NationStates Jolt Archive

http://news.aol.com/article/mom-drives-off-without-daughters/439081?icid=main|htmlws-main|dl3|link6|http%3A%2F%2Fnews.aol.com%2Farticle%2Fmom-drives-off-without-daughters%2F439081

How many of you would actually follow through?

Was this mom right or wrong? Should there be legal consequences for what she did?

I've frequently been tempted to do this, but I never did. I think that if -1. the parent did this in a place that the kids were familiar with, 2. She knew the place was safe and, 3. She drove out of sight but did not leave the area and monitored the kids - she wasn't out of line and the kids wouldn't be hurt by an object lesson. The problem arises when the parent's actions actually endanger the kids (and no, I don't think scaring them a little constitutes abuse or endangerment - kids need to know that their bad behavior has consequences).

You probably should put the title of the article at the top of your post, just to be clearer.

Driving off without the children is not in itself a problem, it depends if the intent to return shortly or not is there, and whether the situation is safe for them.

Edit: I just read the article more fully. Not returning to pick them up is the problem here.

i only have one child so i never got pushed that far.

and she did go too far in leaving them to find their own ways home.

You probably should put the title of the article at the top of your post, just to be clearer.

Driving off without the children is not in itself a problem, it depends if the intent to return shortly or not is there, and whether the situation is safe for them.

Fixed.

Fixed.

No, I mean actually 'Mother drives off without daughters in car'. A URL doesn't tell us much and not everyone will read it.

I only have one kid and I have never been pushed far enough to consider it.

Even then I would not do what she did.

She went too far and should be punished. How much? I am not sure.

My mother left me in a Perth mall when I was 2. We were walking through the city, and I refused to walk, and refused to be picked up and carried across the street. So my mother walked around the corner of a building and left me to scream my lungs out for a couple of minutes and then returned. I got up and walked the rest of the way home in silence. I think had the mother simply driven round the block and then returned, there would be no issue. But to leave 2 children to find their own way home is simply inappropriate.

Parents do the funniest things (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MJP4dr_mioA).

Wouldn't be tempted. Wouldn't do it. It's not appropriate punishment for kids that age, and there will be legal consequences for it for this woman.

Besides, my kids' dad works for child protective services. Can you imagine the headlines?

That's pretty clearly inappropriate. I have no problem with pulling over and telling the kids that they can't get back in the car until they stop fighting or something to that effect, but just ditching the kids miles from home is way over the line.

and she did go too far in leaving them to find their own ways home.

Agreed, and I think that she did go too far.

Never been tempted. I only had one and he never drove me crazy.

"White Plains police said Primoff ordered the arguing girls out of the car Sunday evening as they were driving home. She left them at Post Road and South Broadway, an area of shops and offices 3 miles from their home, then drove off, the police report said."

3 miles? assuming they knew where they were, theres no reason a 12 year-old couldn't make it back, with a 10 yr old in tow. By that age it was typical for me and my siblings to go to a store more than a mile away by ourselves, and come back.

EDIT: just google mapped it and its more like 1.7 miles from my parents house.

My dad did it to both me and my brother when he got made. he always came and got use 3 minutes later.

Not coming back was going to far.

"White Plains police said Primoff ordered the arguing girls out of the car Sunday evening as they were driving home. She left them at Post Road and South Broadway, an area of shops and offices 3 miles from their home, then drove off, the police report said."

3 miles? assuming they knew where they were, theres no reason a 12 year-old couldn't make it back, with a 10 yr old in tow. By that age it was typical for me and my siblings to go to a store more than a mile away by ourselves, and come back.

EDIT: just google mapped it and its more like 1.7 miles from my parents house.


I used to ride my bike to the store, too, and it was a couple of miles, but it wasn't a trip down the Hutchinson River Parkway, with people zipping along at 85 mph either.

My dad ordered my brother and me out of the car in the middle of a tobacco field in Georgia when we were preteens because we had been fighting for HOURS in the back of the car. He drove about 200 feet away when the skies opened up and it started pouring. He then stopped, backed up, and ordered us back into the car and told us we were damned lucky it had started raining or he'd have let us find our own way back to NY.


Car rides were a lot more subdued after that.

I wouldn't. I don't make threats I can't carry out. I never understood the parents that say to their child "if you don't get out of the floor and stop throwing a fit I'm going to leave without you" of course the child knows you will not.

I have told my child that if they would not behave we would leave, and I did. I left a whole cart of groceries in the middle of the store once.....and took her home. She never tried to pull my bluff again, she knew I wasn't bluffing.

As far as kicking kids out of the car, I got kicked out of the car when I was in junior high, had to walk home, luckily I wasn't too far (3 miles) and I knew the way.

