NationStates Jolt Archive

The "Sin" thread plunged some people, myself included, into quite the thoughtful mood. I am a sub, through and through. I feel like being this way is the best thing I've ever done. It feels right, every single day. I have a wonderful master. He's just, serious and kind. But I'm not here to discuss the nuances of my relation. I may make some of the more... recalcitrant members of NSG puke and I don't want that. Puke stinks.:wink:

I made this thread to bring out the others, the masters/mistresses, the subs, and exchange anecdotes of your respective relations. I don't want you to go into detail. I just want you to discuss, if it's not too much, why you're a dom or a sub, what fullfills you of such a relation, what things you have done (nothing graphic), are willing to do, what things you wouldn't do. Is it about choice? Are we born that way? Talk about your master, your mistress, your slave/s. Just talk, NSG.

what things you have done

Oh I had the most-

(nothing graphic)

Oh, um... *thinks*

*thinks harder*

*thinks even harder*

http://crookedtimber.org/wp-content/uploads/2008/10/exploding-head.gif

*Gets popcorn*

Oh I had the most-



Oh, um... *thinks*

*thinks harder*

*thinks even harder*

http://crookedtimber.org/wp-content/uploads/2008/10/exploding-head.gif

<_<

Try again.

At my work, when I'm surrounded by my element, I am a strong, thoughtful and independent person. I rule. I don't take orders without asking first why. But in the intimacy, with my master, I obey without question. I cook for him, I clean, I serve him his meals, his drinks, I bathe him, wash his hair, he only has to say it, to issue an order, and I comply.

At my work, when I'm surrounded by my element, I am a strong, thoughtful and independent person. I rule. I don't take orders without asking first why. But in the intimacy, with my master, I obey without question. I cook for him, I clean, I serve him his meals, his drinks, I bathe him, wash his hair, he only has to say it, to issue an order, and I comply.

tmi.

tmi.

No, TMI would have been the stuff *I* would have added to that list. However, I am not going to comment in this thread. I believe I have annoyed and nauseated NSG quite enough with my antics of late.

Sorry, pet.

No, TMI would have been the stuff *I* would have added to that list. However, I am not going to comment in this thread. I believe I have annoyed and nauseated NSG quite enough with my antics of late.

Sorry, pet.

Too bad.

No, TMI would have been the stuff *I* would have added to that list. However, I am not going to comment in this thread. I believe I have annoyed and nauseated NSG quite enough with my antics of late.

Sorry, pet.

It put images of elmo and darth vader sitting in a bath.

hmph. I don't know why I'm submissive. I mean I can switch and top people, but only for short scenes, otherwise the pressure just gets too much and I end up panicking from the stress of it. That's not to say I don't enjoy that too though! it's just not something I can relax into.

Really, it just seems natural for me to submit to somebody. I love to please others, and with my friends, though I often take advantage of their offer to listen to me complain about stuff, I try and reciprocate as often as possible and generally just be there for them however I can be. With my romantic relationships, it seems my innate desire to see this taken to a further step, and devote myself to pleasing someone (though I am poly, my feelings tell me I could only submit to one person) because the thought of just being there to make someone happy makes me feel very fulfilled. In return, I see the relationship as being a way of helping me develop myself in personal ways I shan't be going into. With the impetus to develop myself in these ways not just for me, but for my owner, and with their insistence upon it, I feel much more capable of growing. In return, I want them to have all of me, body and spirit, because that kind of devotion feels very right for me to give, and would make me feel happy. I think it's far more important for me to feel cared for than dominated.

You would probably expect me to be the Dom type, but not really. I'm the classic style guy. While I greatly enjoy both, sex and violence just don't mix for me.

I'm a switch...I think. I'm honestly not sure.

Probably more sub than Dom though. (Although I have my Dom moods.)

The reason I'm not sure, incidentally, is that this is all hypothetical for me. I haven't had a relationship for several years.

You would probably expect me to be the Dom type, but not really. I'm the classic style guy. While I greatly enjoy both, sex and violence just don't mix for me.

In the dom/sub relation violence is not implicit. There's punishment, but not violent. At least that has been my experience. Although in my case, that my master is disappointed stings far more than any corporal punishment.

Nanatsu, why do you let him sort of rule your life? Perhaps that's not the right way to say it, but he could if he wanted if your were still blindly obedient.

hmph. I don't know why I'm submissive. I mean I can switch and top people, but only for short scenes, otherwise the pressure just gets too much and I end up panicking from the stress of it. That's not to say I don't enjoy that too though! it's just not something I can relax into.

I know the feeling. I can be assertive and dominant at work. But I also have the problem that if I'm surrounded by a lot of people, I panic enough to stop being functional.

With my romantic relationships, it seems my innate desire to see this taken to a further step, and devote myself to pleasing someone (though I am poly, my feelings tell me I could only submit to one person) because the thought of just being there to make someone happy makes me feel very fulfilled.

You explain the way I feel so well. I will only submit to one person, but I don't have a problem with him taking others. Demo, you nailed it, it's all about enjoying pleasing and being fulfilled by it.

In return, I see the relationship as being a way of helping me develop myself in personal ways I shan't be going into. With the impetus to develop myself in these ways not just for me, but for my owner, and with their insistence upon it, I feel much more capable of growing.

It is like, I don't know if you feel that way, but to me it's like their guidance makes us strive to develop. It's the driving force behind the desire to be as they want us to be, but not only for themselve but for us too. My owner always makes me stop in my tracks and re-think. He always asks if the course of action I'm taking is the best. He always drives me to ponder. He asks the pivotal questions and I do analyze his point and, accordingly, take action.

But it's not that he rules my mind. He encourages me to think. He encourages that I feel strongly about those topics and situations that matter to me. He encourages my independence of thought. He respects me, and I adore him for that. He's not scared of me or my mind, like my exes have been. Of course, that's because he's also a strong person, sure of himself and his capabilities.

In return, I want them to have all of me, body and spirit, because that kind of devotion feels very right for me to give, and would make me feel happy. I think it's far more important for me to feel cared for than dominated.

Amen.:)

Nanatsu, why do you let him sort of rule your life? Perhaps that's not the right way to say it, but he could if he wanted if your were still blindly obedient.

http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=14809936&postcount=15

So you enjoy doing everything for everyone else?

So you enjoy doing everything for everyone else?

For him, yes. For everyone else, no.

It is like, I don't know if you feel that way, but to me it's like their guidance makes us strive to develop. It's the driving force behind the desire to be as they want us to be, but not only for themselve but for us too. My owner always makes me stop in my tracks and re-think. He always asks if the course of action I'm taking is the best. He always drives me to ponder. He asks the pivotal questions and I do analyze his point and, accordingly, take action.

Absolutely. I mean there's a lot of mutual 'picking' going on, at least from my perspective/experience. Both me and my owner need to know what I want myself to become. It obviously wouldn't work if they wanted something completely opposed. As a simple easy example, I need help becoming a more outgoing, open person. If they wanted to chain me to the house, then our needs would clash and would cause unhappiness. They need to want to nurture these aspects of my personality I consider essential. There are other things that can go either way though. If it pleased them for me to wear green for example, then I would, because that would be giving me a way to please them. I think there's a strong line between what is -essential- for an owner to provide in return for your devotion that is different for us all, and what is free to be dictated due to it being unimportant. Both fulfil a function, to be both recast as the you you want to become, and as a more pleasing servant to them. Perhaps that seems to you like I am too demanding of them, perhaps it resonates with you. I don't know. :)

Absolutely. I mean there's a lot of mutual 'picking' going on, at least from my perspective/experience. Both me and my owner need to know what I want myself to become. It obviously wouldn't work if they wanted something completely opposed. As a simple easy example, I need help becoming a more outgoing, open person. If they wanted to chain me to the house, then our needs would clash and would cause unhappiness. They need to want to nurture these aspects of my personality I consider essential. There are other things that can go either way though. If it pleased them for me to wear green for example, then I would, because that would be giving me a way to please them. I think there's a strong line between what is -essential- for an owner to provide in return for your devotion that is different for us all, and what is free to be dictated due to it being unimportant. Both fulfil a function, to be both recast as the you you want to become, and as a more pleasing servant to them. Perhaps that seems to you like I am too demanding of them, perhaps it resonates with you. I don't know. :)

Nope, you're not too demanding. I understand from where you're coming from.

Incidentally, I'd really like to hear from those in a D/s relationship other than Gallo and Nanatsu, as I'm reasonably certain they have only one perspective on the concept, which I suspect is quite broad.

Incidentally, I'd really like to hear from those in a D/s relationship other than Gallo and Nanatsu, as I'm reasonably certain they have only one perspective on the concept, which I suspect is quite broad.

Hi. I've made two posts in this thread already, and I'm neither Gallo OR Nanatsu.

Hi. I've made two posts in this thread already, and I'm neither Gallo OR Nanatsu.

And I read your posts and they were informative. :)

And I read your posts and they were informative. :)

oh. thanks. I think though it can be difficult to provide a perspective without focus. Maybe if you're curious on something specifically you should ask? :)

Right then.

Mostly I'm curious about how hard it is to find a partner that really works in this sort of relationship. The one really big issue I see with this sort of relationship is trust, in that you need to be able to trust your partner by quite a large amount in order to allow them the level of control over you you are willing to give.

Right then.

Mostly I'm curious about how hard it is to find a partner that really works in this sort of relationship. The one really big issue I see with this sort of relationship is trust, in that you need to be able to trust your partner by quite a large amount in order to allow them the level of control over you you are willing to give.

really depends. in my experience, I've only ever had one partner I submitted to in the five years I've been having romantic relationships. I never really looked for her, we just kinda met, even the getting together bit was incidental. I knew she had the potential to be dominant though, and me being with her teased it out of her, so what was a friendship turned into a master/slave relationship over time. I think people who tend to be interested in dominance/submission will seek out people with similar interests through whatever means appeal to them. I know a few use forums, and typically over a long time just accrue an ever increasing circle of friends which increases the overall chance that people are going to click in that way. and of course there's the possibility that you'll just meet someone who works with you in that way, you'll uncover a side to them you/they never knew before, etc. I think once you really -know- someone and want to give yourself to them, and they want to own you, trust can flow from that. It feeds on itself. Knowing someone is looking after you, and experiencing them doing a good job of it, inclines you to trust them more until it is total. if you know someone will always act in your best interest and experience backs it up, then to me at least, trust comes naturally. Similarly, you can find out if you don't trust someone in the same way. I of course -only- speak for myself in this though.

really depends. in my experience, I've only ever had one partner I submitted to in the five years I've been having romantic relationships. I never really looked for her, we just kinda met, even the getting together bit was incidental. I knew she had the potential to be dominant though, and me being with her teased it out of her, so what was a friendship turned into a master/slave relationship over time. I think people who tend to be interested in dominance/submission will seek out people with similar interests through whatever means appeal to them. I know a few use forums, and typically over a long time just accrue an ever increasing circle of friends which increases the overall chance that people are going to click in that way. and of course there's the possibility that you'll just meet someone who works with you in that way, you'll uncover a side to them you/they never knew before, etc. I think once you really -know- someone and want to give yourself to them, and they want to own you, trust can flow from that. It feeds on itself. Knowing someone is looking after you, and experiencing them doing a good job of it, inclines you to trust them more until it is total. if you know someone will always act in your best interest and experience backs it up, then to me at least, trust comes naturally. Similarly, you can find out if you don't trust someone in the same way. I of course -only- speak for myself in this though.

Same here. This is the first time I have engaged in this sort of relationship. We were online buddies, we used to just joke a lot. Then we started talking on the phone and, gradually, I think it was 6 or 7 months into knowing him that I, toying with the idea in my head because frankly, the conventional relationship had left me scarred and with a bad taste in my mouth, I asked him about his thoughts on D/s dynamics. He was incredibly receptive.

*puts a room on credit card for Nanatsu & Gallo*

Now did you guys want the dungeon suite with the neon depiction of Ginger Lynn or Mel Gibson?
:tongue:

At my work, when I'm surrounded by my element, I am a strong, thoughtful and independent person. I rule. I don't take orders without asking first why. But in the intimacy, with my master, I obey without question. I cook for him, I clean, I serve him his meals, his drinks, I bathe him, wash his hair, he only has to say it, to issue an order, and I comply.

So you're... from the 50's?

So you're... from the 50's?

thank you

So you're... from the 50's?
thank you

Your disdain is noted and dismissed as irrelevant. If it makes her happy, why must you be judgmental?

Your disdain is noted and dismissed as irrelevant.

Of course it's irrelevant. I'm some fucking dude on the internet. Why would my opinion about her, or you, or anyone else here be relevant in the slightest?

If it makes her happy, why must you be judgmental?

I'm not at all judgmental of her actions. I'm slightly amused by the attitude that seems less like someone actually willing to have a discussion on the lifestyle by people who have experience in it, and more "I have a new toy!"

Of course it's irrelevant. I'm some fucking dude on the internet. Why would my opinion about her, or you, or anyone else here be relevant in the slightest?

I don't know that you're fucking right now.

I'm not at all judgmental of her actions. I'm slightly amused by the attitude that seems less like someone actually willing to have a discussion on the lifestyle by people who have experience in it, and more "I have a new toy!"

Well, I am better than a PS3. However, had you read past the first post, you would see there's a very interesting discussion between Nanatsu, Kyronea, and Jordaxia on the subject. It's short, but there hasn't been a lot of input yet.

Of course it's irrelevant. I'm some fucking dude on the internet. Why would my opinion about her, or you, or anyone else here be relevant in the slightest?

Indeed. Your opinion is, well, as you stated, of NO IMPORTANCE. Kthnxbai.

I'm not at all judgmental of her actions. I'm slightly amused by the attitude that seems less like someone actually willing to have a discussion on the lifestyle by people who have experience in it, and more "I have a new toy!"

Oh no, Neo Art doesn't approve. It's the end of the world!:rolleyes:

Really, I fail to see why I should give a flying fuck about what you think it's my take on this. If you don't have anything to add to this discussion, if all you offer are imprecations, don't bother.

Incidentally, I'd really like to hear from those in a D/s relationship other than Gallo and Nanatsu, as I'm reasonably certain they have only one perspective on the concept, which I suspect is quite broad.

When the mood takes me* I pin my girlfriend down and tickle her until she cries. Sometimes I bite her on the ass just to give it a nice finish. Random acts of cruelty and such.

*Business schedules allowing, I try and make this at least a weekly event.

Indeed. Your opinion is, well, as you stated, of NO IMPORTANCE. Kthnxbai.



Oh no, Neo Art doesn't approve. It's the end of the world!:rolleyes:

Yes, my opinion is so very very unimportant to you that you take the effort, time, and energy to point out just so HOW unimportant it is to you. Yes, great way of showing just how little you care, by making sure to tell me just how little you care

Really, I fail to see why I should give a flying fuck about what you think it's my take on this.

Well the fact that you created a thread explicitly directed at discussing this kind of thing suggests that you care a great deal about what my, and, for that matter, everyone else's "take" on this is. If you didn't, why would you make a thread about it?

If you don't have anything to add to this discussion, if all you offer are imprecations, don't bother.

I see. So you open up your relationship to public discussion...but only if that discussion is positive? One would think that if you didn't want your relationship discussed then you wouldn't bring it up as a topic of discussion.

NSG isn't your cheerleading crew. It isn't here to chant "go go go" whenever you bring it up. If you bring your relationship into a topic of discussion, expect it to be discussed. If you don't want it discussed, why the hell would you bring it up as a topic of discussion? I'm sorry, but it's not my job to go "ooooh, you're so COOL!" If you want a topic to be DISCUSSED than accept that it will be DISCUSSED, and in ways you don't necessarily like.

Otherwise it's just attention whoring.

To be fair Nanatsu, I think you should allow what you do to be discussed (and therefore allow for the possibility of criticism). I think that just merely exchanging anecdotes (as you propose in the OP) may be against the rules.

To be fair Nanatsu, I think you should allow what you do to be discussed (and therefore allow for the possibility of criticism). I think that just merely exchanging anecdotes (as you propose in the OP) may be against the rules.

Discussion, I do understand and encourage. What NA brings to the thread is not discussion. It's just insult. But you know, whatever.

Yes, my opinion is so very very unimportant to you that you take the effort, time, and energy to point out just so HOW unimportant it is to you. Yes, great way of showing just how little you care, by making sure to tell me just how little you care



Well the fact that you created a thread explicitly directed at discussing this kind of thing suggests that you care a great deal about what my, and, for that matter, everyone else's "take" on this is. If you didn't, why would you make a thread about it?



I see. So you open up your relationship to public discussion...but only if that discussion is positive? One would think that if you didn't want your relationship discussed then you wouldn't bring it up as a topic of discussion.

NSG isn't your cheerleading crew. It isn't here to chant "go go go" whenever you bring it up. If you bring your relationship into a topic of discussion, expect it to be discussed. If you don't want it discussed, why the hell would you bring it up as a topic of discussion? I'm sorry, but it's not my job to go "ooooh, you're so COOL!" If you want a topic to be DISCUSSED than accept that it will be DISCUSSED, and in ways you don't necessarily like.

Otherwise it's just attention whoring.

Blah blah blah. Yes Neo Art. Uhum. Really, think about this as you want.

I have no desire to be in any dom/sub type relationship. I am an adult and detest being told what to do and actually being expected to do it "because I said so". Similarly, I have no desire to date something that works out to be a child. I don't want someone who is expected to do what I say and chooses to make no decisions for themselves. I want a partner...not a master, and not a slave.

But then, I'm perverse like that

Really, think about this as you want.

Um. I do. In fact I've thought about this very topic for quite a while. Years, in fact. As such, I've rather outgrown the "I have a new toy!" mentality of it all. Frankly, this whole "if he wanted to cut my leg off I WOULD LET HIM!" phase makes the rest of us look bad.

Discussion, I do understand and encourage. What NA brings to the thread is not discussion. It's just insult. But you know, whatever.

Well I think the issue is over Raydn's comment, which while being a bit of a quip, is still a valid criticism and not just an insult - it could be possible to describe your situation as a little dated or quaint.

I have no desire to be in any dom/sub type relationship. I am an adult and detest being told what to do and actually being expected to do it "because I said so". Similarly, I have no desire to date something that works out to be a child. I don't want someone who is expected to do what I say and chooses to make no decisions for themselves. I want a partner...not a master, and not a slave.

But then, I'm perverse like that

dude, you're such a fucking freak.

Well I think the issue is over Raydn's comment, which while being a bit of a quip, is still a valid criticism and not just an insult - it could be possible to describe your situation as a little dated or quaint.

It may be, that's true. However, even if so, there's absolutely nothing wrong with that. If you wanted to dress up in medieval armor and play king, I wouldn't see anything wrong with that either.

Now, I've got to get my suit on and go to work.

Same here. This is the first time I have engaged in this sort of relationship. We were online buddies, we used to just joke a lot. Then we started talking on the phone and, gradually, I think it was 6 or 7 months into knowing him that I, toying with the idea in my head because frankly, the conventional relationship had left me scarred and with a bad taste in my mouth, I asked him about his thoughts on D/s dynamics. He was incredibly receptive.

So, do you actually live together? Or in the same city? Or...the same country? I'm confused.

Indeed. Your opinion is, well, as you stated, of NO IMPORTANCE. Kthnxbai.

First no smoking in bars, now no opinions in NSG. Next, no reading in libraries?

I have no desire to be in any dom/sub type relationship. I am an adult and detest being told what to do and actually being expected to do it "because I said so". Similarly, I have no desire to date something that works out to be a child. I don't want someone who is expected to do what I say and chooses to make no decisions for themselves. I want a partner...not a master, and not a slave.

But then, I'm perverse like that

Freak. :p

...but seriously, while what you described could fit in a D/s dynamic, it definitely doesn't describe all D/s relationships, or even most. I mean, I'm a submissive, but my boyfriend is well aware that I have thoughts and feelings and opinions and if he does something to piss me off I'm going to tell him so. He doesn't really give me orders "because he said so" nearly so much as "because it would make him happy," and I like making him happy. :)

So, do you actually live together? Or in the same city? Or...the same country? I'm confused.

Well she was here, and she'll be back in just a few days.

First no smoking in bars, now no opinions in NSG. Next, no reading in libraries?

And no thinking in Congress. Oh wait, we already do that.

When the mood takes me* I pin my girlfriend down and tickle her until she cries. Sometimes I bite her on the ass just to give it a nice finish. Random acts of cruelty and such.

*Business schedules allowing, I try and make this at least a weekly event.

You would have been disemboweled in your sleep a long time ago if you were my boyfriend. I'm not even joking, that's cruelty.

Well I think the issue is over Raydn's comment, which while being a bit of a quip, is still a valid criticism and not just an insult - it could be possible to describe your situation as a little dated or quaint.

I can understand when people don't agree with a certain lifestyle. But, failure to read the OP, like I'm sure Neo Art did, and jumping into conclusions...

There was an interesting exchange going on between Jordaxia and me and between Kyronea and Jordaxia. We were merely talking about the dynamics of our relations and Kyronea was asking interesting questions to things that were of concern to him. And then, well, you know the rest.

I can understand when people don't agree with a certain lifestyle. But, failure to read the OP, like I'm sure Neo Art did, and jumping into conclusions...

Right, because, you know, what would I possibly know about these sorts of things? And if I happen to find the attitude about these relationships you convey to be more than just a tad immature, inexperienced, and childish, and set out in a way that makes these relationships as a whole sound immature, inexperienced and childish...well...then I'm obviously just not understanding hard enough.

Freak. :p

...but seriously, while what you described could fit in a D/s dynamic, it definitely doesn't describe all D/s relationships, or even most. I mean, I'm a submissive, but my boyfriend is well aware that I have thoughts and feelings and opinions and if he does something to piss me off I'm going to tell him so. He doesn't really give me orders "because he said so" nearly so much as "because it would make him happy," and I like making him happy. :)

Poli, thanks (despite it all) for bringing something to the actual discussion. I know you've experienced this lifestyle, as a sub, more than me and have things to say on the subject.

Right, because, you know, what would I possibly know about these sorts of things?

Exactly, you're totally unqualified to talk about D/s. Next you'll be arguing that you know something about the law! ;)

I have no desire to be in any dom/sub type relationship. I am an adult and detest being told what to do and actually being expected to do it "because I said so". Similarly, I have no desire to date something that works out to be a child. I don't want someone who is expected to do what I say and chooses to make no decisions for themselves. I want a partner...not a master, and not a slave.

But then, I'm perverse like that

You sick bastard.

Well I think the issue is over Raydn's comment, which while being a bit of a quip, is still a valid criticism and not just an insult - it could be possible to describe your situation as a little dated or quaint.

I am going to have my username branded on the backs of everyone's hands.

It may be, that's true. However, even if so, there's absolutely nothing wrong with that. If you wanted to dress up in medieval armor and play king, I wouldn't see anything wrong with that either.

Now, I've got to get my suit on and go to work.

Yeah, but playing king is fun. Playing "pre-women's liberation" is like... well, like hanging out with my grandparents.

There was an interesting exchange going on between Jordaxia and me and between Kyronea and Jordaxia. We were merely talking about the dynamics of our relations and Kyronea was asking interesting questions to things that were of concern to him. And then, well, you know the rest.

Maybe you should clarify in the OP then that you only want a certain kind of discussion. But you probably won't have as much conversation, because it's not a lot of fun to play "ask the expert" unless you're it.

dude, you're such a fucking freak.
Ugh...tell me about it
Freak. :p

...but seriously, while what you described could fit in a D/s dynamic, it definitely doesn't describe all D/s relationships, or even most. I mean, I'm a submissive, but my boyfriend is well aware that I have thoughts and feelings and opinions and if he does something to piss me off I'm going to tell him so. He doesn't really give me orders "because he said so" nearly so much as "because it would make him happy," and I like making him happy. :)

Oh, no question, what I described is far from an all-encompasing view of D/s. It is, however, the one that has been presented for discussion.

In most relationships, some ammount of dominance and submission will appear. In the actual non-sexual aspect of the relationship, I need a give and take. I need the other person to fight for their viewpoint if they think I'm wrong. I like a relationship where maybe he/she does something I like today, but then maybe I do something he/she likes tomorrow. In my current semi-relationship, I've got that. He gets to drag me out to clubs, and yeah, I have a decent to good time because he's having fun. And then I get to make him watch a hockey game, and he almost enjoys it at times.

Right, because, you know, what would I possibly know about these sorts of things? And if I happen to find the attitude about these relationships you convey to be more than just a tad immature, inexperienced, and childish, and set out in a way that makes these relationships as a whole sound immature, inexperienced and childish...well...then I'm obviously just not understanding hard enough.

So contribute something to the thread instead of complaining like you do 99% of the time about everything. Here's the questions:

I just want you to discuss, if it's not too much, why you're a dom or a sub, what fullfills you of such a relation, what things you have done (nothing graphic), are willing to do, what things you wouldn't do. Is it about choice? Are we born that way? Talk about your master, your mistress, your slave/s. Just talk, NSG.

I am going to have my username branded on the backs of everyone's hands.


Gosh, Rnyda, why would you do that? Silly Rdayn, we all know your name is Randy!

Yeah, but playing king is fun. Playing "pre-women's liberation" is like... well, like hanging out with my grandparents.

I like your grandparents. They give me candy and call me their favorite grandchild.

I like your grandparents. They give me candy and call me their favorite grandchild.

I want some of that candy. You never gimme any candy... <_<

I am going to have my username branded on the backs of everyone's hands.


I'm sorry, my mind automatically prevents me from typing words with significantly bizarre pronunciations :p

You would have been disemboweled in your sleep a long time ago if you were my boyfriend. I'm not even joking, that's cruelty.

I don't sleep.

So contribute something to the thread instead of complaining like you do 99% of the time about everything.

You may want to learn the difference between complaining and criticizing. There is a difference.

Here's the questions:

No, because, you see, I won't, because I don't discuss my relationship in public with people. It's disrespectful to my partner, and frankly none of y'all's damned business. I don't do it because I don't feel like having you know, and I don't feel the need to constantly talk about it.

Moreoever, as pointed out, merely trading anecdotes is in all likelihood against the rules as spam. Discussing the relationship dynamic, how they work, and what we think of them, is a valid topic of discussion for this forum, and something I was doing.

"tell me funny stories!"...not so much.

In my current semi-relationship, I've got that. He gets to drag me out to clubs, and yeah, I have a decent to good time because he's having fun. And then I get to make him watch a hockey game, and he almost enjoys it at times.

If NSG was a cartoon, I would be that cartoon wolf with floating hearts for eyes. I might even kick my heels and flutter a little.

I like your grandparents. They give me candy and call me their favorite grandchild.

Proof positive you've never met my grandparents.

You may want to learn the difference between complaining and criticizing. There is a difference.

I'm aware. If you prefer the term criticize, you criticize everything 99% of the time. Feel better?

No, because, you see, I won't, because I don't discuss my relationship in public with people. It's disrespectful to my partner, and frankly none of y'all's damned business. I don't do it because I don't feel like having you know, and I don't feel the need to constantly talk about it.

And I respect that. I really do. Go away.

Moreoever, as pointed out, merely trading anecdotes is in all likelihood against the rules as spam. Discussing the relationship dynamic, how they work, and what we think of them, is a valid topic of discussion for this forum, and something I was doing.

"tell me funny stories!"...not so much.

Well, actually I believe she was asking how the other Dom/sub relationship dynamics in this forum work. Hence, she wished to compare hers to other peoples'. If that's spam, go have this thread locked. Don't sit in here and gripe about it.

If NSG was a cartoon, I would be that cartoon wolf with floating hearts for eyes. I might even kick my heels and flutter a little.

haha...being surprised with going to my first gay club to watch a dragqueen perform, and not connecting the dots that "Jay" from that morning was the "Fierce" that was performing that night was quite entertaining. I think he liked my moment of utter confusion as I said "You look familiar..."

and if NSG was a cartoon, there would be anvils falling everywhere.

and if NSG was a cartoon, there would be anvils falling everywhere.

Or big clubs for us to hit each other over the head with.

I'm aware. If you prefer the term criticize, you criticize everything 99% of the time. Feel better?



And I respect that. I really do. Go away.



Well, actually I believe she was asking how the other Dom/sub relationship dynamics in this forum work. Hence, she wished to compare hers to other peoples'. If that's spam, go have this thread locked. Don't sit in here and gripe about it.
This is NSG...yes, she wanted to connect to other dom/sub people. However, there is a significant population of people that are not dom/sub. In the same way that posting a thread about Christianity, but saying "Please, non-Christians, don't post!" doesn't actually stop that, and actually creates the bulk of the discussion, that is what was likely to happen. Part of a discussion about dom/sub relationships would be criticism...be it from others who are a part of the subgroup, as with Neo saying he dislikes your particular form, or be it from people like me, who dislike the basic concept.

Interestingly enough, if you stopped telling him to just go away, and actually engaged in conversation, a real discussion might emerge.

Or big clubs for us to hit each other over the head with.

I just pictured NSG as Whack-A-Mole and giggled.

I just pictured NSG as Whack-A-Mole and giggled.

I'm thinking about that Animaniacs with the network censors, where Wakko pulled a rope and an elephant fell on the censors.

I was looking for it to post, but I didn't find it. I can't remember what the episode was called.

haha...being surprised with going to my first gay club to watch a dragqueen perform, and not connecting the dots that "Jay" from that morning was the "Fierce" that was performing that night was quite entertaining. I think he liked my moment of utter confusion as I said "You look familiar..."

and if NSG was a cartoon, there would be anvils falling everywhere.

You'd never been to a gay club til recently? What kind of half-homo are you??

Yeah, but I'd have an umbrella. ...which would get hit by lightning. Damn.

Having fallen hard for people who get hockey and don't get hockey, I have to say, I couldn't go back. If an evening on the couch with the game and some beer and some pizza and some making out isn't enough for you, I ain't your girl.

And I respect that. I really do. Go away.

Sorry, but I'm not going to do everything you say because I trust you so very very much, Gallo-san.

I'm also not going to bathe you.

Well, actually I believe she was asking how the other Dom/sub relationship dynamics in this forum work.

And I believe I answered that. But if it didn't get the point across, I'll ask it again. How does the dynamic work? Maturely. Reasonably. With a good understanding of actual relationship workings, and without all the overly emotive nonsense of "I would do ANYTHING he asks me to, even let him CUT OFF MY LEG, because I trust him so much!" and "well REAL submissives don't have limitations!"

That kind of self-righteous nonsense, is, frankly, newbie bullshit. Spoken by people who get their understanding of d/s dynamics not from actual experience and self reflection, but bad literotica porn. It reflects no actual internalized understanding of real world relationships, either d/s or not, and instead promotes a poor, almost comical version. This does far more to turn people off from these kind of relationships, then lead to understanding and acceptance. You might as well wear a cape in public and insist everyone refer to you as Lord Master Elmo-San.

So you want my experience? Fine, my experience tells me that the way the two of you promote d/s relationships is comical, inexperienced, utterly lacking in even the most basic understanding of how these relationships actually function, present a poor source of "expertise", and, frankly, make the rest of us look bad.

Was that a good enough answer to the question?

You'd never been to a gay club til recently? What kind of half-homo are you??A very bad one appearently. And even having been, it just isn't so much my style. Mind you, I had a great time...but that was more being with the boy than anything else. Well, that and people watching. Great people watching there.

Yeah, but I'd have an umbrella. ...which would get hit by lightning. Damn.

Having fallen hard for people who get hockey and don't get hockey, I have to say, I couldn't go back. If an evening on the couch with the game and some beer and some pizza and some making out isn't enough for you, I ain't your girl.

The boy doesn't get hockey at all. But he knows enough to sit there and nod in agreement. Though, he may have only have let me watch because I scratched the back of his head the entire time.

Damnit, maybe I really am the sub...:(

I just pictured NSG as Whack-A-Troll and giggled.

Fixed. ;)

So you want my experience? Fine, my experience tells me that the way the two of you promote d/s relationships is comical, inexperienced, utterly lacking in even the most basic understanding of how these relationships actually function, present a poor source of "expertise", and, frankly, make the rest of us look bad.

Was that a good enough answer to the question?

That's was all that was requested of you from the beginning. You posted your opinion.

I'm thinking about that Animaniacs with the network censors, where Wakko pulled a rope and an elephant fell on the censors.

I was looking for it to post, but I didn't find it. I can't remember what the episode was called.
Valuable Lesson I think.
Fixed. ;)

...touche.

Damnit, maybe I really am the sub...:(

Stop trying to seduce Neo Art already, sheesh.

Stop trying to seduce Neo Art already, sheesh.

Trying?

Valuable Lesson I think.

Ok, did you just remember that, or is your Googlefu that much better than mine?

Valuable Lesson I think.

Oh my, you must be an Animaniacs fan.:eek2:

Ok, did you just remember that, or is your Googlefu that much better than mine?

Wiki...searched for an episode list, then for the word censor...though, I'm not sure if that was the actual episode. Description was "The Warners are visited by the network censors after harassing atilla the hun."

Wiki...searched for an episode list, then for the word censor...though, I'm not sure if that was the actual episode. Description was "The Warners are visited by the network censors after harassing atilla the hun."

That's the one.

Oh my, you must be an Animaniacs fan.:eek2:

Narf.

Narf.

:tongue:

Trying?

He's busy this week! He doesn't have time for your usual 24-hour sexathons! Can't you let the poor guy sleep now and then?

Narf.

Poit.

He's busy this week! He doesn't have time for your usual 24-hour sexathons! Can't you let the poor guy sleep now and then?

He can sleep once he has earned it. Besides, I still have pent up rage over the Bruins.

Poit.

Pinky, are you pondering what I'm pondering?

Pinky, are you pondering what I'm pondering?

Of course I am Brain, but where are we going to find rubber pants in our size?

Pinky, are you pondering what I'm pondering?

I think so Brain, but how are we gonna get the Brooklyn Bridge all the way to London?

Now, here's the thing. I have a vested interested in being "critical" of those sorts of things, because I have a vested interest in preventing what they promote. Attitudes like "if you were a real submissive you wouldn't have any limits" makes doms like me seem like controlling, aggressive assholes. Attitudes like "I would do anything he says without question!" make subs like Poli seem vapid, insipid airheads who are incapable of forming independent thought or actually standing up for themselves and saying "no" when a line is crossed.

And the thing is, these are things both of you have actually said on NSG in this or similar threads.

Now I don't care if that's how you want to present yourselves. It's your choice if that's how you want to be viewed. But when you make proclimations like that as if from on high, as if you're speaking like the lord high masters and mistresses of all things kink, you make the rest of us look bad.

And I have a vested interest in not making us look bad. Because despite how it may seem, I'm actually all about sexual empowerment. I'm all about people being happy and content in the relationship of their choosing. I'm all about consenting adults doing whatever it is they want to do with each other. If the two of you have a relationship dynamic that makes you happy, then great. I'm truly happy for you, that's fantastic and I'm glad.

But the thing is, kink people still face prejudice in this society. We still face a lot of bigotry and misunderstanding. I truly feel that coming to grips with your alternative sexuality is a lot like coming to grips with your homosexuality. And that's what I want, I want people to embrace their sexuality. But for people to do that they need positive role models. And if I were younger, and less assured of my own interests and orientation, and I saw this kind of shit? If I thought I might be inclined to be a dominant and I saw another professed dominant say shit like "submissives shouldn't have limits" I'd be damned if I wanted to be associated with that. If I were as submissive, and saw NnT talking about submission, and what submission is, in a way that I could never live up to then it would push me away.

You guys live the relationship you want to live. All I care about is if it makes you happy. But please, don't try to talk like you possess some air of authority. All you'll do is make all of us look bad, and scare people away from it. Especially considering you're both confessed to being rather new at it.

Because, really, when it comes to the question of "will I do anything my boyfriend tells me to?" there are really only two types of people. People who won't, and people who need serious help. So when NnT says that she would allow it...well, I'd like to think of her as an emotionally stable person, so my only option is to say no, you don't really mean that. Now it's fine to say you'd do anything your partner asks, within reason, or you'd be willing to do anything you reasonably foresee him asking. But to say you'd do ANYTHING? No, sorry, don't believe it. So don't say you do, because you make other people think that you can't be submissive and be emotionally stable, and that being submissive means that if he tells you that he feels like raping a 6 year old girl, so go find a 6 year old girl, kidnap her, and bring her home, you'd actually do it.

Unless it really is true, in which case, get off NSG right now and find a qualified psychotherapist, because you need serious, serious help.

And when it comes to the question of "do I really expect my girlfriend to do anything I ask her"? there are really only two types of people. People who won't, and people who need serious help. So when Gallo says that "real submissives don't have limits" well, I'd like to think of him as an emotionally stable person, so my only option is to say no, you don't really mean that. Now it's fine to say you'd expect your partner to do anything you ask, within reason, or to be willing to do anything you might reasonably ask. But to say you expect her to do ANYTHING? No, sorry, don't believe it. So don't say you do, because you make other people think that you can't be dominant and be emotionally stable, and that being dominant means expecting that if you tell her that you feel like raping a 6 year old girl, so go find a 6 year old girl, kidnap her, and bring her home, you actually expect her to do it.

Unless it really is true, in which case, get off NSG right now and find a qualified psychotherapist, because you need serious, serious help.

Now, here's the thing. I have a vested interested in being "critical" of those sorts of things, because I have a vested interest in preventing what they promote. Attitudes like "if you were a real submissive you wouldn't have any limits" makes doms like me seem like controlling, aggressive assholes. Attitudes like "I would do anything he says without question!" make subs like Poli seem vapid, insipid airheads who are incapable of forming independent thought or actually standing up for themselves and saying "no" when a line is crossed.

And the thing is, these are things both of you have actually said on NSG in this or similar threads.

Now I don't care if that's how you want to present yourselves. It's your choice if that's how you want to be viewed. But when you make proclimations like that as if from on high, as if you're speaking like the lord high masters and mistresses of all things kink, you make the rest of us look bad.

And I have a vested interest in not making us look bad. Because despite how it may seem, I'm actually all about sexual empowerment. I'm all about people being happy and content in the relationship of their choosing. I'm all about consenting adults doing whatever it is they want to do with each other. If the two of you have a relationship dynamic that makes you happy, then great. I'm truly happy for you, that's fantastic and I'm glad.

But the thing is, kink people still face prejudice in this society. We still face a lot of bigotry and misunderstanding. I truly feel that coming to grips with your alternative sexuality is a lot like coming to grips with your homosexuality. And that's what I want, I want people to embrace their sexuality. But for people to do that they need positive role models. And if I were younger, and less assured of my own interests and orientation, and I saw this kind of shit? If I thought I might be inclined to be a dominant and I saw another professed dominant say shit like "submissives shouldn't have limits" I'd be damned if I wanted to be associated with that. If I were as submissive, and saw NnT talking about submission, and what submission is, in a way that I could never live up to then it would push me away.

You guys live the relationship you want to live. All I care about is if it makes you happy. But please, don't try to talk like you possess some air of authority. All you'll do is make all of us look bad, and scare people away from it. Especially considering you're both confessed to being rather new at it.

:applause:

You are still a bitch tho'.

Ah, the air of civility. Thank you for that. I really do appreciate it.

Now, here's the thing. I have a vested interested in being "critical" of those sorts of things, because I have a vested interest in preventing what they promote. Attitudes like "if you were a real submissive you wouldn't have any limits" makes doms like me seem like controlling, aggressive assholes. Attitudes like "I would do anything he says without question!" make subs like Poli seem vapid, insipid airheads who are incapable of forming independent thought or actually standing up for themselves and saying "no" when a line is crossed.

And the thing is, these are things both of you have actually said on NSG in this or similar threads.

Now I don't care if that's how you want to present yourselves. It's your choice if that's how you want to be viewed. But when you make proclimations like that as if from on high, as if you're speaking like the lord high masters and mistresses of all things kink, you make the rest of us look bad.

Well, as far as the "real submissive" part, I don't think we ever meant to imply that our situation is "perfect" or "ideal" or that everyone should strive for it. It's what works for us. If I have previous implied that, I apologize, withdraw it, and attempt to strike it from the record with as much force as I can muster.

As far as her saying she would do anything for me, that's how she actually feels. She is simply expressing how she feels at this point in time. Now, if I asked her to saw off her own leg with a rusty hacksaw, how she feels about me might change. I probably would not be her caring master at that point.

And I have a vested interest in not making us look bad. Because despite how it may seem, I'm actually all about sexual empowerment. I'm all about people being happy and content in the relationship of their choosing. I'm all about consenting adults doing whatever it is they want to do with each other. If the two of you have a relationship dynamic that makes you happy, then great. I'm truly happy for you, that's fantastic and I'm glad.

Goodie. I hope to set my record straight from this post onwards, if it's ok with you.

You guys live the relationship you want to live. All I care about is if it makes you happy. But please, don't try to talk like you possess some air of authority. All you'll do is make all of us look bad, and scare people away from it. Especially considering you're both confessed to being rather new at it.

Yes, we are. I'll admit it. I didn't intend to seem like some great authority on high, and again, if I have said or implied such, I would like to unambiguously apologize, make up, pass out cookies, and try to erase it from the past.

Now, it's midnight, and I'm going to retire. Goodnight.

Ah, the air of civility. Thank you for that. I really do appreciate it.



Well, as far as the "real submissive" part, I don't think we ever meant to imply that our situation is "perfect" or "ideal" or that everyone should strive for it. It's what works for us. If I have previous implied that, I apologize, withdraw it, and attempt to strike it from the record with as much force as I can muster.

As far as her saying she would do anything for me, that's how she actually feels. She is simply expressing how she feels at this point in time. Now, if I asked her to saw off her own leg with a rusty hacksaw, how she feels about me might change. I probably would not be her caring master at that point.



Goodie. I hope to set my record straight from this post onwards, if it's ok with you.



Yes, we are. I'll admit it. I didn't intend to seem like some great authority on high, and again, if I have said or implied such, I would like to unambiguously apologize, make up, pass out cookies, and try to erase it from the past.

Now, it's midnight, and I'm going to retire. Goodnight.

From here onwards, I will not talk about this. I tried to have a discussion with others like me, and in hindsight it felt like a good idea. It seems, in retrospect, not that good. I'm not going to post in this thread again. But I only do this because I may be incommoding my master and that's something I didn't intend to do.

Oyasumi, minna.

I really don't understand this whole thing with you Nanatsu. You have opinions, other people have different opinions. It's life. Starting a discussion without wanting to discuss? I don't get it at all.

I'll discuss. I'm in a submissive relationship, have been for nearly a decade.

To clear up a few things said by other posters


I am not a child, he is not my daddy.
He does not make decisions for me. He tells me his opinion, I make decisions. Most of the time I decide to do what he wants.
I do have a "say" in the relationship, as I get to choose to be in the relationship or not. I also get to choose what I do, because I'm an adult. I choose to do what he wants me to. He doesn't make me do it.
He is not allowed to saw my leg off with a rusty hacksaw or abuse me in any other way. Abuse is one of my limits, I have quite a few. Because he respects me he doesn't cross the line.
I am not weak. He is not controlling. We both equally consent to this dynamic and we are free to choose to stop at any time. The relationship rules all, if it's not working, it's not working.
I am not his slave, he is not my master. I don't do things because he said so. I do them because I want to. I am not indebted to him in any way and I choose freely to submit because I want to.


That is how things work for us. It is NOT the way it works in every D/s because they vary widely.

A very bad one appearently. And even having been, it just isn't so much my style.

Dude, serious. I could never be a man trying to get with men. It's so... competitive. I can look a hot mess at a lesbian scene and still get hit on.

He can sleep once he has earned it. Besides, I still have pent up rage over the Bruins.

Because I'm classier than you, I'm not going to point and laugh.

From here onwards, I will not talk about this. I tried to have a discussion with others like me, and in hindsight it felt like a good idea. It seems, in retrospect, not that good.

Hindsight=retrospect.

I am not his slave, he is not my master. I don't do things because he said so. I do them because I want to. I am not indebted to him in any way and I choose freely to submit because I want to.

That seems very reasonable. But then it gets me wondering... how is that different from most relationships? I mean, of course I want to make the person I love happy. I'd do lots of things to make him/her happy, provided it wasn't something I didn't want to do. Maybe it's the feeling while doing it that's different? Like, I don't focus solely on his/her pleasure? Or maybe it's that if s/he wants some head, I'm happy to oblige, but I'm damn sure getting some afterwards. :p

That seems very reasonable. But then it gets me wondering... how is that different from most relationships? I mean, of course I want to make the person I love happy. I'd do lots of things to make him/her happy, provided it wasn't something I didn't want to do. Maybe it's the feeling while doing it that's different? Like, I don't focus solely on his/her pleasure? Or maybe it's that if s/he wants some head, I'm happy to oblige, but I'm damn sure getting some afterwards. :p

Let me see if I can try to answer this in a way, because this is a very popular question. Submission is not just "I like making him happy". If it were, as you say, it'd be not that different from most relationships (and thank you for not saying "normal relationships").

Remember that from the mindset of the submissive, submission isn't just making HIM happy, it's making HER happy as well (and feel free to swap the genders of this, it goes both ways of course). A submissive is happy submitting, so submitting makes her happy in and of itself. It's not just focus on the other person, it's as utilitarian "this makes ME happy" as any other relationship.

But submission is also not "I will do everything he asks of me!". The best way, I think, to think about it is this. Most relationships function with the understanding of give and take. I have my limits, you have your limits, we don't cross each other's limits, we don't ask the other to do what they don't want, when they don't want to, but we have give and take.

For the submissive mindset it's...different. What makes the submissive person happy, in general, is the relationship that works like "ok, here are my limits. Do not ask me to do anything I don't want to do. But now that you know what I AM willing to do, I'd prefer it be up to you to decide when and if we do them". It's not just focusing on the other partner's pleasure. It's pleasure, in and of itself, for the submissive herself, to have the partner decide when she will, or will not, do things that are within her limits. Why does she do that? because, in the end, that's the way she likes it.

Why does she like it? Ehh, fuck if I know. People are weird. She just does.

That seems very reasonable. But then it gets me wondering... how is that different from most relationships? I mean, of course I want to make the person I love happy. I'd do lots of things to make him/her happy, provided it wasn't something I didn't want to do. Maybe it's the feeling while doing it that's different? Like, I don't focus solely on his/her pleasure? Or maybe it's that if s/he wants some head, I'm happy to oblige, but I'm damn sure getting some afterwards. :p
My dynamic is way different than most D/s that I'm aware of. It's not 100% about his pleasure, it's about surrendering my will in almost all things to him. (that is not that I don't have a will just that when he wants me to do something more often than not I do it, in fact the only reason I wouldn't do it is if I found it abusive.)

We discuss decisions, like what most normal couples do, but there is no compromise in the end, his decision is what I do. He does consider me when making decisions, and it's not that I "have no say", I have the opportunity to tell him anything I want, but in the end what he decides is what I decide to do.

Again, I don't do it because I "have to" but because I want to. He doesn't dominate me because I'm beneath him, but he is over me because I choose him to be. I put him in a place of dominance, and I can take him out of that place any time I feel it's warranted.

It's not much different than any other relationship in that aspect. The thing that makes it different is my commitment to submit.

Eh, I could do either one.

To build a little on NA's rather excellent post - something like a year and a half ago, there was a thread on NSG about some young couple who regularly went out in public with the girl on a leash the guy carried, and got kicked off a bus for it. Now, I think daily public leash use is a bit over-the-top, but whatever. The reason I mention this is that there was a huge amount of vitriol poured out in this thread, mostly aimed at the girl, to the effect of "she must be totally brainless," and "if she likes being treated like an animal, maybe we should get her spayed." I would say it surprised me, but it didn't really.

I bring this up because it is easy for people new to D/s to forget how disapproving most people are towards kink. I don't blame them for that, but the fact is, saying you're a dom or a sub or a sadist or a masochist carries some serious negative baggage. When my ex first brought up the idea of submission to me, I thought there was something seriously wrong with him, because all I knew of BDSM was that it involved carving your initials into prostitutes or something.

So I do think those of us normal people who happen to like power exchange in our relationships have something of a responsibility to the kinky people who haven't "come out" yet (whether to themselves, others, or both), to present ourselves realistically, because all Random Teenager Who Daydreams About Being Called A Whore And Doesn't Know What That Means knows of D/s is that that dominatrix character on CSI is fucking weird. So when we choose to present things very dramatically instead, with lots of "we don't have any limits!" and "I'll do anything, absolutely anything you command," well, as NA said, what comes across isn't "wow, they really like their relationship" so much as "that can NOT be healthy." I absolutely would not do everything my owner could command. If he said, "go chop your arm off with this hacksaw," I'd say, "um, no" and - very lovingly, of course - go look into psychiatric treatment for him. I am honestly quite sure even the most dramatic and intense submissives would do likewise, and when we pretend otherwise, we do a disservice not only to ourselves but to that Random Teenager who sees that and thinks, "okay, this thing that I've been sorta leaning towards is sick and wrong and I won't ever explore it."

It's fine to like the drama. It's fine to sleep on leather sheets, build yourself a home dungeon, and insist people call you Lord High Muckymuck if it makes you happy. It's fine to be like me, and be glad to tolerate all sorts of pain and humiliation and debasement for the one you love - and it's fine to have no interest in any of that, and just like being given the occasional order. What's not fine, and what tends to frustrate a lot of people about relative n00bs, is to throw yourself into that drama so heart and soul that you act as if it is some higher calling that renders you much more profound than the boring people who are perfectly happy to wear normal clothing and address each other as "sweetie." I don't think said relative n00bs particularly do it on purpose to make the rest of us look silly and/or insane, but that's the net effect, and it does get frustrating at times. :p

*snip*

So what you're saying is, Poli's just really, really lazy. :P

No, I... kinda get that. As much as I can without feeling it, I guess. I used to get confused because I always thought I was a pretty dominant person, but I do like the occasional fistfight, and biting that's right on the edge of allpain is good. But I like dishing those both out, too, so... I'm just a violent American, I decided.

Why does she like it? Ehh, fuck if I know. People are weird. She just does.

Pfft, we're way more normal than those freakazoids who like owning someone. Craaaaaaaaaaaaazy. ;)

So what you're saying is, Poli's just really, really lazy. :P

Well, I kinda am, as the current state of my bedroom would testify. I don't WANNA clean, darn it! :p

-snip-

OK, here's what we're going to do. You're going to delete that thread, and I'm going to copy/paste most of it into my own thread, because you said it a lot better than I did, and fuck if I'm gonna allow that to stand.

So what you're saying is, Poli's just really, really lazy. :P

No, I... kinda get that. As much as I can without feeling it, I guess. I used to get confused because I always thought I was a pretty dominant person, but I do like the occasional fistfight, and biting that's right on the edge of allpain is good. But I like dishing those both out, too, so... I'm just a violent American, I decided.

ahh, but don't confuse a bit of s&m with dominance and submission. Different things. Often connected, but different things.

When my ex first brought up the idea of submission to me

By the way, don't you mean that when your ex first brought up the idea, to you, of submission?

otherwise I'm very confused.

It's fine to be like me, and be glad to tolerate all sorts of pain and humiliation and debasement for the one you love -

You know, that's a really interesting thing to think about, almost sort of a test question. I pauses, reread that several times, and really thought about it. Would I do that, to please the person I love? Endure pain and humiliation? Even in very small measures? No. Absolutely not. It was a very resolute feeling in my chest.

is to throw yourself into that drama so heart and soul that you act as if it is some higher calling that renders you much more profound than the boring people who are perfectly happy to wear normal clothing and address each other as "sweetie." I don't think said relative n00bs particularly do it on purpose to make the rest of us look silly and/or insane, but that's the net effect, and it does get frustrating at times. :p

I appreciate this bit, because it does seem sometimes like people in less mainstream scenes think everyone else is doing it wrong. And, like, the idea that everyone is "secretly dom/sub" and just hasn't embraced it is like the idea that everyone is really bisexual, to me: stupid. I mean, I don't go around telling people they're doing it wrong because they don't get turned on by boytouching or hockey games or goofy laughs.

ahh, but don't confuse a bit of s&m with dominance and submission. Different things. Often connected, but different things.
Oh, yeah. I think it's one of those things we need a ven diagram for.

I don't do S/m at all. Well, probably in the most vanilla of ways we do...actually. My D/s extends out past the bedroom though, so six of one, and such.

By the way, don't you mean that when your ex first brought up the idea, to you, of submission?

otherwise I'm very confused.

Yeah yeah yeah shut up, you got the point. :tongue:

I used to be a Switch once but i moved away from the scene due to certain reasons which include the requiremnt to try and break Dommes and other reasons which are personal

You know, that's a really interesting thing to think about, almost sort of a test question. I pauses, reread that several times, and really thought about it. Would I do that, to please the person I love? Endure pain and humiliation? Even in very small measures? No. Absolutely not. It was a very resolute feeling in my chest.

Which, ok, is fine.


I appreciate this bit, because it does seem sometimes like people in less mainstream scenes think everyone else is doing it wrong. And, like, the idea that everyone is "secretly dom/sub" and just hasn't embraced it is like the idea that everyone is really bisexual, to me: stupid. I mean, I don't go around telling people they're doing it wrong because they don't get turned on by boytouching or hockey games or goofy laughs.

Ehh, it's not like the less mainstream of us are any more immune to douchebaggery than the rest of the population.

Oh, yeah. I think it's one of those things we need a ven diagram for.

I don't do S/m at all. Well, probably in the most vanilla of ways we do...actually. My D/s extends out past the bedroom though, so six of one, and such.

I don't think of it as s/m, but... I also don't think of it as something I just bring up to someone new, so, point taken. But again, that interest---I don't want someone to beat the crap out of me, and I don't want to beat anyone up. I want an even exchange.

I think I just have unresolved rage.

Dude, serious. I could never be a man trying to get with men. It's so... competitive. I can look a hot mess at a lesbian scene and still get hit on.
Tell me about it. Honestly, I have a much harder time ever finding a guy than I do a girl. Mind you, I "get" guys better...as in I understand them more...which almost makes it more difficult. Physical looks tend to play a much bigger part in the gay world (alot of this stems from the AIDS issue...someone who looks physically healthy can't have a death sentence...right?...and that just stuck). Add to it that I am picky, and you get alot of, as you say, competition. Slim pickings plus picky people.


Because I'm classier than you, I'm not going to point and laugh.

Well, we did at least make it to the second round ;)

You know, that's a really interesting thing to think about, almost sort of a test question. I pauses, reread that several times, and really thought about it. Would I do that, to please the person I love? Endure pain and humiliation? Even in very small measures? No. Absolutely. It was a very resolute feeling in my chest.

Which, as previously mentioned, totally cool. :)

I appreciate this bit, because it does seem sometimes like people in less mainstream scenes think everyone else is doing it wrong. And, like, the idea that everyone is "secretly dom/sub" and just hasn't embraced it is like the idea that everyone is really bisexual, to me: stupid. I mean, I don't go around telling people they're doing it wrong because they don't get turned on by boytouching or hockey games or goofy laughs.

Ye gods, yes. I (metaphorically) smack the people who think bisexuality is something we'd all like if we could just love PEOPLE instead of PLUMBING, too. There are all sorts of different flavors of sexuality, and I get so bored with people who feel that their personal version is better/deeper/worthier/godlier/sexier/more enlightened than everyone else's.

I don't think of it as s/m, but... I also don't think of it as something I just bring up to someone new, so, point taken. But again, that interest---I don't want someone to beat the crap out of me, and I don't want to beat anyone up. I want an even exchange.

I think I just have unresolved rage.

I don't want to beat someone up or be beat up either.......unless it's on a video game. I do like to keep pushing the special combo to beat the crap out of hubby's character on Mortal Kombat, if only because it annoys him.

I also have unresolved rage......hehe.

Tell me about it. Honestly, I have a much harder time ever finding a guy than I do a girl.

Try better moisturizer. Princess.

Well, we did at least make it to the second round ;)

Bitch, don't make me cut you like Richard Zednik.

I don't want to beat someone up or be beat up either.......unless it's on a video game. I do like to keep pushing the special combo to beat the crap out of hubby's character on Mortal Kombat, if only because it annoys him.

I also have unresolved rage......hehe.

Man, you actually know the special combo. I just smash all the buttons until something cool happens.

I don't want to beat someone up or be beat up either.......unless it's on a video game. I do like to keep pushing the special combo to beat the crap out of hubby's character on Mortal Kombat, if only because it annoys him.


Hehehehe I totally do that to people in Soul Calibur. It's especially funny when I play as Sophitia, since that inevitably involves whoever I'm playing against ending up yelling, "GODDAMMIT STOP HUMPING MY FACE" at me. :p

Bitch, don't make me cut you like Richard Zednik.

I'll cut you, I'll cut you up so bad you, you gonna wish I no cut you so bad! ...

since that inevitably involves whoever I'm playing against ending up yelling, "GODDAMMIT STOP HUMPING MY FACE" at me. :p

.....ok you can do it a little more.

Man, you actually know the special combo. I just smash all the buttons until something cool happens.

I'm really unbelievably competitive, so I looked it up because I don't like to lose (especially to a boy!).....then I practiced it for a few hours while he was at work so I could get the muscle memory down, and then after a few weeks when I thought it was getting easy... I sprung it on him......flawless victory, flawless fatality. It was awesome. :D

I'll cut you, I'll cut you up so bad you, you gonna wish I no cut you so bad! ...

Yooooou just wish. Don't mess with me, I'm not lazy like Poli! :P

...actually, I am really, really lazy. Finding a trustworthy person to make all my decisions is not an illogical next step... But I'd still have to move, probably. Screw that.

.....ok you can do it a little more.

It's okay, I know you'd rather have Sark doing the humping. :tongue:

I'm really unbelievably competitive, so I looked it up because I don't like to lose (especially to a boy!).....then I practiced it for a few hours while he was at work so I could get the muscle memory down, and then after a few weeks when I thought it was getting easy... I sprung it on him......flawless victory, flawless fatality. It was awesome. :D

I'm a really sore loser, but I'm also really lazy and have very low self-esteem, so mostly I just don't try new things and that solves it. Or I hit people. If there are problems that can't be solved with violence or alcohol, I don't want to know about them.

I'm a really sore loser, but I'm also really lazy and have very low self-esteem, so mostly I just don't try new things and that solves it. Or I hit people. If there are problems that can't be solved with violence or alcohol, I don't want to know about them.
I'm not really a sore loser if I feel like I've done my best....but my definition of doing my best is really warped sometimes, like when I was a kid, I memorized all the 2 and 3 letter words in the scrabble dictionary.....because I didn't feel like I was really doing my best without putting in the effort to know that "QI" is a word.

I'm not really a sore loser if I feel like I've done my best....but my definition of doing my best is really warped sometimes, like when I was a kid, I memorized all the 2 and 3 letter words in the scrabble dictionary.....because I didn't feel like I was really doing my best without putting in the effort to know that "QI" is a word.

I'm pretty sure that if I'd had to play scrabble as a kid, I would have cried. And then hidden the board.

I believe I have annoyed and nauseated NSG quite enough with my antics of late.

What d'you mean, "of late". I've hated you from the start. :tongue:

Poli, thanks (despite it all) for bringing something to the actual discussion. I know you've experienced this lifestyle, as a sub, more than me and have things to say on the subject.

Wait, sorry, is Neo Art not experienced in the lifestyle? Did Jordaxia and Kyronea not bring thing's to the discussion?

I'm aware. If you prefer the term criticize, you criticize everything 99% of the time. Feel better?

What's wrong with a bit of healthy criticism? If you can't take being criticised, you need to sort yourself out.

And I respect that. I really do. Go away.

Who are you to tell him to go away? He's stated he's willing too discuss the dynamics of D/s relationships, but not reveal the details of his. I think that's fair enough.

I tried to have a discussion

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

with others like me

Don't think there are many of those on this forum.

I don't know that you're fucking right now.



Well, I am better than a PS3. However, had you read past the first post, you would see there's a very interesting discussion between Nanatsu, Kyronea, and Jordaxia on the subject. It's short, but there hasn't been a lot of input yet.

Don't try to invoke me on this. I share Neo's opinion of how you and Nanatsu act. I just wasn't going to say anything about it.

Wow. You know, really? Wow. I was actually quite -hopeful- when I seen that the topic had inflated seven pages since I'd been in bed because I guess I'm naively optimistic like that. But then I read it and it's like a train wreck that derailed INTO a motorwaypileup whilst planes crashed on top of it. There were nazis in there somewhere just for good measure too, I'm sure.

Neo? You're really starting to push plausibility when you simultaneously 'don't care' about something and still care enough to post sarcastic little snide remarks and then go I WAS HAVING A DISCUSSION. Discussion is what you fell back on several pages later. And then you try this whole 'well you were talking about 'one true D/s relationship' type and how if we have so much trust in our master we'd hack our legs off. WHAT? Did you go out to -try- and prove that you were just interested in making little snide comments or does it come naturally? Nobody even remotely went there. If you inferred it, then bully for you, but you're wrong. Hell I thought I was close enough when I described trust as follows: (and listen this time, because it just crazily contradicts you and I even done that cheeky thing of posting it before you said anything so you'd get a chance to read it first!)

"Knowing someone is looking after you, and experiencing them doing a good job of it, inclines you to trust them more until it is total. if you know someone will always act in your best interest and experience backs it up, then to me at least, trust comes naturally. Similarly, you can find out if you don't trust someone in the same way. I of course -only- speak for myself in this though."

Doesn't that kind of imply to you that the willingness to trust in someones decision absolutely comes from experience in them doing what you -know- is best for you? I don't like to think that I'm a genius (lying here but for illustrative effect) but I'm fairly sure my critical thinking brain parts aren't totally destroyed, so if someone I consider my owner asked me to relieve myself of my limbs, I'd like to think I may RECONSIDER their relationship with me. And did you notice that bit at the end where I said I only spoke for myself? HOLY SHIT BATMAN. That might have been me making a nod towards other people who do things differently but say it ain't so.


Ryadn? D/s has got -nothing- to do with stepping back to a time before womens liberation. I, for example, have a female owner. I have met male submissives. So please don't think we're trying to act like 'meek little women who know our place'. You'd get the wrong impression.

There were nazis in there somewhere just for good measure too, I'm sure.I approve of this, because nazis are awesome and make everything better.Ryadn? D/s has got -nothing- to do with stepping back to a time before womens liberation. I, for example, have a female owner. I have met male submissives. So please don't think we're trying to act like 'meek little women who know our place'. You'd get the wrong impression.To be fair, she was referring specifically to the examples provided by Nanatsu. Of course, she missed the difference between 'Doing it because society expects it and she really doesn't have much of a choice' and 'Doing it because she happens to like it that way, and screw what everyone else thinks', but hey. It still made me giggle.

And then you try this whole 'well you were talking about 'one true D/s relationship' type and how if we have so much trust in our master we'd hack our legs off. WHAT? Did you go out to -try- and prove that you were just interested in making little snide comments or does it come naturally? Nobody even remotely went there.

Except it's been said before...

http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=14662404&postcount=29

Except it's been said before...

http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=14662404&postcount=29

*shrug* so I miss a very short post made by someone who didn't exactly seem happy at the time, and still not speaking for everyone. I still think the entire approach -stunk- to the heavens of deceit and asshole, and that made me angry in turn too.

While Neo Art was certainly harsh, I totally understand where he's coming from. His kink, which is part of who he is, is fundamentally misunderstood by a large percentage of the population. I doubt he likes that people's perceptions of dominants is that they are abusive, controlling assholes. When things are written about the D/s lifestyle that will give people the wrong idea, I'm sure it doesn't sit well with him.

That said, I'm quite certain it wasn't Nanatsu's intention to paint the entire D/s community as being the same way as her relationship. She's admittedly new to D/s, so she's probably not as skilled at talking about in a context non-D/s can comprehend. And that's not good or bad, I actually like hearing a submissive talk without all the qualifiers on their relationship. Then again, I'm pretty kink-friendly and I learned about D/s because I knew I had misconceptions.

I first learned about how D/s really works mostly from Neo and Sin in threads like these. I'm thankful I was able to ask questions so I could wrap my head around D/s. Now that I "get" D/s, I understand what Nanatsu is saying in her posts. Before I learned about D/s, those posts could have freaked me out.

And I don't mean to speak for either one of those posters, it's just my perception of things.

Snafturi:

I get what you're saying, but it's those first six words you said. I just don't see the point in it. Turns things into an argument straight away. I mean, what for?

*shrug* so I miss a very short post made by someone who didn't exactly seem happy at the time, and still not speaking for everyone. I still think the entire approach -stunk- to the heavens of deceit and asshole, and that made me angry in turn too.

Only pointing it out, since it became a huge part of the old thread. Way more than simply one post...

So now you know where that came from. :wink:

Neo always speaks that way. In his opinion, he has no respect for you unless you demonstrate intelligence. He further sees no reason to be care much about being respectful in general internet debates as he feels one should be mature enough to, essentially, "deal with it."

Could this thread be the beginning of NA being summoned to offer his expertise on matters of D/s and S&M as well as law? And more importantly, will he be billing NSG for all this consultation?

Neo always speaks that way. In his opinion, he has no respect for you unless you demonstrate intelligence. He further sees no reason to be care much about being respectful in general internet debates as he feels one should be mature enough to, essentially, "deal with it."

*shrug* whatever, really. Make excuses for it. I apparently don't see what other people see, this thing where apparently as long as you say it on the internet, it's not real, and neither is the person you're saying it to. I don't buy that.

Gravlen: fair enough. So now he's just digging up old shit that he can't drop to turn new threads into arguments. Neat.

Neo always speaks that way. In his opinion, he has no respect for you unless you demonstrate intelligence and you agree with him.
You had a small error, I removed it.

Snafturi:

I get what you're saying, but it's those first six words you said. I just don't see the point in it. Turns things into an argument straight away. I mean, what for?

I'm not saying it's right, I'm saying I get it. I personally think that the less agressive one is, the more likely it is that the other person will understand their point.

I do understand the reaction though. D/s is part of Neo's life and is part of who he is. When someone is adding (albeit, very unintentionally) to the misconceptions that surround D/s, I'm sure he reacts to that on a very emotional level.

And again, I don't think Nanatsu deserved it, I don't think she was trying to paint the whole BDSM community in a certain light or in a negative light. I think she's trying to have a non-emotionally charged discussion of BDSM which is very commendable. This is, unfortunately, a very emotionally charged topic.

*shrug* whatever, really. Make excuses for it. I apparently don't see what other people see, this thing where apparently as long as you say it on the internet, it's not real, and neither is the person you're saying it to. I don't buy that.

Gravlen: fair enough. So now he's just digging up old shit that he can't drop to turn new threads into arguments. Neat.

Or he's posting valid criticism of their relationship which they brought up for discussion. Yes, Neo was a bit abrasive. And yet, he did, in fact, discuss their relationship. Which is, presumably, what they wanted from the start.

His first post simply read "thank you". Gallo dismissed Rydan and Neo for their disdain, calling it irrelevant. Neo's second, I'm not at all judgmental of her actions. I'm slightly amused by the attitude that seems less like someone actually willing to have a discussion on the lifestyle by people who have experience in it, and more "I have a new toy!"
Which is a criticism. They could easily have discussed their relationship, but instead chose to discuss Neo's posting style and tell him to get out of the thread.
Rydan posted a criticism, Neo echoed it. That is part of a discussion. Rather than simply dismissing them, Gallo and Natsu could have...you know....discussed.
As per usual, the people trying hardest to keep the thread on point became most responsible for it losing that point.

*shrug* whatever, really. Make excuses for it. I apparently don't see what other people see, this thing where apparently as long as you say it on the internet, it's not real, and neither is the person you're saying it to. I don't buy that.

Gravlen: fair enough. So now he's just digging up old shit that he can't drop to turn new threads into arguments. Neat.

I'm not making excuses. I'm explaining how he's explained it to me in the past. My opinion of it is irrelevant.

You had a small error, I removed it.

Really? That's your whole contribution to this thread? Were you even vaguely interested in the topic, or are you just searching the forums for a chance to bitch about how Neo Art is a big meanie who hurt your feelings?

Rydan po

Did the black vans pull up and kidnap you, or are you trying to say that Rydan is a teletubbie?? :eek2:

Rydan is a teletubbie

I KNEW it! :eek2:

You had a small error, I removed it.

Don't put words into my mouth.

Did the black vans pull up and kidnap you, or are you trying to say that Rydan is a teletubbie?? :eek2:

Ryadn always struck me as more of a Lala.

Did the black vans pull up and kidnap you, or are you trying to say that Rydan is a teletubbie?? :eek2:

shiny object got my attention. *nods*

Did the black vans pull up and kidnap you, or are you trying to say that Rydan is a teletubbie?? :eek2:

Who's this Rydan of which you speak?

Who's this Rydan of which you speak?

He means Rynda

He means Rynda

Don't you mean Randy?

shiny object got my attention. *nods*

Sorry about that.

*Pulls up pants*




What?

Sorry about that.

*Pulls up pants*




What?

Stop polishing your knob!

Don't you mean Randy?

:p Nice one. I think Raynd will be a tad pissed off at us now.

:p Nice one. I think Raynd will be a tad pissed off at us now.

No, Rdayn's not like that. She'll probably just insult our mental ages over at UMP.

No, Rdayn's not like that. She'll probably just insult our mental ages over at UMP.

True, I'm running out of anagrams for Rynad.

True, I'm running out of anagrams for Rynad.

Ryand would probably be able to think up more.

Ryand would probably be able to think up more.

We should ask Radny later.

Call her Daryn.

Call her Daryn.

But that doesn't begin with R, so it's not as witty and hilarious as our other intelligent and amusing nicknames for her.

Nardy?

Call her Daryn.

It's not the same thing with out an "R". Arynd not so good.

I say Rynda.

But that doesn't begin with R, so it's not as witty and hilarious as our other intelligent and amusing nicknames for her.

Ya hear that people? I can use witty, hilarious, intelligent and amusing nick names.

Ya hear that people? I can use witty, hilarious, intelligent and amusing nick names.

Ya see that people? RoI completely misses sarcasm.

Ya see that people? RoI completely misses sarcasm.

Ya see that people? As does NNLDI.

Ya see that people? As does NNLDI.

Aha, touche RoI.

Locked due to the thread having degraded into a spamfest.