NationStates Jolt Archive

Conservative City, LMD

"So," President Shrub asked. "How do we deal with this problem? Many citizens want to join, but we must stay independant. We can't use military force, though -- the Empire will crush us. Any ideas?"
"I have one," the SecDef proclaimed after a long, deafening scilence. "We use terrorists."
"But --"
"Here me out. We have plenty of terrorists in our military prisons, especially islamic radicals, and we all know they don't look kindly to the Czar's leadership. After all, he executed fifty top ranking members of the organization, and over half of the government force is either Catholic, Adventist, or their mortal enemies -- Jewish. (OCC Note: I don't have anything against Jews) So you can take down the entire empire of -- "
"It won't work," interrupted the SecState. "They'll find out."
"That's the point. Of course they'll find out," the SecDef said with a slight tone of annoyance in his voice. "They'll find out when we invade and bomb them along with our allies. The terrorists will weaken their government and frighten their people."
"I will not sink as low as to use terrorists," the President said.
"Then we use nuclear weapons," the SecDef said, followed by a surprised stare from about everyone in the room.
"You're. . . .joking. . . .right?" the SecState said in a worried tone.
"He wouldn't joke about something like that," the President said. "Would you?"
"No, I am not joking. If we nuke their largest city, there will be total chaos so we can invade."
"I'll contact our allies," President Shrub said. "If we get a vote on it, I say we do it."
"Then it's done," the SecDef stated. "All strateigec forces will be placed on high alert."
As everyone leaves the Circle Office, Shrub starts to play Tchaikovsky's 1812 Overture and chuckles to himself.

North Pole, RRS

Santa was in his office staring out the window listening to TSO when the Prime Elf came in.
"Sir," the PE said. "President Shrub is on the Hotline"
"Thank you," Santa responded. "Ahh, hello Shrub. What can I do for you?"
"You are now being faxed a FLASH-traffic information sheet," President Shrub stated quickly.
"Ah, yes, I have it." After a brief pause. . ."YOU WANT TO WHAT?!?!?" Just then, the PE came in. "Is everything okay, sir?"
"Yes, everything is fine. You may leave."
"Okay, sir, just checking," the PE sais and then dismisses himself.
"Okay," Santa said, continuing the conversation with Shrub. "I'm in. I'm tired of all the pressure he puts on us."
"Good," Shrub said. "I have a few more calls to make then."
"Is that 1812 Overture in the background?"
"Yes, yes it is. Why?"
"You have a very. . .oh. . .interesting sense of humor, Shrub."
"Thank you, Nick. Good night."
"Same to you."

PRESS RELEASE

"Good evening, citizens of Scodson. The issue of joining The Czar's Holy Empire of Derscon and becoming part of the Empire was tossed around by Congress, myself, and you. As Congress has passed the joining of the Empire, and I have signed the bill, the decision now goes on to you. The polls will be open at the end of this statement. Now you must go and vote to decide to join the Empire or not. If 75% of the people vote in favor of joining the Empire, we will officially become part of The Czar's Holy Empire of Derscon. We will share governments, economies, borders, allies, and enemies. Congress and I would not have passed this resolution if we had not felt that it would be better for this country, but this is YOUR country. Now, make this decision, but don't just go out and vote. Put some thought in to it. Your vote matters A LOT -- make it count. Thank you."

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Next Day

PRESS RELEASE

"The statistics are in. 95% of both houses voted in favor of joining the Empire. The president voted in favor of joining the Empire. And the People have spoken. 98% of the People have voted in favor of joining the Empire. We are now part of The Czar's Holy Empire of Derscon. Long live the Czar!"

Coruption City, Romanavahoe
Despuchie Ilgar Romanav

Romanav steps up to the podium and looks onto the crowd of 25 million people.
"People of Romanavahoe, the ongoing despute between LMD and the others against The empire of Derscon will be coming to an end soon." An evil grin comes to his face. "Either LMD and RS will fall, or Derscon will fall. We must make a decision, of whether to fight for LMD or Derscon. I will not remain Neutral any longer. THE POLLS ARE OPEN!" He lets out a chuckle. "Your vote means the world to us. Make it count." He steps off the podium and the crowd lets out a monstrous chear. Not for the speach, but because the last time they got to vote, was to vote for Romanav himself.

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Later that day in his office.....

"Well, i think i decided what the poll results are going to be." Romanav said to the Secretary of Defense, Colin Knox.
"But sir, i thought you were letting the people vote for it. After all it is their money going to the war."
"Yes but it is Tostahods weapons that we're using. And on top of that, im the one who gives them money."
"But you give them minimum wage."
"You are on the edge of treason Colin, now, go tell the press the polls came out to 77% Derscon, 33% LMD."
"Sir I dont want to lie to the press."
"Well thats a first. Go over to that window, and look at all my people. Hustling and bustling, making minimum wage." As Knox turns and walks over to the window, Romanav takes a low-velocity silinced 9-mil out of his desk.
"Yes but i dont see what im looking at." Knox says confused.
"Turn around now."
Knox turn aroudn and looks defiantly down the barrel of the gun. "Sir dont sh...." There was no scream, and was dead before he hit the floor.