Freudotopia
23-06-2004, 04:18
THIS IS A MANIFESTO!
To the leaders of Barokoy and their respective mistresses:
You cannot hope to stop the alliance of the mighty Empire of the Generic Empire and the indefatigable Sultanate of Freudotopia. Our armies have the will to fight you on the very edge of the earth. They will risk falling off the edge of the planet in order to bring about your complete and utter discomfort. If we are forced to fall through the endless expanse of nothingness to pursue you we will and we will succeed, because we all know that Freudotopians are quite dense and will fall faster than you. We are determined to be more than an annoyance; we are going to be a serious pain in the ass! We will stampede rhinoceros across your barren and insignificant nation. They will crush your soldiers underfoot and make them cry like little girls. After we are finished conquering your land, our well-hung soldiers will satisfy your wives' insatiable sexual appetites... at you thought they were insatiable, but that is brought about by your unnatural tininess.
Say, that reminds of an anecdote:
Once, while stampeding rhinoceros, I came across a bizarre plant. I spied this plant out of the corner of my jewel-encrusted monocle. Luckily, it was on the side of my monocle and not the side of my eye patch. The cowboy hat set atop my turban managed to shield the glare from the glass of my monocle, so that I could see the plant clearly and unobscured. Reaching down I plucked the opal colored vegetable from the Earth and plopped it into my balsa wood pipe. I experienced a magic carpet ride of British history and Dutch windmill girls. After this trip I decided that I needed to go become a Tibetan mountain Yogi (in Tibet). And yadda, yadda, yadda, the moral of this story is always behave well in the presence of a Tibetan mountain Yogi.
If I had one billion dollars, I would spend it all on a swimming pool full of grain alcohol. I believe this would be quite good for my lovely bronze complexion. It would open the pores and allow the sweet alcohol to flow into my veins thus turning me into a superhuman. With this Uber complexion I would be able to start a romance with Eastern European supermodels. The alcohol would also help to keep me in a constant state of complete and utter drunkenness. I can only hope that my beloved poodle, Tiger, would not fall in or wander too near the concoction as he has a very low alcohol tolerance.
I believe that the pool would be jewel encrusted as well. Rubies for the majority, because diamonds would irritate the skin. You see I have very sensitive feet.
Back to my original story. As I watched the rhinoceros trample the vertically challenged woman of 34 I chuckled slightly at the irony of things. To think that Pogo really did love Pachu-Macci was astounding to me. How could a poor boy from Brazil fall in love with an Amazon warrior? It was breathtakingly beautiful in concept, yet utterly impractical. If the Amazon ever wanted to do anything...unusual, than the boy would be utterly flabbergasted.
As I wondered this I reached into my pocket for the Ivory revolver and jewel-encrusted handkerchiefs, both gifts from the illustrious king Ghabbard. The rhinoceros will then proceed to eviscerate your troops one by one and devour their entrails with mayonnaise. The remainder of armed forces, though small, are female Bedouin Revolver-toting Cowboy Ninjas. They will overrun you and leave...wait a minute- that reminds me of my incredible hunger for muffins. Please excuse me while I take a muffin break.
<Muffin Break>
<Muffin Break #2.
<Muffin Break 3: The Bride of Muffin Break>
Ah, thank you for allowing me to sate my appetite for muffins. As I was saying, my hot female Bedouin revolver-toting Cowboy Ninjas will decimate you and leave you with little .45 caliber holes in your torso and katana slash marks across your jugular. Actually, it would be literal decimation if one out of every ten of your soldiers were killed. However, I predict conservatively--no! Libertarianly-- that one out of every 3.14 (approximately pi) soldiers will be killed. Speaking of pie...
I hunger for apple pie. I hunger for it almost as much as I hunger for the fruits of my girlfriend Tauni's body. See fig. 1 below. She is the queen of my nation and also happens to be a legendary Amazon warrior. Ha! Take that, Donald Trump!
In short, my statistically ill performing in bed friend, I will peel the outer wrapper of TYRANNY from you to reveal the baked brown outer coating of INFERIORITY, and take a bite from it with my immense jaws of JUSTICE!
