NationStates Jolt Archive

In response to stupid vetos in the UN, the Rogue nation of Homer Simpson1987 has invaded France. Our force of 25 soldiers went through Belgium and sacked Paris in 3 hours. We won. France lost again.

END WIRE SERVICE
REUTERS c. 2004

I'm not sure whether to laugh or to cry.

Laugh if this is sarcasm or cry if you are acctually serious..

It is meant as a joke about how good France's military is. They stink. I think if Guatemala invaded, I would bet on Guatemala. France is the only nation to lose to Mexico. They did it in mid 1860's

Lost to Mexico?! lmao.....

http://www.vivacincodemayo.org/history.htm
check the link. It is the origin of cinco de mayo holiday

Since I have France, who wants to buy it?
I may have to pay people to take it.

And the US is the only country to lose to Canada, whats your point?

France's veto merely reflected WORLD (thats that big big place outside the US) opinion. Their military prowess, although not perfect, is certainly not as bad as Americans make out sometimes.

How about I take it.Slaying 25 guys with pointy objects won't weigh too heavily on my concience,eh?

How about I take it.Slaying 25 guys with pointy objects won't weigh too heavily on my concience,eh?

U don't have to kill for it I am selling prime real-estate, the only catch is that it is in France.

*launches nukes with Ohio class SSBN sub at The Freethinkers. Due to close launch range, there is no time to respond*

Now who wants to buy France

*watches the cardboard nukes splutter, splat, and fall apart. Smiles smugly*

Okay, fine, we'll buy it.

I'll buy France.

He're's 45 cents, 4,000 francs that I forgot to trade for Euros, and some tank exhaust.

Attention, insignificant nation of Homer Simpson 1987. This is the Adornia. Cease hostilities immediatly or we will declare war. That is all.

*free thinkers is now a crater lake*

I just liberated France from the Dictatorship of Jaques Chirac and Dominic de Villepen. I have now sold France and no longer are in hostilities with them.

*moons Andornia's diplomat in defiance*

*looks around, funny, you would have thought people would have stopped moving..*

*pats HS1987 on head whist taking away nuclear weapons*

There there little boy, nukes arent for little kiddie nations now...

In response to stupid vetos in the UN, the Rogue nation of Homer Simpson1987 has invaded France. Our force of 25 soldiers went through Belgium and sacked Paris in 3 hours. We won. France lost again.

END WIRE SERVICE
REUTERS c. 2004

OOC: GODMOD!!!!! Come now, to take over France you would need at least 40 soldiers!

Nah, I think the deserve it all.. I mean, it must be the only country on earth that could get its arse kicked by a backwater like Vietnam.. oh I.. oh dear..

Oh well, in that case I'll just join in with making fun of them for being cowards, I mean, in the Great War when Germany invaded America, France just sat there and pretending it wasn't happening while the Americans bravely fought to the death by the million. Then again twenty years later when Germany built the most modern armed forces going (outside the tiny BEF) and invaded America again, and upstanding nations like Britain and Canada jumped in to help fight fascism and the man widely regarded as history's most evil, France just sat there for years again with its fingers in its cowardly selfish ears!

God, cowards.

Ah, I should probably mention my AGFAAC disorder. Arbitrarily Gets France And America Consused syndrome, as it's sometimes known.

*note to dead freethinker cits, I used an Ohio class Sub from Northrop Grumman, a US armed sub with top US missiles. Now, please put your vapor remains in Crater lake (meaning the remains of your country)

Hello, welcome to me! Homestaw wunner! I have been ewected new Weader of Wedmire, and i hwave invaded whode island and twurned it into a Fluffy Puff Marshmallow factowy thing! um, im done, class dismissed...

lol


I hope you are joking.

Channel 6 Action News has CONFIRMED that it was actually FRANCE who invaded HS1987 with 25 soldiers and won within minutes. We are receiving reports that the HS1987 'leader' has just fled the country in sheer fear of being tickled.

