NationStates Jolt Archive

I Archon Fey leader of the Kabal of Commorargh wil declare that a new nation has arose. We are elves that turned from our lesser kin.

We will enslave any race that lets us do so and any lesser elven nation that comes into our path will be enslaved and used for our purposes.

Elves? That doesnt sound nice. You will enslave races?

Bayorta now considers Commorargh a threat to national and human security.

Eheh.. :D

oh dear... Taggy

((OOC, oh dear...))

We shall maim all in our path!

Will you enslave black people?

All will be enslaved!

What if we nuke you? :D

Then we shall find another place to enslave!

Rath's eyes narrow. "A Kabal escaped us?"

"Yes, milord."

"Well, congratulate them, and invite them to join us in our power."

"Yes, milord."

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The Kabal of Death's Fist extends an invitation to any and all Dark Eldar to unite against the pathetic Kionashi and Exodites, as well as the mon-keigh.

Yes, in hell.

Enslave the Mon-Keigh and send them to She Who Thirsts!

All shall be killed and maimed!

Die!

Commorargh. Back down from your 'threats' for your own sakes.

OOC: BTW what is the name of your capital city and another city/town of similar importance?

We do not care for your calls and cries for us to stand down. We are located in the nightmare realm of Commorargh where all die and none sleep.

Kill!

Slaughter!

Butcher!

Torture!

What the hell are you talking about!?

Maiming you incompetent Mon-Keigh :x

"I hope that the Raem forces appears quickly to help you, Commoragh, as I'm sending a fleet to dispose of your heresy. Your taint will be erased from the face of the universe in, let's say, two weeks. We will avenge our fallen comrades of Silmessë slaying your kin. War will come knocking at your door, and you'll pay for your sins soon".


http://www.forgeworld.co.uk/acatalog/asurmen1.jpg
ShadowPrince Kithail Hyral
(finally I've found a good and splendid pic for him!)

You shall be sent to She Who Thirsts just like poor Eldrad was :lol:

"The new Kabal is secure in Commorragh. We invite any foolish Kionashi to come to us, here, so that we may feast upon your souls and bodies."

Thankyou Raem!

OOC: I'm planning to have a nice war RP with you, Raem, I'll send you a TG...

"You will be erased, Commoragh, no matter what, even if the Raem scum protects you"

ShadowPrince Kithail Hyral

The IG will use the full force of our expendable er... well armed, trained troops equiped with flashlights er... lasguns, and take the commoragh!

You mean the full force of expendable meatshields!

Oh and nice pic Aelosia!

Shut up! Our troops make great "cover" for our tanks!

For our rotting corpse er... emperor! He's a great excuse to kill a bunch of psykers every day er.... our our savior!
He put Jesus to shame, he nearly died for us!

Sure!
"Sir what shall we do?"

"Line up in front of the Russ and hope for the best"

Oh and the Emporer sucks!

Do you guys need any help dealing with this guy
?

You shall burn!

damn straight, commoragh.

We don't need any help, thnx though.

The emperor does not "suck!"

BTW, all my lasguns have laser sights, they count as twin linked! And they use duracell batteries, not any generic brand, they're master crafted!

Yes and i have a dark lance that is assualt 88 blast!

:roll: Commorargh If you dont shut up im going to turn you in to a smokeing crater.

Dude, we're joking around.

Do not mock our lasguns! We may shine them in your eyes and cause great discomfort if you do not cease your threats!

Lol Commorargh I dont think you will be able to with stand an attack from what is it 3 nations ?

Yes, we shall beat you with our lasguns... who knows? it might cause more damage!

:lol: The Saddamized States Your funny :lol:

Any way Commorargh Dont try any moves on any one hear .. or its boom time for you .

Fedral union chill out this post is a ment as a jock!

All shall be maimed!

:lol: Lol ohh sorry about that i thought this was a conflict :oops:

No you silly idiot this post was a complete exscuse for hurling insults at random people!

