NationStates Jolt Archive


opinions on my story idea

04-10-2003, 02:39
(OOC: I've had this idea in my head for a while, it's sorta the love child of close encounters of the third kind and sphere (not really sphere but meh) anyways opinions are most welcome)

Day 3, 12:00 pm

the water was dark, light had long since stopped illuminating the water of the Pacific Ocean, only the lights on the small scientic submarine gave them a small indecation of what was near them, the Sub the explorer mark III had began it's decent into the murky waters of the ocean 2 days ago after a military ship had picked up usual signals from deep down in the ocean, possibly a damaged submarine, maybe something else thats why they were slowly descending.

A tall slim balding man Brent, no older than 50 stepped into the control room, looking around at the other inhabitants of the explorer mark III, A woman Sarah, short blonde hair most likely in her early 20s, blue eyes, seemed to always have a smile. Another man slightly talling than brent black bald, his name was Robert but Sarah always seemed to call him Ted (teddy bear perhaps?) he guessed the two had a relation before maybe someting steady at one point, who knows. There was one other a short curly black haired man always had to say something negative about the situation, his name was Jim or something he didn't really care, didn't really like him much either.

day 5, 17:00

Brent sat in the caferteria having a late snack and a cup of coffee reading a book , it was well worn, the front jacket was faded almost to the point of nothing being there except a few unidentifible scratches and marks, A few moments later Sarah entered the room walking over to a cubboard and gently took and cup from inside of it and walked over to the the coffee machine before sitting down beside Brent sipping it slowly

"isn't it a little late to be reading?" she said before taking another sip of her coffee.

"never to late to read and have a late night snack" he replied softly pausing before continuing again " why are you still up?"

"got stuck with the night shift and figured I'd see if anyone else was still up" setting the cup of coffee down she slowly reached over and took the book out of his hands and read the spine " A 101 ways to cure sea sickness..." she raised a brow holding back a smirk.

"figured I could use a good laugh" he replied cooly taking the book back putting the bookmark in the proper page before setting it down on the table.

"well I'm gunna go to bed, it's Jim's turn to take the watch anyways" she stood up slowly picking up her cup off coffee taking a last sip and setting the half empty cup near the sink giving Brent a wink before she left the room.

Day 10, 13:56

Brent sat down beside Ted in the Co-pilot's seat, letting his curiousity get the better of him what was the thing between him and Sarah? what that wink just a wink?

"anything unusal on the radar?" Brent said as he leaned back in the chair.

"notta thin--- wait a minute this can't be right, Brent tell me what you think of this" he said as he got out of the chair letting Brent sit down in it

so much for learning about ted and Sarah

Brent checked the radar once,twice, then a third time, it was huge at least a 18 miles wide, and it was where the signal was coming from.

"this can't be right the radar says this thing is 18 miles wide Ted, there's no man made machine on earth that is 18 miles wide!" he said starting to panic.

A moment later the lights and moniters all flashed and went out and the low drone of a beat slowly drumed growing louder and louder as the back up lights light the room and sub in a dull red hue.

"what the hell is going on?!?!?!" Jim said as he and Sarah entered the Control room.

"shhh you guys hear that?" Sarah said quieting the others as the dull drone grew louder.

"hear what? I don't-- " Ted said as he tapped on the key board but nothing was responding.

"that is sounds like music" Sarad said interuppting Ted as she looked at the speakers in the control room, the music soon grew louder then it was heard thoroughout the Sub

"thats Ode to Joy..." Brent said as he looked at Sarah then the speakers.

"ok what the hell is going on?!?!?" Jim said again obvisiously confused and probably ignored by the others.

The song continued to play over and over staying at a level volume not decreasing of increasing.

day 24 18:00

Brent, Sarah,Ted, and Jim were all on a destroyer as it slowly headed back to Zenmensonsou, there were reports of the song playing all over Zenmensonsou on computers, radios, phones, etc.

What was this a attemp by an ancient alien race, a government project in time travel? what?

(OOC: guess I sorta ripped off Sphere more than I wanted to but thats only the beginning part or the story ;) anyways opinions please)

~~//edited for spelling\\~~
Qaaolchoura
04-10-2003, 03:14
I wanna find out what the big thing is. :|

I do not particuarly care for romance, but meh, interesting story.
04-10-2003, 03:43
don't worry it's not gunna be romance(ish) and more of a psycho-thriller :twisted:


haven't quite figured out what teh big hig is myself yet >_>'
The Eastern Bloc
04-10-2003, 03:54
I thought it was cool and all... but the spelling errors irked me.

If you fixed the... errors... it would be alot better
04-10-2003, 04:32
will do even though spelling isn't my best suit
Qaaolchoura
04-10-2003, 17:10
Which reminds me, yah, might want to change "Opion" to "Opinion" in your title.

But yeah, I understand. You do not know how many times I do something like replace "there" with "their", or accidentally add a w or a q, or something like that, and then have to decide wheteher to correct it and explain my edit, or not correct it and look like an idiot.
04-10-2003, 19:22
thanks for spotting that fixed it now
05-10-2003, 00:23
~~//o.O....bump....O.o\\~~
05-10-2003, 00:25
*splllooooosh.....* *sploshhh...*

the waves seem to speak to you...

sooo loooonnnggg.... shoooorrrtteerrr....
05-10-2003, 01:01
lol nice way to work around the whole being a lake nero *thumbs up* believe me thats only the like prolong thingie do-hickie :twisted:
05-10-2003, 06:13
~~//O.o...Bump...o.O\\~~
05-10-2003, 06:33
lol nice way to work around the whole being a lake nero *thumbs up* believe me thats only the like prolong thingie do-hickie :twisted:


OOC:actually, he was WAY too haughty for this. i traded him a different nation. i'm actually someone else, using this to see how well this feels like a lake...

IC: *splashhhh...* *splooshh....*

the waves seem to speak again....


sooo looonnngg.... allllmoooosssstt llliiikkke reeeaaddding aaa booookkk... nooot whaaat anyone commeeess to forummmms fooooorr.....

*Sploshhh...* *Splashhh...*
05-10-2003, 07:21
shing lo?
Qaaolchoura
05-10-2003, 16:23
Who said "shing lo" on here?
06-10-2003, 02:21
B to the U to the to the P...... BUMP!
Qaaolchoura
06-10-2003, 02:46
Oh yeah, I met Shing-Lo a bit back.
07-10-2003, 01:11
*bumps hoping for my comments*
08-10-2003, 01:55
BUMP