Antebellum South
21-07-2004, 17:10
Associated Press, July 21st, 2004
New Orleans, The Bucolic Setting of Antebellum South
Over 3,000,000 fans and dealers are expected to visit the 315th annual International Human Slavery Convention in New Orleans, which opened its week-long series of events this morning. Nearly 50 slave wholesalers and more than 300 specialty slave boutiques and fan organizations have set up shop to promote their wares. Though negroes still make up the vast majority of slaves trafficked, SlaveCon officials say that slaves from other places, such as China, are becoming increasingly popular. Says Chadwick Pickworth, CEO of San Francisco-based Chinese slave breeding company Gold Mountain Genetics, "We have seen a spike in the sale of both the usual Chinese products such as railroad workers, and of specialty slaves like basketball players, who used to come exclusively from Africa."
SlaveCon observers believe that all previous price records are in danger this year due to 2004's exceptionally high quality wares. Juvenal Wycliffe, the Alabaman pig iron mogul, has already broken the record for negro pugilists when he dropped a cool $1 billion for a boxer taken from the Yoruba tribe in Nigeria, breaking the previous price record by nearly $600,000,000. However, the overall record for a single negro slave still stands at an astounding $3.92 billion paid by Saudi prince and oil tycoon Yeslaam ibn Saud for a Tchadi basketball player during the 2001 SlaveCon.
Due to past incidents of terrorist attacks by abolitionists, SlaveCon organizers have spent a record $700 million on security personnel and programs. In addition Antebellum South's government has committed thirty naval vessels to patrol the lower Mississippi River.
It should be noted that due to its pro-slavery stance Antebellum South is under severe sanctions by the United Nations and the International Human Slavery Convention is strictly banned by most countries in the world community.
Average prices at SlaveCon 2004:
Negro cotton-picker: $519
Expert negro basketball player: $236,880,014
Chinaman railroad worker: $1109
Expert Chinaman mathematician: $119,402,263
Special deals:
Three Negroes and a Dog (your choice of Rottweiler or Bullmastiff): $4,000
Grab Bag (50 random negroes): $100,000
PLANTATION SPECIAL (1000 negro field hands and 50 big house staffers): $1,500,000
TRANSCONTINENTAL RAILROAD BONANZA (200,000 Chinaman railroad workers and coolies): $5,000,000
New Orleans, The Bucolic Setting of Antebellum South
Over 3,000,000 fans and dealers are expected to visit the 315th annual International Human Slavery Convention in New Orleans, which opened its week-long series of events this morning. Nearly 50 slave wholesalers and more than 300 specialty slave boutiques and fan organizations have set up shop to promote their wares. Though negroes still make up the vast majority of slaves trafficked, SlaveCon officials say that slaves from other places, such as China, are becoming increasingly popular. Says Chadwick Pickworth, CEO of San Francisco-based Chinese slave breeding company Gold Mountain Genetics, "We have seen a spike in the sale of both the usual Chinese products such as railroad workers, and of specialty slaves like basketball players, who used to come exclusively from Africa."
SlaveCon observers believe that all previous price records are in danger this year due to 2004's exceptionally high quality wares. Juvenal Wycliffe, the Alabaman pig iron mogul, has already broken the record for negro pugilists when he dropped a cool $1 billion for a boxer taken from the Yoruba tribe in Nigeria, breaking the previous price record by nearly $600,000,000. However, the overall record for a single negro slave still stands at an astounding $3.92 billion paid by Saudi prince and oil tycoon Yeslaam ibn Saud for a Tchadi basketball player during the 2001 SlaveCon.
Due to past incidents of terrorist attacks by abolitionists, SlaveCon organizers have spent a record $700 million on security personnel and programs. In addition Antebellum South's government has committed thirty naval vessels to patrol the lower Mississippi River.
It should be noted that due to its pro-slavery stance Antebellum South is under severe sanctions by the United Nations and the International Human Slavery Convention is strictly banned by most countries in the world community.
Average prices at SlaveCon 2004:
Negro cotton-picker: $519
Expert negro basketball player: $236,880,014
Chinaman railroad worker: $1109
Expert Chinaman mathematician: $119,402,263
Special deals:
Three Negroes and a Dog (your choice of Rottweiler or Bullmastiff): $4,000
Grab Bag (50 random negroes): $100,000
PLANTATION SPECIAL (1000 negro field hands and 50 big house staffers): $1,500,000
TRANSCONTINENTAL RAILROAD BONANZA (200,000 Chinaman railroad workers and coolies): $5,000,000