I have pulled off into a parking lot and told the girls that they should "work it out" before I would drive anymore and I got out of the car and leaned against the door and posted here for a while on my cell phone, the older one rolled the window down and said "I think we're done fighting now" so I got in and we headed on to where we were going.

http://news.aol.com/article/mom-drives-off-without-daughters/439081?icid=main|htmlws-main|dl3|link6|http%3A%2F%2Fnews.aol.com%2Farticle%2Fmom-drives-off-without-daughters%2F439081

How many of you would actually follow through?

Was this mom right or wrong? Should there be legal consequences for what she did?

I've frequently been tempted to do this, but I never did. I think that if -1. the parent did this in a place that the kids were familiar with, 2. She knew the place was safe and, 3. She drove out of sight but did not leave the area and monitored the kids - she wasn't out of line and the kids wouldn't be hurt by an object lesson. The problem arises when the parent's actions actually endanger the kids (and no, I don't think scaring them a little constitutes abuse or endangerment - kids need to know that their bad behavior has consequences).

I just turn up the radio as loud as it goes and adjust the fade to make the rear right speaker (where my daughter sits) the loudest. The volume of the radio stays in direct proportion to her voice. Why should I be kept from getting on with my day just because my daughter can't keep quiet?

However, once my wife wouldn't stop yelling, so I pulled over, handed her the keys and I took the 5 mile walk home.

I wouldn't. I don't make threats I can't carry out. I never understood the parents that say to their child "if you don't get out of the floor and stop throwing a fit I'm going to leave without you" of course the child knows you will not.

I have told my child that if they would not behave we would leave, and I did. I left a whole cart of groceries in the middle of the store once.....and took her home. She never tried to pull my bluff again, she knew I wasn't bluffing.

As far as kicking kids out of the car, I got kicked out of the car when I was in junior high, had to walk home, luckily I wasn't too far (3 miles) and I knew the way.

I have pulled off into a parking lot and told the girls that they should "work it out" before I would drive anymore and I got out of the car and leaned against the door and posted here for a while on my cell phone, the older one rolled the window down and said "I think we're done fighting now" so I got in and we headed on to where we were going.
it drives me crazy when i see parents make threats that they cant possibly carry out or that whine and nag their children over and over again instead of taking one simple action that would make an impression right then and be remembered in the future--like walking out of the store (i dont remember if i ever had to do that, i tended to let my son pick something out as soon as we entered the store and if he misbehaved he lost it. no second chances)

but to carry out one of those over-the-top punishments is a sign that a parent needs serious help in dealing with their children.

my mom once pulled over, got out of the car, slammed the door, and started walking away down the highway in the rain. It took all of 5 seconds for my sister and me to start sobbing and run after her.

My mom drove off without me and my sisters once, but we were teenagers by then. She was actually just trying to drive off without them, but for some reason I felt a need to be sisterly and stick with them.

We were old enough to make our own way home just fine. Though she did hang up on me when I called from a payphone (she thought it might have been one of my sisters calling).

Also, what is wrong with the 12 year old that she couldn't stick with her sister? I was definitely more responsible when I was 12. No wonder her mom left her there.

"White Plains police said Primoff ordered the arguing girls out of the car Sunday evening as they were driving home. She left them at Post Road and South Broadway, an area of shops and offices 3 miles from their home, then drove off, the police report said."

3 miles? assuming they knew where they were, theres no reason a 12 year-old couldn't make it back, with a 10 yr old in tow. By that age it was typical for me and my siblings to go to a store more than a mile away by ourselves, and come back.

EDIT: just google mapped it and its more like 1.7 miles from my parents house.



Me too. Although we did pull over, I was never left to walk. I am not sure it is the same for kids today as it was for us. I think it is over reacting charging her with child endangerment. I think the mother over reacted a little bit as well. Really could we just stay out of this one?

My parents dropped my and my brother off once when I was 12-13, but that was maybe three quarter of a kilometer away at best. Didn't do any harm, but it mightn't have been the best way to deal with us, as at the time I'd go several that times the distance just for fun.

See back in the good old days. The police in that situation would just pick up the kids and bring them home. They would not have charged the mother. What possible good does that do? What if she was about to lose it and drive into a lake or something?

I wouldn't. I don't make threats I can't carry out. I never understood the parents that say to their child "if you don't get out of the floor and stop throwing a fit I'm going to leave without you" of course the child knows you will not.

I have told my child that if they would not behave we would leave, and I did. I left a whole cart of groceries in the middle of the store once.....and took her home. She never tried to pull my bluff again, she knew I wasn't bluffing.

As far as kicking kids out of the car, I got kicked out of the car when I was in junior high, had to walk home, luckily I wasn't too far (3 miles) and I knew the way.

I have pulled off into a parking lot and told the girls that they should "work it out" before I would drive anymore and I got out of the car and leaned against the door and posted here for a while on my cell phone, the older one rolled the window down and said "I think we're done fighting now" so I got in and we headed on to where we were going.

Heh well I don't know many is the time I have left a screaming child on the floor of supermarket throwing a paddy.

It really is mircaulous how quickly they stop and catch up!

