18-12-2003, 21:12
Hello all! This is Cabeza-Minor, head servant and Premier of Business of the great Cabeza Grande, the great ruler of my country, Cabeza-stan.
I am here today to make an offer to the wide world out there. We could sell arms, we could see tactical fighters, we could sell yaks (our national animal) -but that is all being done. Does the universe really need another repeat firing hand cannon? Sure it does -and there are 400 nations out there who will sell you one.
What we sell is peace of mind -and profits. Great package -and it costs oh so little. Cabeza-stan offers an entire marketing concept for any nation that may be interested. We can take your thriving military business and make it boom (no pun intended). We can paint a pretty picture on your checmical weapon trade, we can make your terrorist death camps look like young insurgents fighting for the good and betterment of future man. On top of all that we will be selling t-shirts, commemorative dishes, decorative spoons, hats, key chains and every other item you can make a cha-ching! on.
Think of it -your once maligned nation will now have its own TV show, cartoons that feature your state heros, fashion models to show off your new flag colors, and cola companies and shoe companies will line up for miles to partner with you and join in your sucess.
'But we just want to sell guns and such' Hey -that's OK. We just want you to sell more guns then you ever have before. Example -Can't move those nukes without sanctions -our crack lawyer team will identify the countries that may oppose you and sue them in world court before they could ever say 'sanction.' We will make your name synonymous with whatever item you may be pushing. Kids will clamor for your fire arms.
"But we just want to crush our people under our large jack booted feet' -And who doesn't like to do that every now and then? We don't judge. Problem is those other pesky countries who think they can get in your face and tell you how to treat YOUR people. The nerve! Don't they have their own countries to run? We will take your freedom crushing pograms and turn them into a state sponsored 'war on crime' -we will turn those rebals into terrorists and those terrorists into religeious martyrs. You will be fashionable and other countries will envy you.
So give us a post -let us know how we can help you. Tell us your problem, we will make it your asset. Tell us your desires -we will turn them into your dreams -and those dreams will come true.
Cabeza-stan... we don't sell the products you make.. we make the products sell better.
I am here today to make an offer to the wide world out there. We could sell arms, we could see tactical fighters, we could sell yaks (our national animal) -but that is all being done. Does the universe really need another repeat firing hand cannon? Sure it does -and there are 400 nations out there who will sell you one.
What we sell is peace of mind -and profits. Great package -and it costs oh so little. Cabeza-stan offers an entire marketing concept for any nation that may be interested. We can take your thriving military business and make it boom (no pun intended). We can paint a pretty picture on your checmical weapon trade, we can make your terrorist death camps look like young insurgents fighting for the good and betterment of future man. On top of all that we will be selling t-shirts, commemorative dishes, decorative spoons, hats, key chains and every other item you can make a cha-ching! on.
Think of it -your once maligned nation will now have its own TV show, cartoons that feature your state heros, fashion models to show off your new flag colors, and cola companies and shoe companies will line up for miles to partner with you and join in your sucess.
'But we just want to sell guns and such' Hey -that's OK. We just want you to sell more guns then you ever have before. Example -Can't move those nukes without sanctions -our crack lawyer team will identify the countries that may oppose you and sue them in world court before they could ever say 'sanction.' We will make your name synonymous with whatever item you may be pushing. Kids will clamor for your fire arms.
"But we just want to crush our people under our large jack booted feet' -And who doesn't like to do that every now and then? We don't judge. Problem is those other pesky countries who think they can get in your face and tell you how to treat YOUR people. The nerve! Don't they have their own countries to run? We will take your freedom crushing pograms and turn them into a state sponsored 'war on crime' -we will turn those rebals into terrorists and those terrorists into religeious martyrs. You will be fashionable and other countries will envy you.
So give us a post -let us know how we can help you. Tell us your problem, we will make it your asset. Tell us your desires -we will turn them into your dreams -and those dreams will come true.
Cabeza-stan... we don't sell the products you make.. we make the products sell better.