Dontgonearthere
03-03-2004, 05:47
Dictator Supply Corp is not affilated with Dontgonearthere, GLACORP or any branch of the
DGNT government, it is a privatly owned and operated buisness.
OOC: This is an IC thread, meant to be taken somewhat seriousley, these items are ALL for
sale, but its supposed to be a bit funny as well :P
Tired of the same 'ol same 'ol? Rebels giving you trouble? Mobs keeping you awake day and
night? END IT NOW, with one of DictoTechs ultra-secure lairs for Dictators, terrorists,
and all sorts of people who need a nice place away from the mob!
SKULL ISLAND
http://www.multimania.com/chezagora/images/004skull_island.jpg
In todays Anti-Evil environment, you need all the protection you can get. For this reason
most Dictators, supervillians and terrorists stick to hidden lairs and secret bases. But
some Dictators of quality prefer to boldy announce their presence to the world. You can to
with the Original Skull Island.
Our expert engineers will painstakingly carve out a terrifying skeletal visage in the rock
of any medium to large volcanic island, procaling to all passing boats, satilites and
aircraft "Evil Dwells Here!" or, if this is too suble for you, "HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!" can be
written in neon lights on the side. Includes a vast array of homelike ammenities,
including a Global Comunications Base, private grotto, shark trap, heavy-weapons launch
site, submarine base and lodgings for up to twelve scantily clad bikini women.
Price: G250,000,000
EX-AL QAEDA CAVES - NOW AVAILABLE CHEAP! CHEAP! CHEAP!
http://i.timeinc.net/time/daily/2002/0201/cave0102.jpg
Need a quick place to hide and plot world domination, but you have no money? Well, your
hopes are fulfilled! For mere pennies a day you and thirty of your closest henchpersons
can find warmth and partial shelter in one of our Afghan caves. Recently abandoned by
their previous occupants these 'Natural Lairs" are perfect for eco-terrorists, temporary
hiding places and storage. They sport real stone floors, natural stone ceilings and
pleasant open air entrances. You might even find some abandoned military equipment, the
stray shell case, khyber knife or even badly photocopied plans for the horseback invasion
of Kabul.
Price: G100,000
THE INFLATABLE LAIR
http://www.mtech.edu/outreach/images/School%20Visit/star_lab.jpg
So, your moving operators to a jungle island, but your main lair is back home in the
Pacific? No need to worry! You CAN take it with you!
Just activate the battery-powered air pump and in minutes you'll have a lair worty of a
Super-Dictator! The Inflatble Lair is made of defence-grade Mylar*, and contains numerous
compartments for designing, plotting, schemeing and tourturing; plus an exterior inflatable
"Bikini Girl Lagoon".
*Do not use sharp objects, firearms, dental instruments, knitting needles or live tigers in
The Inflatable Lair.
Price: G1,250
CONCRETE BUNKER
http://www.jns.fi/palvelut/marjala/bunkkeri_kuvat/bunkkeri1.jpg
military cannon (pictured) not included CONCRETE BUNKER
Sure, it may lack a certain flair; but the Concrete Bunker can withstand just about
anything you throw at it, making it the best defended lair in its price range. After a
number of World Wars the Earth is positivly COVERED in concrete bunkers, ranging from holes
in the ground to massive fortifications. Each is quite secure, having a sturdy steel or
iron door (depending on time-range) capable of withstanding multiple entry-charge blasts.
Price: G2,500
BUDGET LAIR WITH MINI-DOME
http://www.hao.ucar.edu/public/asr/asr2001/siv/images/observatory.gif
A 30 X 30 X 20 meter corrugated metal lair with incorporated mini-dome, suitable for small
missile silos, medium-size lasers, or other small to midrange superweapons and doomsday
devices. Includes generator and superweapon mounting array.
Price: G550
ABANDONED MISSILE SILO LAIR
http://www.390smw.org/titan/compx.jpg
Many governments run 'Nuclear Disarmament' programs, and as with the bunkers these are
positivily LITERED across the globe, outdated, long abandoned and unused missile silos are
also the perfect place for your Lair of Evil!
Your silo lair is sumptiously refurbished with Central Command Center, plus the 600 ft deep
silo itself, offering 20,000 feet of additional space! Suitable for bottomless pits, shark
traps, mazes of death, prson, or possibly for firing missiles from if your feeling
unoriginal. Also includes confrence center with twirly chair perfect for confronting
British secret agents.
Price: G25,000,000
SECLUDED MOUNTAINTOP VILLA
http://www.caribbeandays.com/virgingorda/2bedroom/images/islanddream4.jpg
A 3,200 square meter mountaintop villa comes complete with master bedroom, 3 guest rooms,
full kitchen, fireplace, sauna, game room, indoor theatre, hidden central computer room,
carport, tigre traps, swimming pool, walk in closets and armoury, discrete
morgue/crematorium and optional missile defence expansion kit.
