NationStates Jolt Archive

BBC News Broadcast

...In a recent attempt to curb the problem of illegal immigration, Dyelli Beybi has passed a series of laws drawn together under the new 'Suppression of bio-Terrorism Act'. The new laws can be sumarised as this...

The screen flicks to a series of bullet points that are highlighted as the anchor reads them out

-Illegal immigrants are re-defined as 'bio-terrorists'

-Border patrol units are encouraged to use lethal force to discourage attempted acts of illegal immigration.

-It is considered illegal to be an elf.

The screen returns to the Anchor, who is looking a little bit confused as to how any of the sections of the new Act are relevant to bio-terrorism

...While many observers have commented that this is a poorly disguised attempt to legitimise barbaric practices already carried out on border populations, particularly on elf populations in the Jiggardian controlled Gonad Peninsula, newspapers across Dyelli Beybi have hailed the new act as a 'great day for democracy.'

Over heard at a cocktail party in Vrak.

Translated from Vrakian.

-Did you hear about their new laws?
-Yes. What of them?
-Illegal to be an elf? What's an elf?
-Oh, they have pointy ears.
-Oh. We have those in the northern reaches!
-No no. Those are Orcs. Those are what the nobles of Rillanon hunt.
-Ah. I never yet went on an expedition. Do you suppose the 'elves' would be the same?
-What do you mean?
-I mean, hunting elves. Same as Orcs?
-I don't know.
-Hmmm. You know, I can't really find anything wrong with those laws at all.
-Well, aside from the illegal part.
-Nope. That's okay too. If you don't want to get in trouble then just don't go to Dyelli Beybi. Simple, really.
-But what about decency?
-Is it decent to impose your values on others? Besides, why do people think that it's their right to wander the whole earth wherever you please?

Technocracia condemns these laws as unjust and inhumane and suggests the government of Dyelli Beybi take a more humanist stance. Immigrants are not so bad, and we in Technocracia are made up of a multitude of different races. We implore you to repeal your laws and make it legal for immigration once again.

I would personally like to commend the leaders and lawmakers of Dyelli Beybi for keeping what to them may be bad or wrong out of their great nation. As the leader of the Empire of Penguenia I stand behined Dyelli Beybi in their decision on this law.

-Emperor Raziel of Penguenia-

Dyelli Beybi wishes to thank Penguenia for it's gracious commendation. Long have we had threats leveld at us by Menelmacar via their lackeys in the Drakonian Imperium. These laws clearly state enough is enough.

"The Regent's reaction was to call an immediate press conference..."

--------------

"Of course, we will, as always, remain neutral... did I have to tell you that? But anyway, I have these points to adress..."


-Illegal immigrants are re-defined as 'bio-terrorists'


"A little harsh. Perhaps this could be relaxed slightly. The term "illegal aliens" is more palatable..."

-Border patrol units are encouraged to use lethal force to discourage attempted acts of illegal immigration.


"A tad extreme. Understandable in some cases, but still a tad extreme... mind you, the ocean does the same for us..."


-It is considered illegal to be an elf.


"What's an elf? Do you mean those things in the very secret diaries of the LOTR characters (http://homepages.nyu.edu/~amw243/diaries/)? They do? But that's fiction... you mean they're real? ... OK, so it's illegal to be a pretty, but useless, thin person with pointy ears who spends most of its time nancing around on top of the snow and engaging in... ahem... no further comment on this matter..."

...the Jiggardian controlled Gonad Peninsula...

"The what peninsula? You are joking? No? Oh, this is precious..."

The Regent, laughing uncontrollably, is escorted from the room by a concerned pair of doctors

========

The Empire's official position is that we have no official position and don't want to get involved; it's an internal matter for Dyelli Beybi, and should not be interfered with by other nations.

[tag]

Although the GDMO does not support the all-out killing of people in such a manner, we recognize that it lies within your sovereign right to crack down upon this legitimately illegal practice. Furthermore, we applaud Dyelli Beybi in its efforts to crack down on illegal immigration. Hopefully with these strict new measures in place, potential illegal aliens could be persuaded not to commit their crime instead of forcing your country to employ the penalty of the law upon them.

Good luck,
--ANDRÉ CRATEINNE, Viscount of Freinte, Official Spokesman for the Archduke Philip IV

Although the GDMO does not support the all-out killing of people in such a manner, we recognize that it lies within your sovereign right to crack down upon this legitimately illegal practice. Furthermore, we applaud Dyelli Beybi in its efforts to crack down on illegal immigration. Hopefully with these strict new measures in place, potential illegal aliens could be persuaded not to commit their crime instead of forcing your country to employ the penalty of the law upon them.

Good luck,
--ANDRÉ CRATEINNE, Viscount of Freinte, Official Spokesman for the Archduke Philip IV