Mauiwowee
10-06-2004, 22:20
AP - A group of terrorists associated with the Animal Liberation Front attacked one of the largest chicken processing plants and hatcheries just outside the Mauiwowee capitol of Budville today. Using small arms and grenades the 6 terrorists blew a hole in the side of one of the buildings through which they then entered and began freeing the chickens and destroying equipment. The Plant's security team responded quickly and 2 of the 6 terrorists were captured. Damage to the facility is estimated to be around $75,000.00 with an estimate for the loss of chickens is still to be completed. "Hundreds, if not dozens of chickens escaped through the breach these Veg-head terrorists made in our building" said chief of plant operations, Colonel Kentucky Sanders.
Luckily injuries to security team members were minor. However, one of the captured terrorists suffered a broken leg, two black eyes, a broken nose, split lips and a possible small skull fracture. "Damn good thing that all 5 of my team had their nightsticks at the ready when that idiot tried to get up off the ground and out of his handcuffs" said security team leader, George "Cowboy" Bushhog. "That annoying "Viva La Vegetables" crap he was yelling was realing getting on my guys' nerves too" continued Bushhog. The two captured terrorists are currently being held at an undisclosed location for interrogation. Prosecution is certain and if convicted they could face up to 75 years behind bars. The government is urging citizens with information on this incident, particularly as to the identity or location of the other terrorists to come forth. A $20,000.00 reward is offered for information leading to the capture of one or more of the other 4 terrorists.
His Royal Highness, King 'Lude II issued a statement from the palace upon learning of the attacks saying: "Open debate about the treatment of animals in chicken ranching operations is always welcome and if legislative reform is called for it will be enacted. However, we cannot tolerate vegetarians taking the law into their own hands in this fashion. We denounce the Animal Liberation Front and its tactics and promise swift justice on those members of that organization that engage in terrorist activities such as this deplorable attack today. We also consider any outside countries, governments or other agencies providing aid and comfort to these animals as being rogue states worthy of condemnation by the international community. Any moneys in any bank of Mauiwowee traceable to members of ALF will be instantly seized for funding our anti-terrorist and vegetarian crack para-military unit. On the other hand, nations that assist in putting an end to ALF's actions will receive our gratitude. Capturing one or more of the 4 escaped terrorists that managed to get out of Mauiwowee and returning them here for prosecution will also justify a reward of some sort to that government."
Luckily injuries to security team members were minor. However, one of the captured terrorists suffered a broken leg, two black eyes, a broken nose, split lips and a possible small skull fracture. "Damn good thing that all 5 of my team had their nightsticks at the ready when that idiot tried to get up off the ground and out of his handcuffs" said security team leader, George "Cowboy" Bushhog. "That annoying "Viva La Vegetables" crap he was yelling was realing getting on my guys' nerves too" continued Bushhog. The two captured terrorists are currently being held at an undisclosed location for interrogation. Prosecution is certain and if convicted they could face up to 75 years behind bars. The government is urging citizens with information on this incident, particularly as to the identity or location of the other terrorists to come forth. A $20,000.00 reward is offered for information leading to the capture of one or more of the other 4 terrorists.
His Royal Highness, King 'Lude II issued a statement from the palace upon learning of the attacks saying: "Open debate about the treatment of animals in chicken ranching operations is always welcome and if legislative reform is called for it will be enacted. However, we cannot tolerate vegetarians taking the law into their own hands in this fashion. We denounce the Animal Liberation Front and its tactics and promise swift justice on those members of that organization that engage in terrorist activities such as this deplorable attack today. We also consider any outside countries, governments or other agencies providing aid and comfort to these animals as being rogue states worthy of condemnation by the international community. Any moneys in any bank of Mauiwowee traceable to members of ALF will be instantly seized for funding our anti-terrorist and vegetarian crack para-military unit. On the other hand, nations that assist in putting an end to ALF's actions will receive our gratitude. Capturing one or more of the 4 escaped terrorists that managed to get out of Mauiwowee and returning them here for prosecution will also justify a reward of some sort to that government."