Reinforced supports prevent destruction of vital structural components.
Price: G504,300
HYDROFOIL YACHT - MOBILE SECURITY AT A REASONABLE PRICE!
http://www.davestravelcorner.com/photos/unitedstates/california/yacht.jpg
Why should your lair sit still, waiting for Special Ops, MI6 agents and other enemys to
find it? Stay mobile with the Dictotech Industries HydroYacht 2999! Top speed: 75 knots;
petrol engine with mini-atomic fuel cell upgrade avalibel. Master bedroom, 6 guest cabins
(with bugging equipment), confrence room with InstaDeath Chairs, global communications
suite, shark cage, dorsal hardpoints for weapons upgrades.
Be the envy of other Superpowers!
Price: G45,000,000
GMOH ADVANCED ESCAPE VEHICLE
http://www.wilhelm-aerospace.org/Sci-Fi/wsf/stills/wsf-3/bitscape-escape-pod.jpg
Please ignore this picture.
People have written in to ask us, "why don't you have a section devoted to escape pods?"
Cowardly fools! First off, every lair comes with an escape enablement system, or it's not a
"lair." And second, why are you so concerned about having to get away? Unsure of your
"perfect scheme?"
That said, it's always prudent to have a backup plan. So Sugomi Ziabatsu LLC presents the
GMOH Advanced Escape Vehicle System. Don't trust your most precious cargo (yourself) to
risky ejection systems or bulky jet pods you can't control. The GMOH is a complete
emergency transport system, complete with self-guided VTOL armored risk-avoidance vehicle.
And the entire system installs in any medium-to-large lair.
Price: G100,000
EVIL CASTLE LAIR - ULTRAMODERN COMFORT WITH AN EVIL GOTHIC FLAIR!
http://www.templelooters.com/StoryBoards/eqpics/castle.jpg
Your Evil Castle may vary from pictured castle.
Sure, everybody wants a castle lair. Their cool, scary and a lot more fun to tourture
people in. But face reality, a REAL castle is cold, drafty and vulnerable to any peasant
mob that wanders along, plus their impossible to fit a proper Genetics Lab into!
Thats why DictoTech, the worlds number one supplier of Evil Architechts and Contractors,
have introduced the Vlad series of Dictator Castle Lairs. Its a fully modern and
functional lair with built-int caslte-shaped fibreglass shell, that looks so real even a
person of English heritage would be fooled. Incudes master bedroom, 3 guest suites, 4.5
bath, Grand Ballrom, computer center, medical center/tourture chamber, indoor pool, servant
barracks, home theatre system, wild boar feeding area, missile silo, central air
conditioning and an old hunchback who speaks with a lisp.
Price: G150,000,000
SUBTERRANEAN ISLAND BASE WITH OPTIONAL VOLCANO UPGRADE
http://www.solis-media.co.uk/relocated/3dimagery/images/largeimages/volcano.jpg
Lair pictured with optional volcano upgrade, not included!
When you graduate from Power to Superpower your lair must graduate from lair to Superlair!
Thats why Volcanic Island contractors will provide YOU with a personal desert island,
complete with secret underground submarine bay, master bedroom, a 40-room luxury villa,
atomic reactor, missile/laser launch mounts, command room (T3 lines included), shark trap,
billiards room, cybernetics lab, full bar, housing and facilities for up to 250
Henchpersons, private suites for 12 bikini women. Purchase the Volcanon Upgrade and get a
free Nikon Digital Camera!
Price: G500,000,000 +G10,000 for volcano upgrade
CORPORATE MEGA-TOWER LAIR
http://www.alliancepartners.net/tower.gif
Secure yourself from journalists, fellow World Leaders, special forces assassins and
meddlesom rebels in the top three floors of yoru 200 story Corporate Mega-Tower. Designed
and contracted by DictoTech Inc. the Mega-Tower generates revenue and gives you direct
access to buisness leaders and lackeys while providing a fantastic view of all that is
yours to rule. Includes Luxury Living Suite, master control center, escape rocket launc
bay, elevator of death, private cafeteria, and a personal express elevator!
