))
IC:
"So they kill their own civilians as a threat to us?" Dawn Kradii said, reading the attached note.
"Er, it appears that way, ma'am."
"Wow, we should keep this up. They might just whipe themselves out for us!"
"You're an optimist, ma'am."
"You know it. Should we provoke them some more?"
"Isn't that what continuing to sell the cure is doing?"
"True, but that's not enough."

The next day, a cheesy postcard from the Resi Corporation's tourist island of Bandonia arrives at the mayor's office. On it is scrawled:
"We thought about which their threats cannot in the diminished position, of that constantly and would be. They would have that to consider, the end to give to shutdowns the other way around its nation to the resistance of the society released of."

((OOC: What the postcard says is a Babelized version of: "We think your threats are idle and unable to be backed up. You should consider surrendering your nation to the might of the Resi Corporation." :p
To babelize text, visit this site (http://www.tashian.com/multibabel/).))
OOC: What you don't understand is that while suspecting a leak may be an excuse for Mayor Kabapus to kill millions of people to secretly try to threaten you, secretly trying to threaten you is an excuse for Mayor Kabapus to kill millions of people.

"I don't think killing millions of people is gonna go down well," says Morkath.

"Nonsense, all we have to really do to get it to full-strength is kill more people."

"Better idea; how 'bout we invite some of their top officials for dinner, then we lock 'em in the top room set up to look like a dining room, and we offer them a choice; they can live, or they can sell more antidote."

"Top room?"

"Interrogation room, the one with all the security equipment to kill things. Only, due to the theory of Metagamaria..."

"What the hell?"

"Ah, through it, you gain constant information of what the opponent is doing in preparation for things. With it, I could say that they had just called us wannabe capitalists. Furthermore, they might use it to dodge a meeting."

"Fine, then. Say we'll come and capture 1,000 of their own citizens if they do not comply."

Another postcard is sent back. It is covered in blood, but something is barely legible on the back.

Greetings. As a simple gesture of peace, Mayor Kabapus invites any top officials to dinner. If you do not comply, Mayor Kabapus says he'll have another bloodbath. I can't think of any witty way to put this right now, 'cause it's early in the morning, but, uh, we're gonna take your citizens. And, if you DO come, well, we can discuss the surrendering of Miratha. Please do not bring anything of importance, as it will immediately be confiscated by Mirathan police and not returned.
-The Secretary

OOC: ahh, corrupt Capitalism... Almost as bad as curropt Communism.. Me likey!
It's kinda like Stalinism, actually, but there's no attempt to cover it up. I'd say it's closest to Psychotic Dictatorship, even if that's no longer our UN category.

Miratha's new way (or same, but even more brutal to civilians) of dealing with things; http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=345715

OOC: What you don't understand is that while suspecting a leak may be an excuse for Mayor Kabapus to kill millions of people to secretly try to threaten you, secretly trying to threaten you is an excuse for Mayor Kabapus to kill millions of people.

"I don't think killing millions of people is gonna go down well," says Morkath.

"Nonsense, all we have to really do to get it to full-strength is kill more people."

"Better idea; how 'bout we invite some of their top officials for dinner, then we lock 'em in the top room set up to look like a dining room, and we offer them a choice; they can live, or they can sell more antidote."

"Top room?"

"Interrogation room, the one with all the security equipment to kill things. Only, due to the theory of Metagamaria..."

"What the hell?"

"Ah, through it, you gain constant information of what the opponent is doing in preparation for things. With it, I could say that they had just called us wannabe capitalists. Furthermore, they might use it to dodge a meeting."

"Fine, then. Say we'll come and capture 1,000 of their own citizens if they do not comply."

Another postcard is sent back. It is covered in blood, but something is barely legible on the back.

Greetings. As a simple gesture of peace, Mayor Kabapus invites any top officials to dinner. If you do not comply, Mayor Kabapus says he'll have another bloodbath. I can't think of any witty way to put this right now, 'cause it's early in the morning, but, uh, we're gonna take your citizens. And, if you DO come, well, we can discuss the surrendering of Miratha. Please do not bring anything of importance, as it will immediately be confiscated by Mirathan police and not returned.
-The Secretary
This time, Dawn Kradii took the card directly to the CEO instead of to her subordinates.
"You'd think they'd communicate in a more civilized manner, like, say, e-mail?" Jai (the CEO) said, holding the still-dripping bloody card away from him.
"Ich, tell me about it," Dawn said, still disgusted, "the guy's a nutjob."
"Anyway, what do you propose we do about the whole 'go-there-or-they-take-our-people' situation?" Jai said, flinging the postcard into the trashcan acrossed from his desk.
"Well, we could always send Dae," Dawn said, with a slight smile, "I mean, if she dies, I could always take her place..."
"Dawn, no. You just don't like her because she has a tail, and she's higher than you."
"Well, that and she's a pinko commie."
"No, she's not. She's your boss directly under me, so you better get some humility."
"Pfft, screw that."
"Right, whatever. Should I send a robot double like I do for all my public appearances? The thing has frekking plasma laser cannons in its arms, so it wouldn't exactly be defenceless."
"Eh, alright. But I still say you should send Dae."
"Dawn, shut up."
"Siiiiigh, yessir."

A strange helecopter/jet hybrid approaches the capital city of Miratha, flying only 70 feet above the ground. As it nears the city, it broadcasts a signal.
"This craft carries the CEO of the Resi Corporation! We request permission to land, and the location of the nearest buffet."

