NationStates Jolt Archive

The Erasian Football Association – “Spoiling the beautiful game for everyone, without the aid of Sepp Blatter”

Today sees the opening ceremony of the first ever Erasian Football Association Trophy competition, taking place in the heart of the region, The People's Republic of Libraryia (seeing as they’re our UN delegate, and founder member I thought it made sense? Feel free to change it all though.)

All countries in the United Nations of Eras are represented, and the knockout tournament commences (whenever we can be bothered) shortly. (Not that it’ll fizzle out or anything)

The ceremony itself, presented by Pat Sharp’s mullet, kicked off with thousands of fireworks being shot at a giant effigy of Deepak, before, in true opening ceremony style, hundreds of school children danced around for no apparent reason. Simon Day sang the tournament’s official song, “Moonlight Shadow”, before quickly changing into a bad suit, and demanding that the eighty thousand strong crowd in the stadium shut it, put their knickers on and go make him a cup of tea. This was surprisingly well received by the crowd, with much charring, and shouts of “OH YES! YES!”.

Teams have been preparing for this mwoahvellous event for the past few months, with the winner taking home the famous, and much-coveted Jules Reims-et trophy. Top goal scorer receives a solid gold George Foreman grille, and the most disruptive fans receive a lifetime supply of milk bottles and petrol.

Bookies have now begun taking odds on who will emerge victorious, however strangely (this wasn’t expected at all was it?), the odds are shaping up as follows:

The Constitutional Monarchy of Jalal – 7/1
The Holy Empire of Raving Benders – 7/1
The Jingoistic States of Holiday camps – 7/1
The People's Republic of Libraryia - 7/1
The Rogue Nation of Wallgaria –7/1

As this is the first time an event of this magnitude has been held in the United Nations of Eras, no-one’s really got a clue what to do.

Maybe we should have a ball-bag draw to see who plays whom? Who knows?

One thing’s for certain though ladies and gentlemen; it’ll be mwoah.

MWOAH!
MWOAH!
MWOAH!
MWOAH!
MWOAH!
MWOAH!
MWOAH!
MWOAH!

Charr!!!!!!
Mwoah!!!!

Go Eurasia!

It's Erasia (easy mistake to make), but OH YES! GO!

Charr! Go the Erasian Football Association! We need to devise tactics, name a manager, a 23 man squad and get Robin to make it up on champ...

MWOAH! MWOAH! MWOAH!

Straight from Wallgarain FA headquaters::

Uncle the One has named his starting 11 for the tournament, it is as follows.

Gk: Carmen Electra (I had to fit her in somehow)

Dr: Billy Bleach (He plans to bore his opponents to death)
Dc: Monkfish (He'll show 'em who's in charge)
Dc: Competetive Dad (Captain and all round arse)
Dl: Dave Angel (Will ensure the pitch is in fit state)

Mr: Blackadder (Will be the sly master on the wing)
Mc: Michael from Alan Partridge (Midfield hardman)
Mc: Dr. Terrible (Hopefully his performances won't be truely diabolical)
Mr: Matt Bellamy (Will add flair and style to the wing)

Fc: Karl (Has a black guys name)
Fc: Lenny (Has a white guys name)

A truely formidable lineup, if I have any mwoah left in me I'll come up with subs. <Simpsons nerd noise> Mwoah Mwoah!!

Straight from Wallgarian FA headquaters::

Uncle the One has named his starting 11 for the tournament, it is as follows.

Gk: Carmen Electra (I had to fit her in somehow)

Dr: Billy Bleach (He plans to bore his opponents to death)
Dc: Monkfish (He'll show 'em who's in charge)
Dc: Competetive Dad (Captain and all round arse)
Dl: Dave Angel (Will ensure the pitch is in fit state)

Mr: Blackadder (Will be the sly master on the wing)
Mc: Michael from Alan Partridge (Midfield hardman)
Mc: Dr. Terrible (Hopefully his performances won't be truely diabolical)
Mr: Matt Bellamy (Will add flair and style to the wing)

Fc: Karl (Has a black guys name)
Fc: Lenny (Has a white guys name)

A truely formidable lineup, if I have any mwoah left in me I'll come up with subs. <Simpsons nerd noise> Mwoah Mwoah!!

Straight from Wallgarian FA headquarters::

Uncle the One has named his starting 11 for the tournament, it is as follows.

Gk: Carmen Electra (I had to fit her in somehow)

Dr: Billy Bleach (He plans to bore his opponents to death)
Dc: Monkfish (He'll show 'em who's in charge)
Dc: Competetive Dad (Captain and all round arse)
Dl: Dave Angel (Will ensure the pitch is in fit state)

Mr: Blackadder (Will be the sly master on the wing)
Mc: Michael from Alan Partridge (Midfield hardman)
Mc: Dr. Terrible (Hopefully his performances won't be truely diabolical)
Mr: Matt Bellamy (Will add flair and style to the wing)

Fc: Karl (Has a black guys name)
Fc: Lenny (Has a white guys name)

A truely formidable lineup, if I have any mwoah left in me I'll come up with subs. <Simpsons nerd noise> Mwoah Mwoah!!