Price: G2,500,000,000
ARMORED LUXURY CRUISE SHIP W/ STEALTH TECHNOLOGY
http://www.money99.com/images/cruise/ship.jpg
DictoTech Shipyards presents the ultimate in seagoing Dictatorship: The Obsidian Mark XII
armoured luxury cruise ship, featuring the latest in BlackOps 'Stealth' technology. With a
grose tonnage of 150,000 UMS, measuring 1,121' length, 131' bredth, and 32' draught, the
Mark XII is the largest armoured luxury craft on the market. Its 17 spacious decks can
hold an army of underlings, minions, henchpersons and sex slaves according to your personal
taste. 13 proffessional kitchens can serve fine meals (or gruel) 24-hours a day! With
sumptuous master quarters, piranha trap, FOUR olympic swimming pools, helicopter deck,
missile bay, mini-sub launch bay, shuggleboard courts, and mini-hospital with tourture
chamber!
Price: G500,000,000
UNDERSEA CITY - HIDE WHERE THEY'LL NEVER FIND YOU!
http://www.triplehelix.info/v2/concept-art/colony-world-images/JanJaap-1.jpg
Humans ignore %70 of this vast planet, the 7/10ths thats underwater! Plan your domination
with DictoTechs UnderSea City 5000, the submarine lair that builds itself! Create a
habitat for yourself and your minions up to 1,500ft underwater in a safe, reliable undersea
environment. Includes 3 luxury residences for you and your personal aids, submarine base,
central control module, nuclear energy source, lab space, private suites for up to 10
Bikini women.
Price: G5,000,000,000
ORBITAL SPACE STATION - THE ULTIMATE IN SECURITY & PRIVACY!
http://drango.com/images/Space%20Station.gif
When your plans for World Domination go global a simple Island or undersea city just isnt
enough. Take your power and security to the ultimate with the Oribtal Space City from
DictoTech inc. Produced by former Soviet contractors who wish not to be named, your
personalized space platofrm includes: Master bedrooms, 18 buest cabins, artificial
gravity, promenade deck, fine galley, 3 spacedocks, centrifuge of death, oxygenation
garden, cloning lab, missile bay, and particle laser of doom bay. Whats more the Particle
Beam is INCLUDED! Along with 2 ex-American space shuttles, 18 robot henchmen and a free
coffee mug. NO upgrades needed! Order today!
Price: G506,000,000,000
---
Traps and Tourture
---
ULTRA-BUDGET MAN TRAP
http://www.patchesofpride.com/poppics/dioramastuff/punjistakes/punji2.gif
DictoTech presents the Ultra-Budget Man Trap kit, just dig a hole (not included), place the spikes in the bottom and over with loose branches. Within minutes you have a deadly trap fit for any dictator!
Price: UG15
BOREWORMS
http://www.darkwood.org/sj/d20sj/preview/Boreworm.jpg
Any experienced spy shudders at the mention of the simple word "Boreworms". Wheter applied to limbs, chest, genitals or brain, boreworms cause more pain and suffering than any known Xenobiological Nerve Stimulation Agent in the same price range. Yes, DictoTech is now offering high-quality Syxhiscilla breed Boreworms at special discount price.*
Price: G650 for 10
*Boreworms require special handling tongs and methane containment environments, included in price
INSTA-FALL TRAP DOOR W/ CAMOUFLAGE
http://www.concordplayers.org/Foreigner/trapdoor.jpg
DictoTech presents the Insta-Fall Trap Door, these special traps mount Chameleon-Stealth generators, which instantly copy any surface they are placed on. Never have to put up with surly henchpersons, disloyal subordinates or incautions heros again! The thirty foot drop deals with them instead!* Activated by hidden button, pressure sensor or clapper.
Price: G1000, BUY TWO GET ONE FREE!
*Enzymatic cleaning agent included, deals with unsightly buildup and produces healthy fertilized for your gardens!
THE WATER TRAP
http://www.jb-thorne.co.uk/graphics/spray.jpg
Trying to pry invormation from an uncooperative rebel? Or do you simply want to kill a person in a really sick and twisted way? You need the Water Trap 5000 from Prison-Tekk Systems of Turkey.
About the size of a phone booth the Glass&Iron case holds a victim securley while it slowly fills with water (or any other liquid). You chose flow rate, fill type (spray, bottom-top or top-bottom) and the clear plastic lets you see every twitch and tremor!. Drowming people was never this much fun! Drains easily, self-cleaning. Hooks up to any standard watertap.
Price: G2000
THE ELEVATOR OF DESPAIR
http://www.lapl.org/central/tours/images/elevator.jpg
Constructed by the finest (possibly) Mexican labor
Very well, rebel leader, I shall release you. Yes you may leave my lair and go inform your comrads of my location and plots to defeat them. Yes, free to go. Just take the elevator to the surface, yes, that one right there.
