NationStates Jolt Archive

What are the rules about giving up your seat on the bus? I'm a thirtysomething, somewhat babyfaced, male, so I know I'm on the bottom of the seat-retaining hierarchy. Giving up a seat to the elderly and those with mobility issues is a no-brainer, but what about healthy looking middle-aged women? Children under ten? Is giving up your seat always polite, or can it be construed as patronizing under the wrong circumstances?


Unrelated, but since I've moved I've discovered my new bus route attracts a much sketchier, and malodorous, crowd. I expected the wino smell and the pot smokers, but last week I found myself next to someone who reeked of campfire. Tonight there was an inexplicable aroma of Campbell's chicken soup. What's your weirdest encounter with bus odours?

but what about healthy looking middle-aged women? Children under ten? Is giving up your seat always polite, or can it be construed as patronizing under the wrong circumstances?

Neither really they can stand if the bus is full. The kid has enough strength and to so does the middle aged woman, if she thought she had some right to my seat because she is a woman then I would say I have a right to demand she be at home making babies and cooking her husband dinner.

What's your weirdest encounter with bus odours?

Vomit, really bad BO, and shit yes I am pretty sure someone was on the bus who had either not wiped up properly or forgot they won't wearing a nappy.

It is why I usually sit up at the front of the bus, a much more respectable crowd usually sits at the front.

Weirdest encounter on a bus I ever had was in Pittsburgh on my way to the Museum. The bus was almost empty and this woman who looked like a whore, smelled like a sewer, and had a little yap yap dog that would not shut up started yelling at me because I was in her seat. Mind you I had been on the bus for a half hour and the thing was nearly empty.

I very calmly looked at the woman and said in the most deadpan tone I could muster, "People tell me I'm crazy. But I'm not crazy, I know I'm not crazy. Crazy people don't have a sense of humor and I still have my sense of humor." The I gave her the most wicked grin I could and said, "See?!"

She left me alone after that.

I'm in my early 20's, and a frequent transit rider who has contemplated these same questions. I'm in the practice of offering my seat up to seniors, the disabled, mothers with young children as well as children in the elementary age group. I have given up my seat to women of various ages on many occasions, but am not in the habit of doing this..

As for funky odours.. I used to live in Winnipeg, where the transit is underfunded, underappreciated and overused. I've had the pleasure of sitting next to a fellow drenched in beer and smeared with dog shit, and have been evacuated from a city bus as a result of a neighbouring passenger vomiting profusely all over the coach..

Weirdest encounter on a bus I ever had was in Pittsburgh on my way to the Museum. The bus was almost empty and this woman who looked like a whore, smelled like a sewer, and had a little yap yap dog that would not shut up started yelling at me because I was in her seat. Mind you I had been on the bus for a half hour and the thing was nearly empty.

I very calmly looked at the woman and said in the most deadpan tone I could muster, "People tell me I'm crazy. But I'm not crazy, I know I'm not crazy. Crazy people don't have a sense of humor and I still have my sense of humor." The I gave her the most wicked grin I could and said, "See?!"

She left me alone after that.

Very well done. You have earned a place on my Roving Band of Maniacs when the Apocalypse comes. :)

I'm in my early 20's, and a frequent transit rider who has contemplated these same questions. I'm in the practice of offering my seat up to seniors, the disabled, mothers with young children as well as children in the elementary age group. I have given up my seat to women of various ages on many occasions, but am not in the habit of doing this..

Elementry kids? Are you serious, I wouldn't move for them at all, the moment the tables are turned do you think they would say look mate I can see your on crutches have my seat. But then I am a prick.

People here have a habit of putting their bag on the seat next to them, which does become annoying when the bus starts filling up. I remember one time I was riding the bus home and one of these kids (he would have been in year 8) was doing this chatting to his friends in other seats. The bus was full with plenty of people standing up and seats occupied. I asked him can you move your bag mate? He turned and said I like my bag near me. I picked it up slammed it into his chest and said I told you to move your bag and sat down next to him. I think the kid was to stunned to say anything or push me back off.

The example of leaving your bag on a seat when the bus is full is an example of bad etiquette.

It's nice to yield your seat to people who are carrying a lot of things--not required, but nice. Otherwise, if they're healthy and not senior citizens, only yield your seat is you're feeling particularly gallant or trying to hit on someone.

I give my seat (when I have one, which isn't quite common) to elderly people, to people carrying infant kids, and to people with physical handicaps of some kind, like missing legs, broken arms etc.

That's all.

