NationStates Jolt Archive

Collaboration hereby declares war upon Demented Opression for conduct unbecoming a lady-state, to wit: harassment of the obese.
Prepare yourselves; take the young or infirm to shelter.
We launch our pterodactyl air cover on the hour.

Meanwhile preparations are afoot for a protracted conflict. Food stores are set aside; schools are closed; volunteers guard the rails and ports around the clock; embassies are sent home.
Men and women in good health are urged to volunteer for service; we disdain bloodshed, but cannot tolerate these provocations.
All men and women should perform their patriotic duty.

All reserves of aged cheese are hereby made available for liquidation for war expenses, in particular feed and breeding expenses for our clone armies.
Mercenary Mastodon trainers are invited to apply for double-pay.

Our Bard Laureate, Axo Migla, has penned an ode on the eve of this unprecedented battle:

Ten thousand leagues may separate
Our nation from these foreign shores
Where enemies dwell desperate
Awaiting this, our first of wars

No heart shall quail, but stalwart be
No fear assail the glorious free.

Our air-steeds shall devour the space
And conquer, whilst the awesome might
Of mastodons punish that race
Which makes of social grace a blight.

We shall not fail, our arm is strong;
Away we sail, to right the wrong.

Opposition coalition leader Bix Spiderman, representing six of the more popular of Collaboration twenty-seven political parties, has just issued a statement of support for the war effort.

"In these difficult times we must all stand together", he said. "Let us pray for the swift success of this just and highly-deserved mission, and the safe return of our men and women. We pledge our full cooperation and support in this noble cause.
"However, once we are done getting medieval on Demented's backside, it will be business as usual, you understand."

Please tell the international community why you feel you should declare war?

After brief delays due to logistical problems, entirely predictable in a nation which has never gone to war, the first two squadrons of pterodactyl fighter-bombers took off this morning, accompanied by a refueling (re-feeding) contingent.
The noble air-steeds squawked a brave farewell as they soared off into the mist.

As a UN nation you are expected to explain a decent reasoning behind this war.

---In Coldorra---

Coldorran F-20A Tigersharks are on stand-by for a possible operation.

---Sig---

The People's Republic of Coldorra Public Dossier:

7,900 Troops
242 MBTs
1 Utility Vehicle
50 IFV-2s
12 Attack Aircraft
16 AS Fighters
50 Coldorran Special Forces
2 Transport Helicopters

Current Budget of 679 Million USD Per Game Month
Military Budget = 10%

Please tell the international community why you feel you should declare war?

Demented Opression has made grevious insults and smarmy remarks about obese persons. Because of our lush climate and abundant agricultural, and probably too much television, our nation has a disproprtionately large number of overweight citizens. These fine upstanding people have many excellent qualities, and they also have feelings. We warned Demented Opression of our intentions and sought a retraction but none were forthcoming. Only a half-apology which said fat people shouldn't wear bikinis.

We will not occupy, annex or destroy this nation. We will merely kick butt and teach a lesson in manners.

Ok. I will keep an eye on events.

We are ordinarily a most peaceful people. In fact we have never before gone to war; our biological armaments were intended only for defensive purposes. But DO has touched a raw nerve here.

Since mastodons are not fast swimmers, they are being tran sported to the front in Arks drawn by our (hitherto secret) navy of cloned Giant Squid. Additional propulsion is derived by burning as fuel the manure generated by these prodigious pachyderms.
We arrive within the week, by which time our Pterodactyls will have eliminated enemy command and control and softened up demented resistance.

Most grain supplies have been appropriated for our bioengineered defenders. Rationing of food is hereby ordered for all citizens. You may pick up weekly tickets for food for each family member at the nearest postal office. Please be sure to bring appropriate photo identification.

Planting of victory gardens is encouraged to help offset the loss of food supplies. The grains will be difficult to replace on short notice but we are assured that some sustaining vegetables rich in starch can be quickly and easily grown, such as potatoes, and...manioc, and, er...er...rutabagas, and...ah...em...tur...tur...turnips? :roll:

In any event we can plant potatoes.

It is a dark and gloomy night. The die is cast; we are at war. Never before in our history have we willingly endangered human life.
Will this one act forever change our national character?
The time is past for regret and recrimination. All that remains is to wait, and hope.

We have recently received word by carrier pigeon that our pterodactyl squadrons have tired sooner than we expected; perhaps due to the extra load of feed they have had to carry.

There is no resting place in mid-ocean, and so they have alighted on our ARk flotilla, which is beginning to sink under the increased weight.

The situation looks grim.

We have lost one Ark. The human passengers were able to secure rescue on another vessel, but the noble beasts have perished.

That ark's squids will be deployed to assist the remaining vessels to the nearest landfall; it is now a race against time.

Pigeon-mail informs us that our remaining arks have found safe haven on a shoal where they are resting. The squid were terribly hungry after this ordeal but sated themselves on the drowned carcasses of our beloved mastodons.