Whats that? Your trapped in the elevator? How unfourtunate, I shall have to get one of my henchpersons to look into that. Whats that you say? The mind-numbing Muzak is slowly driving you mad? Goodness! And the elevators trememdous speed is slowly turning your bones to jelly? Well, at least the tiny claustrophobic steel elevator car isny filling up with pain-enhancing neurotoxin. It is? Well! I shall call the manufacturer, DictoTech Inc. That is, once my henchmen clear your crushed and mutilated body from my Elevator of Despair. Idiot.
Price: G7,500, add G450 for each storey above ten.
MYRMELEONTIDAE XENOGENETICA "BRAIN-EATING" BUG
http://www.museums.org.za/bio/images/enb2/enb02444.jpg
From Monsanto Special Projects Division, the people who brought you Man-eating Corn, comes the latest in torture and mind-control biotechnology. The Myrmeleontidae xenogenetica is a deadly Neuroptera with alien DNA spliced in for good measure. The insect burrows in through the victim's ear, traveling into the brain and laying thousands of eggs. As well as causing horrendous pain, the bug also leaves the victim open to hypnotic suggestion. After 10 days, the victim's head bursts, and you have thousands of new bugs to play with!*
Price: G10,000 for starter kit
* bugs may attack you and your minions. Well, not "may." "Will."
**bugs require living human brain tissue to eat. Survival not guaranteed without large quantities of living human brain tissue
THE BOTTOMLESS PIT
http://members.aol.com/halloween179/lookingdown7.jpg
When you want a trap thats really, truly, madly, escape proof, look no further than the Original Bottomless Pit from DictoTech Science Division.
Based on the theory of Quantum Tunneling, which assumes a 13.5 dimensional universe with nine and three quarters condensed into quantum superstrings it allows infinite looping of Sociogeostationary objects. This is a lie, but it sounds good.
All you do is throw the troublesom person into the pit and listen as the scream slowly fades away. Requires no mainenance, never fills up and its self-cleaning.* Requires proffesional instalation; do not use near quantum singulatities or propane storage tanks.
Price: G50,000
*EvilTech will not issue refunds for valued objects, henchpersons or other items lost in the pit. They're gone. Get over it.
SHARK TRAP
http://www.seamasters.be/images/bio/koperhaai.jpg
Sure, you could just cap the meddlesome spy in the head with a cheap pistol, but where would the fun be? Instead, drop them in the DictoTech Aquatics Division Shark TRrap. Spend hours watching your aquatic buddies nibble agents to death. Never worry about where to dispose of bodies again! This 12,000 gallon tank of death comes with either open-top or trapdoor exposure. Easy to clean. Kit includes three shark eggs, your speicies of choice and six weeks worth of Purina Baby Shark Chow.
Price: G1,200,000; extra eggs G50 each
MAZE OF DEATH
http://nabrevue.homestead.com/files/rev109o1.jpg
Why simply imprison or kill your enemies when you can spend hours, or even days, toying with their lives? Install your own Maze of Death, the finest in Active-Malevolence type architecture. This 100 x 200 x 10m facility fits within any medium to large lair, and comes complete with punji-stick death traps, crushing walls, fire jets, spinning blades of doom, wandering hover-death robots and much, much more!
Price: G850,000
CYBERNETIC VIRTUAL TERROR SIMULATION
http://www.the-scientist.com/images/yr2002/jun10/terror.jpg
Admit it, the Dungeon of Death can only be so deadly. The Carnival of Doom can only drive a man so mad. And the Arena of Pain...well, just how painful is it, really? The fact is there's nothing as terrifying as the horrors within a mans mind. Thats why Mengele Medical has created the CyberTerror 3000, a virtual simulated universe that takes your victems worst nightmares, fears and thoughts and turns them into a 3D, all sensory virtual nightmare with excelent resolution and surround sound. Your victem doesnt even know hes attached to the systen by a trunk of cranial implants, he thinks he is awake and free, wandering your alir, about to save the day. That is, until a three hundred foot tall Cyborg Wombat comes to devour him.*
Price: G50,000
*Only one person at a time may be hooked to the VTS.
CARNIDYNE ROBOTIC TIGER 2000
http://www.linux-user.de/ausgabe/2001/05/066-gimp2/tiger-unscharf.png
If you've kept a live man-eating Bengal Tiger, then you know what a pain they are. Special food, expensive medicine, temperature controls, flea and tick care, a couple of Germans to train and look after them, and thats just he begining of the unforseen expenses that live tigers can incur. Thats why you need the Carnidyne Robotic Tiger 2000. Developed by a firm that produces animatronic animals for Disney, the CRT 200 is an autonomous unit programed to maul, kill and consume any human being (other than yourself and certain henchpeople) within its sensory range. But best of all you never have to feed, maintain or manage its environment. It basicaly looks after itself!*
Price: G1,200,000,000 each (Recharable battery packs (100 hours) G250
*requires two specialy trained gay German technicians
DGNT government, it is a privatly owned and operated buisness.
