NationStates Jolt Archive

Jhahannam and I have decided we can't live in this world. We don't have the coping skills. We can't handle the pain, fear, stress, or even the simple annoyance incumbent to existing as people.

So, we're going back to live in Straughn's brain. We found a part of his hippocampus that governs his emotional reaction to people who paint Warhammer figurines in particularly uninspiring palettes, but he doesn't use it often, so we're going to squat there.

The Ghost of Ayn Rand is being reincarnated as a an African boy whose life will be saved by World Health Org doctors using research donated by Bill Gates and Warren Buffet. He'll later get a scholarship to Oxford, become President of an African nation, expel all journalists and aid workers, and lead a smoke-darkened campaign of butchery and conquest with the trademark jangling of grenades hanging by their pins from the piercings in his penis. His biography will be called "Obama Was A Pussy: How a Black Man Really Gets A Second Term".

Sgt Toomey is going to a Veteran's Hospital to have the steel plate in his head replaced with silver.

Saint Curie will die of a self-inflicted gun shot wound in a cheap hotel in Vegas after really being let down by the last issue of 100 Bullets.



So, Nationstates...what's YOUR obituary going to look like?

So, whats the next reincarnation?

Ah, fuck it...

Screw you, you owe me a debate, fool.

So, whats the next reincarnation?

Well, we're hoping to all go out at once, like Lynard Skynard, to avoid any embarassing resurfacings. (Baldwin for Christ, I'm looking at you, so lighting yourself on fire to protest gay marriage better actually happen, bud).

If nobody chickesn out, there shouldn't be a next reincarnation.

Screw you, you owe me a debate, fool.

You can read your side of it at Sgt Toomey's 21 Gun Salute at Arlington.

Ah, fuck it...

Writing your own obituary too depressing? Too "8th grade essay class"? Too spiritually masturbatory?

C'mon NSG! What will the local paper put in your blurb when they put you in the drawer?

If nobody chickesn out, there shouldn't be a next reincarnation.

You say that everytime:p

Writing your own obituary too depressing? Too "8th grade essay class"? Too spiritually masturbatory?

C'mon NSG! What will the local paper put in your blurb when they put you in the drawer?

No no no no...You misunderstand, my obituary IS "ah Fuck it" lol...

They won't put anything, because they won't survive my death.

Screw you, you owe me a debate, fool.

Ah, fuck it...

Great obits guys! I love it. to the point and short. yet it captures your essence perfectly!

Sarkhaan: He saw the light and put on sunglasses.

You say that everytime:p

I know, but this time we have Straughn's brain, an "eviction of haunting notice" from God for Ayn, orders from the Department of Defense for Toomey, a firearm for Saint Curie, and a final, flaming culmination of Baldwin for Christ's lifelong struggle with homophobia/homosexuality.

Its finally going to be over.

Well, we're hoping to all go out at once, like Lynard Skynard, to avoid any embarassing resurfacings. (Baldwin for Christ, I'm looking at you, so lighting yourself on fire to protest gay marriage better actually happen, bud).

If nobody chickesn out, there shouldn't be a next reincarnation.

I expect some damn chickening, then. Who else will compare me to soap-covered salad vegetables if you leave?

No no no no...You misunderstand, my obituary IS "ah Fuck it" lol...

Well, I guess its better than "Aw, fuck that guy". I've heard that's what they're planning for Charles Lipton.

My NSG obit?

I envision something like...

"When did Junii leave?"

I expect some damn chickening, then. Who else will compare me to soap-covered salad vegetables if you leave?

It hurts, Poli. It hurts too much, ever day, all the time.

Anyway, I happen to know that you're not the salad, girl...you're the main course.

It hurts, Poli. It hurts too much, ever day, all the time.

Anyway, I happen to know that you're not the salad, girl...you're the main course.

How DO you know that? DETAILS!!! ;) lol

Wish I had more time to read your responses, all.

I'm out of time on this computer, just had to print out my e-ticket for my flight tomorrow.

Almost every one of you deserved more attention than I gave you. I was always trying to build some asinine little stage for myself to die on, like that would have given it meaning. I should've realized what a gift you were.

You know who you are.

Out of time! Goodbye!

