NationStates Jolt Archive

The Rise of Rezephua

10-12-2003, 23:23
Amphibian Island, so named for its wide diversity of frog species, sits in the middle of the atlantic. With no natural resources and completely covered in jungle, no-one's ever wanted it...

On the top of the plateau that marks the centre of the island, a watcher would see a sudden twist in the air, and a sensation of wrongness. Suddenly, there is is a popping noise and nine rather large, smooth-skinned, green frogs with big, yellow eyes and supercilious smirks appear. One of them is wearing a Napoleon hat.

"Rivet?" asks one. In Toad this means "Where the heck are we?"
"Rivet."(meaning: search me, you had the map)
"Rivet ribbet rivet rivet" (Wouldn't it be more convenient for the readers if we spoke in human?)
"Oh yeah. Whoops."
Now the toads are speaking english, we have a better chance of following their conversation. You may have noticed these are no ordinary toads - these are in fact Slann, hyper-intelligent raniforms from another world entirely. The fact that they resemble bloated toads in every manner except their facial expressions (arrogant and overbearing) and digestive system (nine-dimensional) is not important.
"So, where's the map?"
"You had it!"
"Oh - wait, it's here, in my ribbit (lit. translation = throat pouch. This is actually a handy fold in space-time, created by the incredible mind powers of the Slann, used for storing things such as keys, fluff, and pet hairless apes. What? You say that the best word would be pocket? Interesting...)
"Right - so where the rivet(untranslateable) are we?"
"Says here - 'Earth'"
"Right. So. Where's that, when it's at rivet (nearest translation = home. lit., Swamp-place-with-tadpole-spawn)?"
"No idea, boss."
"Great. Well, we might as well make the best of our time here, eh lads? What's the dominant life-form?"
"What - the little hairless apes you keep as pets?"
"What the rivet?"
"I don't know how it happened."
"How the ribbit do they govern themselves? Their pea-sized brains are surely too small!"
"Says here - most of them are democracies."
The toads fell about laughing.
"So the answer is they don't. Right. Well, seems to me lads we've hit on a goldmine as far as the pet industry is concerned. We'll set up camp here, and when the probe comes looking for us we'll have a whole load of cheap humans to take home and flog on the black market."
"Great idea."
"Mine always are..."

(more to come)
Archaic Slang Words
10-12-2003, 23:39
:lol: Niice...
11-12-2003, 14:37
"So, how are we going to get our hands on humans? I mean, they're ruling their place, they're hardly going to like us shipping them off as pets."
"Like doesn't come into it, my good chum. You know how easy human brains are to manipulate. Plus their weaponry is truly pitiful - they have nothing like the brutal killing tools our more sophisticated, intelligent and cultured race posesses."
The napoleon-hat-wearing leader-toad grinned.
"This place is a dead end. No humans come here. So we're shipping to the nearest island."
"Where's that?"
"Place called Utopia. General plan: Kick up a storm, steal some humans, skiddaddle back here and put them in cold storage. Right?"
The toads gave evil grins and suddenly disappeared into thin air, with a noise like a cork coming out of a bottle....
11-12-2003, 14:39
OOC: Nice twist! :o