Mestionian
24-04-2004, 05:49
Attention criminals, outlaws, skallywags, freedom fighters, terrorists and general miscreants. Tired of having arms shipments sunk just miles from your awaiting grasp? Tired of that extra special shipment of cocaine being seized by pigheaded law enforcement? Tired of seeing smug politicians sick their military attack dogs on you every time you take a step out of line? Well my friends, all your troubles are about to end.
I, Captain William Finney would like to extend my services in rectifying what I know to be an incredibly trying predicament. For a "modest" price, my crew and I will use our ship REVENGE to ensure that those precious loads of contraband get to those in need in a timely manner.
Our price you ask? Well, you have two options when it comes to we folks, we believe in choices. You can ship the cargo yourself and have us ride along with it for a mere 15% of the total value of the cargo. Most of our clients seem to prefer this option as it does not leave precious cargo in the hands of relative strangers. Our second, more pricey option is to have your cargo stowed in the REVENGE's cargo hold. For this service, we charge 20% of the total value of the material being shipped, plus the calculated extra cost of fuel.
Now you may be asking yourself: How is this different from a legitimate shipping company? Well my friends, your typical shipping company doesn't affix six inch guns to their freighters and GUARANTEE delivery no matter what "inconveniences" might arise. That my friends is the key difference in our business, a guarantee of success.
Any and all parties interested may respond to this message. Thank you, and have a spenderous day.
- Captain William "Bill" Finney
I, Captain William Finney would like to extend my services in rectifying what I know to be an incredibly trying predicament. For a "modest" price, my crew and I will use our ship REVENGE to ensure that those precious loads of contraband get to those in need in a timely manner.
Our price you ask? Well, you have two options when it comes to we folks, we believe in choices. You can ship the cargo yourself and have us ride along with it for a mere 15% of the total value of the cargo. Most of our clients seem to prefer this option as it does not leave precious cargo in the hands of relative strangers. Our second, more pricey option is to have your cargo stowed in the REVENGE's cargo hold. For this service, we charge 20% of the total value of the material being shipped, plus the calculated extra cost of fuel.
Now you may be asking yourself: How is this different from a legitimate shipping company? Well my friends, your typical shipping company doesn't affix six inch guns to their freighters and GUARANTEE delivery no matter what "inconveniences" might arise. That my friends is the key difference in our business, a guarantee of success.
Any and all parties interested may respond to this message. Thank you, and have a spenderous day.
- Captain William "Bill" Finney