NationStates Jolt Archive

From Eithir Lokwan
Minister of Anti-Nuclear Policies (ANP)
Ministry of Atomic Affairs (MINUC)
The Disputed Territories of Baconasia

To: the International Community

His Esteemed Highness the Pope Emperor Ape Puk has reviewed and authorized this request.

Due to current political and economic situations between City-States in the Disputed Territories of Baconasia, a very strict anti-nuclear policy has been adopted by the government. This policy also extends to the civilian sector of our society, thus banning research into fast-neutron, Light Water, and other types of reactors as a source of power for our nation. Any individual or individuals who violate this strict anti-nuclear policy are immediately and painfully executed, no questions asked.

Within the mountains of our smallest City-State, weapons and reactor grade Plutonium has been discovered -- approximately 12 tons of metal plutonium. This can be refined into nuclear fuel for fissile reactors. Since we have no use for this, we are appealing to the international community and to any countries that have the capabilities to utilize this Plutonium. We are willing to sell this Plutonium, or to trade it for arms, tanks, aircraft, etc. We will issue this Plutonium to the highest bidder, or to a country that presents the most lucrative offer.

The Disputed Territories of Baconasia have done considerable research into the validity of the future use of Plutonium, and have identified it as an extremely valuable energy source. However, we have neither the capability nor the technology to refine it into a useable energy source, nor will we have such capabilities within the foreseeable future. Although we are ranked within the top 50th percentile for weapons manufacturing, we have no use for nuclear weapons at this time, and it would be extremely disadvantageous on both domestic and international levels to do so.

Understand that any attempt to take this plutonium by force will be considered an act of attrition against our sovereignty, and will be dealt with accordingly. Furthermore, any attempts of deception or dishonesty in this transaction will also be considered an act of attrition. The government of the Disputed Territories of Baconasia is extremely intolerant towards aggression, criminal acts, or anything similar on both domestic and international levels.

Sincerely Yours,
Eithir Lokwan, ANP, MINUC
The Disputed Territories of Baconasia

You are a small nation of 6 million. How the hell did you find Plutonium (which, btw, is a synthetic element, not mined)?

Yeah, plutonium, like almost every radioactive element, is a synthetic element. I you wanna make sense, uranium or radium will be better.

And Johnston, why the size or population of a nation bother about their ressources or wanting to develop their military force?

Oh, it doesn't, just though that plutonium for 1 day olds is a little much.

I have 8 million population so I'm sort of a noob too I guess...

If you hadn't said "Almost", I would've been on your case about that statement, but otherwise...nicely put.

how much for how much?

*fires ignore cannons*

From Eithir Lokwan
Minister of Anti-Nuclear Policies (ANP)
Ministry of Atomic Affairs (MINUC)
The Disputed Territories of Baconasia

To: The International Community

His Esteemed Highness the Pope Emperor Ape Puk has reviewed and authorized this information release.

First of all, let me address Johnston's issue: we never said that this was mined. Nowhere in the initial request is the word "mine" (or any variant) used. We believe that this was an erroneous assumption on your part. However, we all make mistakes.

Our country is situated in the North Pacific, bordering on China and the USSR. The City-State in question, Hoffi, was a puppet state of the USSR before its collapse and breakdown in the 1990s. In 2000, we invaded Hoffi and overtook it, thus assimilating it into our nation. During the 1980s, the UN imposed the SALT and SALT II treaties on the USSR. This forced it to dismantle much of its nuclear arsenal, and convert its plutonium into a form that could be utilized by another nuclear-capable nation. We believe that the USSR hid some of this plutonium in the overabundant caves that exist within the Hoffi Mountain Range. Why the USSR did not attempt to regain its lost plutonium is unknown to us. It's possible that it was forgotten, or that no records exist. Or, it's possible that the plutonium came from another source.

Quite frankly, we don't know its origins, and we don't care. We just want it out of here.

We don't care who buys it, trades it, or what it's used for. Once it is out of our sovereignty, we claim no more responsibility for it. Nor will we deny any association with it.

Sincerely Yours,

Eithir Lokwan, ANP, MINUC
The Disputed Territories of Baconasia

From Eithir Lokwan
Minister of Anti-Nuclear Policies (ANP)
Ministry of Atomic Affairs (MINUC)
The Disputed Territories of Baconasia

To: The International Community

His Esteemed Highness the Pope Emperor Ape Puk has pointed out an error in the most recent message written by myself.

The error is as follows: "Nor will we deny any association with it."
It should read "We will deny any association with it."

Because of this error, he has ordered my execution by firing squad, 24 hours from now.

In a radio address to our nation, the Pope Emperor said: "Mr. Lokwan's grievous crime against the state has caused great dishonor to the Disputed Territories, and has caused embarassment to the government. I am thoroughly disgusted with his actions, and I warn everyone else to never, ever make a mistake like this again. Any mistakes made is subject to immediate execution. I am being repulsively generous by allowing him time to settle his estate before his death. This is a special case only. No citizen, member of the Governing Party, or minister will ever be allowed time to settle their matters, nor will I ever do this again. Mr. Lokwan was faithful to the Disputed Territories, and his unceasing loyalty will be missed."

My brother Gailin Lokwan will be assuming my position once I have been executed.

Long Live the Pope Emperor. Long Live the City-States of the Disputed Territories. Long live Baconasia.

Sincerely yours,

Eithir Lokwan, ANP, MINUC
The Disputed Territories of Baconasia

Within the mountains of our smallest City-State, weapons and reactor grade Plutonium has been discovered -- approximately 12 tons of metal plutonium. This can be refined into nuclear fuel for fissile reactors.

You implied that you mined it right here. You cannot find Plutonium anywhere naturally.