NationStates Jolt Archive

Last night, the Kingdom of The House of Orlok had received terrible news. Our beloved High Commander, Rathamar Raygor, was found dead today in our lands.

He was on the way to an army inspection shortly before our troops were to be deployed. He was intercepted by persons said to be wearing the signature tattoos of PAT 170, the poorly drawn snake-like dragon with a beefy humanoid type of arm. They were also seen with the trademark skull and crossbones bandanas.

His body was found floating at the Bremen Seaport today. When he was found, an image of the signature tattoo was found crudely carved onto his back. There was no head found with the body as it floated to the shoreline.

This atrocity will not go unpunished. For this horrific act of unprovoked violence, our nation has declared war on both the savage pirates of PAT 170 and the disgusting degenerates of Fell Hoppers.

Our troops will be mobilized within the hour with our environmental UV blocking army suits. Our tank and humvee divisions will mobilize and begin its movement towards Fell Hoppers

"SIRENS. NOW!" exclaimed Lt. General Allen Apple over the telephone hotline from the capital to all border patrols.

As sirens scream through the air, Admiral Kenmore and runs toward the Dictator's office. "Sir, I urge you to...sir?"

He found the Dictator gone. Reaching for his cellular phone, he calls General Kooper. "Where is our great leader?" he cries as he heads outside

"In the bunker. Why hasn't that garlic powder taken off yet?"

"The ships are to reach Orlok waters ETA in T-minus 3 hours," answered Kenmore as he enters the backseat of his chaufered BMW.

Twenty minutes later, Admiral Kenmore is sipping the national lager in the bunker outside Booze, when he hears a cat's meow. General Kooper turns and sees the dictator holding his Australian Mist.

"What's the status?" inquires the dictator, as he strokes the cat, while it knaws on his sleeve.

"The heaviest population is forcably being held at the munitions storage facility under the Booze Hospital. Should that be hit, it could be a big political victory for us in the international community's eyes, being that they just hit a populated hospital" explains General Kooper. "As for them, I would have personally killed this Raygor person myself, but PAT 170 already killed him and sent me the head. My son hated me, but he was still my son." A look of anger scowls across his face.

A low ranking officer walks in and wispers something in Lt. General Apple's ear.

"Sir," Apple excitedly quipps. "They've taken out the Hershman camp. They actually thought that it was one of our army bases."

"Lt. General Apple, your excitement demenstrates why I demoted you. That only means that their missiles are capable of reaching our boarders!" the Dictator mentions. "What's the status on the garlic powder delivery?"

Admiral Kenmore motions to the satelite screen, where ship locations are projected. "ETA T-minus 150 minutes.

The Grand Emperor, under the security of their main underground base, overlooks military ops.

"What of the reports of the blitzkrieg assault campaign on Fell Hoppers?" asks the Emperor.

"Well," Chief General Siegfried von Wichtenstein answers, "our missles have been tested on their so called "Hershman camp." Our tests were successful and we now can reach much deeper into their territory."

"Anything else?"

"In addition, they seem to be holding their population hostage in their main hospital, expecting us to kill them. I say why not, more food for us."

"Don't be so simple minded there big guy," The Emperor's brother, Marcus von Orlok, rudely intercedes, "Why not turn them instead? That way we get more for our side, and woman vampires become 10 times hotter than normal ones, not to mention never growing old." He returns to looking up the latest issue of "Undead Penthouse."

"And that dear brother," The Emperor exclaims, shaking his head and chuckling, "Is the true reason our empire has flourished so well over the centuries."

Meanwhile, air units from the Carpathian Mountainside air base scramble to defend the shorelines from the Fell Hoppers invaders.

"Captain, come in captain" a pilot shouts on the radio, "We have the targets in our sights. The 5 ships carrying what appears to be some sort of powder, possibly drugs."

"Lock weapons and fire at will." The Squad leader says as missile volleys fly at the first ship. The attack suceeds, resulting in the ship exploding, and the strange powder rapidly rises into the air.

"Wait a minute, thats not drugs thats...OH SHIT! TURN AROUND TURN AROUND!"

But it was already too late, by this point the garlic clouds surround the attack squadron. The garlic powder is so potent the scent is able to penetrate through the cockpits of the fighters.

The pilots in a mad frenzy to escape, wind up either crash landing intot he ocean, or crashing into one another.

"SHOULD HAVE SENT THE NAVY TO GE...." the Squad leader yells just before his plane crashes into the very ship that was currently in the process of sinking.