*Commissar Yarrick appears*
*Sticks tongue out at you*
*all troops get plus three to morale*

So what I have asdrabeul vect master of the Dark Eldar and he will make all Imperial Guard atommatically die on a roll of 2345 or 6 on a dice so beat that!

This is some funny stuff I found bout wh40k
http://www.night-sky.org/warhammer/humor/toon_burges.jpg

Let's see if this one works...
http://www.misfirecomics.com/index.php?comicid=31

Nope, but hey. 101 posts! Weee...

While we appreciate our new ally's...enthusiasm in pursuing the fates of The Who Must Be Destroyed, we suggest that he should, perhaps, contain himself, before he finds himself outmatched by his elders.

That was hilarious :lol: !

Do not make us uh... inquisitionise you! We know where you live!
In the commoragh.

Here are some of the 555 commandments of the Adeptus Astartes:
1. Thou shall not refer to the Adeptus Soritas as "bolter bitches" or as "nuns with guns".
2.Thou shall not take the rhino "out for a spin".
3.Thou shall not refer to the honourable dreadnought as"grandpops".
4.Thou shall not unplug the revered Emporors throne "just for laughs".
5.Thou shall not cause the Golden Throne janitors to go on strike.
6.Pouring sand down the terminator captains armour is not fun.
7.Thou shall not replace thy majestic terminator captain's storm bolter eith a Titan Vulcan mega bolter nor feign suprise when he fails to lift it.
8.Thou shall not paint the Emporors toenails on pain of death.
9.Thou shall not enter the Sisters of Battle camp under the cover of blind grenades.
10.Thou shall not refer to the chapter master as a "drag".

Ah...
Some things you don't want to hear in the IG
"Hey, look, a gernade without a pin!"
"Yeah, great idea to clog the tanks barrels as a joke! Let's stay real close and see what happens!"
"There's one of those sister's of battle. Heard she's got the "Red Rage" right now."
"Ooh! Let's use the hellhound to toast s'mores!"

"Khorne berzerkers? They ain't no match for Cadians!"
"Fix bayonets"

What the emporer must be thinking:
" I think that thay misunderstood me. I said sacrifice me some coals not sacrifice me some souls."

LOL! The Kabal of the Poisined Blade would like to say "hi" to the kabal of Cammorargh! Everyone knows that Dark Eldar are just kinky eldar with a negative population growth. :)
"Why Harlequins? Because our god laughs at your god."

"An inquisitor? why are you here? did the eldar kidnap you too?"
"Nah, everyone knows there the best for s&m!"

The annual meeting of the Ctan:
"Right" says the Nightbringer"whats on the agenda today then?"
"I think that we should KILL!!*goes into degenerate mumbling*"says the Outsider.
"I think that we should decieve the people into thinking htat we are not gods then lulling themselves into a sense of security*goes into elaborate plots*"says the deciever.
" I think that we should build an outpost and then attack the Tau get some Genseed*goes into lots of lists of things to do* says the Void Dragon.

I dont think that is very funny. I copyied it from a website.

Things to do with nurglins:
1. Write 'yes' on one side and 'no' on the other. Use as die for those tricky situations.
2. Plant. Nurture. Hope for good Nurgling crops next season. Better yet, hope for a bad one.
3. Stuff full of straw. Use as a scarecrow. VERY effective. If the sight doesn't scare 'm, the smell sure will!
4. Stick wire in its hands. Use as lightning rod. Insult Daemon Gods with impunity. My favorite hobby.
5. Collect 52. Write numbers on their backs. Use as cards. Never worry about people hiding cards up their sleeves again. Or stealing your cards.

