Fractured Reality
27-06-2004, 10:49
To all interested nations:
I am unable to provide my real identity, as I do not wish to be punished for leaking the documents below containing conversations between the governments of Fractured Reality and Sexagogo.
I have published these conversations due to my very great concern that the government of Sexagogo intends to soon start an unjustified and agressive war with the peaceful state of Fractured Reality. My hope is that by publishing these documents the people of Sexagogo will see them, and realise the extent to which their government has been taken over by war mongering ultra-nationalists intent on leading their nation into a war of imperial expansion.
The conversation below originally started when the government of Fractured Reality, in all its innocence, asked Sexagogo if they would like to exchange ambasadors. Below is the reply from the government of Sexagogo.
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From: Sexagogo.
To: Fractured Reality.
"ahhh our eastern neighbours coming in from the cold. greetings good sirs. We would love to send you over a "gift basket" of goodies, and see no reason why a party of your overpaid politicians shouldn't come and indulge in some nightly games with some of our "entertainers!"
regards Dan Dildo Minister for foreign relations."
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From: Fractured Reality.
To: Sexagogo.
"Thank you very much indeed for the "gift basket of entertainers". We are currently enjoying all the delightful fruits contained therein!
It seems in fact that they are planning to apply for political asylum in Fractured Reality. They say that Fractured Reality is a much nicer place to live, what with our having no income tax, a surging "Powerhouse" economy, and of course the hoards of big fat sewer rats scurrying around the country side. As one mentioned to me, while performing a particularly torrid act of entertainment, while they quite like a nice bit of 69, they don't like it as a tax rate! Quite frankly, I can completely understand why they would want to leave a nation where the economy is geriatric, where the tax rate is almost as oppressive as the death penalty, and there's no decent sport on telly on the weekend! God, I'd leave too if I lived in Sexagogo! But of course, you understand, that this is not an official criticism of your most excellent nation, rather it is just a personal observation of mine.
So, in order to ensure the maximum efficiency, and fairest consideration of the matter, and taking into consideration all the issues, and recognising the sensitivity of the matter, the government of Fractured Reality has provided your entertainers with pre-filled out and pre-approved political asylum application forms. While in turn, your entertainers have provided us with examples of their pre-gratitude. The process itself should be finalised by the time you receive this communication. While we do appologise for the lateness of the notification, we have been made to understand by your entertainers, that your goverment would have no objection to them "leaving the sinking ship", as one of the put it. We look forward to receiving your pre-approval of this transaction.
On behalf of the government and people of Fractured Reality, let me say how grateful we are for your sending us such fine examples of your nation's culture and youth. For a nation where sport is as geriatric as the economy, your cultural representatives are as athletic as olympians, and have the stamina of marathon runners! Indeed, we would be pleased to accept more such exchanges in the not-too-distant future. But first please give us time to catch our breaths and recover from the current bout of cultural exchange.
My most warmest regards,
Broken Shardsofglass,
Sometime President of Fractured Reality."
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From: Sexagogo.
To: Fractured Reality.
"Good morning from sexagogo. Be careful about keeping "lucy" and "cindy" when we sent the girls to you we weren't especially careful about giving them a full health check, but we are assured that the crabs have been gone for quite some time.....
We find it a little disheartening that your "small" nation thought we would send the "caviar" over to you and leave our own ministers with "no-name cheese", our entertainers come highly reccomended, and our best would never leave for such a small un-established land as your own.
As for your friendly jibes over our horrid tax problems, we can only agree and state that at least we are still having good sex. At the end of the day that has to matter for something?
Concluding we feel that for good relations to continue between the two countries, we need to establish some small facts.i;e where huge and your not so behave!!!
Your Fuckedly
Minister for Transmitted diseases. Sally Clit.
(apologies that we couldn't find anyone higher up to reply, but there all at a sex convention.)"
************************************************************
From: Fractured Reality.
To: Sexagogo.
"Thank you for your most interesting reply.
Clearly, your government has no objections to the "girls" finding ever greater satisfaction by choosing to remain in the paradise that is Fractured Reality. On behalf of the government of Fractured Reality, and the girls themselves, let me thank you for your understanding of this sensitive issue, and your wise preparedness to recognise the rights of free choice of your most charming former citizens. Indeed, we here would never have imagined that you would have acted in any other way than approve of the girls wishes.
We thank you also for reminding us of our smallness in comparision to your bulbous state. And while this fact might bring some comfort and sense of superiority to those who believe size really matters, as the "girls" themselves said when told of your reply, "Its not the size that matters, but how well its used that really counts!"
