Manicheism
20-02-2004, 04:53
"This is MNN reporting, with some late-breaking news. After three days of strenuous negotiation, Damien Mephistan of Manicheism and Fidel Castro of Cuba have announced the purchase of the latter nation by the former. When questioned about the deal, the leaders had this to say:
Castro: "Well, considering that my country has been going down the tubes since the Soviet Union disintegrated a decade ago, I figured that it was about time to get some monetary aid from another evil, tyrannical government. Besides, they promised to retain the current management."
Mephistan: "Upon hearing of this deal, some may think that we purchased Cuba for its strategic location, or its mineral wealth, or to eliminate an annoying Communist country. All of these, along with the Board's desire for a new vacation spot, played a part. The real reason, though, is simple: In order for us to truly fit the image of evil, megalomaniacal corporate fat cats, we need cigars. Cuba still makes the world's best, and we won't settle for second-rate leaf. Leaving Castro in charge of our new circle until he finally kicks the bucket is a small price to pay for top-quality stogies. Which, by the way, we would be more than happy to sell to any other plutocracy that wants to look the part."
And that's the way it was tonight, viewers. In a totally unrelated news item, the odds on Manicheism's national baseball team changed dramatically as this broadcast occurred. We'll touch on that story when we return from this commercial break."
Castro: "Well, considering that my country has been going down the tubes since the Soviet Union disintegrated a decade ago, I figured that it was about time to get some monetary aid from another evil, tyrannical government. Besides, they promised to retain the current management."
Mephistan: "Upon hearing of this deal, some may think that we purchased Cuba for its strategic location, or its mineral wealth, or to eliminate an annoying Communist country. All of these, along with the Board's desire for a new vacation spot, played a part. The real reason, though, is simple: In order for us to truly fit the image of evil, megalomaniacal corporate fat cats, we need cigars. Cuba still makes the world's best, and we won't settle for second-rate leaf. Leaving Castro in charge of our new circle until he finally kicks the bucket is a small price to pay for top-quality stogies. Which, by the way, we would be more than happy to sell to any other plutocracy that wants to look the part."
And that's the way it was tonight, viewers. In a totally unrelated news item, the odds on Manicheism's national baseball team changed dramatically as this broadcast occurred. We'll touch on that story when we return from this commercial break."