01-12-2003, 06:44
Nov. 30, 2003
Azerian chemists and capitalists jointly announced today the appearance of a new herbal stimulant on the Azerian market. The herb, harvested from the leaves of the native miki-pok tree, has been used for years by the interior tribesmen as a natural relaxant and remedy for arthitis, and has only recently acquired scientific status as a potentially marketable product. Azerian Dairy and Agriculture, the nation's largest exporter, has given the herb the brand name "Altacine" and is making plans to include it in some of their finer cheeses.
Currently, Altacine is available in powdered capsule form. It is taken orally in quantities of 25 mg. It's effects are described by ADA officials as "similar to nicotine, but without all that disgusting smoke or annoying addiction." Indeed, clinical studies have shown (to the dismay of the producers) that Altacine is not at all physically addictive.
"I used to smoke miki-pok leaf with hashish before anyone even knew about it," claims environmentalist and one-time hippie Crystal Ball. "It gives you an amazing high, like floating on ice cream. I'm really glad that ADA is putting this amazing herb on the market. I think that it can bring a lot of peace and happiness to the world, and it really shows what industrialists are destroying when they try to cut down the rainforest. Miki-pok, the source of Altacine, is as you know only found in Azeria's temperate rainforests. We need to save the whales, too."
"Well, it's not meth," admits junkie Zee Mahjong disappointedly, as he lights up a pipe of suspicious content, "but I guess it's okay if you can't get your hands on the good stuff. I mean, if you need to stay awake and study or something, I guess it would be pretty helpful. It's definitely better than caffeine. But, I mean, I'd rather be snorting coke."
"The great thing about Altacine is that it's safe," explains ADA executive Xi'ang Marsh. "Unlike caffeine, it doesn't get you all jittery and strung out. Unlike so-called 'hard drugs,' you'd have to swallow a whole bottle for it to kill you. Your body only allows so much Altacine into your bloodstream at a time, so there's no incentive to overdose. You go into a sort of high-brain-activity state, so it's really great if you're trying to cram for that physics test on Monday morning. We're really trying to help out the younger crowd here."
Azerian health food stores, tobacconists, hemp shops, and mini-marts that have begun selling Altacine products have reported record sales today, several having sold out their entire stock of Altacine products. With this level of domestic support, ADA is now looking for foreign markets to export its new product. While Altacine easily passes Azeria's extremely lax drug laws, executives are worried that foreign governments will not be so amicable to a new herbal stimulant. In an attempt to mitigate the stigma of herbal stimulants in foreign markets, ADA chemists are in the final stages of developing Alta-Cola, a sugary carbonated bevarge containing Altacine which is expected to compete with similar caffeinated products. Millions of jin of marketing research are being put into the 16-22 year old demographic, as ADA executives feel confident that this product will be most popular among high school and college students trying desperately to finish their school projects.
The big question for Azerian business is this: who will import it?
Azerian chemists and capitalists jointly announced today the appearance of a new herbal stimulant on the Azerian market. The herb, harvested from the leaves of the native miki-pok tree, has been used for years by the interior tribesmen as a natural relaxant and remedy for arthitis, and has only recently acquired scientific status as a potentially marketable product. Azerian Dairy and Agriculture, the nation's largest exporter, has given the herb the brand name "Altacine" and is making plans to include it in some of their finer cheeses.
Currently, Altacine is available in powdered capsule form. It is taken orally in quantities of 25 mg. It's effects are described by ADA officials as "similar to nicotine, but without all that disgusting smoke or annoying addiction." Indeed, clinical studies have shown (to the dismay of the producers) that Altacine is not at all physically addictive.
"I used to smoke miki-pok leaf with hashish before anyone even knew about it," claims environmentalist and one-time hippie Crystal Ball. "It gives you an amazing high, like floating on ice cream. I'm really glad that ADA is putting this amazing herb on the market. I think that it can bring a lot of peace and happiness to the world, and it really shows what industrialists are destroying when they try to cut down the rainforest. Miki-pok, the source of Altacine, is as you know only found in Azeria's temperate rainforests. We need to save the whales, too."
"Well, it's not meth," admits junkie Zee Mahjong disappointedly, as he lights up a pipe of suspicious content, "but I guess it's okay if you can't get your hands on the good stuff. I mean, if you need to stay awake and study or something, I guess it would be pretty helpful. It's definitely better than caffeine. But, I mean, I'd rather be snorting coke."
"The great thing about Altacine is that it's safe," explains ADA executive Xi'ang Marsh. "Unlike caffeine, it doesn't get you all jittery and strung out. Unlike so-called 'hard drugs,' you'd have to swallow a whole bottle for it to kill you. Your body only allows so much Altacine into your bloodstream at a time, so there's no incentive to overdose. You go into a sort of high-brain-activity state, so it's really great if you're trying to cram for that physics test on Monday morning. We're really trying to help out the younger crowd here."
Azerian health food stores, tobacconists, hemp shops, and mini-marts that have begun selling Altacine products have reported record sales today, several having sold out their entire stock of Altacine products. With this level of domestic support, ADA is now looking for foreign markets to export its new product. While Altacine easily passes Azeria's extremely lax drug laws, executives are worried that foreign governments will not be so amicable to a new herbal stimulant. In an attempt to mitigate the stigma of herbal stimulants in foreign markets, ADA chemists are in the final stages of developing Alta-Cola, a sugary carbonated bevarge containing Altacine which is expected to compete with similar caffeinated products. Millions of jin of marketing research are being put into the 16-22 year old demographic, as ADA executives feel confident that this product will be most popular among high school and college students trying desperately to finish their school projects.
The big question for Azerian business is this: who will import it?