Indeed, and unfortunately, due to the percieved tone of parts of your reply by some members of our government, there is amongst some here the mistaken impression that you are trying to intimidate us with veiled threats in the form of "ours is bigger than yours". That due to your size advantage over us, you have an equal military superiority over us. As I am sure you would agree, an advantage in one area does not automatically follow in another. This being the case here, we would be remiss if we failed to bring to your attention a few facts, that while they may seem insignificant individually, have the potential to be most important.
First: Fractured Reality has in place a policy of Compulsory Military Service, while Sexagogo does not. This policy translates into Fractured Reality having a large, well trained, and extremely well equipped military.
Second: Fractured Reality spends heavily on military forces and equipment, while Sexagogo does not. Indeed, your own national outline states in relation to your military expenditure, "... areas such as Defence and Commerce receiving almost no funds by comparison." In fact, the situation in regards to your nation's military spending is becoming worse, as your national outline again states, "military funding has been stripped back". Some military commentators in this country have said that in regards to your military, "it is now less a case of military force, and more one of military flacid". Whereas Fractured Reality's military forces are as hard and ramrod straight as ever. A veritable shaft of destruction! The state of Sexagogo's military forces can only be imagined.
I mention these facts to you, not as any form of threat, for what reason would Fractured Reality have to threaten such a peace loving nation like Sexagogo?, rather to inform your governement that there appear to be elements within your nation that would like nothing more than to engage in a very dangerous military adventure. Clearly, your government has a very attractive policy of 'make love, not war', and we wholeheartedly applaud such a policy! And we look forward to your government's formal rejection of any suggestions of military madness on the part of Sexagogo!
And while on the subject of military matters, and in the spirit of friendship and peace that exist between our two nations, I would like to inform you that the government of Fractured Reality has begun undertaking a complete review of our strategic and tactical military situation and defence policy, and the forces at our disposal. While I am not at liberty to go into further details at this point in time, I hope soon to be able to bring you news in regards to this. I inform your government of this in order to reassure you of Fractured Reality's honesty, openness, and friendship.
In closing, let me once again thank you on behalf of all those involved for your generosity, understanding and approval of the "Girls" issue. Such understanding on your part has gone a long way here to bringing our two great nations closer together. I am sure that in the future, should any difficult issues arise between us, we can resolve them quickly and painlessly by following this just settled issue as an example.
My most warmest regards,
Smashem Alltodeath,
Minister of War,
Fractured Reality."
***********************************************************
Note: As of this date, the government of Sexagogo has not renounced the use of military force against the peace loving state of Fractured Reality.
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I am unable to provide my real identity, as I do not wish to be punished for leaking the documents below containing conversations between the governments of Fractured Reality and Sexagogo.
I have published these conversations due to my very great concern that the government of Sexagogo intends to soon start an unjustified and agressive war with the peaceful state of Fractured Reality. My hope is that by publishing these documents the people of Sexagogo will see them, and realise the extent to which their government has been taken over by war mongering ultra-nationalists intent on leading their nation into a war of imperial expansion.
The conversation below originally started when the government of Fractured Reality, in all its innocence, asked Sexagogo if they would like to exchange ambasadors. Below is the reply from the government of Sexagogo.
**********************************************************
From: Sexagogo.
To: Fractured Reality.
"ahhh our eastern neighbours coming in from the cold. greetings good sirs. We would love to send you over a "gift basket" of goodies, and see no reason why a party of your overpaid politicians shouldn't come and indulge in some nightly games with some of our "entertainers!"
regards Dan Dildo Minister for foreign relations."
*********************************************************
From: Fractured Reality.
To: Sexagogo.
"Thank you very much indeed for the "gift basket of entertainers". We are currently enjoying all the delightful fruits contained therein!
It seems in fact that they are planning to apply for political asylum in Fractured Reality. They say that Fractured Reality is a much nicer place to live, what with our having no income tax, a surging "Powerhouse" economy, and of course the hoards of big fat sewer rats scurrying around the country side. As one mentioned to me, while performing a particularly torrid act of entertainment, while they quite like a nice bit of 69, they don't like it as a tax rate! Quite frankly, I can completely understand why they would want to leave a nation where the economy is geriatric, where the tax rate is almost as oppressive as the death penalty, and there's no decent sport on telly on the weekend! God, I'd leave too if I lived in Sexagogo! But of course, you understand, that this is not an official criticism of your most excellent nation, rather it is just a personal observation of mine.
So, in order to ensure the maximum efficiency, and fairest consideration of the matter, and taking into consideration all the issues, and recognising the sensitivity of the matter, the government of Fractured Reality has provided your entertainers with pre-filled out and pre-approved political asylum application forms. While in turn, your entertainers have provided us with examples of their pre-gratitude. The process itself should be finalised by the time you receive this communication. While we do appologise for the lateness of the notification, we have been made to understand by your entertainers, that your goverment would have no objection to them "leaving the sinking ship", as one of the put it. We look forward to receiving your pre-approval of this transaction.
