NationStates Jolt Archive

This is the forum for This Island Earth.

Copied and pasted, the profile for the Holy Empire of Hortons.

"I am a fictional country some years hence, after Tim Horton's (the coffee store, similar to - but more more low-key than - Starbucks) has finished its takeover and conversion of Canada. All citizens are now employees, and as such can be "fired" at a moment's notice. Unions are outlawed, and such talk is punishable by immediate "firing", although first we tend to give an "interview" to find out just why such thoughts arose from our people.

Democracy is good and all, provided everyone votes for us. Those who don't are fired. Come to think of it, we're kind of getting tired of Democracy. We can just fire anyone who thinks otherwise, anyway.

Our country has no need of war. First we'll slip a few stores in over your border and start to convince your populace of the wonders of Tim Hortons. Then we infiltrate completely. There's a Tim Horton's on every streetcorner, <i>especially</i> around important businesses. In every Tim Horton's are small videocameras and microphones, constantly recording intelligence that our Customer Satisfaction Representatives sift through to find the information most beneficial to The Holy Republic of Hortons.

Then, when the time is right, we strike! Important government and business officials are bribed, blackmailed, and/or outright fired. Our people take their place, and there's nothing the new employees can do about it.

This is how it is; this is how it shall always be; want some coffee?"

Kittzerland, on a mission to become the ultimate socialist paradise. Recently overrun by pot-smoking bisexual hippy types, the government is struggling to keep up with all this social progression and yet still maintain low taxes and attractive business environment.

Kittzerland will generally try to stay out of all conflict, and will judge nations that try to overextend their influence negatively, regardless of the issue. We've got a slight crime problem but that's none of your business thankyouverymuch. We'll be looking to tighten things up once the hippies aren't quite so militant about everything being free.

Kittzerland looks with both admiration and disgust upon the Holy Empire of Hortons, admiration at how well the Business is doing in what was previously a left-leaning country, disgust at how its starting to treat its citizens. Kittzerland will show its concern for this change in events by having many passionate debates on it in the government, but in the end doing absolutely nothing whatsoever.

Oh yeah. It's cold here. Very cold.

Employees. They're Employees.

If you're going to bemoan our political perspective, at least get it right.

While hesitent to do it on its own, Kittzerland would like to say that it would definitely support another nation bringing a motion to the region stating that the term "citizen" cannot be replaced with the term "employee" insofar as a human being's default relationship with his or her nation is concerned.

(Ten bucks this isn't far off what they usually argue about in the UN.)

We respect the human rights of our citizens, but really to our economy all of our citizens are exactly employees. Without employees there can be no economy.

Whilst we wouldn't use the term ourself, we see no reason to see it as a pejorative and outlaw its use, and would ally our vote with the freedom of a nation to use such an accurate, inoffensive term.

We have two nations with identical flags. Comments?

The free and liberal state of Zorastavia would never demean it's Citizens (or viewers as we typically refer to them) by labelling them employees... However we respect the rights for any other nationstate to (mis)treat it's citizens as it chooses in this manner!

Our nation now has a new flag, which we now feel does justice to our great queen. We have exiled are previous flag maker who we now believe may have been a Transient spy!

Copied and pasted, the profile for the Holy Empire of Hortons.

"I am a fictional country some years hence, after Tim Horton's (the coffee store, similar to - but more more low-key than - Starbucks) has finished its takeover and conversion of Canada. All citizens are now employees, and as such can be "fired" at a moment's notice. Unions are outlawed, and such talk is punishable by immediate "firing", although first we tend to give an "interview" to find out just why such thoughts arose from our people.

Democracy is good and all, provided everyone votes for us. Those who don't are fired. Come to think of it, we're kind of getting tired of Democracy. We can just fire anyone who thinks otherwise, anyway.

Our country has no need of war. First we'll slip a few stores in over your border and start to convince your populace of the wonders of Tim Hortons. Then we infiltrate completely. There's a Tim Horton's on every streetcorner, <i>especially</i> around important businesses. In every Tim Horton's are small videocameras and microphones, constantly recording intelligence that our Customer Satisfaction Representatives sift through to find the information most beneficial to The Holy Republic of Hortons.

Then, when the time is right, we strike! Important government and business officials are bribed, blackmailed, and/or outright fired. Our people take their place, and there's nothing the new employees can do about it.

This is how it is; this is how it shall always be; want some coffee?"

*Kicks Tim Horton out of the country and replaces it with Dunkin' Donuts and Starbucks*
How da ya like that? :P

I can understand why you would want to sell your coffee and donut services abroad, as it must be impossible for your companies and employees to turn a profit with your extortionate taxes!

*Kicks Tim Horton out of the country and replaces it with Dunkin' Donuts and Starbucks*
How da ya like that? :P

Hoo! That's protectionism, innit? Does This Island Earth have some form of WTO?

:evil: We have a Tim Horton's where I live and their donuts are not very good. Drunken Donuts is much better.

Krispy Kreme makes a special, special donut.

*Kicks Tim Horton out of the country and replaces it with Dunkin' Donuts and Starbucks*
How da ya like that? :P

Hoo! That's protectionism, innit? Does This Island Earth have some form of WTO?

You should be thankful he hasn't had them all arrested for espionage and then put up against a wall and shot.

Good advice. *Proceeds to round up Tim Horton employees*