NationStates Jolt Archive


Who killed JFK?

Mirkana
07-05-2009, 15:29
This is an offshoot from the "Believable Conspiracy Theories" thread, specifically to discuss the JFK assassination.

To start off, I am not interested in any "second gunman" theories. There's some evidence to that theory, but I see little point when there's the equally enticing theory that Lee Harvey Oswalt did it on someone else's orders. My question is, who had JFK assassinated.

I do not find plausible the consipiracy theories that the CIA or any other part of the US government had a hand in JFK's death. Call me an idealist, but I tend to believe that 99% of people who work for the US government (except for the IRS) are good people - or at the very least wouldn't keep quiet about this. I could buy a theory that a handful of people within the government were responsible, but that is not the same as a government conspiracy. Similarly, I doubt any US ally would have done this.

More likely, JFK was killed by an enemy of the US government. Two possibilities come to mind.

One is Fidel Castro. Kennedy had sponsored the Bay of Pigs invasion and blockaded Cuba during the Cuban Missile Crisis. Add in the various bungled CIA attempts to assassinate Castro, and I think we have a more plausible motive than any government conspiracy.

The other is the KKK. Their motive would be even simpler - kill the Catholic in office. They might have hoped that the Texan LBJ would oppose the Civil Rights movement more than a goddamn yankee like JFK. Bet they were kicking themselves later.

Also, just for fun, I'm going to throw out Jackie Kennedy as a third suspect. Her motive? She found out about him and Madelyn Monroe, and got pissed.

Any thoughts?
Rambhutan
07-05-2009, 15:32
To be honest I think it is pretty certain that he was killed by Lee Harvey Oswald acting alone. But to play along....

The Mafia. They fixed the election so he won expecting favours in return. Instead Robert Kennedy began targeting organised crime, so the had the JFK killed to make a point.
Lunatic Goofballs
07-05-2009, 15:35
The mimes did it. That's why they've been able to keep silent all these years. *nod*
Dumb Ideologies
07-05-2009, 15:36
Communist Jewish Freemason Illuminati Lizardmen from the planet Niburu, under the orders of zombie Mary Magdalene, leader of a terrorist camp in Atlantis, situated in the middle of the Bermuda Triangle, with the support of her three husbands Jesus, Lord Lucan, and Elvis.
Rambhutan
07-05-2009, 15:38
A shadowy cabal of documentary film makers and conspiracy theorists led by Oliver Stone.
Lunatic Goofballs
07-05-2009, 15:40
Communist Jewish Freemason Illuminati Lizardmen from the planet Niburu, under the orders of zombie Mary Magdalene, leader of a terrorist camp in Atlantis, situated in the middle of the Bermuda Triangle, with the support of her three husbands Jesus, Lord Lucan, and Elvis.

I knew it! :eek:
Ledgersia
07-05-2009, 15:41
The OP killed JFK.
Galloism
07-05-2009, 15:43
Communist Jewish Freemason Illuminati Lizardmen from the planet Niburu, under the orders of zombie Mary Magdalene, leader of a terrorist camp in Atlantis, situated in the middle of the Bermuda Triangle, with the support of her three husbands Jesus, Lord Lucan, and Elvis.

I was going to post something funny, but I can't match this.

You win.

:hail:
Desperate Measures
07-05-2009, 15:43
The Canadians. It was the first step in their plan to conquer America. Their second step was to offer amazing healthcare. The Canadians are an extremely patient people.
Andaluciae
07-05-2009, 15:46
A disaffected ex-Marine with delusions of grandeur, and a mail order rifle.
Ledgersia
07-05-2009, 15:48
A disaffected ex-Marine with delusions of grandeur, and a mail order rifle.

