NationStates Jolt Archive

*Welcoming announcement**

We would like to welcome all of you to Bundersberg. You will be staying at The Garden Grand Plaza. All meals are on us, but you will have to pay for your own adult beverages because we know some people really like their fruity drinks. We hope you have a pleasent stay here. Please check in with the receptionist, his name is Alfred.

Carianada sends a delegate to the opening of the LETI National Garden. His name is Bob, and he loves his fruity drinks. Thank you for welcoming him to Bundersburg!

::Manarth sends retired Army General Thomas Franklin. He likes hard liquor, preferably higher than 100 proof.::

*Due to events surrounding the last time Samsylvannia sent a delegate somewhere, we are sending Nameless Lackey #2, three pirates, and a block of cheese.*

Nameless Lackey #2: I HATE being expendable.

Pirate 1: Arg...where's me fruity drinks?

Cheese: *Just sits there.*

Pirate 2: *Draws sword and stabs cheese.* Arg...where did I put me crackers?

Pirate 3: *Passed out on floor.*

* Kristine, a VR botanist is flown in on an escorted BlackHawk to the garden *

Euphoni wishes to send Mr. Ima Pisson for the garden thing. Mem Zart wishes he could be there in person because he likes gardens, but he has a previous arrangement with Hurtz Brunner.

Later.

Johnny Cash
Secretary of Foreign Affairs

Dubelco sends Public Relations head Susan Doty to the senate. She likes wine preferably but if it happens to come upon it any and alcohol is AOK.

(With the assumption that this is modern)

The People's Republic of Calcednie has dispatched envoy Laura Xu and chief botanist Guillaume Fredericks to attend this most important event. This unworthy one sincerely thanks BJ Land on behalf of the people of Calcednie for the invitation.

-Chief Diplomat Shen-ji Geudtr

***Tour Guide Fred Walks up to the group while whiping some white powder off his nose***


So sorry I'm late. I was busy snort...I mean, I was in the restroom. Is everybody here. NO! What! Damn nations muter mumble, lazy bamumble mumble. Well I guess they'll just miss the tour.

Let's get started!

We're here at the entrance of the beautiful resort. Here we have a little 3D map of the island. This way people can see what each sector has to offer.

Our first stop will be in the Henceland Omega sector. We are happy to report that the thunderbirds are thriving here, though they are considered an endangered species in HO. We hope to be able to save many animals from extinction on Bundersberg.

Ahhh...if you look in the river over there you can see a wonderful group of the Mirabar's knuckle-headed trout. I don't know why they stay around this area though, the thunderbirds love to eat them.

Moving on to Hairybackistan. We could not populate the island with babies (Hairybackistan's national animal) because we thought as they grew their breeding habits would be to hard to control. However, we have wonderful wild life from the nation. Lush trees and bushes. A beautiful place really.

Anyways!

Nameless Lackey #2: Being Nameless Lackey #2 is a lot like being the guy in a red uniform on the away team who doesn't have a name....

Pirate 1: Argh! No babies? Curses!!!

Pirate 2: This is definately not a fruity drink ye scurvy dogs!

Pirate 3: *wakes up* Arrrrrgh!!! *passes out again*

Block of Cheese: *sits there with a sword in it*

Fred Continues:

Maybe if we're lucky we will get to see...OH! look there's one now. We have found that the Brown Backed Leech from Samsylvannia and the Lenux Peguin from Edenstein both are attracted to Hairybackestan's giant purple Iris. They have been breeding to make a species that looks very similar to a peguin; however, it is smaller than any other peguin and it has a brown back with occassional black spots. These tiny Brown Back Leguins can do a lot of damage because they perfer to suck....OH MY GOD!!! GET BACK YOU IDIOT!!! Somebody help pull Nameless Lackey #2 back into the tour cart.

**Fred pulls out taser gun and shocks the leguin**

Are you all right #2. Looks like that leguin got a good chunk of your arm. We usually keep the leguins well fed, but this one looks like he's lost from his pack.

Well we're going to stop the tour here for today. The tour cart will be heading back to the hotel for those who wish to return. You may stay and wonder if you like. We will be getting back very quickly since we need to get #2 to a frist aid station and I think the cheese is starting to smell from being in the sun too long.

Ima Pisson: No I think the smell is coming from Pirate #3. He woke up long enough to, well...lets just say he needs a changing when we get back and I'm sure as hell not going to be the one to do it.

Fred: Very well those who wish to stay on the cart with #2, P3, the cheese and myself we're leaving now. Everybody else may wonder the island. There are maps on the back of the....