About odours, well... I'm plunging into the bus and then into the metro within 10 minutes. Don't make me think about it.

The example of leaving your bag on a seat when the bus is full is an example of bad etiquette.

It is indeed.
You were great, man. Kids are becoming more stupid and ill-mannered every day. Must be too many stupid parents.

Very well done. You have earned a place on my Roving Band of Maniacs when the Apocalypse comes. :)

Sweet.

I rarely sit down unless the bus is reasonably empty.

I ride the bus in the mornings, on occasion, since one of my cars is unreliable.
When i'm on the bus, i wear what looks like a rug, a shaggy one, i hold a black garbage bag with my stuff in it, i try not to blink, and i make sure i keep grasping my fingers outwardly like a young child learning digital dexterity (or someone fitting on some tight gloves)
Usually i get a seat to myself.

I never use the bus. Given the option between the bus and walking, I'll choose walking. Buses are quagmires of the lowest scum of humanity.

Pregnant, yes. Elderly, yes. Children, probably no. Ordinary women, no. My feminist teacher told us that "Chivalry is dead", no need to give away our seats to someone just because she is female.

And I am only too happy to oblige. :)

I never use the bus. Given the option between the bus and walking, I'll choose walking. Buses are quagmires of the lowest scum of humanity.

So you have to leave about 4 hours before you start work because it takes you that long to walk 30 km instead of 45 minutes by bus.

I give up my seat to anybody who looks like they need it more than I do.

Edit: I once had an elderly lady give her seat up for me - I was very ill that day, on a very hot, very crowded tube and I really thought I was going to throw or pass out. I was so grateful to her, she saved a lot of potential unpleasantness and embarrassment.

So you have to leave about 4 hours before you start work because it takes you that long to walk 30 km instead of 45 minutes by bus.

Nope. The benefit of living in Edinburgh? Everything is within a 20 minute walk.

I use the bus daily, twice daily at least.
I don't usually mind it so much, as the busses in town are mostly ok. It's only when you get on the busses out to the subburbs that it gets bad... on one of the busses in the morning, there sometimes is this really really old, tiny, shriveled up man, wearing a suit with a carnation on the lapel, his remaining hair carefully combed across in waves, and smelling very strongly of formaldehyde.
I swear he must work at a funeral home...

Also, there's this dwarf knacker with a hoodie and "Love" and "Hate" tatooed on his knuckles. But he doesn't do anything, he just looks weird.

Nope. The benefit of living in Edinburgh? Everything is within a 20 minute walk.

Well in that case I think most people would rather walk. I know I would.

Well in that case I think most people would rather walk. I know I would.

Well, the downside of that is of course having to live in Edinburgh...

Well, the downside of that is of course having to live in Edinburgh...

hahaha Touche

Nope. The benefit of living in Edinburgh? Everything is within a 20 minute walk.

And there are lots of relatively cheap taxis. Or there were last time I was there.

'bus etiquette'? is that like, french for a bus ticket you ordered on the internet?

but really, this business of giving your seat to someone is confusing. I grew up when if you were a guy you got up for a woman, period. they were called 'ladies' back then and you just got up automatically. then it was like somebody flipped a switch, and one day after I got back from Nam I got up for a woman - she must've been about 30 I guess - and she started shouting 'siddown you male chauvinist prick!' then she kicked off about male oppression and blah blah for what felt like 5 minutes but wasn't. I said suit yourself, tried to ignore her (it wasn't easy) and offered the seat to the woman who got on behind her. the 2nd woman appreciated it and the 1st one spent the rest of the ride looking at my back and I spent the rest of the ride waiting for her to stab me in it.

but upbringing dies hard. after that I kept getting up for some women but only after I've decided they don't look deranged, and I get up for people who look like they need it. right now, I'm on crutches a lot so I'm grateful when someone offers me a seat. a lot of times they don't.

'bus etiquette'? is that like, french for a bus ticket you ordered on the internet?

but really, this business of giving your seat to someone is confusing. I grew up when if you were a guy you got up for a woman, period. they were called 'ladies' back then and you just got up automatically. then it was like somebody flipped a switch, and one day after I got back from Nam I got up for a woman - she must've been about 30 I guess - and she started shouting 'siddown you male chauvinist prick!' then she kicked off about male oppression and blah blah for what felt like 5 minutes but wasn't. I said suit yourself, tried to ignore her (it wasn't easy) and offered the seat to the woman who got on behind her. the 2nd woman appreciated it and the 1st one spent the rest of the ride looking at my back and I spent the rest of the ride waiting for her to stab me in it.

but upbringing dies hard. after that I kept getting up for some women but only after I've decided they don't look deranged, and I get up for people who look like they need it. right now, I'm on crutches a lot so I'm grateful when someone offers me a seat. a lot of times they don't.