((OOC: If you want to learn a bit more about robots, click here to visit our storefront (http://members.cox.net/resicorp/). The robo-Jai is basically a modified v2.0, with a few less weapons, a different shaped head, and artificial human skin.))

This time, Dawn Kradii took the card directly to the CEO instead of to her subordinates.
"You'd think they'd communicate in a more civilized manner, like, say, e-mail?" Jai (the CEO) said, holding the still-dripping bloody card away from him.
"Ich, tell me about it," Dawn said, still disgusted, "the guy's a nutjob."
"Anyway, what do you propose we do about the whole 'go-there-or-they-take-our-people' situation?" Jai said, flinging the postcard into the trashcan acrossed from his desk.
"Well, we could always send Dae," Dawn said, with a slight smile, "I mean, if she dies, I could always take her place..."
"Dawn, no. You just don't like her because she has a tail, and she's higher than you."
"Well, that and she's a pinko commie."
"No, she's not. She's your boss directly under me, so you better get some humility."
"Pfft, screw that."
"Right, whatever. Should I send a robot double like I do for all my public appearances? The thing has frekking plasma laser cannons in its arms, so it wouldn't exactly be defenceless."
"Eh, alright. But I still say you should send Dae."
"Dawn, shut up."
"Siiiiigh, yessir."

A strange helecopter/jet hybrid approaches the capital city of Miratha, flying only 70 feet above the ground. As it nears the city, it broadcasts a signal.
"This craft carries the CEO of the Resi Corporation! We request permission to land, and the location of the nearest buffet."

((OOC: If you want to learn a bit more about robots, click here to visit our storefront (http://members.cox.net/resicorp/). The robo-Jai is basically a modified v2.0, with a few less weapons, a different shaped head, and artificial human skin.))

OOC: "artificial" human skin. Yeah right :D

This time, Dawn Kradii took the card directly to the CEO instead of to her subordinates.
"You'd think they'd communicate in a more civilized manner, like, say, e-mail?" Jai (the CEO) said, holding the still-dripping bloody card away from him.
"Ich, tell me about it," Dawn said, still disgusted, "the guy's a nutjob."
"Anyway, what do you propose we do about the whole 'go-there-or-they-take-our-people' situation?" Jai said, flinging the postcard into the trashcan acrossed from his desk.
"Well, we could always send Dae," Dawn said, with a slight smile, "I mean, if she dies, I could always take her place..."
"Dawn, no. You just don't like her because she has a tail, and she's higher than you."
"Well, that and she's a pinko commie."
"No, she's not. She's your boss directly under me, so you better get some humility."
"Pfft, screw that."
"Right, whatever. Should I send a robot double like I do for all my public appearances? The thing has frekking plasma laser cannons in its arms, so it wouldn't exactly be defenceless."
"Eh, alright. But I still say you should send Dae."
"Dawn, shut up."
"Siiiiigh, yessir."

A strange helecopter/jet hybrid approaches the capital city of Miratha, flying only 70 feet above the ground. As it nears the city, it broadcasts a signal.
"This craft carries the CEO of the Resi Corporation! We request permission to land, and the location of the nearest buffet."

((OOC: If you want to learn a bit more about robots, click here to visit our storefront (http://members.cox.net/resicorp/). The robo-Jai is basically a modified v2.0, with a few less weapons, a different shaped head, and artificial human skin.))
OOC: Sorry, but just soes ya know, Miratha is really just one large city. Doesn't have much influence on what you're doing, though. I assume you land at the closest airport, which would probably be somewhere near the City Tower. And be a military facility (Miratha doesn't have civilian airports, at least not for leaving).

IC: Inside the City Tower, Mayor Kabapus stares outside the window.

"He's here," says Morkath.

"He is?" Says Kabapus. "Funny, I didn't sense anything. He must be unusually calm."

"They're requesting permission to land. Should we let them, or will they be forced to circle Miratha for hours, like last time?"

"Right, tell them to land. I'll be there in a few seconds."

(OOC: This is assuming you land with no error immediately; if you don't do so, then just ignore everything afterwards. Regardless, something like this is going to happen.)

When the helicopter lands, immediately a large squad of police officers surrounds it. A man with a megaphone begins to speak.

"Welcome to Miratha. If you have any other personnel or any valuables or weapons, DO NOT TAKE THEM OUTSIDE OF THE HELICOPTER. Doing so will require that they be immediately be confiscated by the Government of Miratha; yes, this applies to personnel. As long as you comply with these rules, you are in no immediate danger."

"Roln..." A voice speaks from a short distance away, and suddenly a feeling of intense negative emotion surrounds the area. Soon, it is clear that it is coming from a tall, thin man; he wears nothing but a top hat and aside from two large, sinister eyes and a gigantic, pearly-white smile, he is completely featureless. He carries a metal longstaff in one hand. "Since when have we been such an unloving city? Surely we cannot put a major ambassador under any kind of major restriction. Come, and I shall escort you to the City Tower."

"... By the way, if you still have that postcard, I'd like it back. I just need to erase everything on it to use it again."

OOC: Are you gonna reply?

OOC: Cookies are still on sa-... Never mind.
Eh, Resi, are you actually going to continue?

Me want more cookies! Please! At least some sort of Pastry!

"Wow," Mayor Kabapus says. "It's been a few days, I don't think he's coming out. Should we just go home now?"