How an earth did that happen?

How an earth did that happen?

GK- Frederick Engels
RB- Jenny Marx
CB- Joseph Stalin (Big, strong, but stupid...a bit like Henchoz!)
CB- Nelson Mandela (He's been to prison; must be like a brick wall)
LB- José P. Miranda (South-American flair)
RM- Tony Benn (harsses Thatcher (Ben or Maggie). Sorry, i mean defenders!)
CM- Ché Guevara (Midfield Workhorse..strong, and hold theball/gun well)
CM- Karl Marx (playmaker-the man who started it all)
LM- Lenin
CF- Leon Trotsky (skillful, but weak)
CF- Fidel Castro (good in the air...hehe!)

As we can see...Libraryia have pulled out all the stops to bring together a socialist soccer sensation; it is rumoured that they will be looking to utilise their ability to work as a team over individual skill. (haha)

MWOAH!!

From the JFA Headquarters. Shwan Jalal announces his team as player/manager, with the legendary Uncle The Love chosen to coach the team. (He drives the coach).

GK- Shwan Jalal (Obviously)

DR- Professor Frink (Hopefully will invent an ingenius device to fly up and down the wing back position)

DC- Goran Bunjevcevic (The Serbian legend gets the nod ahead of Gary Doherty, who is doing overtime at B&Q)

DC- Jay (Plans to steal a monkey to distract the opponents)

DL- Silent Bob (Plans to say nothing to distract the opponents)

RM- Chris Rock (Uses his immense racism towards white people as a distince advantage down the right hand side)

CM- Sir Cryalot (The ball winner in midfield, hopefully he won't cry... alot)

CM- Midfield Mystro (The flair player of the side. Uses his immense talent and skill to outwit everyone. What will he do next?)

LM- Mr Zimmerman (A bit of South African magic)

FC- Snoop Dogg (Uses his brilliance and all-round lankyness to win headers- and our hearts...)

FC- Alan Partridge (Had the same shorts since the seventies, and will be looking to say "Back of the net" many a time)

As you can see, Jalal have spared no expense kidnapping- I mean 'paying' these superstar Jalal resisdance to play for their country. The tactics consist of giving it to the Midfield Mystro, who will confuse the opponents with his dazzling repitoire of skills.

MWOAH! MWOAH!

ok sorry finally i choose my team for this world legend cup

GK Rick Waller (you can't keep a fat man down)
DC Shaggy (can avoid ref's wrath with "it wasn't me")
DC Jeremy Beadle (will get away with handing the ball by using his unique small hand)
DC random Tramp (smell factor should put off any oposion)
ML Osama bin Laden (key to terorising many right wing/back governments/defenders)
MC Paul Daniels and the wonderful Debbie McGee (combing two people to make a super saturday night entertainment force)
MC Lynn from alan patridge (inneficant nervois naive midfielder)
MR Margret Thatecher (will keep his/her position well by not drifting to any left wing policies)
AM Kilroy Silk (should put off the oposistion by being patronsing)
STR Andre 3000 (what can't this man do!)
STR Bubbles (since leaving Jacko's pad the poor chimp needs something to do)

ok sorry finally i choose my team for this world legend cup

GK Rick Waller (you can't keep a fat man down)
DC Shaggy (can avoid ref's wrath with "it wasn't me")
DC Jeremy Beadle (will get away with handing the ball by using his unique small hand)
DC random Tramp (smell factor should put off any oposion)
ML Osama bin Laden (key to terorising many right wing/back governments/defenders)
MC Paul Daniels and the wonderful Debbie McGee (combing two people to make a super saturday night entertainment force)
MC Lynn from alan patridge (inneficant nervois naive midfielder)
MR Margret Thatecher (will keep his/her position well by not drifting to any left wing policies)
AM Kilroy Silk (should put off the oposistion by being patronsing)
STR Andre 3000 (what can't this man do!)
STR Bubbles (since leaving Jacko's pad the poor chimp needs something to do)

Sorry for the delay, I expelled a considerable amount of mwoah doing the introduction.

Here is the cream of the benders :? :

GK- Hess (Legendary keeping skills. Lack of, that is. Tends to halt play by allowing members of the crowd to steal the ball.)

RB- Al Pacino (Wily, calm, and very short.)

CB- The Big Bad “I said NO!” (Old-school hard man defender that scares small children. Rivals Martin Keown in this respect. (Of “Stoppit and Tidyup” fame.))

CB- Gongon from Super Monkey Ball (Such exquisite ball control for such a large monkey.)

LB- Tintin (Belgian whiz kid capable of bringing down anyone.)

RM- Lionel Hutz (Useful when squad is arrested for assault.)

CM- Keith Moon (He’s everywhere you know.)

CM- Jonny Brasted (Leaves the opposition mesmerised, pondering what’s in his bag.)

LM- Robert Pires (Obviously.)

CF- An annoying street mime (Much experience in the box.)

CF- Gemma’s hair (Straight, sharp and painfully accurate.)

Well now is the time for an important question, how the bloody hell do we decide results?

don't be silly jack! we just sit her now and talk about all the things we COULD do...