Quick question : why do you think women would need to sit down more than men?

Quick question : why do you think women would need to sit down more than men?

Is it the shoes? :p

Is it the shoes? :p

*lol

Now, there might be an argument made for that, to be honest.... ;)

Quick question : why do you think women would need to sit down more than men?

'need'? who's talking about need? the way I learned it, it's about things like courtesy and respect - 2 words I notice aren't popular now. it's a kind of symbolic act, for society to teach itself to remember that everything can't be hard and harsh and aggressive all the time, and we have to stay civilized. it's like balancing yin and yang, keeping the softness so we don't tip over into unrelenting hardness. and it's a way to learn to be kinder to everybody by being kinder to particular people. it's small steps, learning to be kind to people who won't reject it and learning from that to be kind to everyone.

think of it like, when we sometimes do something that yields instead of takes, we can maybe learn from that to stop being selfish generally. women were part of that symbolism I guess because of tradition that made women the last defenders of kindness and civilization when the rest of the world goes nuts. and because of biology. and because they were always glad to receive all those acts of kindness and respect from men. until they weren't. (except when they still are, of course.)

I'm not brilliant with words so that doesn't explain what I mean very well. so here: when I got back from Nam, I wanted to remember that the whole world wasn't like a war, and that people could offer and accept courtesy and respect from each other without looking for a concealed gun or bomb. the normality of letting somebody else go first, or holding a door for somebody, or even offering a seat to a woman, is part of saying life doesn't have to be a jungle. if we lose that, we turn into something else. something less.

sorry I can't explain it better.

I despise buses, so my bus etiquette is to insure i will never get on one to worry about it. This is why i pay the big bucks for a car, gas and insurance.

I never use the bus. Given the option between the bus and walking, I'll choose walking. Buses are quagmires of the lowest scum of humanity.

You're missing out, Edinburgh buses are both regular and pretty pleasant as well. With cars being as much use in the city centre as a condom in a convent they are are ideal if you don't enjoy long walks in the rain.

I usually sit on the top deck of buses, thus avoiding etiquette issues. The elderly, disabled or pregnant don't come upstairs.

'need'? who's talking about need? the way I learned it, it's about things like courtesy and respect - 2 words I notice aren't popular now. it's a kind of symbolic act, for society to teach itself to remember that everything can't be hard and harsh and aggressive all the time, and we have to stay civilized. it's like balancing yin and yang, keeping the softness so we don't tip over into unrelenting hardness. and it's a way to learn to be kinder to everybody by being kinder to particular people. it's small steps, learning to be kind to people who won't reject it and learning from that to be kind to everyone.

think of it like, when we sometimes do something that yields instead of takes, we can maybe learn from that to stop being selfish generally. women were part of that symbolism I guess because of tradition that made women the last defenders of kindness and civilization when the rest of the world goes nuts. and because of biology. and because they were always glad to receive all those acts of kindness and respect from men. until they weren't. (except when they still are, of course.)

I'm not brilliant with words so that doesn't explain what I mean very well. so here: when I got back from Nam, I wanted to remember that the whole world wasn't like a war, and that people could offer and accept courtesy and respect from each other without looking for a concealed gun or bomb. the normality of letting somebody else go first, or holding a door for somebody, or even offering a seat to a woman, is part of saying life doesn't have to be a jungle. if we lose that, we turn into something else. something less.

sorry I can't explain it better.

So by that logic, you would expect women to always get up for men as well?
Because that would most certainly be polite and civilised...

'need'? who's talking about need? the way I learned it, it's about things like courtesy and respect - 2 words I notice aren't popular now. it's a kind of symbolic act, for society to teach itself to remember that everything can't be hard and harsh and aggressive all the time, and we have to stay civilized. it's like balancing yin and yang, keeping the softness so we don't tip over into unrelenting hardness. and it's a way to learn to be kinder to everybody by being kinder to particular people. it's small steps, learning to be kind to people who won't reject it and learning from that to be kind to everyone.

Women's Lib. If they want a seat they can ask another woman to get up. I wouldn't give up my seat for a man.

Car to parking lot. Lot to train. Train to subway. Walk 5 or 6 blocks.


