NationStates Jolt Archive

From the Office of Bombaysor Tanquereynis
Department for the Recognition of the Acheivements of Horselover Fat


To all who read:

The Memescape of Prolixia is in urgent need of high quality gin. Currently, the uncouth masses are awakening from their alcohol-induced slumber due to a gin shortage.

Hate crimes against the ruling elite are on a rise, and legions of the destitute are organizing for an attempted coup. Our army of biker gangs cannot quell such a large resistance.

Because one of our main gin refineries (with a capacity of 60,000 barrels per day) was recently knocked off-line by tee-totaller rebels, we no longer have the capacity to produce high-quality spirits in the amounts required to drug the working poor back into an apathetic state.

We are willing to allow foreign investment in our massive uranium mining industry in exchange for large quantities of gin.

we can supply 20,000 barrels of Gin/day for approximately 60 days to enable you to get back on you feet (so to speak). Beyond that our production will be taxed significantly and we would have to reduce production to no more than 10,000 barrels/day. HOWEVER, we can also provide your country with over 2 cubic metric tons of high quality marijuana (Cannabis Indica) to be precise. The marijuana will be rated at an approximately 13% THC level and will contain less than a 8% seed and foreign matter content. Please contact us with you specific proposal regarding your uranium industry and investments therein.

The HDC is willing, and able, to provide Prolixia of twice daily shipments of 37,000 tons of Gin a day for as long as necessary. Our Carlos Fisher Class (http://www.ship-technology.com/projects/carlos_fisher/index.html) Juice Tankers are more than capable of assiting your stricken nation. For a cost of $5 dollars a gallon, 74,000 tons of Gin a day can be yours.

If you accept, we will post our details.

We can do better! We'll trade you are Gin for your tonic! Wait what am I saying? Gin without tonic? I've gone mad!

Please ignore my mental break down. Sorry I couldn't resist.

From the Office of Bombaysor Tanquereynis
Department for the Recognition of the Acheivements of Horselover Fat

To the Government of Mauiwowee:

The Government of Prolixia looks forward to conducting business with you.

Your 20,000 barrels of Gin/day will definitely help contain our crisis, but this is not enough.

We are willing to allow you a 15% share in our lucrative uranium mining industry, with the option to export half of your share of product. In addition, if you wish, we can provide 15,000 drunken hobos for manual labor in the remote regions of your nation.

To the Govenment of Hamptonshire:

We are willing to pay 3 Tanquereys (equivalent to $1.25 US)/gallon of gin. To parlay the decrease in price, we are willing to open our Uranium mining industry to investment from your nation. As with Mauiwowee, you will be granted the option to export half your share.

In addition, you will be granted the option to import cheap plastic goods manufactured in our tent cities at no cost. These goods, including national flags, lawn furniture, and plastic cups are of the highest hobo quality.

Thank you for your offers.

To the Govenment of Hamptonshire:

We are willing to pay 3 Tanquereys (equivalent to $1.25 US)/gallon of gin. To parlay the decrease in price, we are willing to open our Uranium mining industry to investment from your nation. As with Mauiwowee, you will be granted the option to export half your share.

In addition, you will be granted the option to import cheap plastic goods manufactured in our tent cities at no cost. These goods, including national flags, lawn furniture, and plastic cups are of the highest hobo quality.

Thank you for your offers.

The HDC will accept the 15% share in your uranium mining industry. We will also import the cheap plastic goods, afterall we have colonies and colonials need cheap plasitic cups too.

Shipments of Gin will commence immediately.

Gin is for sissies.

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From the Office of Bombaysor Tanquereynis
Department for the Recognition of the Acheivements of Horselover Fat

To the Government of Mauiwowee:

The Government of Prolixia looks forward to conducting business with you.

Your 20,000 barrels of Gin/day will definitely help contain our crisis, but this is not enough.

We are willing to allow you a 15% share in our lucrative uranium mining industry, with the option to export half of your share of product. In addition, if you wish, we can provide 15,000 drunken hobos for manual labor in the remote regions of your nation.

To the Govenment of Hamptonshire:

We are willing to pay 3 Tanquereys (equivalent to $1.25 US)/gallon of gin. To parlay the decrease in price, we are willing to open our Uranium mining industry to investment from your nation. As with Mauiwowee, you will be granted the option to export half your share.

In addition, you will be granted the option to import cheap plastic goods manufactured in our tent cities at no cost. These goods, including national flags, lawn furniture, and plastic cups are of the highest hobo quality.

Thank you for your offers.

To Bombaysor Tanquereynis
Department for the Recognition of the Acheivements of Horselover Fat,
Government of Prolixia:

Greetings, we look forward to our mutual arrangement, but need to insist on either a 17.5% share in the uranium industry OR the option to export 3/4 of our share of the product at the 15% level. Please provide us with the specifics on the Uranium. We are in need of some refined uranium for our soon to be launched nuclear submarine and a power plant that is under construction. I assume you are desirous of the Cannabis as well that was included in our offer. Please wire us with shipping instructions. The Uranium should be delivered by secure military aircraft to the Royal Airport in Budville, the Capitol of Mauiwowee. Contact us when the shipment is ready for delivery so that we might ensure secure airspace and clearance for landing of your cargo plane.
As to the drunken hobos; if we could secure the services of 2,000 to act as ranch hands on our cattle ranches for a period of 2 years, that would be sufficient. They will be treated well with beans and steak and eggs as their primary diet while they rode herd and fence lines, 2 days off per month and all the marijuana they cared to smoke. Whiskey and Gin would be available for a nominal cost (deducted from their pay). Horses or 4 wheelers or dirt bikes would be provided to those that needed them as part of their job. Likewise, a fresh change of clothes every 3 months (we have found through experience that grunt work in the cattle industry will wear out approximately 3 pair of jeans and 10 shirts every 90 days) would also be provided. Finally, as to pay, each man would be paid 12 buds (approximately $50.00 U.S.) per day.

Again, we look forward to a long and mutually profitable relationship.