Guinness Extra Cold
25-11-2003, 04:45
The hard working and equilibrium challenged scientists at the Dominion of Guinness Extra Cold have made a breakthrough discovery that is sure to draw minute interest from the international community.
While working on an immortality serum for certain denizens of an unspeakably evil and dark dimension, CEO and Dominar Olliver Mcfibbish’s brother-in-law Gary accidentally drank the prototype.
Instead of turning him into a giant, city destroying amorphous blob (Once again we give our condolences to the families from the Grand Duchy of Hiboux for the “incident,” we really didn’t expect that) he remained exactly the same, “interesting” body odor and all!
12 hours of quarantine and some unnecessary probing, our flabbergasted scientists let him wander to the local pub where he proceeded to make out with a coat rack for about three hours.
After dissecting his optical nerves, our R&D boys have concluded that instead of satisfying our contract requirements with some Demon Lord, we have discovered a beverage that gives Semi-Permanent Beer Goggles!!!!!
Our scientists are unsure whether it was because of their proximity to the local uranium mines, a colony of what can best be described as flying rabbits found in the rafters of the distillery/laboratory or because of a loosely interpreted health code.
The affects of the liquid have been discovered to provide the “victim” with the impression that the person they are talking to or looking at is actually the most attractive individual they have ever seen! This effect takes hold approximately 13 hours after consumption and lasts for... *talks to someone off camera* How long did Gary make out with that piece of furniture? 3 days!
Never one to pass up an opportunity to exploit a possible business venture, our marketing department has decided to rush this product through testing. We are now happy to announce our new brew,
Optical Reality Beer
We are currently selling several batches of this new product at the low, low cost of 1000 dollars a keg.
Disclaimer
The government of Guinness Extra Cold takes no responsibility for any side effects or bad decisions caused by consuming our product. We do not accept liability for any government who decides to use this for purpsoses other than moderate consumption. Examples of unexpected use are espionage, deception, covert action, assassination, foreign political manipulation, etc...
While working on an immortality serum for certain denizens of an unspeakably evil and dark dimension, CEO and Dominar Olliver Mcfibbish’s brother-in-law Gary accidentally drank the prototype.
Instead of turning him into a giant, city destroying amorphous blob (Once again we give our condolences to the families from the Grand Duchy of Hiboux for the “incident,” we really didn’t expect that) he remained exactly the same, “interesting” body odor and all!
12 hours of quarantine and some unnecessary probing, our flabbergasted scientists let him wander to the local pub where he proceeded to make out with a coat rack for about three hours.
After dissecting his optical nerves, our R&D boys have concluded that instead of satisfying our contract requirements with some Demon Lord, we have discovered a beverage that gives Semi-Permanent Beer Goggles!!!!!
Our scientists are unsure whether it was because of their proximity to the local uranium mines, a colony of what can best be described as flying rabbits found in the rafters of the distillery/laboratory or because of a loosely interpreted health code.
The affects of the liquid have been discovered to provide the “victim” with the impression that the person they are talking to or looking at is actually the most attractive individual they have ever seen! This effect takes hold approximately 13 hours after consumption and lasts for... *talks to someone off camera* How long did Gary make out with that piece of furniture? 3 days!
Never one to pass up an opportunity to exploit a possible business venture, our marketing department has decided to rush this product through testing. We are now happy to announce our new brew,
Optical Reality Beer
We are currently selling several batches of this new product at the low, low cost of 1000 dollars a keg.
Disclaimer
The government of Guinness Extra Cold takes no responsibility for any side effects or bad decisions caused by consuming our product. We do not accept liability for any government who decides to use this for purpsoses other than moderate consumption. Examples of unexpected use are espionage, deception, covert action, assassination, foreign political manipulation, etc...