NationStates Jolt Archive

"At precisely 2:00 pm today, a large cargo plane exploded over the skies of Ninjao. The cargo plane, which was carrying shipments of foreign cars, was hijacked by a yet-to-be-named evangelist extremist group. The attempted terrorist attack was in retaliation for the arrest of other members of the group last month, who attempted to destroy the Citadel. Fortunately, the LWECS shield that protects all of Ninjao held strong, with the impact barely registering in the LWECS Applied Force Logs. The explosion could be heard throughout the Citadel. This latest attack has prompted more military funding from the government, most of the revenues coming from Websterianism and Joshu.
...
Meanwhile, the meeting between the leaders of Ninjao and ambassadors from Villa Toryism went uninterrupted. According to sources within the undisclosed meeting place, the conference is not going smoothly. The foreign ambassadors are being most uncooperative, and there are also rumors of suspicious characters in the area around the meeting place. According to the source, the government dispatched those "best for the occasion" to investigate.
...
In other news, the governments of Ninjao have decided to implement the region's first Space Program, with a great deal of funding pouring in from nearly all nations of Ninjao. Also, more funding is being given to the Science & Technology department, who are rumored to be working on a new weapons technology which is purportedly unique to our region.
...
Finally, there have been no developments in the "War on Error" campaign, which has gone uncontested as of yet by other nations/regions."

--An NNN (Ninjao News Network) Report.

"I know it's taken some time...well, a lot of time..." Dr. Columbo, research scientist at the Palladian Institute for Apathy and Irrelevancy said at a press conference earlier this week. "this planet has billions and billions of people living on it. There's no question about it...the planet is huge. But, based on our calculations regarding planetary physics and gravity, a planet this big couldn't posibly really exist!"

Columbo later explained that the only possible explanation for our existence is that we are all living on the inside surface of a Dyson sphere.

"A Dyson sphere is a massive, hollow sphere, a bit over 150 million kilometers in diameter. Our sun is at the center of it, and we live in the warm, planet-like surface inside." Dr. Columbo explained to us.

Still others, like Mrs. Eediote, a roller-derby instructor and president of the Outside-the-Ball society. "I'd rather believe that we live on a very, very large planet. Who cares if it is physically larger and more massive than our sun? How do we have a day/night cycle? I was taught as a kid that we live on a planet. It has to be true!"

"We honestly don't know how the day/night cycle works. But if we lived on a planet, we'd all be squashed to death!" Columbo continued. "How did it get here? Who knows. Could it be that we're all just part of a game? Man, that would be weird."