NationStates Jolt Archive

THE FOLLOWING IS AN OFFICIAL STATEMENT BY THE COUCIL OF ELDERS OF RYANANIA

It has been several months since High Elder Ryan Wilson XIV's 18th birthday, and the Council has been pressuring him to get married since it is customary for the High Elder to marry young. Ryan has reluctantly agreed to allow the Coucil to begin searching for a suitable woman.

This is High Elder Ryan Wilson XIV
http://img12.imageshack.us/img12/7371/me50.jpg
The Council is now accepting applications. Applicants must be 17-19 years of age and must believe in the Judeo-Christian God. Applications should include the following information:

Name of suitor

Age

Religious denomination

Physical description (picture is preferable)

Interests

Official link to country of origin (i.e. is she a member of the ruling family
of nation of origin, head of state, member of government, etc.)

Military strength of home country

Economic strength of home country

Population of home country

Allies of home country (include summary of alliance charter)

DEEP WITHIN FITZGERALD FIELDS COMMAND BUNKER

"Do it... we gotta do it, man."

The two men were not particularly high ranking, not particularly intelligent, and by no means sober. With 34 years of experience in communications between the two of them, hacking the 'red phone' diplomatic system was not too difficult, even with three bottles of cheap "Midnight Hobo" brand brandy assaulting their livers.

RYANANIA GOVERNMENT OFFICES

The red phone that usually announced the arrival of important diplomatic traffic rang at the exact instant an encoded FAX systems started whirring. The diplomatic duty officer picked up the reciever, curious as to what important government business he could participate in.

"Ryanania State Department, where can I direct your call?"

"We heard yerr boss needs some lovin'... We've got a perfict gal fer 'im... {chuckling, followed by a distant 'do it!'} BAAAAAAAAA!!!! BAAAAAAAA!!!! ... {distant laughing} ...CLICK"

"They just... we just.... I don't think... Sam, they just said 'click' before hanging up. Do we... Aww hell. Pass that bottle."

***ENCODED FAX***

Name of suitor--SHIRLEY

Age--2.5 YEARS

Religious denomination--SHE EATS CANS

Physical description (picture is preferable)--

2 foot 4 inches, light blonde (white) hair, cute little black nose, GREAT ass.

Interests--EATS CANS, SHITS ON CARPET.

Official link to country of origin (i.e. is she a member of the ruling family
of nation of origin, head of state, member of government, etc.)--Fitzgerald Fields groundskeeping department employee.

Military strength of home country--Classified

Economic strength of home country--Classified

Population of home country--It'll be less by two if we're caught

Allies of home country (include summary of alliance charter)--Goats

Har har har. Ryanania's assistant minister of foreign affairs has informed your government of that stunt.

Name of Suitor:
Baronness Jane Winthrop

Age:
19

Religious denomination:
Roman Catholic

Physical description (picture upon request):
5 foot 5 inches, red hair, 115 lbs, quite attractive all around

Interests:
Tennis, golf, hose riding, accounting

Official link to country of origin:
Granddaughter of Dame Dianne Volkssen, Chancellor of the Treasury
3rd in line for the title of "Duchess of Wessex"

Military strength of home country:
Don't even think of even looking at us wrong...

Economic strength of home country:
Frightening

Population of home country:
470 million approx

Allies of home country (include summary of alliance charter):
Concordia
The Unforgiven
The Commonwealth
Concert of Nations
Individual nations can be listed upon request.

Hamptonshire Quick Facts (http://www.freewebs.com/hamptonshire/)

Name of suitor: Princesses Talia

Age 19

Religious denomination Church of Riversland

Physical description http://www.riverstavern.com/sophie_falkiner_d.jpg

Interests Shopping, painting, shopping, gardening, shopping, cooking, shopping, reading, shopping, photography, shopping, horse ridding, shopping, dancing, shopping, theatre, shopping, fine arts, shopping, environmental issues, shopping, charity work, shopping, applied physic, shopping, car racing, shopping

Official link to country of origin (i.e. is she a member of the ruling family
of nation of origin, head of state, member of government, etc.) Princesses Talia is the first daughter of the second wife of the king of Riversland. She is the second favourite daughter of the king.

Military strength of home country self protection forces only

Economic strength of home country Reasonable

Population of home country 9 million

Allies of home country (include summary of alliance charter) in development

Two Mekantans, one biological and one mechancial, read the message.

