NationStates Jolt Archive

I opened my eyes, and saw a light.

I tried to reach for it, to move towards it. That is what you're supposed to do when you die, isn't it? But I couldn't do it. Then, I noticed other things. There was... noise. Voices, sounds of metal clinking, footsteps.

This isn't right. It's not supposed to be like this! What's going on?

And then, the light was gone, swung off to the side. Another object replaced it, fuzzy... a face? Yes, it was coming into focus now.

"Finn! You're alive!"

The face was speaking, yelling, something... I could only just make it out. Finn? Who's Finn?

"Finn, do you know who I am? Are you all right?"

The face was crying. I began to feel things. Cold metal across my back. I must be lying on a table! Something warm on my shoulder... a hand! I moved my eyes a little, saw a neck, shoulders, a red shirt. Someone was leaning over me, their hand on my shoulder. He seemed familiar, like I should know him, like I knew him long ago, but forgot.

But how could this be? I should be dead. I remember the moment! It was... pain. Terror. Being ripped apart, a flash of golden fur and ivory teeth.

But, on the other hand, here I was. "I... I'm a, al.. Aye... Am. I am."

"Good enough. What do you remember?"

Many things flashed across my mind. Fuzzy memories of a nearly forgotten past... Strange, for it seemed as though I remembered things after my time of death.

"I do not know. Many things. I... I remember... dieing."

"Only your body, Finn. Your mind," the man tapped his head, "David managed to preserve. You never hit TID."

TID? The acronym seemed familiar. Ah, yes! Total Information Death! I learned that- come to think of it, I didn't know where I learned that.

"Finn? Is that my name? I believe you are mistaken."

"Mistaken? About what?"

"Whatever mind you think you preserved, I don't think I'm it. I have memories, of a man named Finn. But they are not my own. Separate, somehow, seen through another's eyes. Was he your friend?"

"Of course you were my friend! S-14, don't you remember?"

"I know of what you speak, but perhaps remember is not the right word. He was your friend. The man you say I was. I am not. But I would like to be."

"That's good enough, Finn. David will be glad to hear it."

"Please, stop calling me... that name. It cannot be my own. Give me another."

"Another name? But, what?"

"I don't know!" I sat up, my legs hanging over the side of the medical table, holding my head in my hands. "I don't know! Read me a list or something!"

"Ah, uh..." Arthur stumbled over his words. Strange that a linguist should have trouble with words. How did I know that? Another intruding memory of this man I once had been. He began to speak.

"Well, there's Xavier, Achairia, um, William, Trevor, Zadner,"

"Stop! I like that one."

"Zadner?"

"You will call me that. Now, tell me- how is it that I am?"

"Well, it's like I said. You've experienced Death Forward. Er, not exactly, since it wasn't voluntary, but the idea is the same. You went through a series of violent alteration so quickly that personal continuity was lost."

"I see. But why?"

"You're body was killed. David took a brainprint before you experienced Total Information Death, and your memories were preserved until we could give you a new body. That would be now."

"Not all memories."

"What do you mean?"

"Cellular, chemical. These memories, he was a doctor, a physician, wasn't he? You did not preserve cellular memory. You lost the person, only keeping the memories. You said it yourself, continuity was broken. I am not the man you lost. I am something new, whom you have burdened with a dead man's past."

"Zadner? What kind of a name is Zadner?" David leaned across the table over a cup of hot chocolate, staring Srthur in the eyes.

"I dunno. It was an accident. I meant to say 'Zander', but I mispoke, and he grabbed it. Figuratively speaking."

"Figuratively, of course. So, what do you think about this whole 'new person, old memories' thing?"

"I can't say. It's not unbeleivable, though. We literally reconstructed him almost from scratch. Man, I'd hate to be you right now."

"Why?"

"Well, it's just that you went to so much trouble, and... No, never mind, I shouldn't have brought it up."

"No, no, it's alright. I'm OK with it. If it turns out that I didn't manage to save a life, maybe I'll at least have the comfort of knowing that I helped create a new one. It's a matter that must be studied, regardless of my own feelings."

"For the Project."

"For Regenesis."

((OOC: Sounds a little like the early stages of our Phoenix Project...
Carry on, and consider this *tagged* for watching))

(OOC: Glad to have caught someone's interest... but it's nothing like said previous project. For background, read the S-14 thread.)

(OOC: interesting... very interesting)

Dr. Gawain entered the cafe, quietly made his way over to Arthur and David's table, pulled out a chair, and sat down.

"'Ello, D.r G. 'Ow's it down in the ULDO?"

"I. Hate. Ultra. Low. Depth. Observatories."