**Everybody except the four mentioned left the cart at a sprint.**

ooc: brooke this is great

IC:

*The Undersecretary General of the interior, Stepen Kerestes wanders through the island looking for the rest of the tour, his plane was delayed getting to the island*

::A plane lands on the runway. A woman steps out and looks around in frustration::

Woman: Is this finally it?

Some man from plane: I think so.

Woman: It's ABOUT TIME! Where the HELL did we end up? I swear I saw some kangaroos looking at our plane going, "WTF?"

Pilot: Now come on Nori, it wasn't THAT bad...

Nori: Not that bad? Honey, we were supposed to have been here a damn long time ago! I wonder where everyone is? Let's look around for them...

Man: I wonder what's been going on around here since we left? For all we know, we could've been invaded while we were gone! Heh heh heh.

Pilot: Shut up! I got us here didn't I?

*Steve Merwin his wife Mindy and the couple's dog Bones follow the HO representatives off of the plane*

Steve: Oah, thanks fo lettin' us hitch a ride mate. Come on Bones give Steve-o a big ol' kiss.

Bones: (ceases her personal "grooming" and proceeds to lick Steve's face)

Steve: Oah, isn't that so sweet? She's such a beauty.

Mindy: Ummm.. yeah. Steve we'd better get going we wouldn't want to miss the tour.

Steve: Oah. Roit'. And a-waaay we go.

Fred and stinky cart get back too the resort:

Fred: Welcome to all new comers. Unfortunately you missed the tour of Henceland Omega and Hairybackestan; however, we will be continuing the tour tomorrow morning. We still have Edenstein, Samsylvania, and some of the more minor nations will be included to. But for you can go relax by the pool, tour the island, or we have water skiing available down by the beach. I'm sorry I can't stay and chat, but we must be getting to the first aid station. If you have any question Alfred, the receptionist, will be happy to answer them. I'll see you all at dinner. We're having some knuckle-headed trout and walrus, courtsey of Mirabar and Pax Germania.

::Nori and the group go up to Alfred at the desk::

Nori: Ok, so where are we supposed to stay? We've been cooped up in a plane for WAY too long... And can we tour the island ourselves?

*Undersecretary Kerestes Shrugs and then walks over towards the pool house, he goes into it and changes into his swim trunks, he walks out by the pool and jumps in, he does a few laps and then climbs out, he towles off and then lays by the side of the pool and relaxes two girls walk up to him wearing very skimpy outfits*

Girl 1: OHHH!!!! OHHH!!! ARN'T YOU THE FAMOUS COMPOSER!!!!!
Girl 2: YES YES!! ITS YOU ISN'T IT!
Girl 1: YES YES!! YOU WROTE BREEZEWIND RIGHT!!!
Girl 2: AND DECOMPOSED PACHEBEL CANNON RIGHT RIGHT!!!!!
Girl 1: IF ITS YOU I WANT TO MAKE LOVE TO YOU RIGHT HERE!!!
Girl 2: ME TOO ME TOO!!!!
*They both begin jumping, Stephen looks at the two girls and contemplates lying for a second, but his virtues take over, and the thought of his wife Kim beating him to death does as well*
Stephen: No, I'm sorry, thats STEPHAN Kerestes, Distant Relative I think.
Girls: Ohhhh..... sorry to bother you..... *they walk away and run towards someone who looks like Pierce Brosnan*

*Pirates 1 and 2 spy the pool.*
Pirate 1: Argh!! At last! Water!

Pirate 2: And wenches!!! Don't ferget the wenches!!!

*Pirates 1 and 2 climb into a pirate ship and begin sailing around the pool.*

*Steve, Mindy and Bones are playing Marco Polo when Mindy sees a water moccasin slip into the pool*

Mindy: STEVE! We have a problem; we've got a snake at 2:00.

Steve: Krikey! Let's go grab that slimey li'l bugga' and move him somewhere 'e won't get 'ert.

http://www.angelfire.com/linux/penguin26/pictures/stevesnakes.jpg

Steve: See she's nothing to be scared of-

*snake bites Steve's eyelid*

Steve: Oah. She's a frisky li'l one isn't she.

Bones: GRRRRRRRR

Steve: It's alright Bones Steve-o's just gonna' put this li'l guy over here in the weeds so 'e won't get 'ert.

::Franklin is drinking his Everclear and sitting in the "Manarth" exibit::

Franklin: Yawn. I love watching the morning doves.

::Takes another swig of Everclear::

Franklin: God I need a wife.

::thirty minutes and half a bottle later::

Franklin: Wher's tha wemen a'.