-Kent

Liberal's micromanaging a war lost Vietnam. Not to mention France lost there and got us involved. Who loses to Mexico?

No....burning peasents and raping women pissing off the locals lost you Vietnam, and who lost to Canada?

The Homestarmie has invaded Redmire! We are setting up cities! Um, im homestar wunner......

sorry, but I already sold France to the 1st buyer, no one else wanted it

*sends agents to kill Chirac*

Adornia's Space Station, New Hope

"Sir, we'll be in range with in minutes."

"Good, good...Power up all weapons systems."

"Aye, sir. Weapons systems coming online."

"Fire at your discretion, Ensign..."

Approximately five minutes later, orbital bombardment commences on HS1987.

Dont worry simpsons, because your simpson brand tooth paste si so minty we will help you! we are sending the homestarmy which is compromised of annoying insurance salemans and robot sandwiches armed with buckets that shoot lard!

modern weps only, no space stations
*launches Minuteman III's at Adornia. In 5 minutes it is a radioactive lake.*

"a US armed sub with top US missiles. "

*Watches missiles fly overhead before veeringoff and hitting a red cross building*

you mean you are actually going to fight over this?

*launches nukes at uh that freethinker country that where fighting thing* Um man can you believe it?

Nah, I think the deserve it all.. I mean, it must be the only country on earth that could get its arse kicked by a backwater like Vietnam.. oh I.. oh dear..

Oh well, in that case I'll just join in with making fun of them for being cowards, I mean, in the Great War when Germany invaded America, France just sat there and pretending it wasn't happening while the Americans bravely fought to the death by the million. Then again twenty years later when Germany built the most modern armed forces going (outside the tiny BEF) and invaded America again, and upstanding nations like Britain and Canada jumped in to help fight fascism and the man widely regarded as history's most evil, France just sat there for years again with its fingers in its cowardly selfish ears!

God, cowards.

Ah, I should probably mention my AGFAAC disorder. Arbitrarily Gets France And America Consused syndrome, as it's sometimes known.

As an Asian from Singapore(Asian including all those living in the continent of Asia,not just Chinese or Japs!),who happens to know more about Asia than any of you clowns because I live there,I will say this.Vietnam is not a backwater nation,it is simply on the periphery of an emerging power,think Mexico being south of the USA.

The US military won the conflict militarily in Vietnam.The Tet counterattack by the americans destroyed the Viet Cong as a force and brought them to the peace table.for 50 000 dead Americans,over 4 million Vietnamese died.Thats a kill ratio of 1:80 for the Americans.Even now,chemical agents used by the Americans still affect Vietnam to this day with many Vietnamese born with congenital deformities and sex tourism by fat,filthy whites prevalent in South East Asia.

The Americans simply upped and left,unwilling to commit.They lost it politically.If they had endured and changed tactics instead of using short-sighted policies to their own aims,they would have had a moral and military victory.

We are recruiting for the homestarmie! do you have the guts? the determenation? the 5 bucks! Join today!

For a limited time only! give me some orange slices or a bag lunch and get in free! Fight along side kernel homestar wunner!

http://www.homestarrunner.com/wallpapers/armywallpaper2.jpg

Okay, I have a solution to this mess that has a few steps to it...

1. I invade all of your countries with my legion of stick-wielding, rock-throwing, average strength auto mechanics.

2. You all surrender before the relatively unintimidating force.

3. You each give $5 to me, or 5...francs...or...euros...or whatever you use.

4. You agree that France DOES have a crappy military, but we're not going to argue about that anymore.

5. Just to be nice, we'll say that Italy has a crappy military as well, so the French people don't get too upset.

6. And what the hell, we'll agree that President Bush has the I.Q. of a Post-It note.

7. I leave your countries quietly in iron-clad inflatable life rafts that you must provide (and they can't sink either...I don't know, figure it out).

Is this a reasonable solution?

Okay, I have a solution to this mess that has a few steps to it...

