03-12-2003, 19:26
In an unprecedented move, the Government of Gerbilville recently
held a press conference to discuss the acquistion of military equipment
and a general increase in military spending.
Due to the reluctancy of news stations to send anyone to the conference,
reporters were rounded up at gun-point and forced to attend.
A broad, well-built man in his early 50s stood on the podium. Nervous reporters and cameramen eyed him anxiously, waiting for his address to begin. General Walters, Armed Forces Commander, was well known for his erratic, almost insane, behavior and no one trusted him. A few reporters in the back scanned the room nervously, looking for poison gas vents or hidden troops.
"Gentlemen," the General began. "Against my better judgement, the Tzar has instructed me to hold this press conference in order to stifle any rumors. We have increased military spending and equipment acquisition in recent months due to the increase of extremist terrorist attacks."
His eyes darted around the room, examining everyone. His paranoid scan did nothing to ease the tensions already threatening to spill over.
"Increased funding has allowed us to expand our military to 2.5 million troops. Additionally, we have increased our quantity of MBTs to 3000 and have over 500 fighter aircraft available to combat the extremist groups. Despite any rumors that may have circulated lately, the drafts will in no way negatively impact our Beloved Country."
The gathered reporters stirred nervously. Finally, one braver than the others stood up
"General, umm...do you consider it wise to broadcast the strength of our military over national and presumably international airwaves? Don't you feel it would be safer to hold the statistics secret?"
Silence reigned. The General's penetrating gaze rested on the hapless reporter who fidgeted restlessy. Sweat beads broke out on the poor man's forehead and he began scanning the room for any troops who might be prepared to shoot him where he stood.
Finally, the General broke the silence.
"We feel that these terrorist groups should know exactly what kind of power can be brought to bear against them. Until they understand the magnitude of their decisions, these attacks will not cease. Now that they realize that they are outmanned, outgunned, and will simply be overpowered, we believe peace will once again reign in our Beloved Land"
Another reporter, having gained confidence from the last answer stood up.
"General, what about reports that these so-called terrorists are actually just responding to civil rights violations perpetrated by the State?"
Again, deep silence and that unnerving stare. After minutes of incomfortable quiet, the General began to chuckle. Softly at first, then louder and louder until he was nearly unable to stand from the laughter.
Nervous laughter echoed around the room, building until the entire room was laughing.
The General quickly drew a 9mm from his holster and shot the man three times in the chest. Shocked silence ensued.
Still chuckling, the General composed himself
"In answer to the ridiculous charges brought forward by this (dead) idiot, I respond: Our citizens HAVE NO civil rights, so I ask 'How can we violate what doesn't exist?'"
"Continuing on, we wish to announce our plans to be the research of nuclear power <snickering> merely for peaceful purposes. If there are no further questions, this conference is over."
He strode off the stage, leaving the bewildered and frightened reporters to hope that none of those still alive had been noticed. They quietly left the buildings and returned home, hoping to survive through anonymity
held a press conference to discuss the acquistion of military equipment
and a general increase in military spending.
Due to the reluctancy of news stations to send anyone to the conference,
reporters were rounded up at gun-point and forced to attend.
A broad, well-built man in his early 50s stood on the podium. Nervous reporters and cameramen eyed him anxiously, waiting for his address to begin. General Walters, Armed Forces Commander, was well known for his erratic, almost insane, behavior and no one trusted him. A few reporters in the back scanned the room nervously, looking for poison gas vents or hidden troops.
"Gentlemen," the General began. "Against my better judgement, the Tzar has instructed me to hold this press conference in order to stifle any rumors. We have increased military spending and equipment acquisition in recent months due to the increase of extremist terrorist attacks."
His eyes darted around the room, examining everyone. His paranoid scan did nothing to ease the tensions already threatening to spill over.
"Increased funding has allowed us to expand our military to 2.5 million troops. Additionally, we have increased our quantity of MBTs to 3000 and have over 500 fighter aircraft available to combat the extremist groups. Despite any rumors that may have circulated lately, the drafts will in no way negatively impact our Beloved Country."
The gathered reporters stirred nervously. Finally, one braver than the others stood up
"General, umm...do you consider it wise to broadcast the strength of our military over national and presumably international airwaves? Don't you feel it would be safer to hold the statistics secret?"
Silence reigned. The General's penetrating gaze rested on the hapless reporter who fidgeted restlessy. Sweat beads broke out on the poor man's forehead and he began scanning the room for any troops who might be prepared to shoot him where he stood.
Finally, the General broke the silence.
"We feel that these terrorist groups should know exactly what kind of power can be brought to bear against them. Until they understand the magnitude of their decisions, these attacks will not cease. Now that they realize that they are outmanned, outgunned, and will simply be overpowered, we believe peace will once again reign in our Beloved Land"
Another reporter, having gained confidence from the last answer stood up.
"General, what about reports that these so-called terrorists are actually just responding to civil rights violations perpetrated by the State?"
Again, deep silence and that unnerving stare. After minutes of incomfortable quiet, the General began to chuckle. Softly at first, then louder and louder until he was nearly unable to stand from the laughter.
Nervous laughter echoed around the room, building until the entire room was laughing.
The General quickly drew a 9mm from his holster and shot the man three times in the chest. Shocked silence ensued.
Still chuckling, the General composed himself
"In answer to the ridiculous charges brought forward by this (dead) idiot, I respond: Our citizens HAVE NO civil rights, so I ask 'How can we violate what doesn't exist?'"
"Continuing on, we wish to announce our plans to be the research of nuclear power <snickering> merely for peaceful purposes. If there are no further questions, this conference is over."
He strode off the stage, leaving the bewildered and frightened reporters to hope that none of those still alive had been noticed. They quietly left the buildings and returned home, hoping to survive through anonymity