OOC: This is an IC thread, meant to be taken somewhat seriousley, these items are ALL for
sale, but its supposed to be a bit funny as well :P
Tired of the same 'ol same 'ol? Rebels giving you trouble? Mobs keeping you awake day and
night? END IT NOW, with one of DictoTechs ultra-secure lairs for Dictators, terrorists,
and all sorts of people who need a nice place away from the mob!
SKULL ISLAND
http://www.multimania.com/chezagora/images/004skull_island.jpg
In todays Anti-Evil environment, you need all the protection you can get. For this reason
most Dictators, supervillians and terrorists stick to hidden lairs and secret bases. But
some Dictators of quality prefer to boldy announce their presence to the world. You can to
with the Original Skull Island.
Our expert engineers will painstakingly carve out a terrifying skeletal visage in the rock
of any medium to large volcanic island, procaling to all passing boats, satilites and
aircraft "Evil Dwells Here!" or, if this is too suble for you, "HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!" can be
written in neon lights on the side. Includes a vast array of homelike ammenities,
including a Global Comunications Base, private grotto, shark trap, heavy-weapons launch
site, submarine base and lodgings for up to twelve scantily clad bikini women.
Price: G250,000,000
EX-AL QAEDA CAVES - NOW AVAILABLE CHEAP! CHEAP! CHEAP!
http://i.timeinc.net/time/daily/2002/0201/cave0102.jpg
Need a quick place to hide and plot world domination, but you have no money? Well, your
hopes are fulfilled! For mere pennies a day you and thirty of your closest henchpersons
can find warmth and partial shelter in one of our Afghan caves. Recently abandoned by
their previous occupants these 'Natural Lairs" are perfect for eco-terrorists, temporary
hiding places and storage. They sport real stone floors, natural stone ceilings and
pleasant open air entrances. You might even find some abandoned military equipment, the
stray shell case, khyber knife or even badly photocopied plans for the horseback invasion
of Kabul.
Price: G100,000
THE INFLATABLE LAIR
http://www.mtech.edu/outreach/images/School%20Visit/star_lab.jpg
So, your moving operators to a jungle island, but your main lair is back home in the
Pacific? No need to worry! You CAN take it with you!
Just activate the battery-powered air pump and in minutes you'll have a lair worty of a
Super-Dictator! The Inflatble Lair is made of defence-grade Mylar*, and contains numerous
compartments for designing, plotting, schemeing and tourturing; plus an exterior inflatable
"Bikini Girl Lagoon".
*Do not use sharp objects, firearms, dental instruments, knitting needles or live tigers in
The Inflatable Lair.
Price: G1,250
CONCRETE BUNKER
http://www.jns.fi/palvelut/marjala/bunkkeri_kuvat/bunkkeri1.jpg
military cannon (pictured) not included CONCRETE BUNKER
Sure, it may lack a certain flair; but the Concrete Bunker can withstand just about
anything you throw at it, making it the best defended lair in its price range. After a
number of World Wars the Earth is positivly COVERED in concrete bunkers, ranging from holes
in the ground to massive fortifications. Each is quite secure, having a sturdy steel or
iron door (depending on time-range) capable of withstanding multiple entry-charge blasts.
Price: G2,500
BUDGET LAIR WITH MINI-DOME
http://www.hao.ucar.edu/public/asr/asr2001/siv/images/observatory.gif
A 30 X 30 X 20 meter corrugated metal lair with incorporated mini-dome, suitable for small
missile silos, medium-size lasers, or other small to midrange superweapons and doomsday
devices. Includes generator and superweapon mounting array.
Price: G550
ABANDONED MISSILE SILO LAIR
http://www.390smw.org/titan/compx.jpg
Many governments run 'Nuclear Disarmament' programs, and as with the bunkers these are
positivily LITERED across the globe, outdated, long abandoned and unused missile silos are
also the perfect place for your Lair of Evil!
Your silo lair is sumptiously refurbished with Central Command Center, plus the 600 ft deep
silo itself, offering 20,000 feet of additional space! Suitable for bottomless pits, shark
traps, mazes of death, prson, or possibly for firing missiles from if your feeling
unoriginal. Also includes confrence center with twirly chair perfect for confronting
British secret agents.
Price: G25,000,000
SECLUDED MOUNTAINTOP VILLA
http://www.caribbeandays.com/virgingorda/2bedroom/images/islanddream4.jpg
A 3,200 square meter mountaintop villa comes complete with master bedroom, 3 guest rooms,
full kitchen, fireplace, sauna, game room, indoor theatre, hidden central computer room,
carport, tigre traps, swimming pool, walk in closets and armoury, discrete
morgue/crematorium and optional missile defence expansion kit.
