NationStates Jolt Archive

Like I said, I'm not the best person to ask.

My last contact with a hair-care professional was, IIRC, in 1978.

I just asked my wife (who I would like to note is not a hair-care professional) she advised me that split-ends shouldn't be a factor, as hair grows from the roots... something I'lln have to look into.

I just asked my wife (who I would like to note is not a hair-care professional) she advised me that split-ends shouldn't be a factor, as hair grows from the roots... something I'lln have to look into.

I think we should just keep chatting along, demonstrating the many facets of our mutual ignorance, until some Coiffure Nazi from the internet detects our flagrant breach of the Being Wrong rule.

Maybe what we both need is a bit of Singeing. I understand it was quite effective, though leaving a distinctive and perhaps objectionable Odour.

I think we should just keep chatting along, demonstrating the many facets of our mutual ignorance, until some Coiffure Nazi from the internet detects our flagrant breach of the Being Wrong rule.

Maybe what we both need is a bit of Singeing. I understand it was quite effective, though leaving a distinctive and perhaps objectionable Odour.

I singed some arm-hair once... it was good times with a grill and way to much lighter fluid *nod*.

Yeah, it smelled terrible.

I have a small goatee I need to shave. Not a fan of beards, personally. Moustaches, on the other hand, are made of win.

Oh heh .. I consider goatees and all other sorts of face hair involving the chin and or cheeks a type of beard.

I like face hair on a man. I prefer it kind of short and groomed, but I have seen some full blown beards that didn't look bad on the guy.

Oh heh .. I consider goatees and all other sorts of face hair involving the chin and or cheeks a type of beard.

I like face hair on a man. I prefer it kind of short and groomed, but I have seen some full blown beards that didn't look bad on the guy.

Some, like, all of them, right? ;)

I rarely shave, and have only done it when applying for jobs mostly.
Right now it´s on its way to a semblance of something analogous to a full beard, but shorter.
Going from clean-shaven to this state it tends to grow into a chin curtain first,
the flesh out into the real deal.
Sometimes, I also try out different kinds of beards/mustaches but have yet succeeded in finding something that fits me.

The biggest reason for me to start shaving would be the color of the hairs,
with the head on my hair being ash blond,
the brows white/blond and the facial hair is red with a tinge of brown.
No matter how you look at it, it does not fit...with anything..(that I have yet to come across that is)

The biggest reason for me to start shaving would be the color of the hairs,
with the head on my hair being ash blond,
the brows white/blond and the facial hair is red with a tinge of brown.
No matter how you look at it, it does not fit...with anything..(that I have yet to come across that is)

You could just remain clean-shaven... on your head I mean.

You could just remain clean-shaven... on your head I mean.

Uhm, no...thanks.
I already have slightly puffy cheeks.
I am trying to find a beard and hair style that makes my face look thinner/longer [Swedish ,)].

And damn typos..now that you have quoted it, it is too late the fix it.

The biggest reason for me to start shaving would be the color of the hairs,
with the head on my hair being ash blond,
the brows white/blond and the facial hair is red with a tinge of brown.
No matter how you look at it, it does not fit...with anything..(that I have yet to come across that is)

You need to balance the colour at the bottom with some colour at the top, to frame the face.

And that can mean only one thing: a beret.

Before you blow your top, consider. Jamie Heineman from Mythbusters wears a beret, without looking like total dick. In fact, he might have just that problem, darker hair on his face than on top.

Care must be taken not to match the colour of the beret too carefully to the colour of the beard. That would look affected. It would look prissy. Oh no no no.

Nobody, and I mean nobody, can tell if they look good by looking in a mirror. People just can't be objective. What you need to do is match up the colours without seeing your own face at the same time. So put your beard in a flatbed scanner (more accurate colour registration than a digital camera) and get a graphic of that. Blur the picture in your photo-manipulation software of choice, to get the overall tone without highlights or shadow, and start playing around with other colours in a block next to that in the image.

Save the best four or five combinations, then come back and choose between them the next day. Be wary of getting carried away here, because once you have chosen the colour, chosen the beret from the millions of not-quite-right ones available, and put it on your head, you can't change your mind. Berets are like that. You are choosing YOUR BERET, the one without which you will never again be really you.

OK, you've made your choice of colour. Now it's time to go buy the beret. Don't do this on the internet, too many of the vendors are lax about colour registration, and the actual headpiece is unlikely to be tinted just as it appears on their webpage. No, you need to print a sheet of the colour from your printer (of course, you have colour calibrated your printer, right?) and carry the sheet around with you while beret shopping.