::Begins to wonder in search of single females::

::Nori checks into her room, then proceeds to walk into the gardens. She sighs::

Nori: What a wonderful display of nature! Why don't people understand the beauty and hormony of nature? ::shakes head, puts her hands on her hips and smiles:: Well I'm certainly looking forward to the rest of the tour. Hmph. What was it Laura said? 'Go for the garden, stay for the guys?' What a crazy lady! Getting involved with Emperor Ed and all... Well let's see what this place has! ::she beings wandering around the island::

::Franklin's wandering takes him by a short furry tree in the Edenstein section::

Franklin: Pardon ::hick:: me miss. ::Tipps his hat to the tree::

::Soon he stumbles through the garden, looking at all the flora and fauna.::

Franklin: I looooove nat're. I's nature-al. Ha! ::Slaps his leg::

::Continues to wander until he spies Nori walking alone in the gardens. He approaches her::

Franklin: Hiya! T'e name's Tom. And I've been drinking. ::Extends the bottle:: Wan' some?

::Nori looks at Franklin::

Nori: Hello Tom. You know, I think I will have some of that. ::She takes a swig:: I've been stuck in a freaking helicoptor for ungodly lengths of time. I'm sorry. I haven't introduced myself. I'm usually more ladylike, but I'm so cramped up and cranky right now. My name is Nori Nori Nori. Yeah I know, dumb name, my parents were high when they had me. I'm the enironmental advisor for Henceland Omega. So do you know what's going on around here?

Franklin: Good ta' meet ya' Miss Nori. Na' sure exactly what's goin' on.. ::stumbles a bit:: I'm from Manarth. Ex-general and all, during the Army's rebelion. They retired me, cause I was running for office. **** burucrats. Oh! The offical tour stopped a while ago, we've just been wandering around for a while.

(OOC: Franklin was the general that shot Lord Protector Evans during the early days of Manarth. IC:)

::Franklin loses his balence and stumbles into her. He picks himself back up::

Franklin: You can hold on to the bottle. I don't think I should be having anymore.

Nori: (Who was in a helicoptor the whole time the Manarth rebellion was going on...) Well Tom I can see you've had a few more than you should have. Why don't I take you backto the lobby, you can restthere... and cause a little lest trouble! Ha ha!

Franklin: Ha! That's a good one. Let's go.

::Let's her help him back to the lobby::

::Along the way::

Franklin: You know, you have very pretty eyes.

::Nori walks Franklin back towards the hotel. She smiles at Franklin's attempts to hit on her:: Thank you Tom! We'll be back in a bit here. ::She looks at him quizzically:: You look familiar... but I don't remember where I've seen you...

Franklin: Well. I was pretty famous for a bit. I shot that bastard Evans. He wasn't telling the truth at all. I know! Lincoln showed me the telegrams. It was all a ploy by Evans to become the leader of Manarth. And he got Edenstein to help make Manarth his. But don't tell anyone about this. It's a state secret. Hehe. I could get in trouble for telling you.

::He smiles at her::

Franklin: You do have pretty eyes.

::Goes limp and falls asleep::

::Nori looks at him for a minute, pondering this new information... She shrugs, leans back in the lobby on the couch and turns on the TV::

Nori: If it was that important he wouldn't've said anything... ::She focuses her attention on the Golf Channel:: Too much Nitrgen in that fertilizer... ::Changes the channel::

OFFICIAL TOUR ANNOUNCEMENT:

Ladies and Gentlemen,

The tour will continue tomorrow morning. We ask if you've arrived late to please check in with the receptionist. She will be happy to give you a room assignment. If you would like to barrow a golf cart to take a look at the island yourself you may do that there too. Please keep ALL food and beverages inside the resort area. We don't want any of the animals getting ahold of things they should not.

This means that the cheese Samsylvania has sent will not be allowed out of the resort area.

Tomorrows breakfast will start at 5:30. We will be serving omellets with cheese. The tour will begin at 9:00.

Thank you and enjoy your stay.

Nori: ::hears the announcement:: Well, thank goodness. Now I know what's going on! Mmm... omelettes with cheese...

Fred enters the loby and announces that the tour is to continue right NOW!

Good morning everybody. I hope you enjoyed the cheese and eggs. We've had to put Pirate Number 3 down. He was just too yucky and I think he would have died from alcohol poisoning anyways. Luckily we were able to find No. 2's arms and sow it back on. It's only missing a few fingures and he will be better in a few days.

MOVING ON! We couldn't quite get the smell out of the tour cart so I have decided to burn it. For the time being we will continue on the electric trolly. Today we will head into Edenstein. Emperor Ed has been very generous with his donations to the garden.

