Brady Lanka
15-04-2004, 17:59
THIS IS A NEWS 8 SPECIAL REPORT.
Skip Freely: Good afternoon. We interrupt your regularly scheduled programming to bring you this breaking news.
Brady Lanka capital, Kevidelphia, was victimized today by what is believed to be a terrorist attack. At 11:48 this morning a cow bomb was detonated on the steps of the treasury building killing hundreds of full grown sheep. This attack has thrown the national economy into a tizzy. State official Jose Canseco had this to say.
Jose: This is a very tragic event. As you know this is much more serious than an attack on a country who prints their currency. It takes years for our lambs to mature to their peak value. This attack is potentially crippling, or it may not be that bad. I’m really not sure yet.
Skip: Canseco went on to offer his sympathies to the families of any human victims of the attack. The non livestock death total is estimated at 18, all of which worked at the treasury building. In keeping with national policy, the families will not be compensated in any way by the government but, if you were related to multiple victims, many funeral homes will be offering “Bury one, get the next half off” sales. We take you live now to President Steve Guttenberg on the steps of the Brady Lanka Police Academy as he addresses the nation in this difficult time.
Pres. Guttenberg: People of Brady Lanka, I stand here a wounded man. I haven’t been this distraught since I sobered up and realized I made “3 Men and a Little Lady.” I am here to ask you to be strong. Do not see this as a reason to panic. Yes, the sheep were a valuable asset to our economy but more sheep will be born. Yes fret not, the remaining sheep will undergo an intense breeding process immediately and I will be there to supervise it personally. Also allow me to warn you that any social uprising stemming from this incident will be punished with maximum force. Remember who stands before you. I Steve Guttenberg, the man who brought Police Cadet Mahony to life on the silver screen, rule with an iron fist. No terrorist organization has claimed responsibility for this attack as of yet but we all figure someone will send us a tape or something very soon. That’s all.
Skip: That was President Guttenberg addressing the nation in this difficult time. We return you now to your regularly scheduled programming. Stay tuned for more updates as they become available to us.
Skip Freely: Good afternoon. We interrupt your regularly scheduled programming to bring you this breaking news.
Brady Lanka capital, Kevidelphia, was victimized today by what is believed to be a terrorist attack. At 11:48 this morning a cow bomb was detonated on the steps of the treasury building killing hundreds of full grown sheep. This attack has thrown the national economy into a tizzy. State official Jose Canseco had this to say.
Jose: This is a very tragic event. As you know this is much more serious than an attack on a country who prints their currency. It takes years for our lambs to mature to their peak value. This attack is potentially crippling, or it may not be that bad. I’m really not sure yet.
Skip: Canseco went on to offer his sympathies to the families of any human victims of the attack. The non livestock death total is estimated at 18, all of which worked at the treasury building. In keeping with national policy, the families will not be compensated in any way by the government but, if you were related to multiple victims, many funeral homes will be offering “Bury one, get the next half off” sales. We take you live now to President Steve Guttenberg on the steps of the Brady Lanka Police Academy as he addresses the nation in this difficult time.
Pres. Guttenberg: People of Brady Lanka, I stand here a wounded man. I haven’t been this distraught since I sobered up and realized I made “3 Men and a Little Lady.” I am here to ask you to be strong. Do not see this as a reason to panic. Yes, the sheep were a valuable asset to our economy but more sheep will be born. Yes fret not, the remaining sheep will undergo an intense breeding process immediately and I will be there to supervise it personally. Also allow me to warn you that any social uprising stemming from this incident will be punished with maximum force. Remember who stands before you. I Steve Guttenberg, the man who brought Police Cadet Mahony to life on the silver screen, rule with an iron fist. No terrorist organization has claimed responsibility for this attack as of yet but we all figure someone will send us a tape or something very soon. That’s all.
Skip: That was President Guttenberg addressing the nation in this difficult time. We return you now to your regularly scheduled programming. Stay tuned for more updates as they become available to us.