See back in the good old days. The police in that situation would just pick up the kids and bring them home. They would not have charged the mother. What possible good does that do? What if she was about to lose it and drive into a lake or something?

As I understand, she dropped the kids of on a very busy road. That is NOT an area any adult should ever let a kid unsupervised.

Yes, in the good old days the mum wouldn't be charged, but then in the good old days there kids tended not to get killed in car accidents that often, either.

Wasn't there recently that case in the US of a father dropping off his kids not at their mom's house but a few miles of, and one of them died on her way there?

As I understand, she dropped the kids of on a very busy road. That is NOT an area any adult should ever let a kid unsupervised.

Yes, in the good old days the mum wouldn't be charged, but then in the good old days there kids tended not to get killed in car accidents that often, either.

Wasn't there recently that case in the US of a father dropping off his kids not at their mom's house but a few miles of, and one of them died on her way there?

Are you saying that 10 and 12 year olds cannot cross roads?

I'm starting to think that this is not that big a deal, shit man when I was 10 and my lil brother 8, we used to go get on a train out to the country to go fishing every saterday.

I do sorta feel for the yonger one though, her sister should have stayed with her.

Are you saying that 10 and 12 year olds cannot cross roads?

I'm starting to think that this is not that big a deal, shit man when I was 10 and my lil brother 8, we used to go get on a train out to the country to go fishing every saterday.

I do sorta feel for the yonger one though, her sister should have stayed with her.

Depends on the road, really, doesn't it?
I haven't been there, so I wouldn't know the area. But I remember when I was living in Montreal, big roads were scary and dangerous to cross, even when I was 26. There were no pedestrian lights to begin with, so you had to guess when you could cross.

Depends on the road, really, doesn't it?
I haven't been there, so I wouldn't know the area. But I remember when I was living in Montreal, big roads were scary and dangerous to cross, even when I was 26. There were no pedestrian lights to begin with, so you had to guess when you could cross.

Yeah it does, and of course maybe our British roads are a little smaller, *shrug* I really don't know.

Good thing my mum can't drive! I'd probably have been dropped off in Scotland so I was taught a lesson. However I have the power of driving now!

Me too. Although we did pull over, I was never left to walk. I am not sure it is the same for kids today as it was for us. I think it is over reacting charging her with child endangerment. I think the mother over reacted a little bit as well. Really could we just stay out of this one?

Well, I'm not that old, really (just 21), so I think it has a lot less to do with them being from another time, so much as another culture. They probably haven't walked anywhere in their lives, and just let mom and dad ferry them everywhere. Although it might be more an issue, as others have pointed out that the 12 yr old left the little un behind. Even if the 10 year old would have the capability and knowledge to get back, there's something about being left behind that, emotionally a child that age probably wouldn't be able to handle.

What lousy parenting from start to finish. Threatening to abandon your kids is a lame tactic, and actually doing it is infinitely worse. Hope she never gets to have unsupervised contact with her kids again.

Heh well I don't know many is the time I have left a screaming child on the floor of supermarket throwing a paddy.

It really is mircaulous how quickly they stop and catch up!

Nah, I've seen it happen, I just don't think it's very effective in the long run......at some point your kid figures out you're not going to leave them for real, right? They know you're going to stop around the corner so you can keep an eye on them or that if they can just lay there screaming long enough to make you uncomfortable you'll come back for them, or that if they can just scream loud enough you'll buy them something to shut them up......I've seen it happen with my friend's kids. I don't play the game.at.all. You fuck up, and we'll just leave I'll come back later without you and I'll remember next time that you can't follow the rules so maybe you don't get to come with me then either.

It's okay to kick em out if you come back for them, this happened to me.

How old are they when you kick them out of the car? How long is it okay to leave them unsupervised? Are they in a safe place? Is there a plan for their safety? How mature are the children?

It’s totally a judgment call, and if you have to take the time to think about all that, then there’s your clue, if you don't have one otherwise, that it’s not an effective method of punishment, even if it’s not a case of outright lack of adequate supervision.

Nah, I've seen it happen, I just don't think it's very effective in the long run......at some point your kid figures out you're not going to leave them for real, right? They know you're going to stop around the corner so you can keep an eye on them or that if they can just lay there screaming long enough to make you uncomfortable you'll come back for them, or that if they can just scream loud enough you'll buy them something to shut them up......I've seen it happen with my friend's kids. I don't play the game.at.all. You fuck up, and we'll just leave I'll come back later without you and I'll remember next time that you can't follow the rules so maybe you don't get to come with me then either.

Ahh that's where these people get it wrong then. If you do actualy just leave them, they soon come running.:D

never had that threat. the only car threat I got was "stop [whatever action] now or we're turning around and going home!"

If it happened while on the way home, then I'd get a spanking.

The easiest way to get kids to behave in the car is to get it nice and cozy warm in there. My two often fall asleep if they're in the car more than 15 minutes. They are 7 and 10. Honestly, I don't think they've ever fought in the car, and we frequently go for 7 hour drives.