"Say, didn't our relations with Nodea Rudav increase when we pawned off some Feran chick on them?"

"Yes, Meatbag, we got rid of a kitty and their leader got a new sex toy."

"... I think you mean wife, T7-O4. And did you just call me a Meatbag!?"

"Heavens no, Meatbag." The AI grabs a length of pipe. "Let's get... matchmaking..."

"You called me Meatbag!"


-Message to Human Nation-

[code:1:b644b7995a]
To: Ryanania
From: The Steel Empire
Subj: Girls, Girls, and More Girls! Enlarge your Penis in- *THWACK!!*

The Steel Empire understands the troubles of your leader. We have recently... "persuaded" a girl from our subnation of Fera to marry you. Provided, of course, you don't mind non-"pure" Sapiens.


Name: We'll ask her when she wakes up.

Age: About 19-ish. We don't keep good track of the kitties.

Religion: Feran. They believe their High God is the same as the Christian god. We make fun of them for it.

Physical Description: Eh, red long straight hair. Short red fur on cat ears. Black stripes on her face. Pale skin. Wait, no, that's just from the method of persuasion. Bleeding, probably from the pipe. Basic frail human-type.

Interests: Well, pretty much all Ferans hate Mekantans. This one screamed obsceneties at us before we clubbed her. So "Machine Hating" seems to apply.

Official Link: We make it our business to only club princesses from Feran Tribes. This one has ties to a particularly high tribe.

Military Strength: Zero, once we catch those damn rebels.

Economic Strength: Enough for us to think twice before leveling thier capitol for not catching those damn Rebels.

Population: Enough. We really don't know.

Allies: Fera is a state of the Steel Empire, and thus are under its protection. The Steel Empire has a total of five powerful nations under Mekanta's wise rule, and a substantial military presence both on Earth (OOC: Modern Tech) and in space. (OOC: Future Tech)


We hope this one is acceptable.
[/code:1:b644b7995a]


(OOC: Mekanta is a nation of pricks. At least, when dealing with Fera. Ferans are, however, quite flexible... <_<)

Any more applicants before we start finalizing?

Name of Suitor:
Baronness Jane Winthrop

Age:
19

Religious denomination:
Roman Catholic

Physical description (picture upon request):
5 foot 5 inches, red hair, 115 lbs, quite attractive all around

Interests:
Tennis, golf, hose riding, accounting

Official link to country of origin:
Granddaughter of Dame Dianne Volkssen, Chancellor of the Treasury
3rd in line for the title of "Duchess of Wessex"

Military strength of home country:
Don't even think of even looking at us wrong...

Economic strength of home country:
Frightening

Population of home country:
470 million approx

Allies of home country (include summary of alliance charter):
Concordia
The Unforgiven
The Commonwealth
Concert of Nations
Individual nations can be listed upon request.

Hamptonshire Quick Facts (http://www.freewebs.com/hamptonshire/)Could you supply us with a picture?

Name of Suitor:
Baronness Jane Winthrop

Age:
19

Religious denomination:
Roman Catholic

Physical description (picture upon request):
5 foot 5 inches, red hair, 115 lbs, quite attractive all around

Interests:
Tennis, golf, hose riding, accounting

Official link to country of origin:
Granddaughter of Dame Dianne Volkssen, Chancellor of the Treasury
3rd in line for the title of "Duchess of Wessex"

Military strength of home country:
Don't even think of even looking at us wrong...

Economic strength of home country:
Frightening

Population of home country:
470 million approx

Allies of home country (include summary of alliance charter):
Concordia
The Unforgiven
The Commonwealth
Concert of Nations
Individual nations can be listed upon request.

Hamptonshire Quick Facts (http://www.freewebs.com/hamptonshire/)Could you supply us with a picture?

Picture (http://members.aol.com/audia4quatrro/images/prettyface.jpg)

Please note that the Baronness recently has had her hair dyed brown.

Name of Suitor: Princess Athena Baccheus

Age: 19

Religious Denomination: Holy Roman Catholic

Photograph:
http://www.yokomodelmanagement.com/pictures/amandine/amandine1r.jpg

Interests:
Foreign Affairs, Travel, Law and Archery

Official link to country of origin:
Sister to President Dionysus Baccheus, Crown Prince of Rotovia. Daughter of Prince Zeus Baccheus-Deitus and The Duchess Helen Thebes.