Flight? Tickets? Straughn's brain? Printing? Does this mean that they were Straughn all along? Were the e-tickets purchased directly or through a third party? Was their a surcharge? Does this mean they're gone for good? How much extra will they have to pay for drinks? Do multiple personalities have to get extra seats, the same as fat people?

All these questions and more will not be answered in my obituary. My obituary will simply say,
"He was the greatest man that ever lived, and you all didn't deserve him. So fuck off and die in a hole, cretins. Fuck off and die in a hole."

The tragedy, when it comes, will be too great to be properly captured in word form. This is why I've arranged a deal with a well-known marketing company to release a viral video lamenting my passing through the medium of interpretative dance.

The tragedy, when it comes, will be too great to be properly captured in word form. This is why I've arranged a deal with a well-known marketing company to release a viral video lamenting my passing through the medium of interpretative dance.

It's already leaked out on bootleg: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KoQb8vb4blA

"Sudden glut of single malt whisky leaves local retailers puzzled"

"The village was stunned today as an unusually smart panda in a highly realistic lawyer costume was found stabbed through the heart by a single frozen carrot. This has lead to mutterings about how today would be no ordinary tuesday night. Luckily, tea was served in the lounge."

Anne Rice wrote it perfectly a few years ago:

"This is Life and years of this will pass, for this is what it's meant to be: Shut the doors! Shut the doors! Shut the doors!"

That, right there, is my obituary.

"He died, moments before the age of immortality."

"Now he lays in peace, buried in a tin foil wrapped casket."

Jhahannam and I have decided we can't live in this world. We don't have the coping skills. We can't handle the pain, fear, stress, or even the simple annoyance incumbent to existing as people.

So, we're going back to live in Straughn's brain. We found a part of his hippocampus that governs his emotional reaction to people who paint Warhammer figurines in particularly uninspiring palettes, but he doesn't use it often, so we're going to squat there.

The Ghost of Ayn Rand is being reincarnated as a an African boy whose life will be saved by World Health Org doctors using research donated by Bill Gates and Warren Buffet. He'll later get a scholarship to Oxford, become President of an African nation, expel all journalists and aid workers, and lead a smoke-darkened campaign of butchery and conquest with the trademark jangling of grenades hanging by their pins from the piercings in his penis. His biography will be called "Obama Was A Pussy: How a Black Man Really Gets A Second Term".

Sgt Toomey is going to a Veteran's Hospital to have the steel plate in his head replaced with silver.

Saint Curie will die of a self-inflicted gun shot wound in a cheap hotel in Vegas after really being let down by the last issue of 100 Bullets.



So, Nationstates...what's YOUR obituary going to look like?
isnt that cruelty to straughn? i think you should find a spot in neo art's brain.

isnt that cruelty to straughn? i think you should find a spot in neo art's brain.

Indeed. I already live inside Straughn's brain. <.<

Indeed. I already live inside Straughn's brain. <.<
ohmygod it would be terrible to have to share space with hammurab and jahanaham! you would never sleep again!

ohmygod it would be terrible to have to share space with hammurab and jahanaham! you would never sleep again!

I know. Besides, Straughn made some modifications to the size of his hippocampus. He needed to cut on heating costs. There's hardly room for me.:eek2:

So long and thanks for the fish.

Here lies the greatest man that ever existed, ever.

"His life and works were as memorable and significant as those of his namesake."

Guaranteed not to impress anyone who has ever heard of the original Pope Lando. :p

SO what ever happened to that SaintB guy?

Who?

You know that really funny guy!

You mean Lunatic Goofballs?

Yeah maybe I was thinking about him...

Not my obituary but probably how I'll be remembered here.

If nobody chickesn out, there shouldn't be a next reincarnation.

What if the medication doesn't work? You got other plans to surpress the "others"?

*pouts*

But who will I remember the good old days as a Vatican Assassin with over some beers?

Who else knows what a neutered-by-flying kick Metro Police horse sounds like?


*cries*

"We're leaving now. Yep. This time for sure. No skipping out. No coming back. Fifth time for certain. Of course. Definitely."

"There, but for the grace of God, go wheeeeee!"

"What? You mean this button?"