Evildoers, Beware of Monocle Toting Cowboy Warrior Englishman
Sincerely,
Jethro Q. Nigel Hyphen-Hyphen, Proud Father of the Free World (I think--paternity test pending)
http://images.tauniverse.com/albums/userpics/10001/normal_06.jpg
To the leaders of Barokoy and their respective mistresses:
You cannot hope to stop the alliance of the mighty Empire of the Generic Empire and the indefatigable Sultanate of Freudotopia. Our armies have the will to fight you on the very edge of the earth. They will risk falling off the edge of the planet in order to bring about your complete and utter discomfort. If we are forced to fall through the endless expanse of nothingness to pursue you we will and we will succeed, because we all know that Freudotopians are quite dense and will fall faster than you. We are determined to be more than an annoyance; we are going to be a serious pain in the ass! We will stampede rhinoceros across your barren and insignificant nation. They will crush your soldiers underfoot and make them cry like little girls. After we are finished conquering your land, our well-hung soldiers will satisfy your wives' insatiable sexual appetites... at you thought they were insatiable, but that is brought about by your unnatural tininess.
Say, that reminds of an anecdote:
Once, while stampeding rhinoceros, I came across a bizarre plant. I spied this plant out of the corner of my jewel-encrusted monocle. Luckily, it was on the side of my monocle and not the side of my eye patch. The cowboy hat set atop my turban managed to shield the glare from the glass of my monocle, so that I could see the plant clearly and unobscured. Reaching down I plucked the opal colored vegetable from the Earth and plopped it into my balsa wood pipe. I experienced a magic carpet ride of British history and Dutch windmill girls. After this trip I decided that I needed to go become a Tibetan mountain Yogi (in Tibet). And yadda, yadda, yadda, the moral of this story is always behave well in the presence of a Tibetan mountain Yogi.
If I had one billion dollars, I would spend it all on a swimming pool full of grain alcohol. I believe this would be quite good for my lovely bronze complexion. It would open the pores and allow the sweet alcohol to flow into my veins thus turning me into a superhuman. With this Uber complexion I would be able to start a romance with Eastern European supermodels. The alcohol would also help to keep me in a constant state of complete and utter drunkenness. I can only hope that my beloved poodle, Tiger, would not fall in or wander too near the concoction as he has a very low alcohol tolerance.
I believe that the pool would be jewel encrusted as well. Rubies for the majority, because diamonds would irritate the skin. You see I have very sensitive feet.
Back to my original story. As I watched the rhinoceros trample the vertically challenged woman of 34 I chuckled slightly at the irony of things. To think that Pogo really did love Pachu-Macci was astounding to me. How could a poor boy from Brazil fall in love with an Amazon warrior? It was breathtakingly beautiful in concept, yet utterly impractical. If the Amazon ever wanted to do anything...unusual, than the boy would be utterly flabbergasted.
As I wondered this I reached into my pocket for the Ivory revolver and jewel-encrusted handkerchiefs, both gifts from the illustrious king Ghabbard. The rhinoceros will then proceed to eviscerate your troops one by one and devour their entrails with mayonnaise. The remainder of armed forces, though small, are female Bedouin Revolver-toting Cowboy Ninjas. They will overrun you and leave...wait a minute- that reminds me of my incredible hunger for muffins. Please excuse me while I take a muffin break.
<Muffin Break>
<Muffin Break #2.
<Muffin Break 3: The Bride of Muffin Break>
Ah, thank you for allowing me to sate my appetite for muffins. As I was saying, my hot female Bedouin revolver-toting Cowboy Ninjas will decimate you and leave you with little .45 caliber holes in your torso and katana slash marks across your jugular. Actually, it would be literal decimation if one out of every ten of your soldiers were killed. However, I predict conservatively--no! Libertarianly-- that one out of every 3.14 (approximately pi) soldiers will be killed. Speaking of pie...
I hunger for apple pie. I hunger for it almost as much as I hunger for the fruits of my girlfriend Tauni's body. See fig. 1 below. She is the queen of my nation and also happens to be a legendary Amazon warrior. Ha! Take that, Donald Trump!
In short, my statistically ill performing in bed friend, I will peel the outer wrapper of TYRANNY from you to reveal the baked brown outer coating of INFERIORITY, and take a bite from it with my immense jaws of JUSTICE!
Evildoers, Beware of Monocle Toting Cowboy Warrior Englishman
Sincerely,
Jethro Q. Nigel Hyphen-Hyphen, Proud Father of the Free World (I think--paternity test pending)
http://images.tauniverse.com/albums/userpics/10001/normal_06.jpg