Military strength of home country:
Supreme: Borders have never been succesfully breached, Naval Forces maintain presence in four seperate nations. Largest Naval power in region.

Economic strength of home country:
Frightening

Population of home country:
1.6 Billion approx

Name of Suitor: Princess Athena Baccheus

Age: 19

Religious Denomination: Holy Roman Catholic

Photograph:
http://www.yokomodelmanagement.com/pictures/amandine/amandine1r.jpg

Interests:
Foreign Affairs, Travel, Law and Archery

Official link to country of origin:
Sister to President Dionysus Baccheus, Crown Prince of Rotovia. Daughter of Prince Zeus Baccheus-Deitus and The Duchess Helen Thebes.

Military strength of home country:
Supreme: Borders have never been succesfully breached, Naval Forces maintain presence in four seperate nations. Largest Naval power in region.

Economic strength of home country:
Frightening

Population of home country:
1.7 Billion approx

Rotovia is good at marrying off daughters... One of his royal family married one of President Hendrik Rhodes son's, Gustavus Rhodes (19)

Name of Suitor: Princess Athena Baccheus

Age: 19

Religious Denomination: Holy Roman Catholic

Photograph:
http://www.yokomodelmanagement.com/pictures/amandine/amandine1r.jpg

Interests:
Foreign Affairs, Travel, Law and Archery

Official link to country of origin:
Sister to President Dionysus Baccheus, Crown Prince of Rotovia. Daughter of Prince Zeus Baccheus-Deitus and The Duchess Helen Thebes.

Military strength of home country:
Supreme: Borders have never been succesfully breached, Naval Forces maintain presence in four seperate nations. Largest Naval power in region.

Economic strength of home country:
Frightening

Population of home country:
1.7 Billion approx

Rotovia is good at marrying off daughters... One of his royal family married one of President Hendrik Rhodes son's, Gustavus Rhodes (19)OOC: This would the third or fourth, but for the record Duchess Thage's marriage has nothing to do with Rotovia.

TO ALL APPLICANTS

The Council is running on the assumption that if our glorious High Elder were to marry your suitor, it would count as as an unofficial defensive alliance in the eyes of your leader(s). Please confirm that this assumption is correct.

OOC: Would you all have the time to participate in an RP where High Elder Ryan Wilson meets each of the suitors? I just want to make sure it wouldn't be inconvenient for anyone because of finals and what have you.

IC: We understand that an unofficial goodwill defensive alliance would exist in the eyes of the Government of the Grand Duchy of Hamptonshire should you pick the Baronness.

OCC: I should have the time to participate in a 'meet and greet' RP.

Age: 19 <.<



http://www.picgoo.com/uploads/granny.jpg

nuff said

Age: 19 <.<



nuff said


I'm offended by that picture. Your idea of a joke eh??? FREAK!!!

d0nt m4k3 m3 n00kz0rz j00

on a side note, i creamed myself looking at it..you guys just have bad taste

God, I hate n00bs.

Due to the recent death of Lord Andrew Winthrop, Jane Winthrop has been elevated to the title of Jane Winthrop, Countess of Yespani.

Name of suitor: Sonia Indirina Nahru

Age: 19

Religious denomination: Muslim

Physical description: Of mixed Indian, African, and Pacific Islander heritage, brown hair brown eyes, d cup, good face.

Interests: She is a model and actress in the LAnds of Alex but was recently elected to her local assembly and is taking an intrest in govenrment.

Official link to country of origin: Her mother, Ylonda Galapagos-Nahru (Socialist Coalition), is the current prime minister and her deceased father was a general.

Military strength of home country: Rebuilding

Economic strength of home country: Developing

Population of home country: 354 million

Allies of home country (include summary of alliance charter): Main alliance is the Red Bloc Army.

We assure you a non-technical military alliance would excist, should our suitor be choosen.

Name of Suitor: Rhiannon Cornelius
Age: 25
Religious Denomination: Jewish*

Physical description: Dark, reddish-brown hair; full-figured. She is a member of the royal family (our monarch's third daughter). However, the royal family of Scrumpox has always been allowed to marry outside of aristocracy. So, unlike most royalty, she has a chin, 10 fingers, 10 toes and no hairlip. Also she has an IQ above that of a doughnut.

Military Strength: Homeland defense only
Economic Strength: Strong
Allies: None as of yet. We recently gained independence and are not yet recognized by most of the world. We are a member of the U.N.