Reinforced supports prevent destruction of vital structural components.
Price: G504,300
HYDROFOIL YACHT - MOBILE SECURITY AT A REASONABLE PRICE!
http://www.davestravelcorner.com/photos/unitedstates/california/yacht.jpg
Why should your lair sit still, waiting for Special Ops, MI6 agents and other enemys to
find it? Stay mobile with the Dictotech Industries HydroYacht 2999! Top speed: 75 knots;
petrol engine with mini-atomic fuel cell upgrade avalibel. Master bedroom, 6 guest cabins
(with bugging equipment), confrence room with InstaDeath Chairs, global communications
suite, shark cage, dorsal hardpoints for weapons upgrades.
Be the envy of other Superpowers!
Price: G45,000,000
GMOH ADVANCED ESCAPE VEHICLE
http://www.wilhelm-aerospace.org/Sci-Fi/wsf/stills/wsf-3/bitscape-escape-pod.jpg
Please ignore this picture.
People have written in to ask us, "why don't you have a section devoted to escape pods?"
Cowardly fools! First off, every lair comes with an escape enablement system, or it's not a
"lair." And second, why are you so concerned about having to get away? Unsure of your
"perfect scheme?"
That said, it's always prudent to have a backup plan. So Sugomi Ziabatsu LLC presents the
GMOH Advanced Escape Vehicle System. Don't trust your most precious cargo (yourself) to
risky ejection systems or bulky jet pods you can't control. The GMOH is a complete
emergency transport system, complete with self-guided VTOL armored risk-avoidance vehicle.
And the entire system installs in any medium-to-large lair.
Price: G100,000
EVIL CASTLE LAIR - ULTRAMODERN COMFORT WITH AN EVIL GOTHIC FLAIR!
http://www.templelooters.com/StoryBoards/eqpics/castle.jpg
Your Evil Castle may vary from pictured castle.
Sure, everybody wants a castle lair. Their cool, scary and a lot more fun to tourture
people in. But face reality, a REAL castle is cold, drafty and vulnerable to any peasant
mob that wanders along, plus their impossible to fit a proper Genetics Lab into!
Thats why DictoTech, the worlds number one supplier of Evil Architechts and Contractors,
have introduced the Vlad series of Dictator Castle Lairs. Its a fully modern and
functional lair with built-int caslte-shaped fibreglass shell, that looks so real even a
person of English heritage would be fooled. Incudes master bedroom, 3 guest suites, 4.5
bath, Grand Ballrom, computer center, medical center/tourture chamber, indoor pool, servant
barracks, home theatre system, wild boar feeding area, missile silo, central air
conditioning and an old hunchback who speaks with a lisp.
Price: G150,000,000
SUBTERRANEAN ISLAND BASE WITH OPTIONAL VOLCANO UPGRADE
http://www.solis-media.co.uk/relocated/3dimagery/images/largeimages/volcano.jpg
Lair pictured with optional volcano upgrade, not included!
When you graduate from Power to Superpower your lair must graduate from lair to Superlair!
Thats why Volcanic Island contractors will provide YOU with a personal desert island,
complete with secret underground submarine bay, master bedroom, a 40-room luxury villa,
atomic reactor, missile/laser launch mounts, command room (T3 lines included), shark trap,
billiards room, cybernetics lab, full bar, housing and facilities for up to 250
Henchpersons, private suites for 12 bikini women. Purchase the Volcanon Upgrade and get a
free Nikon Digital Camera!
Price: G500,000,000 +G10,000 for volcano upgrade
CORPORATE MEGA-TOWER LAIR
http://www.alliancepartners.net/tower.gif
Secure yourself from journalists, fellow World Leaders, special forces assassins and
meddlesom rebels in the top three floors of yoru 200 story Corporate Mega-Tower. Designed
and contracted by DictoTech Inc. the Mega-Tower generates revenue and gives you direct
access to buisness leaders and lackeys while providing a fantastic view of all that is
yours to rule. Includes Luxury Living Suite, master control center, escape rocket launc
bay, elevator of death, private cafeteria, and a personal express elevator!