On behalf of the government and people of Fractured Reality, let me say how grateful we are for your sending us such fine examples of your nation's culture and youth. For a nation where sport is as geriatric as the economy, your cultural representatives are as athletic as olympians, and have the stamina of marathon runners! Indeed, we would be pleased to accept more such exchanges in the not-too-distant future. But first please give us time to catch our breaths and recover from the current bout of cultural exchange.
My most warmest regards,
Broken Shardsofglass,
Sometime President of Fractured Reality."
*********************************************************
From: Sexagogo.
To: Fractured Reality.
"Good morning from sexagogo. Be careful about keeping "lucy" and "cindy" when we sent the girls to you we weren't especially careful about giving them a full health check, but we are assured that the crabs have been gone for quite some time.....
We find it a little disheartening that your "small" nation thought we would send the "caviar" over to you and leave our own ministers with "no-name cheese", our entertainers come highly reccomended, and our best would never leave for such a small un-established land as your own.
As for your friendly jibes over our horrid tax problems, we can only agree and state that at least we are still having good sex. At the end of the day that has to matter for something?
Concluding we feel that for good relations to continue between the two countries, we need to establish some small facts.i;e where huge and your not so behave!!!
Your Fuckedly
Minister for Transmitted diseases. Sally Clit.
(apologies that we couldn't find anyone higher up to reply, but there all at a sex convention.)"
************************************************************
From: Fractured Reality.
To: Sexagogo.
"Thank you for your most interesting reply.
Clearly, your government has no objections to the "girls" finding ever greater satisfaction by choosing to remain in the paradise that is Fractured Reality. On behalf of the government of Fractured Reality, and the girls themselves, let me thank you for your understanding of this sensitive issue, and your wise preparedness to recognise the rights of free choice of your most charming former citizens. Indeed, we here would never have imagined that you would have acted in any other way than approve of the girls wishes.
We thank you also for reminding us of our smallness in comparision to your bulbous state. And while this fact might bring some comfort and sense of superiority to those who believe size really matters, as the "girls" themselves said when told of your reply, "Its not the size that matters, but how well its used that really counts!"
Indeed, and unfortunately, due to the percieved tone of parts of your reply by some members of our government, there is amongst some here the mistaken impression that you are trying to intimidate us with veiled threats in the form of "ours is bigger than yours". That due to your size advantage over us, you have an equal military superiority over us. As I am sure you would agree, an advantage in one area does not automatically follow in another. This being the case here, we would be remiss if we failed to bring to your attention a few facts, that while they may seem insignificant individually, have the potential to be most important.
First: Fractured Reality has in place a policy of Compulsory Military Service, while Sexagogo does not. This policy translates into Fractured Reality having a large, well trained, and extremely well equipped military.
Second: Fractured Reality spends heavily on military forces and equipment, while Sexagogo does not. Indeed, your own national outline states in relation to your military expenditure, "... areas such as Defence and Commerce receiving almost no funds by comparison." In fact, the situation in regards to your nation's military spending is becoming worse, as your national outline again states, "military funding has been stripped back". Some military commentators in this country have said that in regards to your military, "it is now less a case of military force, and more one of military flacid". Whereas Fractured Reality's military forces are as hard and ramrod straight as ever. A veritable shaft of destruction! The state of Sexagogo's military forces can only be imagined.
I mention these facts to you, not as any form of threat, for what reason would Fractured Reality have to threaten such a peace loving nation like Sexagogo?, rather to inform your governement that there appear to be elements within your nation that would like nothing more than to engage in a very dangerous military adventure. Clearly, your government has a very attractive policy of 'make love, not war', and we wholeheartedly applaud such a policy! And we look forward to your government's formal rejection of any suggestions of military madness on the part of Sexagogo!
And while on the subject of military matters, and in the spirit of friendship and peace that exist between our two nations, I would like to inform you that the government of Fractured Reality has begun undertaking a complete review of our strategic and tactical military situation and defence policy, and the forces at our disposal. While I am not at liberty to go into further details at this point in time, I hope soon to be able to bring you news in regards to this. I inform your government of this in order to reassure you of Fractured Reality's honesty, openness, and friendship.
In closing, let me once again thank you on behalf of all those involved for your generosity, understanding and approval of the "Girls" issue. Such understanding on your part has gone a long way here to bringing our two great nations closer together. I am sure that in the future, should any difficult issues arise between us, we can resolve them quickly and painlessly by following this just settled issue as an example.
My most warmest regards,
Smashem Alltodeath,
Minister of War,
Fractured Reality."
***********************************************************
Note: As of this date, the government of Sexagogo has not renounced the use of military force against the peace loving state of Fractured Reality.
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