1. I invade all of your countries with my legion of stick-wielding, rock-throwing, average strength auto mechanics.

2. You all surrender before the relatively unintimidating force.

3. You each give $5 to me, or 5...francs...or...euros...or whatever you use.

4. You agree that France DOES have a crappy military, but we're not going to argue about that anymore.

5. Just to be nice, we'll say that Italy has a crappy military as well, so the French people don't get too upset.

6. And what the hell, we'll agree that President Bush has the I.Q. of a Post-It note.

7. I leave your countries quietly in iron-clad inflatable life rafts that you must provide (and they can't sink either...I don't know, figure it out).

Is this a reasonable solution?

Quiet youz! prepare to feel the chloride sting of the Homestarime!

Oh, I see it's war you want...

Well, to avoid the costs of going to war, I suggest that you simply pick your best warrior, arm him with nothing but crude weapons (e.g. sword, shield, et cetera), and have him meet my best warrior in combat.

I imagine it shall be a grand old time.

Homestar:Come on benetedos!(benetedos is a juice making machine)

*benetedos gets shot by a freethinker sniper*

Homestar:nooo! benetedos! dont you die on me! not on my watch! you never gave me the 5 bucks!

Oh, I see it's war you want...

Well, to avoid the costs of going to war, I suggest that you simply pick your best warrior, arm him with nothing but crude weapons (e.g. sword, shield, et cetera), and have him meet my best warrior in combat.

I imagine it shall be a grand old time.

Homestar: ok stuupid! *picks up salad spoon* what do i do now?

Sir Pope: *Picks up salad fork, and a pot lid* "Now you die, fool."

Sir Pope proceeds to run at Homestar and stab him in the foot.

Come on stoopid! *pokes with salad spoon*

http://www.homestarrunner.com/wallpapers/harvest1.jpg

Sir Pope: *Picks up salad fork, and a pot lid* "Now you die, fool."

Sir Pope proceeds to run at Homestar and stab him in the foot.

ouch that hurt, *wacks your head with spoon*

Homestar: you want pain? ill give you parsnip pain! *throws parsnips at you* Hey stupid! get your fork out of me!

Homestar:Oh man i can post circles around you!*throws chloride in your eyes* now to finish you off! *puts nail in salad spoon*

Sir Pope: "I can't seem to remove my fork...it's stuck"

Smashes Homestar with pot lid while trying to remove fork.

Sir Pope: "Damn and double-damn..."

Homestar: Die stoopid! *hits your head with spoon and nail pierces skull, you drop dead* oh man that was easy...im going to go drink some melonade now :lol: !

Sir Pope: "I have no eyes, you fool."

Throws dirt at Homestar.

Homestar: Die stoopid! *hits your head with spoon and nail pierces skull, you drop dead* oh man that was easy...im going to go drink some melonade now :lol: !

id shake your hand but I aint got any, or thats wut my portfolio says

http://www.homestarrunner.com/wallpapers/hs_crayon1.jpg

Sir Pope's Ghost: "Oh damn, I'm dead...BUT I'LL GET YOU YET."

Goes back into body, pulls nail from head, steals melonade, and runs away.

After arriving at...wherever the hell I am, Sir Pope is shot for being a heretic...a sucky fighter too.

Sir Pope: "I have no eyes, you fool."

Throws dirt at Homestar.

Homestar: Hey i thought we called truce! *100 pund metal thingy lands on you**gets in helicopter* i must now ride into the sunset.....wow man thats some cwappy script, josh your fired!

Ilham, I'm struggling to understand exactly what you were getting at in the begining of that post, but I will say for the record that I certainly didn't and don't mean to offend anyone from Vietnam or anywhere else in Asia by refering to the nation in question as a backwater (at the time of the two recent-ish major wars there). Technologically, industrially, economically, compared to the superpower US and 1st world France, it was effectively a military nothing, right? And yet it put up a heck of a fight against America for many years, finishing up with its forces over-running the whole country.