Price: G2,500,000,000
ARMORED LUXURY CRUISE SHIP W/ STEALTH TECHNOLOGY
http://www.money99.com/images/cruise/ship.jpg
DictoTech Shipyards presents the ultimate in seagoing Dictatorship: The Obsidian Mark XII
armoured luxury cruise ship, featuring the latest in BlackOps 'Stealth' technology. With a
grose tonnage of 150,000 UMS, measuring 1,121' length, 131' bredth, and 32' draught, the
Mark XII is the largest armoured luxury craft on the market. Its 17 spacious decks can
hold an army of underlings, minions, henchpersons and sex slaves according to your personal
taste. 13 proffessional kitchens can serve fine meals (or gruel) 24-hours a day! With
sumptuous master quarters, piranha trap, FOUR olympic swimming pools, helicopter deck,
missile bay, mini-sub launch bay, shuggleboard courts, and mini-hospital with tourture
chamber!
Price: G500,000,000
UNDERSEA CITY - HIDE WHERE THEY'LL NEVER FIND YOU!
http://www.triplehelix.info/v2/concept-art/colony-world-images/JanJaap-1.jpg
Humans ignore %70 of this vast planet, the 7/10ths thats underwater! Plan your domination
with DictoTechs UnderSea City 5000, the submarine lair that builds itself! Create a
habitat for yourself and your minions up to 1,500ft underwater in a safe, reliable undersea
environment. Includes 3 luxury residences for you and your personal aids, submarine base,
central control module, nuclear energy source, lab space, private suites for up to 10
Bikini women.
Price: G5,000,000,000
ORBITAL SPACE STATION - THE ULTIMATE IN SECURITY & PRIVACY!
http://drango.com/images/Space%20Station.gif
When your plans for World Domination go global a simple Island or undersea city just isnt
enough. Take your power and security to the ultimate with the Oribtal Space City from
DictoTech inc. Produced by former Soviet contractors who wish not to be named, your
personalized space platofrm includes: Master bedrooms, 18 buest cabins, artificial
gravity, promenade deck, fine galley, 3 spacedocks, centrifuge of death, oxygenation
garden, cloning lab, missile bay, and particle laser of doom bay. Whats more the Particle
Beam is INCLUDED! Along with 2 ex-American space shuttles, 18 robot henchmen and a free
coffee mug. NO upgrades needed! Order today!
Price: G506,000,000,000
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Traps and Tourture
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ULTRA-BUDGET MAN TRAP
http://www.patchesofpride.com/poppics/dioramastuff/punjistakes/punji2.gif
DictoTech presents the Ultra-Budget Man Trap kit, just dig a hole (not included), place the spikes in the bottom and over with loose branches. Within minutes you have a deadly trap fit for any dictator!
Price: UG15
BOREWORMS
http://www.darkwood.org/sj/d20sj/preview/Boreworm.jpg
Any experienced spy shudders at the mention of the simple word "Boreworms". Wheter applied to limbs, chest, genitals or brain, boreworms cause more pain and suffering than any known Xenobiological Nerve Stimulation Agent in the same price range. Yes, DictoTech is now offering high-quality Syxhiscilla breed Boreworms at special discount price.*
Price: G650 for 10
*Boreworms require special handling tongs and methane containment environments, included in price
INSTA-FALL TRAP DOOR W/ CAMOUFLAGE
http://www.concordplayers.org/Foreigner/trapdoor.jpg
DictoTech presents the Insta-Fall Trap Door, these special traps mount Chameleon-Stealth generators, which instantly copy any surface they are placed on. Never have to put up with surly henchpersons, disloyal subordinates or incautions heros again! The thirty foot drop deals with them instead!* Activated by hidden button, pressure sensor or clapper.
Price: G1000, BUY TWO GET ONE FREE!
*Enzymatic cleaning agent included, deals with unsightly buildup and produces healthy fertilized for your gardens!
THE WATER TRAP
http://www.jb-thorne.co.uk/graphics/spray.jpg
Trying to pry invormation from an uncooperative rebel? Or do you simply want to kill a person in a really sick and twisted way? You need the Water Trap 5000 from Prison-Tekk Systems of Turkey.
About the size of a phone booth the Glass&Iron case holds a victim securley while it slowly fills with water (or any other liquid). You chose flow rate, fill type (spray, bottom-top or top-bottom) and the clear plastic lets you see every twitch and tremor!. Drowming people was never this much fun! Drains easily, self-cleaning. Hooks up to any standard watertap.
Price: G2000
THE ELEVATOR OF DESPAIR
http://www.lapl.org/central/tours/images/elevator.jpg
Constructed by the finest (possibly) Mexican labor
Very well, rebel leader, I shall release you. Yes you may leave my lair and go inform your comrads of my location and plots to defeat them. Yes, free to go. Just take the elevator to the surface, yes, that one right there.
Whats that? Your trapped in the elevator? How unfourtunate, I shall have to get one of my henchpersons to look into that. Whats that you say? The mind-numbing Muzak is slowly driving you mad? Goodness! And the elevators trememdous speed is slowly turning your bones to jelly? Well, at least the tiny claustrophobic steel elevator car isny filling up with pain-enhancing neurotoxin. It is? Well! I shall call the manufacturer, DictoTech Inc. That is, once my henchmen clear your crushed and mutilated body from my Elevator of Despair. Idiot.