We have received assurances that Demented Opression intends to "radiate warmth and love"; therefore (and because of the Ark disaster, and because of street riots by turnip-haters) our forces are herewith recalled.

Our homefront is currently under unprovoked assault by Ducttapeland; all reserve forces are summoned to their posts forthwith.

Be sure to bring your paintproof jackets and goggles.

We were in deep sympathy with your cause against Demented and are glad that she has had a change of heart. Our country, too, has many fine, albeit, "chubby" citizens. We recently realized that your fleet is resting on an atoll not far from our fair shores. We are sending our Navy of five large rafts to the atoll for rescue. Your human troops are welcome to rest and recreation on our sunny shores with our fair, but flabby lasses and lads. The giant squid may ride on the bottom of our rafts and are welcome in our secondary lagoon where we have a large supply of plankton and small fish for their delight. The mastedons and pteradactyls may ride on our sturdy rafts and rest on a large, grassy plain near the secondary lagoon. All we ask is that you leave the mastedon manure for our gardens and that you find a way of preventing the pteradactyls from eating our chipmunks and the mastedons from stepping on them. We look forward to this new alliance, please let us know if we can be of help in your new incident. With great appreciation for your advocacy for the obese of the world. Neighborly Affection :D

This offer of aid exceeds the norms of diplomacy; it in truth enters the ealms of neighborly affection.

We are grateful beyond words. You may certainly have all the mnaure you want. We have untold stockpiles of the stuff. It is wonderful fertilizer, but the beasts produce so copiously that there is always more fertilizer than the fields can handle.

Our beasts are very well trained and we will ensure utmost caution around your chipmunks. With your permission, we will send an envoy to you with a gift of thanks, and a memorial to our fallen friends who drowned. Your atoll, being nearby, would be a fitting place for such a monument.

Then I fear we must recall our troops; we require defensive action against the paintball incursions of the Ducttapeland air corps.

Thank you once more.

All land and sea personnel, man and beast, may remain on NA's atoll for rest and relaxation. We are grateful for the respite.
As soon as a suitable memorial has been performed, all air forces are hereby recalled to help bolster our defenses against paintball attack.

We are so glad that you plan to allow your ground troops to accept our hospitality and will gladly set aside a small portion of the atoll for a memorial to your lost troops and gallant mammals. Please let us know when you plan to arrive, local materials and/or artisans you will need for your memorial, and any dignitaries who plan to attend the ceremony so we can make proper preparations. Best wishes in your paintball battle. Cordially as ever, The Serene Republic of Neighborly Affection

ooc: is it just me or does Coldorra actually think he can threaten June nations?

We are so glad that you plan to allow your ground troops to accept our hospitality and will gladly set aside a small portion of the atoll for a memorial to your lost troops and gallant mammals. Please let us know when you plan to arrive, local materials and/or artisans you will need for your memorial, and any dignitaries who plan to attend the ceremony so we can make proper preparations. Best wishes in your paintball battle. Cordially as ever, The Serene Republic of Neighborly Affection
We arrive posthaste, as ducttapeland continues to attack and our defense presence is required on the homefront.
Perhaps tomorrow we may sight your serene shores.
Our watercraft will be dismantled and reassembled to form the bulk of the memorial; the crew will return on our Arks.

We are informed by the way that the remains of our drowned pachyderms which were not eaten by the squids were roasted or smoked by our servicemen and women. This is quite understandable under the circumstances, as it was not known how long it would be until relief arrived. In any event, it is what our noble friends, always seeking to be of most help, would have wanted.

ooc: is it just me or does Coldorra actually think he can threaten June nations?

We are slow to take offense.
"Live and learn" is still a fine motto.

While our forces were away defending the cause of right, Ducttapeland bombed our HQ with green and brown paint.
Although this would ordinarily be considered a provocation, it will be ignored since the resulting visual effect camouflages the buildings from further assault.
No injuries were reported, but the geraniums in the foundation plantings are looking very peaked.

We have been notified that our memorial crew have safely arrived at Neighborly Affection's Atoll #2.
They dismantled their craft and reassembled it up a hastily poured permanent foundation in the shape of a mastodon on a pedestal.
The cast bronze inscription was attached and read aloud. A moment of silent meditation followed.
The inscription states:
"In memory of our beloved comrades lost at sea in the successfully concluded campaign against Demented Opression, namely Millie, Tille, Lily, Jilly, Billy and Willy; in recognition of the heroism and sacrifice of our forces; in goodwill toward our former enemy and in gratitude to our ally and friend Neighborly Affection this monument is raised in the 203rd year of the Commonwealth of Collaboration, tenth month, twelfth day, twenty-third hour. May their memory forever shine, noble and faithful friends and comrades."
As the encounter with Ducttapeland seems to have quieted, at least temporarily, the forces will remain a day or two for shore leave and recreation before embarking for home.

This topic is being shifted over to "Mutiny", since peace has been secured with Demented Opression.