Subway are never a good place to use your nose. Breathe through your mouth if possible. Distraction is the key usually music or a book. Don't make eye contact.

If the woman looks at least as old as me then I sit if she is older I usually will stand up. Kids usually up to about teenage years. Strollers, heavy packages/bags, either guy or girl I will stand up. The easy ones are disabled, pregnant, although never say that is the reason, you always say it looks like you needed a seat. Never, never,never assume that a woman is pregnant.

I've been known to stand even when I'm the only one on the bus. That said, if I am sitting, I will always give up my seat for the elderly, small children, or anyone carrying anything larger than a backpack. I'll probably give it up for just about anyone though...

I have been known to drop the line "You know...ever since I got laid off from the post office, I've been feeling a bit....DISGRUNTLED."

followed by "Wew! Now I gots me some swingging room!" as the people back away slowly.

what about healthy looking middle-aged women?

Not necessary, except when they're carrying a lot of heavy stuff (same goes for men).

Children under ten?

That depends on the age of the child and the bumpiness of the road. If they're with an adult who needs to sit down (elderly or see above), it's polite to make adjacent seats available to both, so the adult will be able to keep an eye on the kid.

Is giving up your seat always polite, or can it be construed as patronizing under the wrong circumstances?

People who look weaker than they are may be annoyed, but I wouldn't worry about the few of those you might encounter. Most of the time you will just be considered silly.

What's your weirdest encounter with bus odours?

BO, smelly food, weird chemical smells that probably are supposed to be deodorants, the smell of a smelly dog the person must have hugged, nothing surprising.

I have a related question. I usually put my bag on the seat next to me until the bus starts getting somewhat full. When I give up the seat next to me, how do I make sure it doesn't get occupied by the wide person who really needs two seats (which are still available, but for some reason these people like to sit in my lap), or by an extremely smelly person?

I'd ask for a way to get attractive passengers to sit there instead, but that might be stretching it and I have no idea what to talk about anyway. "Hey, don't I know you? Oh that's right I see you on the bus a lot. Do you ride this bus often?" :rolleyes:

the normality of letting somebody else go first, or holding a door for somebody, or even offering a seat to a woman, is part of saying life doesn't have to be a jungle. if we lose that, we turn into something else. something less.


It's unclear still why one should let people go first, and hold doors to people, but not offering a seat to a man. Life between men should be a jungle?

I offer a seat to whom needs it. Man, woman, I don't care. If you don't need it you won't be offered it; man, woman, I don't care.

I was on a long-distance bus with someone who pooped in their seat. He actually pooped at the bus stop, but I didn't know how to tell the driver "you might not want to let that guy on, he shit himself" in Norwegian. To make matters worse, I had a terrible bout of motion sickness. Worst. Ride. Ever.

When I was in middle school I rode public transportation to and from school each day. (It was a private school that didn't have buses.)

One day as I was sitting near the back a girl, who was with a bunch of her friends started making rude comments to me. I forget now exactly what she said but I think it had something to do with my being one of the few white looking people in that area of the bus.

I was in a crappy mood that day and didn't want to be messed with, so without thinking I turned around and I hissed at her. I literally hissed at her... like a cat. The look of astonishment on her face was priceless, and after that she left me alone.

People don't mess with you when they think you're insane.

'need'? who's talking about need? the way I learned it, it's about things like courtesy and respect - 2 words I notice aren't popular now. it's a kind of symbolic act, for society to teach itself to remember that everything can't be hard and harsh and aggressive all the time, and we have to stay civilized. it's like balancing yin and yang, keeping the softness so we don't tip over into unrelenting hardness. and it's a way to learn to be kinder to everybody by being kinder to particular people. it's small steps, learning to be kind to people who won't reject it and learning from that to be kind to everyone.

think of it like, when we sometimes do something that yields instead of takes, we can maybe learn from that to stop being selfish generally. women were part of that symbolism I guess because of tradition that made women the last defenders of kindness and civilization when the rest of the world goes nuts. and because of biology. and because they were always glad to receive all those acts of kindness and respect from men. until they weren't. (except when they still are, of course.)

I'm not brilliant with words so that doesn't explain what I mean very well. so here: when I got back from Nam, I wanted to remember that the whole world wasn't like a war, and that people could offer and accept courtesy and respect from each other without looking for a concealed gun or bomb. the normality of letting somebody else go first, or holding a door for somebody, or even offering a seat to a woman, is part of saying life doesn't have to be a jungle. if we lose that, we turn into something else. something less.

sorry I can't explain it better.

Well said.