NationStates Jolt Archive

Citizens of Cheese Co always looked up in the sky and wondered if there was something up there. There was always reports of "flying saucers" but who had proof. There were even theorys that Extra-Terestrials did'nt exist. All of a sudden on a cold winter night on the Gulf of Cheddar Colonal Monterey Jack saw strange lights in the sky he knew it wasn't an Plane nor a light house. The lights glowed an evil glow. Cheese Co sent planes up to see what was going on only to dissapear.

" Welcome to the 10 o'clock news at 11 " William Mozzarella said " there seems do be an Alien......................" The screen went black. The Lights dissapeared in the sky. Only To Appear on the Cheese House ( The White House ).....................

Schmarzen Smores hummed with glee. "It" sat in an elongated steel recliner utop a platform, surrounded by panels after panels of intricate controls. Okay, so actually there was only three: a triangular button which was labeled "marshmellows," a square button on which was the words "hot chocolate," and a circular one stating the words "destroy selected target."

Now, Schmarzen thought, we'll show those pathetic cheese-naming weaklings some real action...

He glanced down the viewing window, giving him a bird's eye view of the Cheese House, and, his chuckling turning into an evil, maniacal laugh, pressed the bright red button...

{EDIT]- double post, deleted.

Shmarzen pressed and held the button while tapping his fingers... He hummed impatiently.

"DING!"

"Yes!" Shmarzen yelped, and ran to the back of the flying saucer. He stood in front of a hollow, dark opening the size of a shoebox as a tray popped out. On it was a steaming cup of hot chocolate.

Shmarzen ran back to his seat with the cocoa and once again glanced down towards the distant view of the Cheese House.

"How do you like that, President Fromage! I bet you don't have cocoa this good down there!"

Shmarzen relaxed as he continued sipping his cocoa, contemplating which button to press next...

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Meanwhile, inside the Cheese House...

In the palace of Squorn the Magnificent. . . .


An aide excitedly ran into the office, completely forgetting to knock. "Sir," he began.
"Go back out."
"Sir?"
"Go back out, and knock this time."
"Yes Sir."
The young aide scampered outside, closed the door, and immediately turned and knocked loudly.
"Go away."
"But Sir, this is important."
"I don't care, I'm watching South Park."
"Sir, please."
"Alright, come in. What is it?"
The aide nearly triped over the rug in his haste. "Sir, we've just recieved intelligence that an extraterrestrial object has landed on the Cheese House in Cheese Co!"
"Is this house, in fact, made of cheese?"
"I don't know Sir."
"Go and find out."
"Sir, don't you realize what this means?"
"Yes, some idiot has built a house out of cheese and I want a picture of it before it melts! Get some commandos in a helicopter there, and be sure they bring a camera." Squorn sat back, thinking. "On second thought, make it a video camera, this could be fun."
"Yes Sir."
The aide left the office. Squorn sat back in his chair, "Intelligent life from beyond our Solar System, maybe it wants to play Risk."

Schmarzen was almost going to press the "destroy" button when he realized that, by protocal, he must report back to headquarters to inform them that all was going according to plan. The alien being pressed all three keys on his control board at the same time, and a holographic screen appeared in front of him.

"greetings, craft 61-04a, codename "lucky charms marshmellows," you are cleared for access to the central communications server," a cheery, synthetic female voice informed him.

"operator, connect me with Emperor Fluff," Schmarzen said.

"request denied."

Schmarzen sighed, "Dear operator, connect me with Emperor Fluff, please."

"If only you'd had such manners the first time, we would have got through this quicker, wouldn't we?" the synthetic femaled voice said cheerily, and connected him with the Emperor.

-----------------------------------------------

"Greetings, Emperor," Schmarzen said,
"Disconnect, Schmarzen, you forgot to knock."
"But this is importan-"
The screen went blank.

Schmarzen reconnected with the cheery operator, and after going through the five-minute routine, regained access to the Emperor.