Of course, The Horus heresy didn’t quite end in the dramatic way that Games Workshop would have you believe (they are renowned liars). Here’s how it really went down;
Sanguinius, the guy who supposedly got killed by Horus before the Emperor came in, actually very easily disposed of the Warmaster, because he was caught on the lavatory, and so Sanguinius was able to surprise him and drown him in the bowl. Of course, Sanguinius, drunk on his own sense of victory, put Horus’ helmet on and danced about shouting ‘look at me, I’m the Queen Of Sheeba!’. The Emperor rushed in, and, mistaking Sanguinius for the Warmaster, shot him in the ass. The Emperor then landed the Warmaster’s ship and proudly exited it. He was just about to shout, ‘Victory is ours’, when Rogal Dorn, Primarch of the Imperial Fists, ran him over in his Rhino. Rogal Dorn then made up the whole climactic final battle to save the embarrassment of all concerned.

how many words could a word bearer bear if a word bearer could bear words.

Commonly thought on many worlds:
"If Slaneesh is the lord of sexual pleasure then how come Tzeentch has 1000 sons?"

LOL. Popular Chaos God, Nurgle has set up his own band. Named ‘The Pustules’, their bestselling albums include ‘Blubber Hole’, ‘Magical Blistery Sore’, ‘Sgt. Lepers Sickly Hearts Club band’, ‘The Brown Album’ and ‘Scabby Road’. It is said they are real innovators of the ‘Warpbeat’ sound.
Khorne is actually successful WWE wrestling superstar Hulk Hogan.
Slaanesh writes erotic novels in his spare time.
Architect of Fate is only Tzeentch’s part time job. His day job is cosmetic surgery. Well, he’s the assistant trainee nurse there anyway.

Andy Chambers is the fifth C’tan.

The Dark Eldar were created when a bunch of Eldar got locked in a room where the film ‘Xanadu’ played endlessly. Once they escaped, they were twisted monsters.

Uses for 40k races:
Eldar=Road cones
Tau=That robotic butler you always wanted
Imperial Guard=Not useful at all
Space Marine=Personnel protection(like you always say that you are the emporers cousin!)
Chaos Space Marine=That bully you never liked(I think you know what i'm getting at)
Sisters Of Battle=You thinking what i'm thinking? :wink:
Dark Eldar=Those Goths obsessed with pain
Orks=Mabye grots will do anything for a cookie
Necrons=I cant think of anything unless you have a big terminator collection and the aid of a certain Austrian actor
Tyranids=Turn this bug loose in a resterant you dont like :twisted:
Daemonhunters=That semi-freaky psychic kid at school, most likely called Dean

Apparently, The Nightbringer is a huge fan of Wings, that spin off band with Paul Mcartney in it. The Deciever prefers the Travellin’ Wilburys. The Deciever says that he was the Sixth Travellin’ Wilbury, and that he stole Jeff Lynne’s guitar, but was caught by Bob Dylan. It is believed he is lying.

Warboss Gazghull Thraka is president of ‘The Official Tony The Tiger Fan Club’. He set up the club when he realised that ‘Kellog’s Very Own Family Frosties’ gave him super powers.