"So... then, why'd ya come back to Earth with the rest of us, instead of flyin' out all over the universe in those cool new ships. Kinda sucks that the new model came out just after S-14, don't it?"

"S-14 is what made the new models possible, and you darn well know it, Jackson. And extraplutinary space did quite enough for my agorophobia, thank you, no need to make it worse, cavorting through the interspaces. I'll never know why Berata went off with Crane like that, when automated probes can do just as well.... By the way, where's Finn? Didn't you say he woke up? Ain't that why we're all here?"

"Umm... about Finn, there've been a few problems. Oh, don't worry, he's healthy and everything, but... don't call him Finn. And don't expect any personality traits to be as you remember them. If it wasn't just the fact that he lost his body and cellular memory, it must've been something to do with sticking his mind in an emulator for six months, but, no matter what the cause, he's not the same guy we lost."

"How do you mean?"

A pale-skinned man with steel-grey eyes, and a face to suggest Scottish ancestry entered the cafe. He stood for a moment, looking around, taking in the entire set of sensory data available, and then slowly proceeded towards the three men's table. Gawain, to put it mildly, was shocked. "I see," was all he could say about it.

The man who held Finn's memories quietly and carefully pulled out the last chair and sat down.

"I recognize you two, though I've not yet met you. It is strange. And I recognize Arthur, of course. No need for introductions. But should there not be another? Hispanic?"

"Zavier Berata. He's unavailable. On a survey mission to Harvest, a newly discovered massive moon."

"I see. I have further questions. I don't know who, but someone here is going to tell me exactly why I'm alive, and how this body came about."

A silence to rival the tomb reverberated in everyone's ears, the background noises of the cafe drowned out.

David broke it. "Well, we were kinda hopin' that you could tell us. You were the physician, after all."

I entered the cafe carefully, surveying the scene in it's entirety before approaching the ones I intended to meet. I asked them questions, but their answers were either puzzling or nonexistant. I determined to locate whoever was directly responsible for giving me this new mind and new body, loaded down with old memories.

My inquiries led me to one Dr. Riddle, a man of many trades. Physician, nanotechnologist, genecrafter. A previous technician of TIGER, but currently employed by the Council of Science. Which meant that he was close, very close. Only an elevator ride away.

I fear that I discovered more than I ever intended by meeting him. He had made me in as close an image to my predecessor, Dr. Finn, as was possible, reconstructing the body with careful attention to the most minute details- with one exception. As an artifact of the reconstruction process, I would forever by a chimera, and not just a mix of different human genomes, but a fusion of biological and technological, sustained by the nanomachines that built me, cell by cell. This was not surprising- at my time of death, the procedure was theoretically possible. Finn had worked on it himself. Apparently, David, the engineer, had found my personal files and managed to instruct the ship's medical facilities to preserve the memories themselves as well as the nervous system as well as possible, though what was possible was not very high quality given the materials and facilities available at the time.

What was surprising was the revelation that came next- I had been alive within a simulation for quite some time. The vague memories of times after death that I had dismissed as false constructions of a damaged mind were in fact my experiences in a digitized state. And I would have remained that way for quite some time longer, had a certain unexpected opportunity had not presented itself. I learned about the Algernon files, the Gossyns. I learned of advances in nanite integration. And the, I learned something that was only revealed to me because of my involvement, information that normally would not have been allowed to leave the Black Sector.

I learned that, though I was a nominal human being now, I could be made to never die.

This information disturbed me. It was not what my friends had intended when they remade me. I was not sure whether to be joyful, thankful for the gift of new life, or angry that I had been used as a test animal without my consent? Or the consent of my friends, apparently. But I could not discuss the matter with anyone- classified, top secret stuff. I understood the reason, but that didn't sooth my emotions.

An apartment had been arranged for me, but I could not use it yet. For the first few weeks, I would have to remain in the hospital, to ensure no complications. Thus, I had much time to do nothing but think. And, quite suddenly and quite by accident, I came across a question that surprised me- mostly because, after having thought of it, I wondered why I didn't think of it sooner. I resolved to ask my question the next time I met with Arthur.

As always, we rendez-voused in the Tower Cafe, seemingly a favorite spot for scientists in the capital. I was told that it had been my favorite "hang-out" as well, before... well, you know. I quickly located my friend, and came right to the point.

"Arthur. Did I have a wife?"

Once more, there was that deafening silence that always seemed to follow the questions that I most wanted answered. He responded with his head bowed low, twiddling his thumbs.

"Fiancé." He looked up. "The wedding was scheduled for a week after your return. But, obviously, you didn't return."

"I would like to meet her. Even if we are no longer in love, perhaps I can offer some consolation."

*bump so I don't lose it*

consider it tagged to, very good.