No, you didn't. *runs*
Andaluciae
07-05-2009, 15:56
Dick Nixon was the spotter, Henry Kissinger the book depository shooter, George H.W. Bush was on the Grassy Knoll, W. Mark Felt was in the sewer grate and Bobby Kennedy was on the bridge.
Intangelon
07-05-2009, 16:20
Here's one possible explanation (http://www.theonion.com/content/node/42834).

http://www.theonion.com/content/files/images/11221963_101_Kennedy-Slain.jpg
Rambhutan
07-05-2009, 16:23
Honestly it wasn't anything to do with us librarians, the whole book repository thing is just a coincidence.
CanuckHeaven
07-05-2009, 16:29
More likely, JFK was killed by an enemy of the US government.
It was Colonel Mustard, with the revolver, in the Conservatory. :D
greed and death
07-05-2009, 16:30
It was Marilyn Monroe's ex BF.
Free Soviets
07-05-2009, 16:37
the same jews that did 9/11. those guys are everywhere.
Ifreann
07-05-2009, 16:44
the same jews that did 9/11. those guys are everywhere.

Immortal Jews.
UvV
07-05-2009, 16:50
Dick Nixon was the spotter, Henry Kissinger the book depository shooter, George H.W. Bush was on the Grassy Knoll, W. Mark Felt was in the sewer grate and Bobby Kennedy was on the bridge.

Have you read the Illuminatus! trilogy? That's remarkably like the version of events they present in there.

A shadowy cabal of documentary film makers and conspiracy theorists led by Oliver Stone.

Now this is a theory I can get behind.

Here's one possible explanation (http://www.theonion.com/content/node/42834).

<imgsnip>

Awesome.
Hairless Kitten
07-05-2009, 17:06
An escaped alien from Roswell did it.
Unibot
07-05-2009, 17:10
LBJ.

The guy just looks guilty in an interview with him talking about Kennedy (he actually asked the newscaster to cut a section out) - he's a blunt, stupid and strangely aggressive, emotional dude from what I've gathered.

However, thats like saying Andrew Johnson planned Lincoln's murder ... ... .. . . .
Eofaerwic
07-05-2009, 17:23
Wait, wait, I know this one!

It was... The Comedian!
Dragontide
07-05-2009, 17:44
JFK won the election over Nixon in 1960.....then got shot

Bobby looked to be the front runner in '68 against Nixon....then got shot

George Wallace thought he would give a run at the presidency in '72....then got shot.

Goldwater DID win the nomination to run on the G0P ticket for president in 1960, but steped down and gave it to Nixon....I guess he didn't want to get shot!
:p
greed and death
07-05-2009, 17:45
JFK stole the election over Nixon.....then got shot


:p

fixed
Melancholland
07-05-2009, 17:47
I think Kennedy himself organized the whole thing, to get some glory from surviving an assassination attempt, and to be able to scapegoat some foreign government.

Unfortunately, things went very slightly wrong...
greed and death
07-05-2009, 17:49
I think Kennedy himself organized the whole thing, to get some glory from surviving an assassination attempt, and to be able to scapegoat some foreign government.

Unfortunately, things went very slightly wrong...

should have hired an Airforce sniper to shoot at him.
Geniasis
07-05-2009, 17:59
Immortal Jews.

There are only six jews in the world--and they're all immortal. The rest are just astral projections.
Dragontide
07-05-2009, 18:02
fixed

Ohhh. Interesting. +1 for Nixon's motives then.
Wilgrove
07-05-2009, 18:07
I'd have to say the KGB backed Oswald.
The South Islands
07-05-2009, 18:09
ummmm...The Negroes?

Think about it. It has to be the Negroes. Because JFK was a huge proponant of Civil Rights, who would expect the Negroes?
Stargate Centurion
07-05-2009, 19:35
No one.

JFK, who is, incidentally, the same person as Abraham Lincoln, is on a beach on an island in the Pacific, with Elvis and Tupac Shakur.
Lunatic Goofballs
07-05-2009, 19:38
It could have been suicide I suppose.
Wilgrove
07-05-2009, 19:57
It could have been suicide I suppose.