Price: G7,500, add G450 for each storey above ten.
MYRMELEONTIDAE XENOGENETICA "BRAIN-EATING" BUG
http://www.museums.org.za/bio/images/enb2/enb02444.jpg
From Monsanto Special Projects Division, the people who brought you Man-eating Corn, comes the latest in torture and mind-control biotechnology. The Myrmeleontidae xenogenetica is a deadly Neuroptera with alien DNA spliced in for good measure. The insect burrows in through the victim's ear, traveling into the brain and laying thousands of eggs. As well as causing horrendous pain, the bug also leaves the victim open to hypnotic suggestion. After 10 days, the victim's head bursts, and you have thousands of new bugs to play with!*
Price: G10,000 for starter kit
* bugs may attack you and your minions. Well, not "may." "Will."
**bugs require living human brain tissue to eat. Survival not guaranteed without large quantities of living human brain tissue
THE BOTTOMLESS PIT
http://members.aol.com/halloween179/lookingdown7.jpg
When you want a trap thats really, truly, madly, escape proof, look no further than the Original Bottomless Pit from DictoTech Science Division.
Based on the theory of Quantum Tunneling, which assumes a 13.5 dimensional universe with nine and three quarters condensed into quantum superstrings it allows infinite looping of Sociogeostationary objects. This is a lie, but it sounds good.
All you do is throw the troublesom person into the pit and listen as the scream slowly fades away. Requires no mainenance, never fills up and its self-cleaning.* Requires proffesional instalation; do not use near quantum singulatities or propane storage tanks.
Price: G50,000
*EvilTech will not issue refunds for valued objects, henchpersons or other items lost in the pit. They're gone. Get over it.
SHARK TRAP
http://www.seamasters.be/images/bio/koperhaai.jpg
Sure, you could just cap the meddlesome spy in the head with a cheap pistol, but where would the fun be? Instead, drop them in the DictoTech Aquatics Division Shark TRrap. Spend hours watching your aquatic buddies nibble agents to death. Never worry about where to dispose of bodies again! This 12,000 gallon tank of death comes with either open-top or trapdoor exposure. Easy to clean. Kit includes three shark eggs, your speicies of choice and six weeks worth of Purina Baby Shark Chow.
Price: G1,200,000; extra eggs G50 each
MAZE OF DEATH
http://nabrevue.homestead.com/files/rev109o1.jpg
Why simply imprison or kill your enemies when you can spend hours, or even days, toying with their lives? Install your own Maze of Death, the finest in Active-Malevolence type architecture. This 100 x 200 x 10m facility fits within any medium to large lair, and comes complete with punji-stick death traps, crushing walls, fire jets, spinning blades of doom, wandering hover-death robots and much, much more!
Price: G850,000
CYBERNETIC VIRTUAL TERROR SIMULATION
http://www.the-scientist.com/images/yr2002/jun10/terror.jpg
Admit it, the Dungeon of Death can only be so deadly. The Carnival of Doom can only drive a man so mad. And the Arena of Pain...well, just how painful is it, really? The fact is there's nothing as terrifying as the horrors within a mans mind. Thats why Mengele Medical has created the CyberTerror 3000, a virtual simulated universe that takes your victems worst nightmares, fears and thoughts and turns them into a 3D, all sensory virtual nightmare with excelent resolution and surround sound. Your victem doesnt even know hes attached to the systen by a trunk of cranial implants, he thinks he is awake and free, wandering your alir, about to save the day. That is, until a three hundred foot tall Cyborg Wombat comes to devour him.*
Price: G50,000
*Only one person at a time may be hooked to the VTS.
CARNIDYNE ROBOTIC TIGER 2000
http://www.linux-user.de/ausgabe/2001/05/066-gimp2/tiger-unscharf.png
If you've kept a live man-eating Bengal Tiger, then you know what a pain they are. Special food, expensive medicine, temperature controls, flea and tick care, a couple of Germans to train and look after them, and thats just he begining of the unforseen expenses that live tigers can incur. Thats why you need the Carnidyne Robotic Tiger 2000. Developed by a firm that produces animatronic animals for Disney, the CRT 200 is an autonomous unit programed to maul, kill and consume any human being (other than yourself and certain henchpeople) within its sensory range. But best of all you never have to feed, maintain or manage its environment. It basicaly looks after itself!*
Price: G1,200,000,000 each (Recharable battery packs (100 hours) G250
*requires two specialy trained gay German technicians