*Converted. The majority of Scrumpoxians are pagans or deists. Princess Rhiannon converted to Orthodox Judaism three years ago for reasons she has not disclosed.

Awaiting your reply,
Howard Drumknott,
Palace Affairs
Pustule City, Scrumpox

Name of Suitor: Rhiannon Cornelius
Age: 25
Religious Denomination: Jewish*

Physical description: Dark, reddish-brown hair; full-figured. She is a member of the royal family (our monarch's third daughter). However, the royal family of Scrumpox has always been allowed to marry outside of aristocracy. So, unlike most royalty, she has a chin, 10 fingers, 10 toes and no hairlip. Also she has an IQ above that of a doughnut.

Military Strength: Homeland defense only
Economic Strength: Strong
Allies: None as of yet. We recently gained independence and are not yet recognized by most of the world. We are a member of the U.N.

*Converted. The majority of Scrumpoxians are pagans or deists. Princess Rhiannon converted to Orthodox Judaism three years ago for reasons she has not disclosed.

Awaiting your reply,
Howard Drumknott,
Palace Affairs
Pustule City, ScrumpoxWe are sorry, but your suitor is above the age limit imposed by the Coucil of Elders. Thank you for your good intentions.

"Without applying preassure to your nation, we must state our offence at having no comment addressed to Her Majesty, who is of the finest calliber. Our nation is not ocustomed to such an insult and fails to understand the motivation behind it."

Department of Aristocratic Affairs

"Without applying preassure to your nation, we must state our offence at having no comment addressed to Her Majesty, who is of the finest calliber. Our nation is not ocustomed to such an insult and fails to understand the motivation behind it."

Department of Aristocratic AffairsFROM THE DESK OF HIGH ELDER RYAN WILSON XIV

I apologize for the lack of manners that the Council has displayed towards the fair lady and your nation. They are very busy trying to run my life, and must have forgotten to respond to you. Please forgive them, as they are forgetful old men, and they intended no insult. I assure you that I hold Princess Athena in the highest regard. I hope that this does not effect your opinion of us.

Sincerely, High Elder Ryan Wilson XIV.

Well, the belief in the Judeo-Christian god thing basically rules out any woman in Callisdrun who would be interested, as almost all follow the old pagan religion. Oh well.

VIDEO MESSAGE TO HAMPTONSHIRE AND ROTOVIA

(Council Member Cornelius)
Congratulations, your suitors have been selected by the Council to come to Ryanania to meet the High Elder, Ryan Wilson XIV.

(unseen voice from the background)
You know, Cornelius, I'm sooo glad I don't have to make decisions for myself. You guys are really good at making up my mind.

(Council Member Cornelius)
Uh- er- yes, anyhow, please contact us *paper airplane hits Cornelius in the back of the head*-eh- contact us to make transportation arrangements. While your suitors and their entourages are in Ryanania, we recommend that they stay at the Ritz, in Ryanania city, as it is the finest Hotel in Ryanania, and many heads of state have stayed there.

We hope to see you soon.

(unseen voice)
That's what your mom said last night Corne-
*END TRANSMISSION*

VIDEO TRANSMISSION TO THE REST OF THE NATIONS

(Cornelius)
We appreciate your participation, but we must regretfully inform you that your suitors have not made it to the finals, as it were.

(unseen voice)
The Lands of Alex one was hot.

(Cornelius)
*Turns red* Um, again, thank you for your paricipation.

(unseen voice)
Shouldn't we send them a sports watch or gift basket or something?

*END TRANSMISSION*

Jane Winthrop, Countess of Yespani, her mother the Hon. Janice Winthrop, MP, her grandmother Dame Dianne Volkssen, Chancellor of the Treasury, and Deputy Director Peter Gustav of the Royal Household Agency, along with a small security detail, will be departing the Grand Duchy of Hamptonshire aboard a Royal Air Force Boeing 777.

The Countess would be honored to stay at the Ritz in Ryanania City. The Countess is eager to meet the High Elder.

[code:1:a4bb521be4]
To: Ryanania
From: Rotovia, Ministry of Aristocratic Affairs
Subject: RE: Princess Athena's Visit

We are honoured by your request and immediate arrangements are being made to have Her Royal Majesty arrive within your nation as soon as humanly possible.

A small, unarmed security team will escort her upon arrival via the [i]Imperial Glory[/i]. Also, if a protocol brefing could be presented to our government it would be appreciated.
[/code:1:a4bb521be4]