If you look closely, you will be able to see the Lenux Peguin in it's natural invironment. We had trouble getting them to breed at first, but with a little alcohol and moodlighting....

Notice the flush underbrush near the big trees. Samsylvannia sent some men with real green thumbs....***Big screach*** Hey what was that??
Did somebody pull the emergency stop?

Voice over the radio: Oh good GOD!!!! The Lenguins are attacking! They've gathered together all the other animals. They cut the power supply. We've got to get off the island! The tour needs to get back as soon as possible!!!!!


Fred:Well you heard the panicked voice over the radio. It's all for themselves! Oh there are some survival kits in the back of the trolly. I've got a big gun if anybody would like to stick with me for awhile. All who's with me - Let's GO!

&*%^ Double posts.

::Franklin is still nursing a hangover from the day before. He waves at Nori as she boards the trolley, but he didn't think she saw him. He couldn't even be sure she was the woman he flirted with last night::

Voice over the radio: Oh good GOD!!!! The Lenguins are attacking! They've gathered together all the other animals. They cut the power supply. We've got to get off the island! The tour needs to get back as soon as possible!!!!!

Fred:Well you heard the panicked voice over the radio. It's all for themselves! Oh there are some survival kits in the back of the trolly. I've got a big gun if anybody would like to stick with me for awhile. All who's with me - Let's GO!

::Franklin sobered up in a hurry. Reaching into his coat pocket, he pulled out a snubnose .38::

Franklin: Crap. ::To Fred:: I've got a gun myself. It's not big, but it's enough to stop would be assassins. The Lenguins can't be that big, right?

::Without waiting for an answer, he moved to the rear of the group, covering the woods behind the group as he hoped Fred would lead them out::

::Nori, who had been with the tour guide, but preoccupied with something she was trying to remember, suddenly grows wide-eyed upon hearing the announcement. She grabs a survival pack and runs to Fred and Franklin::

Nori: Good Lord! What the hell's going on with these things! I don't know how to shoot a gun! Geeze, I knew this was a bad idea from the start... ::She cowers between Fred and Franklin in the hopes that the 2 will protect her::

Steve: Crikey! The animals, they've gone a wonky!

Mindy: I bet they just want some attention. *walking up to a to a LOE Chaco Taco*

Steve: Hold on 'ere Mind' I don't think tha--*the Chaco Taco hurls itself into Mindy's mouth*

Mindy: Ugh! Eh-eh ahhhh!

*Mindy slowly turns purple and falls limp to the ground*

Steve: Oah! My sweetie, my own, my precious!

Bones: RUFF!

::While still cowering in fear of the Linguins, Nor's pager beeps. She curses under her breath, then glances down at it::

Nori: Oh great. An urgent message from Fei Fong Wong. Just what I need right now. There's no way I can call untill be get past these stupid things. Wait! I almost forgot what Ritsuko and Drese told me!

::Nori clicks her heels together twice, Dorothy style. The side of her shoe slides out to revealr a very small gun. She picks it up::

Nori: "I know, but you never know when you might get attacked by wild animals!" Drese told me.... Jesus Disco-Dancing Christ I hope I can use one of these things... ::She begins firing blindly at hte Linguins, racing for her helicoptor::

::Franklin opens up his pager which is beeping furiously, as he keeps one eye glued to the trail, looking out for lenguins. As he reads the text message, fear grows in his eyes::

Franklin: I'm the highest official left alive in my government? What the hell? I've only been gone for two days!

::He checks his digital wristwatch to find that he's been in Lake Erie for a little over a month Erie time, and several dozen years Ontario time::

Franklin: What the hell!

::He checks his pager again, looking at the major news stories::

Franklin: Nukes! COC gone mad! What have I been missing? Does anyone have something strong and alchoholic?

::He spies Nori running for her helicopter. Thinking quickly, he realizes that she could help return him to Manarth. He runs after her, shooting lenguins that try to get in their way with his .308::

::As Nori runs she hears something behind her. She whips around and points her gun, then lowers it upon seeing Franklin::

Nori: Tom? Are you nuts? I almost shot you! Of course, ::She looks at her tiny little gun:: I really don't know if I'd've hit you. Are you looking to leave as well? I figure we stand a better chance of getting out of here alive if we work together. COme with me!

Franklin: Thanks. Let's get the hell out of here. I hope you've got a way off this island.

::Nori looks at Franklin and shrugs::

Nori: Well last I checked, my pilot and copilot were still alive at the lodge. Let's go there and see if Carl and Ralph can get us out in our little plane...

OOC: Who's controlling the Lenguins?

OOC: I don't think anyone really does...

::So um... Franklin reaches a helicopter and flys to Manarth::