The DBM (Dingo Bat Media) is the leading news authority in the Disputed Territories of Dingo Bat Land. This thread is designed to maintain a newsfeed from DBM to the rest of the world, keeping you up to date with the latest policy decisions and major events in the Disputed Territories.
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GOVERNMENT TO LAUNCH CLAMP DOWN ON THE ELDERLY
Dingo Bat Land’s ruling party have announced new plans for a clamp down on old people.
Appearing in the party’s forthcoming manifesto, the plans include making it illegal for old age pensioners to venture out of their homes during daylight hours, and for the introduction of a new ‘old people’s tax’.
“I’m sick of them,” claims the increasingly undiplomatic Prime Minister Jolly Oli. “Gits. They’ve been getting in everyone’s way and draining this country’s resources for years. It’s time to hit them where it hurts – in the groin. And then we’ll take their money.”
Opposition to the move was surprisingly mute, giving rise to the claim that people were too scared to speak out.
One old age pensioner, who didn’t want to be named, told us:
“I don’t know why they’re bothering with a manifesto anyhow, given that they outlawed elections yesterday.”
The new plans are expected to be fast tracked through parliament.
Dingo Bat Media – 27th February 2004