"Knock, knock."
"Who's there?"
"Schmarzen, in your holographic screen."
"Go away, I'm busy."
"You're supposed to say 'Schmarzen who!'"
"Stop this nonsense, Schmarzen, I have no time for your games. "

Schmarzen turned off the screen and made another hot cocoa.
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After completely ignoring the Cheese Co border patrol, a helicopter full of Squornshelan commandos, armed with cameras, in addition to their normal equipment, arrive at the Cheese House. "Hey look, there's a flying saucer on the house!"
"Do we get to shoot it? I wanna use the rocket launcher!"
"Shut up you, just take pctures."

Schmarzen decided that he had been cramped in this saucer for far too long. Thus, he decided he would take a leisurely walk on the roof of the Cheese House, after another cup of hot cocoa, of course.

"Ahhh! ****," Schmarzen exclaimed in a familiar curse word, for he had spilled his beverage and created a stain upon his uniform.

Oh well, I cannot possibly continue wearing this, Schmarzen thought, so, deciding that he must look presentable and without stains, he decided he would take his walk without his clothes. Filling his mug with another cup full of hot cocoa, he stepped outside the vehicle.

"Ah, the pleasantries of fresh air," Schmarzen exclaimed to himself. Suddenly, he heard a whirring. It was a helicopter! Schmarzen turned to them, and saw that they carried some large equipment with lenses which were aimed at his saucer. Afraid that they might be carrying weapons, he immediately stepped in front of his precious craft, armes and legs spread open, as if to protect it from fire.

"COME AND GET ME! YER FOOLISH ENEMIES!!! ARGH!!" he yelled a challenge, hot cocoa flailing wildly about him.

"That's a great shot! The alien standing there in front of the ship waving his arms and throwing hot cocoa everywhere. All on top of the Cheese House."
"You should win a Pullitzer Sarge."
"Let's talk to him."
"Okay we're supposed to ask what his name is, whether or not he likes cheese, and if he would like to play Risk with Squorn the Magnificent."
"Sounds good to me"
The chopper's megaphone is turned on and a voice is heard:
"Hey you there, the one with the cocoa, what's your name?"

The Kaderbaian leader stares at the small planet by the name of "Earth" on his veiwscreen, pitying the poeple who keep asking questions and disliking them.


Shimmira Baroal:I don't like them...


his Leutenient beside him thinks "Figures" to himself not saying it out loud for fear of being annialated by Shimmira

On board the SSV Bogeyman, a 10 mile long FLSV (Freakishly Large Space Vehicle), Fleet Admiral Jose Feurtes notices a blip on his screen. "What's this little thingy here?"

Schmarzen somehow suddenly produced, out of no where, a large, black rectangular box. He gently held it in both hands and lowered it to the ground.

"IF YOU DON'T LEAVE ME ALONE NOW I'LL BE FORCED TO OPEN THIS!"

At this time, he ran back inside to quickly get another cup of hot cocoa than stood, arms crossed, on the roof of the Cheese House, waiting for the enemy's response.

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A female secretary rushed through the wide, soft, fluffy halls of Emperor Fluff's Palace and entered the Emperor's private chambers.

"Emperor! Emperor! We have reports that Schmarzen may be in danger from both an FLSV and a crew of dangerous men aboard helicopter!"

"Oh my! Schmarzen is in danger? Knock, knock. "
"Who's there, Emperor,"
"I don't have time for your silly games, girl, what is wrong with everyone today...they all want to do this absurdidness. Oh...yes...about Schmarzen."

The Emperor pondered for a while and, quietly, said

"I think it's time to send out the M-I-L battlecruiser. "

"But...but...your holiness, that is still under testing phrase! " the secretary seemed horrified.

"Yes, and this will be a wonderful time to test it out, " Emperor Fluff grinned.

The Kaderbaian leader stares at the small planet by the name of "Earth" on his veiwscreen, pitying the poeple who keep asking questions and disliking them.


