NationStates Jolt Archive

In his first address to the people today, the person voted in as grungiest of us all strolled out wearing a sonic youth t-shirt, puffing on a joint.

"Man. Aren't we all sick of those dumbass jocks. You know the ones that listen to offspring and kick footballs at us when we sit in our usual spot and smoke ciggies. And we all know that when they get older that they become people like bouncers and piss us off when we're trying to perform. Lets kick them out of our new country."

Nirvana's In Bloom is then played over the loudspeaker and the entire crowd cheers and runs off to grab whatever musical instruments they can find to use as weapons.

The next couple of hours were full of vicious attacks upon gyms, and the local stadium was burnt to the ground. However, no jocks were killed. Most did not have the intellectual capacity to realise what was happening and were easily captured. All have been sent off to reeducation camps. No-one needs to be concerned for their welfare: They will be fed high quality LSD and Milk for breakfast, and have a large variety of music to listen to, from Soundgarden, to Alice in Chains, to Soundgarden. They will be released as soon as their education is complete.

A report shown to the parliament, officially titled "the People who can Actually be Bothered Doing Something else besides Music or Drugs" has indicated that a rebel force of jocks and new-school punks offended at the leaders criticism of Offspring, has formed and is preparing to fight the government. It is not known if they have received outside aid.

[code:1:04e00b9883] Message to Grunge rebels:

we shall provide you with 500,000 rifles and grenades as well as most military equipment you shall require

END.
[/code:1:04e00b9883]

*NEWS FLASH*

The Kurt Cobain memorial ampitheatre was today attacked by a force of well armed rebels. Unfortunately, everyone inside was too stoned and busy watching the band that was playing to resist. Many are dead. In response, the government is deporting all new school punks, but we are shaving their stupid haircuts before they leave.

The "People who can Actually be Bothered Doing Something else besides Music or Drugs" have no idea who supplied the weapons, and are quite confused as to why anyone would assist a mindless coalition of people destined to be pizza delivery men and supermarket trolley pushers.

Retaliatory action: A flight of cropdusters filled with various sedatives that will remain unnamed has taken off and is going to drop its cargo upon suspected locations of rebel forces.

After the counterattack, our forces strolled into the enemy encampment and discovered that the now incapacitated enemy had about 500 more times rifles and grenades than there were rebel soldiers. We laugh hard at whoever sent them, and would like to thank them for outfitting our army and saving us the trouble of buying stuff ourselves.

Peace.