I'm afraid I cannot tell you where to buy a beret. If you were Australian, your first stop would be Target or Sportsgirl, but I really can't say if those stores carry the same stock in other countries, if they exist at all. Suffice to say, women's and men's berets are essentially the same shape. You may find your beret, perfect except for some applique flowers in girly shades of felt. These can easily be removed after purchase. Your perfect beret may come as part of a set (for instance, with calf-high boots or a decorative umbrella) and is very likely packaged to appeal to a teenage girl. This is irrelevant, a teenager's head is so close to the same size as yours it makes no difference, and in any case no beret ever really "fits." If the colour is right, pluck up your courage and buy it anyway.

The only important criterion is the colour. Shape is irrelevant in a beret.

Bring your new beret home. Remove any applique flowers, labels, and decorative trim. Now wash it, preferably with a dog-blanket or the foot-mats from a car, or if that isn't practical just wash it repeatedly. The idea is to make it look old.

If there are any mirrors in your house, hang sheets over them or masking-tape some newspaper over them. Your first sight of your own reflection wearing your beret may be somewhat traumatic, and it is important that the beret be an essential part of your life before that, or you may lose faith in your new "look."

Choose a time when you are unlikely to be asked to remove the beret for a few days: for instance, a saturday morning if you have a monday-to-friday job and are not a church-goer. If this is hard to arrange, you might consider taking a few days of compassionate leave from work to let the beret get comfortable on your head. Ask your employer for compassionate leave -- most employers will demand to know what for, so tell them straight: "I'm wearing a beret." They'll understand, and they might even be moved to offer you the use of a company car, or to send some other employee around with supplies in your difficult time. Don't be ashamed: wearing a beret is an extraordinary challenge which few ever have to face in a lifetime.

The first few days are undeniably difficult. You may feel the beret twisting your head, or yanking it backwards with an appearance of arrogance. It may even pull at the edges of your face, causing the simulacrum of a sneer, or twitch your brow causing something like a wink. Just go with it -- after a while, you will discover that the beret is always right, and however terrified you are to be winking at heavily-built bikers or simpering at diseased-looking crones, nobody will notice anything about you, or find anything at all odd about you. They'll just be spellbound by your unbelievably cool beret/goatee combo. Hell, you could rob a bank if the beret wanted to, just by walking in and asking politely for the money.

Please note, that the above does not constitute legal, medical or psychiatric advice. It's all just off the top of my head.

I wouldn't like having a beard, all that annoying stuff hanging down from your face. I already feel like a Neanderthaler when I forget to shave for a day or so.

snip

:fluffle:

Holy wall of Hannah Montana text!!

A beret.

I already have a beret actually, a black one.
Also, a black top hat and a black captains peaked cap.

So put your beard in a flatbed scanner (more accurate colour registration than a digital camera) and get a graphic of that.

Don't have a scanner or printer I´m afraid.

Choose a time when you are unlikely to be asked to remove the beret for a few days: for instance, a saturday morning if you have a monday-to-friday job.

I´m currently unemployed sadly.

Please note, that the above does not constitute legal, medical or psychiatric advice. It's all just off the top of my head.

I can't tell if this entire thing is a joke with some seriousness thrown in, or the other way around. ,)

Thanks for the tips anyway..
That you even took the time to write out this light novel is ...amazing.

:fluffle:

Mmmm. I haven't had a hug in ages. Feels good!

:fluffle:

Holy wall of Hannah Montana text!!

Nothing better to do, I guess.

NSG front page has Torture Memos and Pirate Bay, both of which I care about.
But I'm winding down. I really need to go for a few days.
Can't get too involved.

I already have a beret actually, a black one.
Also, a black top hat and a black captains peaked cap.

I've always wanted a broken top hat, like Harpo.
But I don't deliberately destroy things.

Don't have a scanner or printer I´m afraid.

I don't either. Nor do I have a beret. I do however, have a knitted thing which fits over a standard cap to make a sort of beanie-with-an-eyeshade. It's either daggy or dapper, depending on the light and how I hold my ears.

I´m currently unemployed sadly.

It's like a dozen times this week I've seen posters saying they're unemployed. Must be the new growth industry.

I can't tell if this entire thing is a joke with some seriousness thrown in, or the other way around. ,)

It's a joke. With some pissfarting-around thrown in.

Hope you enjoy! :)

Thanks for the tips anyway..
That you even took the time to write out this light novel is ...amazing.

That's my idea of fun. Anyone reading it is a total bonus!

-snip-

I don't want to take this thread too much off topic,
so instead of commenting on some very alluring statements,
I shall just confirm that I've read it.

Very nice joke indeed.

Mmmm. I haven't had a hug in ages. Feels good!

:fluffle:

Oh I assure you it was more than a hug! :wink:

Oh I assure you it was more than a hug! :wink:

Hang on while I put out this cigarette. I wouldn't want your head to catch fire ...

Hang on while I put out this cigarette. I wouldn't want your head to catch fire ...

:DGah! Stupid minimum letter requirement!