That's one elaborate suicide.
Mirkana
07-05-2009, 20:00
ummmm...The Negroes?

Think about it. It has to be the Negroes. Because JFK was a huge proponant of Civil Rights, who would expect the Negroes?

You know, that's slightly plausible. Kennedy supports civil rights, but isn't making progress. So they get some white guy to shoot him, LBJ vows to continue working on civil rights in Kennedy's memory.

Got another one:

Lee Harvey Oswalt was a time traveler from the future where Kennedy won a second term, but went insane and started a nuclear war with Russia. LHO was sent back in time to kill Kennedy before this could happen. He may have killed the president, but we all owe our lives to Lee Harvey Oswalt.
The Alma Mater
07-05-2009, 20:03
It could have been suicide I suppose.

Yep. JFK shot JFK. As shown in an episode of the documentary called "red dwarf".
greed and death
07-05-2009, 20:09
You know, that's slightly plausible. Kennedy supports civil rights, but isn't making progress. So they get some white guy to shoot him, LBJ vows to continue working on civil rights in Kennedy's memory.

Got another one:

Lee Harvey Oswalt was a time traveler from the future where Kennedy won a second term, but went insane and started a nuclear war with Russia. LHO was sent back in time to kill Kennedy before this could happen. He may have killed the president, but we all owe our lives to Lee Harvey Oswalt.

could work. LBJ was able to pass legislation that Kennedy never could have.
Big Jim P
07-05-2009, 20:09
The mimes did it. That's why they've been able to keep silent all these years. *nod*

Even our most heinous torture could make them talk.

*Yes, that is what we do to mimes who join our church. we aren't so evil after all.*
Conserative Morality
07-05-2009, 20:30
Lee Harvey Oswalt was a time traveler from the future where Kennedy won a second term, but went insane and started a nuclear war with Russia. LHO was sent back in time to kill Kennedy before this could happen. He may have killed the president, but we all owe our lives to Lee Harvey Oswalt.
Well, he almost did you know...
JuNii
07-05-2009, 20:44
That's one elaborate suicide.

and it worked. alot of people remember JFK fondly.

think what would've happened if GWB was shot in the first year of his second term with just an elaborate a suicide...

I can almost guarentee that his popularity would've skyrocketed! :D
The Black Forrest
07-05-2009, 21:38
It was a Marine Sniper who was later killed and listed as a casualty in Viet Nam.
Hairless Kitten
07-05-2009, 21:49
I shot the sheriff, but I did not shoot JFK
Heinleinites
08-05-2009, 06:34
I think Kennedy himself organized the whole thing, to get some glory from surviving an assassination attempt, and to be able to scapegoat some foreign government. Unfortunately, things went very slightly wrong...

That's actually somewhat plausible. It'd take balls of steel, but Kennedy never did lack for nerve. Oliver Stone went and sucked all the fun out of Kennedy conspiracy theories with his over-blown movie. If you've never seen it, let me give you the gist. Take your average episode of Law & Order, remove everything that makes that show interesting or worth-while, then stretch what's left out to about 3 hrs. That's JFK.
The One Eyed Weasel
08-05-2009, 07:14
It was a Marine Sniper who was later killed and listed as a casualty in Viet Nam.

Wow, I like this one. I'm inclined to believe it.
Curious Inquiry
08-05-2009, 22:33
Communist Jewish Freemason Illuminati Lizardmen from the planet Niburu, under the orders of zombie Mary Magdalene, leader of a terrorist camp in Atlantis, situated in the middle of the Bermuda Triangle, with the support of her three husbands Jesus, Lord Lucan, and Elvis.
So, where does framing OJ Simpson fit in?
Skallvia
08-05-2009, 22:35
That guy on the Grassy Knoll was going too...Oswald tried to save him, unfortunately he's a lousy shot, however, :(
Rambhutan
08-05-2009, 22:49
I shot the sheriff, but I did not shoot JFK

Whereas I shot the deputy and framed Bob Marley for the crime.