:p

If life was to be a butterfly, then ever shall it float away.

SO what ever happened to that SaintB guy?

Who?

You know that really funny guy!

You mean Lunatic Goofballs?

Yeah maybe I was thinking about him...

Not my obituary but probably how I'll be remembered here.

Perhaps if you went out in a truly memorable way. I could give you some ideas:

*opens list*

How do you feel about running in circles around the South Pole naked until you drop?

Perhaps if you went out in a truly memorable way. I could give you some ideas:

*opens list*

How do you feel about running in circles around the South Pole naked until you drop?

In protest to global warming? Hmm perhaps... but I'm not a fan of the cold. What other options do we got?

If life was to be a butterfly, then ever shall it float away.

you mean like this?
http://www.kevinandkell.com/2009/strips/kk20090313.gif

:D

In protest to global warming? Hmm perhaps... but I'm not a fan of the cold. What other options do we got?

*looks at the list* trying to hold onto the side of the Space Shuttle during launch...

...depantsing Vladimir Putin...

...violating a hippo...

...pheasant hunting with Dick Cheney.

*looks at the list* trying to hold onto the side of the Space Shuttle during launch...

...depantsing Vladimir Putin...

...violating a hippo...

...pheasant hunting with Dick Cheney.

Pantsing Vladmir sounds like something I'd tackle...

Hippopotomac Violation however is out the window because I'm not into beastiality...

As for pheasant hunting with Dick Cheney thats already been done.

Pantsing Vladmir sounds like something I'd tackle...

Hippopotomac Violation however is out the window because I'm not into beastiality...

As for pheasant hunting with Dick Cheney thats already been done.

I was kind of saving this for myself, but what about volunteering to be the first person to ever be pied to death?

I was kind of saving this for myself, but what about volunteering to be the first person to ever be pied to death?

The fetishes I've seen online are many and varied so I'm guessing the video of that would sell surprisingly well.

I was kind of saving this for myself, but what about volunteering to be the first person to ever be pied to death?

LG, I am a giver by nature and not a taker, you my dear friend can have that distinction. I shall go with pantsing Vlad. I just hope that it would elevate me to heroic status...

LG, I am a giver by nature and not a taker, you my dear friend can have that distinction. I shall go with pantsing Vlad. I just hope that it would elevate me to heroic status...

Just pray he kills you quickly. :)

Just pray he kills you quickly. :)

I'll keep a suicide capsule just in case.

I came, I saw, I spammed, I died.

I know, but this time we have Straughn's brain, an "eviction of haunting notice" from God for Ayn, orders from the Department of Defense for Toomey, a firearm for Saint Curie, and a final, flaming culmination of Baldwin for Christ's lifelong struggle with homophobia/homosexuality.

Its finally going to be over.Like eggs? :confused:

Indeed. I already live inside Straughn's brain. <.<Straughn's .... brain?
http://www.websmileys.com/sm/evil/1370.gif

isnt that cruelty to straughn? i think you should find a spot in neo art's brain.Given all the squirming and scathing wit, i think whichever part of Neo Art that is most accommodating should have Jhan stuffed into it.
http://www.websmileys.com/sm/evil/593.gif

"He died, moments before the age of immortality."
I think Straughn's will have something along these lines ... more like, "Admirable in his pursuit to be more like Turritopsis Nutricula, he sadly never learned the difference 'twixt that and Chironex Fleckeri .... and even if he had, he should probably have already noted that he never really did reach sexual maturity anywho."

I know. Besides, Straughn made some modifications to the size of his hippocampus.Is that what they're calling it these days? I know he's got some pretty strange "pet" names for things ... oh, he says he basically "weeded himself" and kinda made bygone his bramble. Whatever that means.
There's hardly room for me.:eek2:The snugger the better.

The snugger the better.

I was afraid you would say that.:tongue:

Yootopia was a cool guy, eh mainly posted drunk and didnt afraid of anything.

It's already leaked out on bootleg: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KoQb8vb4blA


man , that is awesome.

"What the hell was that all about?"

"F you all!" (switched pulled releasing the electric voltage of my execution)

man , that is awesome.

More awesome than The Brevious. And that's saying something.