Shimmira Baroal:I don't like them...


his Leutenient beside him thinks "Figures" to himself not saying it out loud for fear of being annialated by Shimmira


The FLSV is looking at this guy.


The chopper crew was puzzled.
"What's in the box?"
"Probably more hot cocoa."
"Did he say what his name was?"
"No."
"Ask him again."
"I'm asking the questions here."

Once again, the secretary rushed through the halls and entered Emperor Fluff's private chambers.

"knock, knock," the emperor said,
"who's there,"
"Salisbury"
"Salisbury who?"
"Stop it with the sillyness! I have no time for riddles! Geez...what is wrong with everyone...so juvenile. What is it now?" he snapped.
"Sir, we have just received reports that te FLSV is in fact not targeting Schmarzen but is instead targetting a kingdom called Kaderba in an entirely different region."

"And how did you come by this information, girl?"
"Um..well...there just happens to be this sort of forum where ..."
"Never mind, I don't need to know. Explanations are a waste of time. Find out their coordinates and send the M-I-L anyway. A man can't shrink his melons after he's released them to a full extent."

"pardon me, what was that last part again?" the secretary said, staring at the Emperor.

"Never mind that, just go, girl!"

At the Cheese House, the chopper crew is getting bored.

"Do you like cheese?"

"Wanna play Risk?"

That's it, Schmarzen though, they leave me no choice.

"YOUR VOICE IS VERY ANNOYING!" he shouted.

For seven hours, he's been hearing nothing but

"what is your name?"
"do you like cheese?"
"want to play Risk?"
"what is your name?"
"do you like cheese?"

"I"M OPENING THE BOX!!!" Schmarzen screamed.

With a sudden movement, Schmarzen opened the lid. Inside were several different-flavored donuts.

Schmarzen yelled to the helicopter, "I"M EATING THE CHOCOLATE ONES! DON"T YOU WISH YOU HAD THE CHOCOLATE ONES RIGHT NOW? MUAHAHAHA YOU SHALL ENDURE MY TORTURE!"

He then sat down and began stuffing himself with chocolate donuts and hot cocoa, meanwhile laughing histerically at the helicopter.

"This is kind of pointless."

"Yeah. I know! Let's make up some new questions!"

"Okay, you talk now, he hates my voice."

"Sure, Hey, what other kinds of donuts do you have?"

Schmarzen, who by now has heard word of the release of the M-I-L vessel, no longer felt outnumbered against the Men who Just Wouldn't Shut Up. He was going to quietly sit and enjoy the donuts, in a civilized manner, when more questions bursted out, this time in a different voice.

"What kind of donuts ya got in there?"
"Is Ontario the capital of Canada?"
"What was the most memorable episode of the show Cheers?"
"Which do you prefer, Tylenol or Advil?"

"ARGHHHH IT IS TIME FOR REVENGE!" Schmarzen screamed, spitting out donut pieces everywhere. He ran into the ship and said into a comlink, "ATTENTION! M-I-L VESSEL! TURN YOUR TARGET TO THE HELICOPTER! NOW!"

An elderly woman responded on the other line, "yes, commander."

On board the helicopter, "Do you think he's serious?"
"I have no idea, anyhow, we're low on fuel, lets hit an airport and then go out for pizza, we'll comeback on foot and try giving him some pizza.

the chopper turns and flies off.

thus, I must go to bed, see you whenever.

OOC: it's nice when people realize RP doesn't always have to be serious... I shall retire for now and return tomorrow with the unveiling of the M-I-L vessel.

The cheese house began to start smelling of dirty gym socks when BAMMM! The Aliens droped a giant mug of coffee on the cheese house. Burning interns ran every were. so did vice president Muenster. President sharp cheddar was not there he was at camp wannaweep for pollution issues. Chesse melted on unsuspecting citizens.

*BUMP*