Shildonia
10-09-2003, 10:27
The nation of Shildonia awoke today to the shock knowledge that High Chairman Kevenich had declared himself Pope following a party to celebrate his wedding anniversary.
Several sources reported seeing the Chairman atop a car in the Shildonia City town centre, clutching a bottle of gin, and giving his blessing to passing hobos. One of these hobos, a Mr Kenny Jones, was declared Archbishop of Shildonia City, and proceeded to assist the Chairman as the two of them toured the city absolving sins and baptising young children.
Two local parents, who asked not to be named, claimed that they were awoken at 2AM by a knock on the door. They immediately recognised Mr Kevenich, who identified himself as being "the Representative of the Lord". He then requested the use of the couples toilet, in exchange for absolving them of their sins. Shortly afterwards, he baptised their child "for free" and told them "You have joined into the chosen".
A spokesman for the Chairman declined to comment on the issue, saying only that "The Chairman is currently sleeping, and does not wish to be disturbed". It is not known whether Mr Kevenich will recind his claim to the throne of St Peter after he awakens.
Several sources reported seeing the Chairman atop a car in the Shildonia City town centre, clutching a bottle of gin, and giving his blessing to passing hobos. One of these hobos, a Mr Kenny Jones, was declared Archbishop of Shildonia City, and proceeded to assist the Chairman as the two of them toured the city absolving sins and baptising young children.
Two local parents, who asked not to be named, claimed that they were awoken at 2AM by a knock on the door. They immediately recognised Mr Kevenich, who identified himself as being "the Representative of the Lord". He then requested the use of the couples toilet, in exchange for absolving them of their sins. Shortly afterwards, he baptised their child "for free" and told them "You have joined into the chosen".
A spokesman for the Chairman declined to comment on the issue, saying only that "The Chairman is currently sleeping, and does not wish to be disturbed". It is not known whether Mr Kevenich will recind his claim to the throne of St Peter after he awakens.