Samtonia
09-02-2004, 03:41
February 11th, 8:34 PM. Unbeknownst to the
citizens of the galaxy, a major historical disaster was about to
erupt.
Of course, they wouldn't have had any warning in the first
place. There were none of the signs of eminent doom, such as
omens, bad weather, plane crashes, or babies being born with
three sixes on their heads. In fact, the origins of this
disaster were rather calm....
"Okay, I think it's ready," said Biff, climbing down from
the service hatch on the mechanism. "This had better work, I'm
getting sick of hiding out in this suburban hell."
"It'll work, it'll work," said Steve, opening up the meat
locker they had recently installed in the basement of their
hideout/quaint cottage. "Okay, now we need a test subject."
"How about Elvis?" Biff suggested, wiping his hands on a
rag. "We have his brain in there somewhere, and it'd be perfect
for cloning."
"Yeah, but the cloning machine flip-flops your personality
as well," said Steve. "He'd be no good if he was a musically
talentless schmuck, and you know I can't figure out how to
reverse the personality reversal process."
"Hmmm..." Biff mused, looking over a list of famous brains
they had pilfered over the last three years. "Okay, how about
Hitler? He'd be a great guy if we cloned and flip-flopped his
mind."
"I forgot to tell you," Steve said, looking at the floor. "I
broke the jar with Hitler's brain yesterday when I was mopping
up. Sorry."
"Don't worry about it... we've got others..." Biff said,
running a finger down the list. "Got it! Dan Quayle!"
"Yeah! Considering that he was a sub-moron back when he was
alive, he might end up an incredible leader!" Steve mused,
grabbing the jar marked Q off the shelf of the locker.
"And we can cajole him into letting us genetic scientists
have more money for research!" Biff said, happily. "No more
robbing banks! We can make an honest living!"
Steve plopped the fleshy mass inside a slot on the cloning
machine. "Okay, let 'er rip!"
The horrible disaster mentioned earlier was that although
Dan Quayle wasn't very bright, the one other thing Steve and Biff
had forgotten was that he was incredibly good-natured as well.
"In further news tonight," the news announcer boomed over
the radio, "The incredibly destructive three day wave of
terrorism in Verantha City has continued to knock down both the
property values and the family values of the entire area.
Governor Allen Jacovy assured reporters today that there
is no real terrorist threat, and the city is still a happy
place to live. The clone of a certain failed politician named Dan Quayle is said to be responsible and authorities are looking into this. At this time, all citizens are confined to their homes until further notice and are urged to shoot any intruders until this crisis is over. More on this as it devel... Oh my God! He's got a gun!! No! Who let him in here? Oh God, please, noooo........FEED INTERRUPTED."
citizens of the galaxy, a major historical disaster was about to
erupt.
Of course, they wouldn't have had any warning in the first
place. There were none of the signs of eminent doom, such as
omens, bad weather, plane crashes, or babies being born with
three sixes on their heads. In fact, the origins of this
disaster were rather calm....
"Okay, I think it's ready," said Biff, climbing down from
the service hatch on the mechanism. "This had better work, I'm
getting sick of hiding out in this suburban hell."
"It'll work, it'll work," said Steve, opening up the meat
locker they had recently installed in the basement of their
hideout/quaint cottage. "Okay, now we need a test subject."
"How about Elvis?" Biff suggested, wiping his hands on a
rag. "We have his brain in there somewhere, and it'd be perfect
for cloning."
"Yeah, but the cloning machine flip-flops your personality
as well," said Steve. "He'd be no good if he was a musically
talentless schmuck, and you know I can't figure out how to
reverse the personality reversal process."
"Hmmm..." Biff mused, looking over a list of famous brains
they had pilfered over the last three years. "Okay, how about
Hitler? He'd be a great guy if we cloned and flip-flopped his
mind."
"I forgot to tell you," Steve said, looking at the floor. "I
broke the jar with Hitler's brain yesterday when I was mopping
up. Sorry."
"Don't worry about it... we've got others..." Biff said,
running a finger down the list. "Got it! Dan Quayle!"
"Yeah! Considering that he was a sub-moron back when he was
alive, he might end up an incredible leader!" Steve mused,
grabbing the jar marked Q off the shelf of the locker.
"And we can cajole him into letting us genetic scientists
have more money for research!" Biff said, happily. "No more
robbing banks! We can make an honest living!"
Steve plopped the fleshy mass inside a slot on the cloning
machine. "Okay, let 'er rip!"
The horrible disaster mentioned earlier was that although
Dan Quayle wasn't very bright, the one other thing Steve and Biff
had forgotten was that he was incredibly good-natured as well.
"In further news tonight," the news announcer boomed over
the radio, "The incredibly destructive three day wave of
terrorism in Verantha City has continued to knock down both the
property values and the family values of the entire area.
Governor Allen Jacovy assured reporters today that there
is no real terrorist threat, and the city is still a happy
place to live. The clone of a certain failed politician named Dan Quayle is said to be responsible and authorities are looking into this. At this time, all citizens are confined to their homes until further notice and are urged to shoot any intruders until this crisis is over. More on this as it devel... Oh my God! He's got a gun!! No! Who let him in here? Oh God, please, noooo........FEED INTERRUPTED."