Yes, more Asians than Americans died- more Russians than Germans died in WWII, but there was no German sector of control in Moscow by the end of the war.
I think you're putting a bit much emphasis on the kill ratio- during the war with France, I think it was Ho Chi Minh that said, "We may lose more lives, but you will lose the war." And he was right on both counts. Most of the south east Asians killed (because it's not like the US confined its murderous carpet bombing to Vietnam) were civilians, many completely unrelated to the war effort on either side. The four or five million estimates for Asian casualties due to US action in the entire period usually include people slaughtered for voting "wrong" in Laos, or eventually in Camdodia for standing up to good ol' anti-Vietnamese Pol Pot, friend to Uncle Sam.

In the end you say if they had changed tactics and stayed on they would have won. The fact remains- they didn't. IF the British had been serious about the war of independence, the USA would never have existed. If Vercingetorix had charged down the hill rather than retreating inside the fort for days on end the Roman empire would never have conquered Gaul and Britain, and Celtic culture would probably today dominate the earth, not British-spread Classical.

The point is that France isn't really any worse at fighting than America, or probably any number of other countries. Germany's got a nack for losing, despite a good reputation for producing soldiers. Italy couldn't even take out the Greeks on their own. As has been pointed out, America got driven out of Canada. America lost any number of battles to stone age nomads, and even entire military campaigns. Everybody's shit at fighting. We're not really meant for killing one another. Now lets all get drunk and dance about, hugging.


Or we'll unleash gentically targeted bio-weapons aimed at people with bright yellow skin, Homer.

When did we call truce?

Damn...

Oh well, Sir Pope was shot anyway.

Kudos for a good fight...well, a crappy fight, but...oh never mind.

What about the Mexico loss?

Ilham, I'm struggling to understand exactly what you were getting at in the begining of that post, but I will say for the record that I certainly didn't and don't mean to offend anyone from Vietnam or anywhere else in Asia by refering to the nation in question as a backwater (at the time of the two recent-ish major wars there). Technologically, industrially, economically, compared to the superpower US and 1st world France, it was effectively a military nothing, right? And yet it put up a heck of a fight against America for many years, finishing up with its forces over-running the whole country.

Yes, more Asians than Americans died- more Russians than Germans died in WWII, but there was no German sector of control in Moscow by the end of the war.
I think you're putting a bit much emphasis on the kill ratio- during the war with France, I think it was Ho Chi Minh that said, "We may lose more lives, but you will lose the war." And he was right on both counts. Most of the south east Asians killed (because it's not like the US confined its murderous carpet bombing to Vietnam) were civilians, many completely unrelated to the war effort on either side. The four or five million estimates for Asian casualties due to US action in the entire period usually include people slaughtered for voting "wrong" in Laos, or eventually in Camdodia for standing up to good ol' anti-Vietnamese Pol Pot, friend to Uncle Sam.

In the end you say if they had changed tactics and stayed on they would have won. The fact remains- they didn't. IF the British had been serious about the war of independence, the USA would never have existed. If Vercingetorix had charged down the hill rather than retreating inside the fort for days on end the Roman empire would never have conquered Gaul and Britain, and Celtic culture would probably today dominate the earth, not British-spread Classical.

The point is that France isn't really any worse at fighting than America, or probably any number of other countries. Germany's got a nack for losing, despite a good reputation for producing soldiers. Italy couldn't even take out the Greeks on their own. As has been pointed out, America got driven out of Canada. America lost any number of battles to stone age nomads, and even entire military campaigns. Everybody's shit at fighting. We're not really meant for killing one another. Now lets all get drunk and dance about, hugging.


Or we'll unleash gentically targeted bio-weapons aimed at people with bright yellow skin, Homer.

Homestar:wut are you twakin about stuupid? we where talking about monkeys in knife fights*assistant says something in ear*
Homestar: oh cwap...this isnt the MKFF forum?

France has a crappy military...can't we leave it at that?

This thing has gotten out of hand...

France has a crappy military...can't we leave it at that?

This thing has gotten out of hand...

Homestar: Yes Fwance has a cwappy military, and their toilet paper scars my butt.