NationStates Jolt Archive

http://www.fmylife.com/

Is anyone else as amused by this website as I am?

http://www.fmylife.com/

Is anyone else as amused by this website as I am?

Greatly. It's a funny site, but sometimes some of the stories just make me wince.

Greatly. It's a funny site, but sometimes some of the stories just make me wince.

That too. I like the flop fml's because I can laugh at their stupidity and I'm not under any moral obligation to sympathize.

I have fml moments every day.

Therefore I love the site because I feel less pathetic.

This -THIS- is why the internet exists.

A comedian needs to make this into a joke:

Today, for my two-year anniversary I got my girlfriend a very expensive diamond necklace. She got me male enhancement pills. FML

edit: A lot of them seem like fakeposts

Today, at work, our new cute intern asked me if I could explain my work. Taking a cool posture sitting on her desk I explained. After 10 minutes I walked away, only to hear her laughing with the girl next to her. Turns out my fly was open. And I did'nt wear underwear. FML

Today, I was sitting in traffic for about an hour. I've heard stories about people doing the dirty in their cars and I never do anything risky so I thought, why not, I'll be here a while, no one can see me: I'll masturbate. Midway through I hear a tap on my driver's window. Its a police officer. FML

Today, I heard my sister masturbating in her room. I took the dog around the block to get out of the house, and I came back to see her leaving her room... my electric toothbrush in her hand. FML

Today, I noticed some of my things in my slob of a roommate's piles of clothes. I found six pairs of my underwear that had gone missing. Turns out she hasn't done laundry recently so my underwear drawer was her own personal Victoria's Secret. I hadn't even worn a pair yet. All six were stained. FML

Today, I was laying with my girlfriend on the couch. I looked at her and says "You're so beautiful. How did I ever get you?" She replied, "I was drunk."

Ouch. :tongue:

EDIT: Three pages in and already two instances of people thinking they are being spoken to, when the other person was actually on a bluetooth earbud, further confirming my suspicion that those creations are works of some evil entity.

Today, I was on my way home from a friends house. I called home ahead of time to let my parents know. My dad picked up and in a panting voice said, "Now isn't a good time, drive around the block for 15 minutes."

This would ruin sex for me forever.....

Some more.

Today, I asked my girlfriend if she has ever had an affair. She replied, "Yes. With you".

Today, I told my boyfriend that I'd be going on a trip to Europe. I assured him that I would never cheat on him with any european guys. He replied with, "Why would I be worried? You're not very pretty."

Today, I had a performance evaluation meeting with my boss. He told me I was the best in my department, and that the productivity has never been higher before I started working here. Oh, and he said that because everything is working so well, they don't need me as much, so he's cutting my hours.

Today, my parents gave me a shirt from Banana Republic for my birthday. It looked like one I had bought for myself a couple of days earlier but I thanked them and went to hang it in my closet. An empty hanger hung where I placed the shirt I had purchased. They gave me my shirt for my birthday.

Today, I got accepted to Yale University. My parents response: "We never expected you to get into college. We spent all of our savings on sending your brother to school."

Today, I told my boyfriend that I don't like his facial hair and that he should shave it off. He replied, "You first."

*laughs hysterically*

This would ruin sex for me forever.....

"Happy Birthday, Grandma!"

I like, some of them are brutal. :D

Damn:

Today, friends threw me a party for finishing my dissertation. I've worked on it for months. They carried my computer downstairs to have music, dropping it halfway. My work was on there. Only back-up? On my flash drive I just found on the floor, crushed by someone's foot. It's due tomorrow. FML

That's a bitch.

Damn:



That's a bitch.

that ones probably the worst. Losing months of your life basically.

that ones probably the worst. Losing months of your life basically.

Keep more than one back-up...duly noted.

Keep more than one back-up...duly noted.

That's why I store important papers like that on my e-mail account. *nods*

Yes. Yes, I love this site. Schadenfreude is the best feeling ever. And it comforts me to know that someone is having a worse day than I am.

Thank you for bringing this website to my attention! I've got a friend who always bitches about how tough life is, often after minor incidents. This will be a good response the next time I have to listen to unneccessary griping.

XD

Today, I woke up next to a beautiful half naked brunette in my bed. 2 minutes later, my alarm clock woke me up for real. FML (this happened to me... more times than I can remember.)

Today, I was lying on the bed with my boyfriend. We were watching his cell phone when an automatic reminder message came on the screen: "Do not forget to tell a lie to babe about going out this Friday". FML oops?

Today, I was writing to my girlfriend on msn when her roommate answered «Sorry, this is not Marie, she is at her boyfriend’s ». I've looked everywhere in my flat, I can’t find her. FML

Today, we had some family over. A nasty need to wank seized me when I saw her : my 17 year old cousin. I went to my unoccupied parents’ bedroom. My sister's baby walkie talkie was on and the whole family heard me. FML :eek:

:eek:

What. The. Fuck. That is absolutely repulsive. Definitely deserved that one.

Today, I was jacking off casually to a picture of my ex-girlfriend, when all of the sudden, my friend sends me an IM picture of a granny bending over which pops up on my screen. I think my sex life is ruined forever. FML
:p :D

Great website.

Jacking off to your ex is not a good idea.

Few of my favorites:

Today, I was volunteering at a nursing home and I was calling bingo numbers. And one woman stood up and started making noises, I asusmed she had won and I started clapping. She then fell on the floor and died of a heart attack. I essentially applauded her death. FML

Today, My mom walked in on me and my 2 year crush about to have sex. When she saw us she said "oh I'll just wait outside, I know it wont be long anyway." FML

Today, I arrived at my parents house for dinner. When I got there, I noticed that they had gay pride flags hanging from the porch, and gay rights bumper stickers plastered to their cars. There was also a huge "We accept you, Nick" banner hanging from the garage. I'M NOT GAY! FML

It's a good thing I'm going to see watchmen tonight...fuck, I'm going to be a depressed wreck tomorrow.

I just went to post secret as well.

Today, I was in spanish class, having a debate about the death penalty. When I went to make a point, I meant to say "La pena de muerte", which means "The death penalty". I said, "La pene de muerte". Turns out that means, "The penis of death". FML

Not quite right still, but fucking awesome as hell... I want to meet el pene de muerte!!!!

I just started reading a Facebook law school version of FML...it greatly improved my mood today :D

Today, my boyfriend and I were looking for our bubblegum flavored "numbing" lotion to have some morning fun. We couldnt find it anywhere. After about 10 minutes, my little nephew comes from my room crying and drool coming out of his mouth. He smelt like bubblegum, his mouth and tongue were all numb. FML

D'oh!!!

Damn:



That's a bitch.

They would not be friends with me anymore if somebody pulled that stunt with me!

Funny though:D

They would not be friends with me anymore if somebody pulled that stunt with me!

Funny though:D

;)
Today, I was up for a job interview in a music school. I go to get my guitar out off its case, and realize that my friends thought it would be very funny to replace my real guitar with one of the Guitar Hero guitars. FML

:eek: