NationStates Jolt Archive

So, here I am, Jordi, making my world famous chili which is something I don't know how to spell. And I'm adding me some tomato puree, none of which lands in the pot full of delicious meats. Now, anybody who has met me, and that's one person on these boards, knows that I wear my hair down. and I have long hair. which was just subject to an onslaught of puree. now it tastes delicious, but I'm also slightly unhappy. so cheer me up by telling me about times food has gone hilariously wrong for you! best one wins some tomato puree in your hair :D

bacon. pan. no shirt. You do the math.:(

I exploded a cake once.

bacon. pan. no shirt. You do the math.:(

Pussy. I fry bacon while in my boxers all the time. I then rub the hot, greasy goodness all over my chest, and it gets quite x-rated from there. :eek2:

The best one I can come up with is the time my mother was making banana bread. She had the mixer going and was doing whatever it is people do when they make banana bread, when she accidentally turned up the speed to full tilt. There was banana bread mix everywhere; the ceiling, the floor, across the kitchen. My dad and I still laugh about that one.

Another one from me to get things going. Couple of years ago, I was trying to make myself the very simple snack of a fried egg sandwich. I put the frying pan on the head, put some oil in, get it all nice and toasty, and crack the egg. the moment that egg touches the pan, it spits up a gob of oil at me that catches me over the hand. I'm a COLOSSAL wimp, so I reared back -whilst- dropping the egg, unsettling the frying pan with oil in it, tipping most of the egg all over the floor, and getting a fair amount of it over me as well. Most trouble I've ever had over a bloody snack. *grumbles*

Not me personally, but my room-mate at college put his eggs in to boil and went to get some laundry. We played some nintendo, and about 4 hours later he went back to the kitchen and found he'd forgotten something....

So, here I am, Jordi, making my world famous chili which is something I don't know how to spell. And I'm adding me some tomato puree, none of which lands in the pot full of delicious meats. Now, anybody who has met me, and that's one person on these boards, knows that I wear my hair down. and I have long hair. which was just subject to an onslaught of puree. now it tastes delicious, but I'm also slightly unhappy. so cheer me up by telling me about times food has gone hilariously wrong for you! best one wins some tomato puree in your hair :D

Yesterday. I was making ribs, which turned out to be delicious and I always thought I lacked culinary-fu, you know. So, I was making ribs and forgot to make a side dish to go with them and, dear Galloism, God bless his un-cooking soul, suggested a box of Hamburger Helper: Cheesy Italian Pasta that was sitting on his cupboard, could perhaps go well with the ribs. Good call, if it wasn't for the fact that Hamburger Helper needs... yes, you know it, hamburger meat! Long story short, pasta burned to bottom of pan and, of course, it tasted horrible, putting a damper on my glorious ribs.:(

Yesterday. I was making ribs, which turned out to be delicious and I always thought I lacked culinary-fu, you know. So, I was making ribs and forgot to make a side dish to go with them and, dear Galloism, God bless his un-cooking soul, suggested a box of Hamburger Helper: Cheesy Italian Pasta that was sitting on his cupboard, could perhaps go well with the ribs. Good call, if it wasn't for the fact that Hamburger Helper needs... yes, you know it, hamburger meat! Long story short, pasta burned to bottom of pan and, of course, it tasted horrible, putting a damper on my glorious ribs.:(

Burnt pasta is dank, the amount of times I've burnt food. :rollseyes:

Burnt pasta is dank, the amount of times I've burnt food. :rollseyes:

It is a known fact that Kentians lack the proper cooking-fu skills.

It is a known fact that Kentians lack the proper cooking-fu skills.

Or the British in general.

Or the British in general.

Or the Finns for that matter.:wink:

Or the Finns for that matter.:wink:

BTW, Chirac said that ''After Finland, Britain is the country with the worst food.".

It is a known fact that Kentians lack the proper cooking-fu skills.
What does "fu" mean?


And yes, we are all shyte at cooking.

What does "fu" mean?


And yes, we are all shyte at cooking.

Galloism say:


http://www.ratemyeverything.net/image/9552/0/Mr_T_is_Yoda.ashx

Master T pities the foo.

I don't have many of my own - I'm lucky enough to have a knack for cooking. Probably the worst one for me was just the recent occasion when my boyfriend visited and specially requested a lemon meringue pie. I made him a beautiful one, which looked perfect and delicious, packed it up in the car, and went to pick him up from the airport. Apparently, the change in temperatures from refrigerator to car did not agree with my pie, though, because when I pulled it out for him to eat - with suitable fanfare regarding what a wonderful pie it was - it had turned into lemon soup with teensy little blobs of shrunken meringue floating on top. It was tasty lemon soup, admittedly, but I was pretty heartbroken about it.

Now, for really GOOD food mishaps, you have to go to my friend S., who has had such brilliant ones as accidentally making broken-glass stew because he wasn't paying attention and didn't notice his pan had a big crack in it until he had thoroughly stirred all the little shards into the mixture, or taking the wrong cap off the "WORLD'S HOTTEST" hot sauce and thereby pouring in roughly a cup of the stuff instead of the two drops he intended. These are made all the better by the fact that he actually tried to eat the results on both occasions. He is slightly insane.

Galloism say:


http://www.ratemyeverything.net/image/9552/0/Mr_T_is_Yoda.ashx

Master T pities the foo.
RoI says:


http://kinialohaguy.files.wordpress.com/2009/04/wtf-cat.jpg

Yesterday. I was making ribs, which turned out to be delicious and I always thought I lacked culinary-fu, you know. So, I was making ribs and forgot to make a side dish to go with them and, dear Galloism, God bless his un-cooking soul, suggested a box of Hamburger Helper: Cheesy Italian Pasta that was sitting on his cupboard, could perhaps go well with the ribs. Good call, if it wasn't for the fact that Hamburger Helper needs... yes, you know it, hamburger meat! Long story short, pasta burned to bottom of pan and, of course, it tasted horrible, putting a damper on my glorious ribs.:(

Hate to break it to you, but you don't need meat to cook hamburger helper...

Hate to break it to you, but you don't need meat to cook hamburger helper...

It does not? Double frick!:(

Or the Finns for that matter.:wink:

Not to mention those filthy Spaniards.

Not to mention those filthy Spaniards.

Or those pesky Canucks.

I don't have many, but one of my bloopers came about a year ago. The family had invited some extra relatives over, and I had been bragging about how wonderful I make some spaghetti. So here I am, doing my usual preparations to cook the meal and for whatever reason, I put the tomato sauce into the skillet before the meat. Everyone was distracted in the living room, so I niftily got the sauce pretty much all into one half of the skillet and browned the meat in the other half. It was probably the worst spaghetti I ever made. :(

On my brother's birthday this year, my mother and I went out to get his cake for this party. As I was about to get into the car with the cake, my mother bumped against me and the box kinda fell out of my hands. Out of reflex, I grabbed it and oriented the box "up." When we got to the party, I put the cake on the table. We called my brother over for his cake to blow out the candles (as Filipinos, it's a custom to always put the candles on at the moment the person blows the candles. Don't ask why). We opened the box, and found a completely obliterated cake...

I ate grilled asparagus two days ago. My piss still smells awful.

Eggs like to explode or pour their hot yolk all over me.

When i was little i microwaved some eggs. I dident know that they explaoded like a grenade from hell. Well i found out when the door blasted open and hot egg went everywhere. :eek:

Once my mom and I made a kahlua cake, which we make in a bundt pan, and for some reason we couldn't remember if it was a kahlua cake or an angel food cake that you inverted over a bottle. So we took a chance and turned it over, and it fell all over the floor in about five big chunks. Which was when we realized it was stupid. :(

Once my mom and I made a kahlua cake, which we make in a bundt pan, and for some reason we couldn't remember if it was a kahlua cake or an angel food cake that you inverted over a bottle. So we took a chance and turned it over, and it fell all over the floor in about five big chunks. Which was when we realized it was stupid. :(

Methinks most of the kahlua ended up somewhere other than in the cake... that'd explain a lot.

:D

one of the worst was while I was studying for my uni finals.
So of course, the best way to spend my time was not readign through my notes but making a cake. And what a cake it was! It was a very dense moist chocolate cake that needed 6 eggs, 800g of dark chocolate, 1/2 cup of coffee and 1/4 cup of rum (+ usual other stuff).
I didn't have an electric mixer so had to do it all by hand (story of my life). Luckily, being 20 and not having a g/f I had extremely strong wrists.
Took me well over an hour of non-stop whisking and folding and beating to make the batter.
Poured into the tin and duly shoved it into the oven then went off for a lie down and a cup of tea. Came back 45 minutes later to see how the ubercake was coming along...

...and found that my blasted flatmate had switched the oven to grill sometime before.

A couple times I popped a pizza into the oven and got distracted, so I forgot to set the timer and didn't remember there was a pizza cooking until it had been cooking (and then charring and blackening) for an hour.

Oh, the Dragonity! :(

Or those pesky Canucks.

Slanderous lies. Nothing beats maple syrup on your Canadian bacon with a side timbits.

In a hurry to get dinner started for my mom (Back in the day when I was still in junior high) I found out that we didn'T have the crushed red bell peppers called for by the sauce recipe. I thought that, hey, crushed red peppers would work. I mean, they're almost the same, just missing the bell part right? So I put in a half a cup. The resulting sauce could have been used as pepper spray it was so damn hot.

I was forbidden to play with substitutions after that.

Slanderous lies. Nothing beats maple syrup on your Canadian bacon with a side timbits.

Nanatsu say:

Come on, we all know that Canadian Bacon is nothing but glorified ham.

Slanderous lies. Nothing beats maple syrup on your Canadian bacon with a side timbits.

Please I just ate a coupe of pizza sandwiches I don't really want to think about maple syrup on bacon how disgusting.

You are quite right that was slanderous lies Canadian cooking is the worst.

And no nothing went wrong while cooking these sandwiches.

Wow, three pages and nobody has yet pointed out that you don't put tomato in chili.

cheap-ass macaroni cheese from a tin + cheap tuna from a tin = vomit

on a slightly less gross note, i did once make chicken kievs with 3 cloves of garlic per breast, and totally forgot about the butter. it was basically garlic with some chicken thrown in for good measure. i liked it, but nobody else did for some reason :P

So, here I am, Jordi, making my world famous chili which is something I don't know how to spell. And I'm adding me some tomato puree, none of which lands in the pot full of delicious meats. Now, anybody who has met me, and that's one person on these boards, knows that I wear my hair down. and I have long hair. which was just subject to an onslaught of puree. now it tastes delicious, but I'm also slightly unhappy. so cheer me up by telling me about times food has gone hilariously wrong for you! best one wins some tomato puree in your hair :D

I come from a large family, I have many, many siblings. One day when I was about seven, myself and the next brother down from me decided it would be a great idea to start a food fight with our shepards pie. We got all of the youngsters involed, and meat an mashed spuds, and baked beans ended up all over the dining room.

Dad was not amused, yep I remember the beatings we got for that one.

I burned canned corned beef on the pan one time.

Another one from me to get things going. Couple of years ago, I was trying to make myself the very simple snack of a fried egg sandwich. I put the frying pan on the head, put some oil in, get it all nice and toasty, and crack the egg. the moment that egg touches the pan, it spits up a gob of oil at me that catches me over the hand. I'm a COLOSSAL wimp, so I reared back -whilst- dropping the egg, unsettling the frying pan with oil in it, tipping most of the egg all over the floor, and getting a fair amount of it over me as well. Most trouble I've ever had over a bloody snack. *grumbles*

You should use about 1/2 tablespoon of butter/margarine to cook eggs and a low heat.

While cooking my Potato Donuts that Murv has the recipe for and never told me how they were :mad: I let the oil get too hot and ended up with donuts that were burned on the outside and still dough on the inside.

I can't ever cook bacon correctly; I always burn it.

You should use about 1/2 tablespoon of butter/margarine to cook eggs and a low heat.

While cooking my Potato Donuts that Murv has the recipe for and never told me how they were :mad: I let the oil get too hot and ended up with donuts that were burned on the outside and still dough on the inside.

I can't ever cook bacon correctly; I always burn it.


Nooooooooo! Never, ever, ever use margarine, for any poruse ever,okay?

Nooooooooo! Never, ever, ever use margarine, for any poruse ever,okay?

I don't, but the health conscious will. Butter all the way baby!

Wow, three pages and nobody has yet pointed out that you don't put tomato in chili.

What? I always do.

What? I always do.

Texas-style chili contains no tomatoes, only chili peppers.

Personally I think this is stupid.

Texas-style chili contains no tomatoes, only chili peppers.

I'm not in Texas though, am I.

And no meat either then? :D

I'm not in Texas though, am I.

And no meat either then? :D

Texas chili has no tomatoes, beans, onion or any other vegetable other than chili peppers. It's basically meat, spices, and chili. It's tasteless. It only tastes of burn.

Texas chili has no tomatoes, beans, onion or any other vegetable other than chili peppers. It's basically meat, spices, and chili. It's tasteless. It only tastes of burn.
It's made to destroy your taste buds, to mask the real taste of Texas.

Texas chili has no tomatoes, beans, onion or any other vegetable other than chili peppers. It's basically meat, spices, and chili. It's tasteless. It only tastes of burn.

What no kidney beans?

Food often ends up in people's pants or becoming sudden projectiles when I'm around. *nod*

Wow, three pages and nobody has yet pointed out that you don't put tomato in chili.

Yes because the Del Monte diced tomatos with the zesty mild green chilies or zesty chili style added in is just too addictive.

Food often ends up in people's pants or becoming sudden projectiles when I'm around. *nod*

Somehow I get the impression that a food 'mishap' for you is everybody sitting down and having some friendly conversation about a meal that is exactly what everyone is expecting to have, without alteration of any form, and without any sort of 'rowdy behaviour' :P

Wow, three pages and nobody has yet pointed out that you don't put tomato in chili.

Maybe YOU don't. Sensible people do. :p

Maybe YOU don't. Sensible people do. :p

Exactly. Wait. Why do I put tomato in my chilli again?

Never stir fry naked is my advice to all.

Not me personally, but my room-mate at college put his eggs in to boil and went to get some laundry. We played some nintendo, and about 4 hours later he went back to the kitchen and found he'd forgotten something....

as long as there was water they still would have been good.
If he had added some tea and soy sauce the boiled them for another week he would have had tea eggs

So, here I am, Jordi, making my world famous chili which is something I don't know how to spell. And I'm adding me some tomato puree, none of which lands in the pot full of delicious meats. Now, anybody who has met me, and that's one person on these boards, knows that I wear my hair down. and I have long hair. which was just subject to an onslaught of puree. now it tastes delicious, but I'm also slightly unhappy. so cheer me up by telling me about times food has gone hilariously wrong for you! best one wins some tomato puree in your hair :D

Once I made meatloaf. I wondered why the damn thing was hard and... crunchy...

while cleaning up... I found two eggs that had rolled behind my blender... :eek2:

I exploded a cake once.
made exploding gravy... I mean, I dropped the pot and it stained the ceiling...

as long as there was water they still would have been good.
If he had added some tea and soy sauce the boiled them for another week he would have had tea eggs

There was probably water for the first 30 minutes, I'd imagine.

It was a cheap pot, which is just as well, because it was ruined for ever cooking anything ever again.

Why does anyone still use fat to fry eggs?

We have this modern invention called teflon that makes fried eggs much more healthy.

The worst cooking disaster I ever had was in halls where I put some fish fingers under the grill and then started playing ISS, they caught fire.

bacon. pan. no shirt. You do the math.:(

I'll go you one better. Bacon. Pan. No pants. Yeah, you only do that once.

I'm adding me some tomato puree, none of which lands in the pot full of delicious meats. Now, anybody who has met me, and that's one person on these boards, knows that I wear my hair down. and I have long hair. which was just subject to an onslaught of puree.

That's why you don't put tomato puree in chili. You get tomatoes, and then you cut them into chunks, and then add them to the chili. Along with peppers and chilies and whatever meat you have around.

Somehow I get the impression that a food 'mishap' for you is everybody sitting down and having some friendly conversation about a meal that is exactly what everyone is expecting to have, without alteration of any form, and without any sort of 'rowdy behaviour' :P

Yeah, because for that to happen, I'll have to be bound and gagged. :p

I'll go you one better. Bacon. Pan. No pants. Yeah, you only do that once.



That's why you don't put tomato puree in chili. You get tomatoes, and then you cut them into chunks, and then add them to the chili. Along with peppers and chilies and whatever meat you have around.

I use chopped up tomato -and- puree. For some reason the people I cook it for prefer both, I personally can't notice the puree.

I use chopped up tomato -and- puree. For some reason the people I cook it for prefer both, I personally can't notice the puree.

Yeah, personal preference usually takes precedence over culinary orthodoxy with me as well. Which is one of the reasons I don't tell people how things are made...that way I'm free to do things right ;)