02-03-2004, 02:14
DINGO BAT LAND TURNS ITS ATTENTION TO WIPING OUT GOATS
Statement awaited from Rogue Nation of Cheap Livestock
Prime Minister Jolly Oli has launched all out war on goats, in what critics describe as a brazen attempt to create conflict between Dingo Bat Land and The Rogue Nation of Cheap Livestock.
In a hastily arranged news conference on Monday the Prime Minister declared all out war on the nation’s goat population, promising to “root them out wherever they may be hiding, to bring to an end decades of liberty for what can be described as no more than futile beings.”
Mr Oli said the reasons for the war on goats were three-fold, and that he didn’t really have time to explain them as he was due somewhere, but sources close to the Prime Minister insist he had nowhere to go, and that in fact after the press conference he simply relaxed in the bath for two hours.
“I saw him with a towel round his waist and carrying this new book he’d got and he just went into the bathroom and closed the door behind him,” our source told us. “When he came out later that night his hair was wet, like he’d been in the bath.”
Protests against the recently elected Prime Minister reached fever pitch last week but have dimmed in recent days, following his threat to behead the Duracell Bunny on daytime television.
“I don’t like the Prime Minister and I don’t like his policies, but I just can’t imagine life without the Duracell Bunny,” said mother of three Jill Saunders.
It is not certain what form the war on goats will take, but whatever happens in the next few days, the Disputed Territories of Dingo Bat Land will be bracing itself for an uncertain new era.
Dingo Bat Media – 1st March
Statement awaited from Rogue Nation of Cheap Livestock
Prime Minister Jolly Oli has launched all out war on goats, in what critics describe as a brazen attempt to create conflict between Dingo Bat Land and The Rogue Nation of Cheap Livestock.
In a hastily arranged news conference on Monday the Prime Minister declared all out war on the nation’s goat population, promising to “root them out wherever they may be hiding, to bring to an end decades of liberty for what can be described as no more than futile beings.”
Mr Oli said the reasons for the war on goats were three-fold, and that he didn’t really have time to explain them as he was due somewhere, but sources close to the Prime Minister insist he had nowhere to go, and that in fact after the press conference he simply relaxed in the bath for two hours.
“I saw him with a towel round his waist and carrying this new book he’d got and he just went into the bathroom and closed the door behind him,” our source told us. “When he came out later that night his hair was wet, like he’d been in the bath.”
Protests against the recently elected Prime Minister reached fever pitch last week but have dimmed in recent days, following his threat to behead the Duracell Bunny on daytime television.
“I don’t like the Prime Minister and I don’t like his policies, but I just can’t imagine life without the Duracell Bunny,” said mother of three Jill Saunders.
It is not certain what form the war on goats will take, but whatever happens in the next few days, the Disputed Territories of Dingo Bat Land will be bracing itself for an uncertain new era.
Dingo Bat Media – 1st March