:lol:
50 Ways to Annoy your Opponent

1. Bring a hand puppet. Question it constantly as to what is the best course of action.
2. Bring a small model coffin with undertakers. Everytime a model dies, escort it off the battlefield and give it model funeral. Remember to hum the funeral theme tune.
3. Bring a falsified rulebook ( hours of fun ).
4. Shave your head. Paint your skin green. Wear a nose ring. Grunt a lot.
5. Flip a coin at the start of the game. After observing the outcome, claim that you have won the game. Look upset if your opponent denies this. Sulk.
6. Bring 20 printed pages of notes and intellectual-looking glasses. Refuse to let your opponent look at them. Refer to them throughout the game. Speak aloud as you read- "he's gone there, so contingency plan 8a means that I should..."
7. Insist opponent rolls all your dice for you. Complain and insult your opponent if you get any bad rolls.
8. Before the game, do a little dance and motion to the gods. Curse your opponent dramatically.
9. Arrive before your opponent. Set up your army and then take the other side of the table. Act as if you are expecting to play with your opponent's army.
10. Add a spring loading system to your cannon. Bring lots of ball bearings.
11. Bring a plastic kid's sword and 'challenge' your opponent. If he refuses, claim you have won the game through his forfeit.
12. Play dead if your general dies.
13. Bring a Land-raider model from 40K. Leave it sitting conspicuously on your side of the table. Make cryptic references to the power of laser cannon in WHFB.
14. Complain that you don't think you can trust your hero.
15. Act as if you are a sports commentator. Commentate on the game. Incessantly.
16. Ask politely if your opponent wouldn't kill your general. Explain that its his birthday.
17. Bring a smoke machine. Insist on recreating the "fog of war".
18. Sacrifice a goblin to Mork before the game. Saw off its head with a craft knife.
19. Arrange models in a diorama in the middle of the battle. Take photos for a "battle report."
20. Sharpen your goblins' spears before the game with a craft knife. Grin widely.
21. Cackle diabolically. "The World is mine! Nothing can stop me now!"
22. State before the game that you are playing for the title of the champion of the universe.
23. Feel the personal loss of every soldier. "Alas, poor Yorrick, I knew him well."
24. Lament the woes of war loudly. Faint when a model dies.
25. Add sound FX. Kaboom!
26. Ask if you can have TV rights to the game.
27. Just to surprise your opponent, agree amicably with and compliment your opponent!
28. Declare that you are opposed to the senseless destruction of our forests. Refuse to let him kill your treemen. Refuse to let him move through woods.
29. Insist on a lunch break for your troops. Bring a model Mr. Whippy Van.
30. Explain that you are a pacifist. Call off the game immediately.
31. Order your miniatures in your best Sergeant-Major voice. "Quick march, on the double- hut!"
32. Ask if your opponent is opposed to nuclear warfare. Carry a small spherical device. Give no other reasons.
33. Wear a crown. Say that you are the "Lord of the Galaxy". Get a horde of admirers to cheer you on.
34. Bring a stuffed, shaved poodle. Say it is your mascot.
35. Grow a Hitler moustache and wear a swastika. 'Discipline' your troops if they fail to salute you.
36. Cheer on your miniatures.
37. Hide under the table at the start of the game. Make your opponent drag you out. Speak in a nervous whisper. Confide in him that you are scared of his troops.
38. Leave a false army list lying around. Snatch it back angrily if your opponent starts to read it, but leave it visible.
39. Pull out an ace surreptitiously ( but obviously ) from your sleeve during the magic phase. Look pleased. Try to play it.
40. Keep a deck of Magic the Gathering cards handy. When you are told it is "the magic phase" bring out the cards and start to shuffle them. Ask if he wants to cut your deck.
41. Speak in Skaven. Neek- Neek!
42. Tell him you've brought weighted dice. Complain about the uselessness of modern technology when you start to roll ones.
43. Bring a lamp. Rub it and make three wishes before the game. Look at your opponent accusingly if they don't immediately come true. Ask him if he's used it.
44. Ask what year it is. Ask where you are. Ask what game you are going to play. If he says warhammer, bring out an antique mallet and hit him with it. Smile a corny grin.
45. Make references to a spy/traitor in his army.
46. Don't place your wizard on the board at the start of the game. At the end of your deployment, use a small explosive device to create a smoke screen and place down the wizard behind it while you yell, "poof!". When the smoke dissipates, say, "Tadaa!"
47. Have a history written for every trooper. Start a family feud.
48. Poor cheese sauce all over your opponent's army. Complain that it is cheesy.
49. Come with an army painted completely flora purple. Wear dark glasses.
50. Attempt to bribe your opponent's characters. Turn away quickly if your opponent looks at you questioningly. Deny everything.

Want to see some realy funny WH40k humor? Go to http://www.vgreality.com/hammer.php this site has some of the best 40k humor I have seen yet! Keep watching after the credits (extra stuff).

Cool. You have a telegram.